Chapter 4 "Why did you stay?"
Nausea pulled her from sleep, squirming in her gut like an angry snake.
With a groan she rolled over, only to find Cas sleeping in the chair, next to her bed.
Tiny fragments of what had happened filtered back.
The way she'd felt anger vibrating through him when that bastard had called her a whore, his hands holding her, carrying her home.
She glanced down at herself, frowning at the shirt she was wearing.
Bile rose abruptly in her throat and, clasping her hand to her mouth, she half fell out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom.
"Hey. It's ok…. Try and breath…"
He was there again, holding her steady as she heaved and coughed into the toilet.
His free hand was massaging her back, his voice soothing her.
"Pass me that hair band." She mumbled, pointing at the counter.
He pressed it to her hand and she clumsily pulled her hair back out the way, praying she hadn't got anything nasty in there earlier.
"Here." Cas handed her a wash cloth, helped her sit up on the side of the cracked, unusable tub.
By the time she'd ran the cloth over her hot face, he was standing in front of her again, a glass of water held out in offering.
"You changed my shirt?"
Meg sipped a little at the water, wincing at the pain of swallowing, like drinking tiny glass flecks.
He nodded.
"I had to, it was dirty."
She tried to smile, but wasn't sure if it came out as a grimace. "Did I wear a bra today?"
Cas looked off to the side. "I didn't notice."
"A girl could be offended that you didn't."
She chuckled as the colour rose in his face, then doubled over as another spasm tore through her stomach.
"Bed.." She managed through gritted teeth and God she was glad he was there, a solid presence to prop her up, help her.
Cas got her to the bed and she hitched her knees up to her chest, moaning quietly in pain.
She'd been here before.
No fun alone.
As her stomach settled and her breathing steadied, she turned to Cas, sat nervously in the chair by her side, she reached out for his hand and squeezed it.
"Why did you stay?"
He frowned.
First down at her hand in his and then to her face. "Why on earth would I leave?"
"Because…." She closed her eyes, sleep pulling at her again. "Because that's whats meant to happen."
He watched her sleep.
Meg's breathing was slow and steady, like real sleep now, not the erratic, shallow breathing from before. She'd scared him with the pale waxy pallor of her skin, a sheen of sweat had sat on her bow and several times he'd had to take a cloth and wipe her face.
It was only later that he'd finally succumbed to sleep, the adrenalin kick that had carried him through finally crashing, he'd curled up in the chair, as close to the bed as possible so he'd hear her if she needed him.
And now he sat perched on the edge, her hand curled up in his, her lips parted, face relaxed and he realised something amazing.
He was exactly where he wanted to be.
"I wasn't sure if you wanted coffee. You didn't seem to have any in the kitchen, so I ran down to Starbucks and got some." He held the cardboard cups up like a trophy and she grinned at him sleepily.
"You read my mind. Oh God…" Meg clutched her head as she gingerly sat up.
"Are you OK?"
She rolled her eyes at him, ignoring the shooting pains behind them and held out her hands for the coffee.
"No. But I'll live."
She sipped at the coffee, then noticed Cas was still standing awkwardly by the bed.
"You gonna sit?"
He sat back in the chair and then stood up again quickly. "Should I move this back now? Away from the bed?"
Meg laughed. "No. It's fine where it is. Will you relax!"
They drank in silence for a few minutes, the only sound coming from other apartments, the low hum of traffic outside.
"How long have you lived here." Cas said at last.
She shrugged. "About four months, give or take."
"You don't have much stuff."
"Don't need much."
He was working up to something, she could tell. His eyes darted here and there betraying his thoughts.
"Meg. I want to ask you something. Something personal. May I?"
Here it comes.
"Sure."
He fiddled with the cap on the coffee cup, frowning at his hands.
"Who are you running from?"
Meg watched him silently for a second, her eye's narrowed. "What makes you think I'm running from anyone?"
