Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I have plans for this. I'll be honest. It's going to finish in about the next six to seven chapters. I think I'd like to cap the chapters at about thirty to thirty-one chapters. While my stories are long, they usually only last a month because of the daily updates but that allows me to release all my evil ideas for Reid. I hope that is okay, I like to warn you all when I'm going to finish a story. LaRieNGuBleR, I'm sorry I upset you. I could bake you an ultimate chocolate cake to cheer you up. Everyone, enjoy this chapter and I'd love to hear from you. You have the power to make me dance to the criminal minds wheel's up song.

Thank you for all the reviews, you're awesome and you all deserve a tray of Garcia's cupcakes. I love you all. Thank you!

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All mistakes are my own

Watching the world go by felt strange as he sat in the park, watching people laugh and talk. Garcia was at the small kiosk down the path, grabbing some drinks and food. Most of them had no idea what could happen to them. They had no worries about their future or their lives. Three weeks had passed since Morgan had informed of the monster's fate. Garcia was trying to get him out of the house more. She worried about him being at home. Sometimes, he stayed alone because the team had cases that required all of them. He sometimes preferred being alone. Morgan kept the fridge stocked with a range of foods and selections of his favourites.

Favourites that the monster had never allowed him.

He gripped the bench as his mind tried to take him back to his time with the monster. He kept his eyes open and focused himself. "That is the sun on my back, I'm not there. I'm not with the monster. The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places."

His breathing calmed down and he began to release his grip on the bench as he stayed in the present. He let out a small smile as he realised that he had succeeded in keeping his grip on reality without help. He used quotes to help keep himself grounded. The monster had hated his mind, hated all the facts in his head. All the monster had liked about him was his body.

"Thank you, Ernest Hemingway."

He used quotes that focused on strength, love and the mind. He relaxed against the bench and watched as Garcia came over, with two coffees and a small box of something. She settled next to him. "Here you go, baby boy."

"Thanks," he smiled before taking the coffee. He took a deep sip and relished the taste on his tongue. He didn't take things for granted. He had learned never to waste food, to never force anyone to do anything they didn't want to do. He made use of his time when he was on his own. He had taken to doing a lot of writing and had filled notebook after notebook. He wasn't ready to let the team see what he was writing. He also continued with his arts and crafts projects, he had even moved on to larger projects. He had even made a small beside table for Henry. It had cars painted all over it, along with the symbols of his godson's favourite superhero characters.

"How are you feeling?" Garcia asked before opening the box to show sugary mini hot doughnuts. "You were looking a little distressed when I was at the kiosk."

"My mind tried to take me to a place I didn't want to go and I managed to stop it. I'm getting better and soon I think my mind won't try to force me back to times like that and I might actually be able to lead a life where I don't freak out. This coffee is good."

Garcia gave him a small sad smile. "You're making progress, Reid. A lot since that bastard got sentenced to death. How are you feeling about your future?"

"I still need time but I'm trying to keep myself looking into a bright future. Maybe, one not with kids but one where I'm at least alive and living my life. The universe must have some plan for me if I survived all that time. I don't waste things any more. Time, food and other things are precious to me. You think that you'll always have time for what you want and always have access to the food you like. It's a shock when those things are suddenly ripped away from you. You learn to appreciate so much when you get it back."

"You'll have everything you want in life," Garcia said. "The universe does have a plan for you and I know it's a wonderful plan. You deserve happiness after everything. I've noticed you don't waste food. You're gaining weight and you look healthier each day."

"I feel better each day."

"That's good," she said. "I've got a present for you."

She put down her coffee and went through her bag. She brought out a small silver package and handed it to him. He slowly opened the wrapping and smiled when he saw a large leather-bound journal in the wrapping. He stroked the cover when he saw his name engraved at the bottom. Dr Spencer Reid, in italics. He looked at Garcia and smiled. "Thank you, it's beautiful. Why did you give it to me?"

"You seem so calm and happy when you are writing in your notebooks. I don't know what you do in them but I can see that it's helping you. This is your journal, you can add to it and it has pouches in the back and front."

He leaned forward and gave her a comforting hug. "Thank you. One day, you can see what I write but not yet. It's something that belongs to me and I'm really enjoying it. After living in darkness, it's nice to write using my mind."

