Sorry, this is kind of a filler chapter. I hope you enjoy anyways!

Chapter 7

Frodo woke up in the middle of a dream, white light obscuring his vision. "god dam loading screens," he grumbled.

"Yo Frodes!" echoed a familiar voice. "We be in the House of Elrond, where the best parties happen! Yeayuh!"

Frodo frowned, confused. "wen did dey invent loading screens that talk? did dat come with ios 7?" Then he opened his eyes. "hey its gan gan the can can man!"

Gandalf smoked his pipe and sighed, his eyes pointing in different directions for a few seconds. "Yeah, Gandalf is in the house!" The wizard jumped up and almost fell on his face. Except he didn't. CAZ HE'S GANDALF. "Good thing you survived! You still owe me my Visa card!"

Frodo's eye twitched and he quickly changed the subject. "wut happened tho? u wer supose to meet us at da gambling mustang or somthing."

"Oh, right. Sorry, I'm just so busy with other pimpin awesome parties. Sometimes I forget to meet hobbits and the like." Gandalf looked around shiftily.

CUE PIMPIN AWESOME PLOT EXPOSITION FLASHBACK

Saruman pointed his staff at Gandalf as they stood on the top of Orthanc. "The friendship of Sauron is not lightly thrown aside."

"Oh really?" Gandalf wrote "Friendship of Sauron" on a piece of paper, tore it up, and slowly released it into the wind. "OHHHHH!" He spread his arms wide and bopped his head. "U mad bro?"

Saruman used magic to throw Gandalf across the rooftop until he was hanging by his feet off of the roof, his body parallel to the ground. "One ill turn deserves another. It is over."

"Turns? What is this, Monopoly? You would play a gay board game like that," Gandalf sassed.

Saruman had to leave for a few minutes to put that burn under cold water.

When he returned, he brandished his staff menacingly. "Embrace the power of the Ring, or embrace death." He looked around. "Gandalf?"

The gray wizard could be seen riding an eagle into the distance. "LATER, SUCKA!"

Saruman narrowed his eyes. "That was definitely a death answer."

END OF PIMPIN AWESOME FLASHBACK

"gandalf? HEY IM TALKING 2U!" Frodo shouted, trying to get Gandalf's attention.

"Huh? Oh. Nothing. I said nothing."

"u wer shouting about monopoly."

Sam skipped into the room and grabbed Frodo's hand. "Frodo!"

"hey i think dis is a whale free zone," Frodo z-snapped.

"Bless you, you're awake and sassing again!" Sam praised.

Gandalf smiled. "Sam has hardly left your side."

Sam blinked and shuffled his feet. "Uh, that's not true, I, uh, visited you once or twice-"

"Per minute," Gandalf interjected.

"NOT GAY!" Sam screamed and ran out of the room.

"You can thank Lord Elrond for healing you, and for the awesome parties you're bound to have during your stay. I'M GANDALF!" The wizard partied out of the room as Lord Elrond entered.

"Welcome to Rivendell, Frodo Baggins."

"OMFG UR EYEBROWS I CANT WHAT THE ACTUAL CRAP."

After Frodo was consoled and Elrond was reminded YET AGAIN to use some friggin' tweezers, Frodo decided to explore Rivendell. He saw a rather old hobbit sitting on a bench, writing a book. He ran over to him.

"hey ur liek my uncle right?"

Bilbo stood up and hugged Frodo. "Hello, Frodo! It's been a while!"

Frodo read the title of Bilbo's book. "there and back again... a hobbits tale." He flipped through the pages, admiring the drawings. "where da yaoi?"

"I don't have any, but maybe there will be some in your tale." Bilbo raised his eyebrows suggestively. "But seriously, my therapist recommended that I write about my feelings, so I've been chronicling the Quest of Erebor."

Frodo turned to a map of the Shire and sighed. "i miss the shire. there was wifi there..."

Later in the day, Sam was in his room packing his bag. Frodo walked in.