He was still looking at his hands, still turning the coffee cup cap round and round on the rim. She had an overwhelming urge to slap it out of his fingers.
"Because I know the look. I know what you're feeling."
Meg looked away. She couldn't handle this now. Not with her head splitting like this.
"I just want to help…."
"Well you can't. No one can."
"Meg.."
"No Cas! You don't understand…. I can't…." Tears began to prick at the back of her eyes.
One part of her desperately wanted to tell him, the other… the other was terrified to.
He leaned across the bed and took her coffee from her before grabbing her hand in his, tightly. The movement took her by surprise and she gasped, looking up from her hand and into Cas's eye's, no longer downcast, he stared at her, his mouth set, his brow creased and she just knew, he wouldn't be taking no for an answer.
"What do you want from me." She spat. "You want to fuck me? You want your reward for rescuing the damsel in distress? Well fine. I can do that. You might wanna let me shower first, but hell, you deserve it."
"Jesus Meg!" He flung her hand away and stood up angrily, running his hands through his hair. "I'm trying to be your friend!"
"I don't have friends Cas! I don't…. I can't…" And then the tears finally came.
All the emotion she'd kept under check for months, it just hit her like a wave and pulled her under until all she could do was bury her face in her hands and wail.
His arms wrapped around her, pulled her close until she was turned to him, weeping into his chest, her own hands reaching out, grasping at his back pulling herself as close to him as she could.
"You have me Meg." He whispered almost violently into her ear. "You have me."
"A few years ago I was seeing this guy, Lucy. He was a lot older then me, I guess you could say I was working through my Daddy issues, you know?"
Cas was sat up on the bed with her, both of them with their backs to the headboard, legs stretched out. He had one arm hooked over her shoulder, her head was rested on his.
"He got me into all sort of stuff. Drugs mostly, but he dabble in anything that would make him a little money."
"You worked for him?"
"Yeah, but I didn't know it at the time." She sighed a little and he tightened his arm around her. "I thought I was in love, but I was just one of many as it turned out."
He closed his eye's, listening to her voice, feeling the warmth of her pressed close against him. It had been a long time since he'd been this close to another person and he wanted to absorbed every second of it.
"There was a deal that went wrong. Should have been simple, a shipment came in via a guy called Crowley, but he sold Lucy out. Took money, took the drugs, shot Lucy, tried to shoot me. But you know what? I'm a fast runner."
He looked down at Meg and saw her grin slightly.
"You ran?"
"You bet your ass I did. I ran like hell, didn't even go home, just got on the first bus with the cash in my pocket and disappeared."
"When was this?"
"Three years ago maybe? I've had to run about six times since. He has contacts, keeps finding me."
"Hence living out your suitcase?"
"Bingo."
Meg pulled away a little from him. "He'll kill me if he finds me, and anyone else I'm with."
"Can't you go to the police?"
Her laugh made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. A little unhinged, a little hopeless, it hitched near the end and he thought she might cry again.
"Cas. Don't you get it? He IS the police."
"Thanks. For everything."
He was pulling on his coat. Not wanting to leave but it seemed that now Meg had talked to him, well, it seemed like she needed some time alone.
"No need to thank me. Are you sure I can't run you to the hospital?"
"Nah. I think I threw it all up don't you?"
She stood on tip toe and kissed him quickly on the cheek.
Cas smiled, squeezed her hands in his and made his way to the door.
"Cas! Could you maybe not mention this to anyone else. Not just the big stuff, but what happened last night?"
He nodded seriously. "Of course."
She smiled in thanks and pushed the door closed behind him.
For a moment he stood facing the door, the ghost of her kiss still lingering on his cheek. He found his fingers reaching up to touch the spot where her lips had touched him, then let his hand drop.
Friends.
She needs a friend, nothing more.
Authors Note ~ Anybody out there? Wondering if I should continue with this here or not... PM or comment here if you want me to continue x
Listening, as usual, follow the link to youtube on my profile x