Hotch held a small DVD in his hand. They had recovered it from a locker they had found in Lincoln's name. He already knew what was on there, he had watched part of it. The missing few days from Reid's memory. Lincoln had brought a doctor into the house. Reid had locked severely sick in the footage. They had watched the doctor hook up IV's to him. Reid never woke up once and it was clear they were keeping him sedated. The worst had come when Lincoln had taken a seat on the couch and the doctor had climbed on Reid. The DVD had skipped to other moments where Reid had gotten used. The doctor was dead now. Died of a heart attack a month before they had found Reid. He sat back and hated that Reid got used by yet another man. Hotch snapped the DVD in half and threw it into the bin.

Reid had gone through enough. The doctor was dead and Lincoln would die soon at the hands of the justice system. There was no reason for Reid to ever see the DVD. Those days were dark in the young man's mind and Hotch was making sure they stayed that way.

"Come on," the monster laughed. "Fight me. I love it when you do."

Reid fought against the monster but he felt weak after not having anything to eat for two days. He tried to hit at the monster but his hits didn't faze the man. He got forced on his stomach and his head held against the floor. They were down in the basement. Chuck Barson was the monster's newest victim and was now sat in the corner. The monster looked over. "You better watch, boy. You're going to do this soon."

Reid looked at Chuck with tears in his eyes. His mouth opened in a silent cry as the monster began. It was slow and brutal.

"You have to take whores like him for all they got," the monster growled at Chuck.

He jolted up in bed and looked around the room, he calmed down when he recognised the bathroom. Getting out of bed, he rubbed his eyes. He could control the memories when he was awake. He had no control over them when he slept. He made his way downstairs and filled a glass with water. He sat at the table and continued to drink his water. He knew he was making progress in his life but so many things weighed on his mind. What job would he do? Would he spend the rest of his life alone? He wasn't going to look at the future and imagine that everything would shine and every one would always be there. He loved his family and knew they'd be there for him when he needed them. They were going to each have families and they would go to their own lives more and more.

Ever since he had found out about his sterility, he just kept imagining what his son could have looked like. He had thought about having a family ever since Maeve. He didn't stop after her death. Her death showed him that life was short. The monster had shown him that life was even shorter and that you could lose everything within a matter of seconds.

He wondered if he had any chance at adoption if he got his life together. He just wondered if he would ever be worthy. His mother was a paranoid schizophrenic, there was a small chance of him becoming one too but most breaks happened earlier and he felt fine. His father had never been there for him. He had a history of drug abuse, something he regretted ever since he took on the habit forced upon him. Especially after Lincoln, any adoption agency assessment would consider him not fit to raise a child. His only option after that would be private adoption and any person that met him and found out about his past, would refuse him.

He shook his head, knowing it was way too early to think about those sort of things. Sometimes, he couldn't help it.

He jumped when he suddenly saw Morgan standing at the entrance to the kitchen. "You scared me, Morgan."

"Sorry, kid."

Morgan came over and sat across from Reid. "What's on your mind?"

"I had a nightmare and decided to come get some water. My mind just never stops with all these worries. I know it is way too early to think about things like being a dad. I need to get myself sorted and find myself a new job."

"Are you sure you're not coming back to work with us?"

"Morgan, I just can't. I can't walk to a crime scene and see a dead body again. I watched five men die in front of me, heard Oliver die and I had to clean their blood. I had to hear them scream. I can't put myself in danger again. I'll forever love the BAU but I can't do my old job. I know that makes you feel angry."

"No," Morgan quickly shook her head. "It doesn't make me feel angry. I'll admit, I'll miss working with you. I missed working with you all the time you were gone. I just want you to do what you want. Find a job that makes you happy and trust me, no matter what it takes, you'll be a dad one day."

"I hope so," Reid smiled. "There are some routes that would be possible if my sperm wasn't sterile. They cost a lot and any chance of success is small. The doctor told me that I'd never conceive a child. I hope, I hope so much for a miracle. I guess only time will tell. Men have been told they are sterile and they ended up having a child. It's rare but it happens."

"You watched Maury, didn't you?" Morgan said. "That was last night's episode."

"Hey, it gave me a little hope. Every thing is a slim chance but we've done impossible things before."

"It's so good having you back, kid. Keep a good attitude up."

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