In this chapter I'm introducing Saruman, Pip, Merry, and a certain ancient dwarf-forest-weirdo type thing. You'll see! ;D

Chapter 3

"Smoke rises from the Mountain of Doom. The hour grows late and Gandalf the Gray rides to Isengard to seek my Council. For that is why you have come, is it not? My old homeboy," Saruman greeted Gandalf with their usual fistbump.

"Council? Hell nah brah! I came here to PARTAY! Like you said, the hour is late and the time is ripe to put our drinks up!"

"Are you sure? The Ring of Power has been found?"

"THIS IS THE MOMENT, TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT..."

"Bah! Partying... so last millennia. I have found a new interest in..." Saruman dramatically faced the camera and whispered, "...evil."

"What was that? Who are you talking to?" Gandalf took off his shutter shades in curiosity. "I can't see a thing with these damn glasses!"

"Uh, nothing. Why don't you come inside?" The two wizards walked into Orthanc.

Gandalf shook his head sadly. "I still fail to understand how you managed to match your staff to your tower but not your beard and your hair."

"There has been no time for beard straightening! Sauron has gathered all evil to Mordor! Soon he will have summoned an army great enough to assault the entirety of Middle Earth!"

"How do you know this? And also, you could just not straighten your hair. Didja ever think of that?" Gandalf sassed.

" I have seen it with my own eyes!" Saruman lifted a cloudy glass globe from a pedestal in his throne room.

"A Palantir? Really? Saruman, I thought you had better taste..." Gandalf glared at the scrying globe in disgust.

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR SASS!" Saruman totally. Flipped. Out. "SAURON WILL TOTALLY DESTROY MIDDLE EARTH AND WE SHOULD JOIN HIM. IT'LL BE WISE. LIKE WISE POTATO CHIPS. EHEHEHEHEHHEhurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" The white wizard attacked Gandalf with magic.

"Ow sonofabitch my back!" The old gray wizard spent fifteen minutes getting to his feet before retaliating, lifting Saruman and slamming him into the wall with magic. "You gon' die, sucka!"

Saruman sssssssssssllllllllloooooooowwwwwwwwwwlllllllyyyyy y got to his feet and cracked at least 23857340592 joints. Then the white wizard let out a girly shriek and smashed Gandalf into the wall with his levitation powers.

This pattern went on for about a fortnight before Saruman raised his hand and summoned Gandalf's staff, leaving his adversary weaponless. "Huh, why didn't I think of that before?"

"Becaz you stupid!" Gandalf groaned, lying on the floor. "I came here to partay, but appears that even your ceiling cannot hold me!"

"Really?" Saruman cackled, raising both staffs. "We'll see about that!"

"WEEEEEEEEEEE!" Gandalf was levitated and spun into the darkness of the upper regions of Isengard.

Sam strolled through a field of corn. Suddenly, he realized Frodo was nowhere to be found. What a tragedy!

"Frodo! Frodo! Mr. Frodo! Hey! Hey! Frodo! Mr. Frodo! Hey! Listen!" Sam cried, running through the field.

"omg what do you want?" Frodo emerged from the tall stalks of corn.

"I just have to tell you..."

"just spit it out old chap."

"If I take one more step, it'll be the farthest from the Shire I've ever been."

Before Frodo could explode or anything, two hobbits appeared and pushed Sam and Frodo to the ground.

"Heyyyyy, it's Frodo!" said Pippin, falling on his face.

"Wait, who's Frodo? Where am I? Who are you?" Merry asked, looking around with an utterly confused look on his utterly confused face.

The four hobbits heard barking and saw a scythe held high above the corn rustling towards them. "HOI! YOU GET BACK HERE! WAIT TILL I GET THIS THROUGH YOU! Oh we'll have a good time, yes yes we will," Farmer Maggot cried. "IF I CATCH UP WITH YOU things are gonna get funky, yes they are mrhmhrmrmhmrmhrm..."

All four hobbits screamed and ran away.

"You've been stealing from Farmer Maggot's crops!" Sam accused Pippin.

"Heyyyy man, chill! It's was only a couple of carrots. Haha carrots," came the suave reply.

"i beleev i can fly!" Frodo ran towards a cliff and did a High School Musical jump into the air.

"Wait are we birds?" Merry copied Frodo.

"Haha, you so dumb!" Pippin taunted, stopping at the edge of the cliff before Sam's fat ass rammed into him and they both tumbled down the cliffside, landing on the other two hobbits.

"What day is it?" Merry groaned.

"Mushrooms!" Pippin cried with joy. Before anyone could stop him, he began eating/smoking/snorting/having tea with the mushrooms.

"we shud get off the road, studies show dat wifi signal is bad on roads," Frodo supplied.

"Whaaaaatchu staring at?" Pippin tried to stand up but failed. "Mushroom guys are fungis! Get it? Fun guys? HAAHhHAhHahhHhahaaahaaah..." The poor hobbit passed out.

"giyss get off da road!" Frodo screamed. Sam dragged Pippin off the road as Frodo followed. They hid under a tree.

"W-Where are you guys going? Can I come? Hey, who is that?" Merry pointed to something down the road. He was promptly trampled by a ringwraith.

"Yo ho ho I'm Tomby Bomby! Otherwise known as Tom Bombadil!"

Sam gave "Tomby" a contemptuous once-over. "Aren't you from The Wiggles or something?"

"no i think hes from jena marblez," Frodo replied as the strange man danced around. He was wearing the most awful blue tunic that totally clashed with his boots.

"Hey dol, merry dol!"

"can u not," Frodo protested as Tom danced closer and closer, his eyes becoming more and more crazed.

"Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow! Bright Blue his jacket is, and his boots are yellow!"

"ew where did you get your style? lady gaga?" Frodo began pushing Sam and Merry in the opposite direction, encouraging them to run.

"LOVE MEEEEEE!" Tom screamed, chasing after the hobbits.

The ringwraith from before came riding back up the path. "Hey, I think I got the wrong hobbit!" It hissed evilly, running over Tom Bombadil this time.

Thus, Tomby Bomby became Squashy Methane Popcorn.

BOom! I did AnnOTHer HCpater! YYYay!