"wow u packed already?"

"No harm in being prepared."

"i dont actually care."

"Well, regardless of that, I just want to go back to the Shire. We've gone as far as Rivendell; we should go home now. Where there is... WiFi."

"OMG YES THANK YOU SAM. DAT IS THE MOST INTEL THING U SAID EVA!"

TWANSITION THAT INVOLVES SPYING ON PPL

Elrond and Gandalf were hanging out, watching Sam and Frodo in the surveillance room in a non creepy way.

"His strength returns." Elrond turned towards Gandalf.

Gandalf cringed and handed Elrond a paper bag. Reluctantly, the Elf Lord pulled the bag over his head. "You could have at least put eye holes in this thing."

"NO. Your eyebrows are infringing on your eye territory. I am not having any of that bullcrap."

"Fine. But Frodo has impressed me. To come so far, still bearing the Ring…the hobbit has shown extraordinary resilience to its evil."

"Don't worry, I'm sure a couple of dozen parties should fix the lad! You're still having parties, right?" Gandalf asked Elrond when the elf did not respond right away.

Elrond shuffled uncomfortably. "Actually, after the eyebrow incident…" Everybody shuddered and cringed. Screaming and the sound of burning cats was heard in the distance. "I stopped having the parties."

Gandalf stared at Elrond. "Um, no. Goodbye sir. We. Are. Done." Gandalf marched out of the room with sass unmatched by all of the Plastics combined.

888

Aragorn was sitting outside on a bench, calmly reading a book about home cleaning that Arwen had given him. Upon hearing footsteps, he looked up, adding another few inches of dirt to the layer on the bench.

Boromir was walking around, studying the paintings on the walls and commenting on their noses.

"Hm… a rather wide arch. And Sauron doesn't even have a nose! Poor guy…" He turned around and ran towards Aragorn. "Oh! I haven't seen your face before! And I kinda doubt that I truly will until you take a bath, but your nose is still visible!"

"Eh?"

"Looks a bit like an arrow, very rectangular nostrils… I'd say a seven out of ten."

"Um… what?"

"Oh, here comes that psychotic elf lady. Nine out of ten for that one. Seeya!" Boromir skipped away.

Arwen glided up to her boyfriend. "Why do you fear the bathtub? You are Isildur's heir, not Isildur himself."

Aragorn looked over at the painting of Isildur. "I look nothing like his hair. I think he has a nice mustache, though."

"HEIR! H-E-A- no, H-I-Y- that's not right either. God dammit!" Arwen carefully put on rubber gloves before slapping Aragorn. She burned the glove and stomped away.

888

Arwen and Aragorn met again on a random bridge that night. Arwen was hoping to "accidentally" push Aragorn into the water to clean some dirt off. Aragorn was hoping to get laid.

"Do you remember when we first met?" Arwen asked. She tried to get closer, but realized dirt was getting on her dress and stepped back.

"I thought I had strayed into a dream," Aragorn replied, tossing his hair in hopes of looking sexy. A load of dirt landed in the lake, scaring away even the pond scum.

Arwen reached into her purse and began spraying Febreze everywhere. "Long years have passed… When was the last time you took a bath? Do you even remember what I told you?"

Aragorn sweatdropped and tried to remember, squeezing his eyes shut. She had told him a lot of things, especially concerning him and bathtubs. Which one? Which one?

When he opened his eyes, he felt the Evenstar being pressed into his hand. Well, she was actually using one of those grabby plastic toy claw things.

"You cannot give me this!" Aragorn exclaimed.

"Are you kidding? There's no way I'm touching that thing after it's been in your hands!" The elf ran off to find some hand sanitizer.

Thus, Boromir has been introduced! What do you guys think of his character? Leave a comment telling me what you think, it helps me out a lot!

Also, I'm really far ahead on my writing concerning this story, so if I get 3 reviews I'll post a chapter tomorrow! Chapter 8 is the Council of Elrond... :