A/N- We're gonna pick up the pace after this chapter. A big thanks again to those that follow/comment. I like to say thanks by PM but lots of you are guests so I can't! So this thank you is for YOU! x

Chapter 10 - "This is Hell"

Reaching for his apron, Cas started a little as Sam dropped his hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, Cas. How you doing?"

"Good, thank you."

He saw Sam glance towards Meg, saw the tiny movement in his jaw that he'd long ago recognised as annoyance.

"So….. Ahh….. Last night…."

"Yes?"

He decided then and there, he wasn't going to make it easy, wasn't going to apologise.

Sam chuckled nervously. "Um, did you get home alright?"

"Yes."

"…and Meg…?"

"Yes?"

He watched him struggle to find the words. If it had been Dean stood here, he would have just come out and said it, but Sam, always the more discreet of the two, was trying hard to skirt around the issue.

"…I just wondered…"

"Are you asking me if I slept with her?"

"What! No! Of course not!….." He raised an eyebrow and looked sidelong at him. "Did you?"

Cas frowned slightly and pulled the apron over his head, reaching behind him to knot the ties.

"You know, I may not be as experienced in these matters as yourself Sam, but I believe a gentleman doesn't tell. Am I correct?"

He fixed Sam with a piercing stare that dared him to say anymore, but he'd got the message. His mouth snapped shut and, after a hesitation, he smiled weakly and suddenly found himself busy elsewhere.

The night seemed to be full of her.

Every time she had to pass him, which she seemed to be often, she would touch his back subtly, squeeze his hand quickly, let her fingers linger on his arm.

He'd look across the bar and watch her working, smiling and laughing while serving drinks, and then she'd catch his eye and smile at him, and he realised there was a movement of her lips, a crinkling of her eyes, reserved for him alone.

Cas found himself stumbling, his fingers clumsy with change, having to ask patrons to repeat orders.

She was everywhere.

On his skin, in his mouth, behind his eyes.

When she moved past him, her scent made his heart judder.

When she smiled while handing over a drink to someone, he felt irrational stabs of jealousy.

For years now, he'd been content to spend his time either at home or working.

He enjoyed his work.

All he wanted now though, was to grab her hand and pull her back out into the street, to run home with her until their breath was burning in their lungs and their legs could barely hold them up, and then…. then they would devour each other like wild animals.

"I asked for lite beer!"

Cas blinked up at the frowning face on the other side of the bar, then down at the beer in his hand.

"Sorry." He mumbled, putting it back and grabbing the right bottle.

He saw her watching him and felt heat rising in his face.

She winked slowly before turning back to her orders.

Oh god.

This was new territory for him.

He'd never felt like this.

His short time with Daphne was like another sensation altogether, like it happened to someone else in an old movie he'd watched a long time ago.

When Meg had touched him, wrapped her arms around his neck while they danced, something had shifted inside him.

Like a tiny crack in a dam.

Her fingers twined behind his neck was the start, her lips moving against his had created a steady stream of water through the breach, her body pressed to his, her flesh warm and soft, that had broken him down completely.

There was no patching up, no rebuilding.

The wall was broken.

For better or worse, he was going to have to learn how to live without it.

"You and that Cas boy an item now, huh?"

Meg smiled at Bobby and swapped his whiskey for the note he held out to her.

"News travels fast round here."

"Nah. Been obviously for weeks. Just wondered if you kids had actually told each other yet." He knocked back his drink and held is glass up for a refill.

"You're wily." Meg winked, sliding his glass back to him.

"Just observant…. Like him.." He nodded towards Dean. "You've put his nose out of joint."

Meg shrugged. "Can't help that."

"No. You can't. But he can't help feeling put out. You understand?"

She nodded, glancing over at Dean, hunched over the counter at the back of the bar.

"He treats that boy like his brother. His family. So, tread lightly."

Coming from Bobby it didn't smart.

There was no jealousy or anger, just clear facts.

Tread lightly.

"I will." She said quietly and smiled at him as he pushed back from the bar and raised a finger in a goodbye salute.

The hot anger she'd felt before dissipated a little.

Maybe it was the idea of family.

Sometimes she forgot how that could be.

The fierce loyalty, the understanding that any hurt would be lashed out against on their behalf, the cautious, almost hostile behaviour towards those who threaten to disrupt the status quo.

She wondered if her family was still like that.

Meg could hardly remember.

Maybe they never had been.

Maybe that was why she looked for it elsewhere.

Sighing, shaking her head a little, as though she could clear the thought, she picked up an empty crate and took it out to the back storeroom.

"Meg."

She turned to find Cas had followed her.

Smiling, she held out her hand. "Come here…." Watched his eyes widen, watched a half smile try and form on his lips as he reached for her.

He pushed his mouth to hers roughly and she attacked him back, knocking teeth, biting lips, nipping tongues.

"This is hell." He groaned, pushing his fingers into her hair.

Meg rolled her body hard against his and chuckled.

"Funny. I was just thinking it felt like heaven."

He grabbed her hands and held them tight to the wall, his mouth working on her neck, making her shiver and gasp.

"I'm counting this as your breaks…" Dean shouted as he walked past the open door on his way to the office.

Cas stopped, glanced towards the door and laughed softly, embarrassed at being caught.

Meg grinned and kissed him hard on the mouth.

"Sam already said he'd give me a ride to mine, it's on his way. I'll grab a cab and be over to yours in an hour, promise."

He couldn't keep his hands off her. Ran them down her arms, over her back, held her waist, her hand, touched her face, lips… God.

He was like the thirsty man in the desert who, asking for a drink, is offered a hundred different beverages.

"I wish you wouldn't."

"Quit it with the puppy dog eyes Cas." She chuckled. "I'm the one still wearing last nights clothes, remember? I'm gonna shower and change, throw some things in a bag. I'll be back before you know it."

She looked up at him with hooded eyes and bit on her lip. "I promise."

Reluctantly he let her go, raised a hand as she slipped into Sams car, a pit forming in his stomach, an irrational fear that he'd never see her again.

Back in his apartment, Cas found he had no idea what to do.

Usually he came home, showered, ate something and then went to bed.

But now he paced the floor, adjusting the angle of the sofa, moving books from one shelf to another.

He made the bed, twice, wondered if he should cook something, make a drink…..

All he wanted was her, here…. If she was here then none of this would matter.

Exasperated, he sat down, heavily on the sofa, pressed his hands to his eyes and tried to calm down.

He hadn't felt like this for a long time.

This runaway feeling of losing control, the way anxiety crept into his chest and held tight, pushing the air from his lungs.

The only thing was, he didn't want to avoid what was making him feel like this.

He wanted to meet it head on, to beat the feeling of helplessness.

Settling for this safe, but ultimately shallow existence was no longer an option.

Knocking at the door.

He jumped up, hesitated, taking a deep breath to steady himself, then opened the door.

"Hello Castiel."

He gawped in shock at the woman stood primly outside his door.

"Naomi?"

Music on youtube link on profile as usual :)