Music for this chapter linked on profile direct to my tumblr as youtube didn't have it in my country ... Please be aware my tumblr is NSFW in general and intended for a mature audience only x.
A/N Ok kids... This chapter has The Sex. If you have been ignoring the M rating up till now or do not like to read about The Sex, then click off the link and go read something else.
The Sex is consensual and straight forwards but is still very much of an adult nature.
Also, the author would like to take this oppotunity to promote safe sex.
The characters in this story are practicing safe sex but for the sake of the story, there is no fumbling condom moment, rest assure there is one there.. somewhere...
play safe kids.
Chapter 6 "Doesn't mean a Goddamn thing."
Did their lips part for a moment?
It seemed to him that they didn't, not for a second.
Not in the cab back to his, nor as they climbed the stairs, even as he fumbled with his keys to let them into his apartment.
There was this insistent, overwhelming urge to stay connected physically, lips working together, tongues darting, teeth nipping and hands, grabbing, touching, stroking…..
As he slammed the door shut behind them, Meg grasped at the lapels of his coat and pulled it off him while his shaking fingers struggled with the buttons on hers.
"Here." She whispered into his mouth, pulling away slightly to undo them herself.
But he couldn't let her go, even for that short a time, he pressed his lips to her neck and felt her shudder under his touch.
Her coat discarded, she raised her head to kiss him, flung her arms around his neck and he clumsily grabbed the back of her thighs, lifting her up and pressing her hard against the wall, knocking the breath from them both.
Meg drew her knees up, gripping him around his waist with her legs, she took a fistful of his hair in each hand and pulled him harder against her.
"Do you have… Any idea… How long…. I wanted to do this for?" Cas panted between kisses.
She grinned. "I'm getting the idea it might have been a while."
He chuckled and pushed them away from the wall, walked gracelessly over to the sofa and tumbled them both onto it making Meg squeal with laughter.
The frantic pace they'd kept up since leaving the club slowed a little, the kisses becoming more languid, slow and deep like breathing.
Meg worked her hands under his shirt, running her fingers across the bare skin of his back.
Cas froze and stopped.
"What?" She snatched her hand away and frowned at him. "What's wrong?"
He heard the note of panic in her voice and squeezed his eyes shut for a second, taking a deep breath.
"I need to tell you something."
Meg half smiled nervously. "Is this the part where you tell me that actually, now you think about it, you really are into boys?"
Cas laughed a little then sat up, running his hands through his hair nervously.
He felt Megs warm hand on his shoulder as she sat up as well.
"Tell me Cas. Please."
"I haven't been with many women before." He glanced sideways at her.
"Oh?"
"As in….. I've only been with one woman, one person…. A long time ago."
There was an awkward silence that seemed to suck the heat from the room. The easy instinctive craving he'd felt earlier, faded and all he was left with was self doubt.
"You know what this means, right?" Meg said, standing up and moving away from the sofa.
Cas swallowed hard and shook his head.
He wanted so badly to take back what he'd just said, better to have crossed his fingers and hoped for the best.
But Meg wasn't leaving, she was smiling, slowly unbuttoning her shirt.
"Doesn't mean a Goddamn thing."
Meg kept her eyes locked on Cas's.
Watched them widen as she slipped her shirt off.
"You know what the fun thing about sex is Cas?"
She pushed her jeans down her legs and kicked them out the way.
"The fun thing is, that it doesn't matter if you've slept with one person or a hundred."
She slid her bra straps off her shoulders and deftly undid the clasp, tossing it across the room, smiling at Cas, who sat, open mouthed, his face a mixed mask of terror and need.
"Every time you sleep with someone new, you get to start over."
Meg walked back over to the sofa and sat herself on Cas's lap, facing him.
She could feel him shaking under her.
"Everyone's so different."
Gentle kisses to his trembling mouth.
"Everyone's desires are so different."
Meg took his quivering hands in hers and placed them firmly on her sides, then took his face in her palms, gently kissing him.
"….And one day you hope that you'll find someone who fits."
She rolled her body into him slightly as she felt him cautiously run his hands up her waist.
"Someone who gets it."
Her own fingers were clumsy as they undid his shirt, and she frowned at their disobedience, chuckled softly under her breath.
Cas leaned forwards so she could slip his shirt off, neither of them broke the gaze, like it was some vital connection, something that kept them from doubting they were doing the right thing. How easy it would be to stop, to mumble apologise and leave.
She felt his sharp intake of breath as she started to undo his belt.
"It's ok." She whispered, pressing her mouth to his.
He lifted his hips slightly and together they discarded his jeans.
Meg pressed herself against his skin and he moaned into the kiss, his arms wrapping around her, crushing her to his chest.
"You know what we're gonna do?"
He shook his head, pushed his hands into her hair and bit her neck gently, making her shudder.
"We're gonna do whatever the hell we want."
She moved her hips lazily back and forth in his lap, felt him tense and hold her tighter.
"We're gonna do what feels good…"
Meg slowly, deliberately, pushed herself onto him, watched his eye's widen in surprise, bit on her lower lip and moaned through her smile as his mouth fell open to gasp at finding himself inside her.
"…. and then we're gonna do it all over again."
She sat still for a moment, let him relax, kissed him so, so slowly, breathing him in.
He swallowed hard, and then his hands gripped her waist and he was kissing her back deeper as, slowly at first, she moved her hips lazily, rocking back and forth and every time they met she heard him gasp and god, if that wasn't hot.
She couldn't remember the last time she'd been so intensely turned on.
How numb had she been before?
No one else mattered, no one else came even close to the tension that hummed between them, like the very atoms of their bodies were desperately trying to fuse together, to make them one person.
He concentrated on her face.
The slightly sardonic smile she usually wore was gone.
When she wasn't kissing him she was chewing on her lower lip, or her mouth would quiver as a gasp or moan escaped.
She'd never looked more beautiful.
He'd thought she would leave, was almost sure of it, and when she hadn't, when she's stayed…...
Cas took one hand off her waist and grabbed hold of a fistful of her hair, pulling her head back slightly so he could press his mouth to her neck.
He heard her gasp as she dug her fingers into his shoulders, felt her skin shudder under his lips.
How could it be that she was here, with him.
She was like a force of nature and he was just…. There.
No one.
He was no one.
Invisible.
And yet here she was.
Her flesh pressed to his, her brow furrowing as he lifted his hips and moved faster. She took one hand from his shoulder and pressed it between her legs, her mouth opening and closing like she was drowning in air, her free hand grasping painfully at the back of his neck.
"Cas!" She gasped his name and it was almost a question, a note of shock, nearly panic in her voice as he felt her stiffen and tremble in his arms and then, nothing could have stopped him.
He grabbed wildly for her, pulled her as close as possible, pressing his forehead to hers, he panted her name like a sobbed mantra and for the first time in years, lost himself completely.