A/N: Hey guys this is a repost but I wanted to keep this author's note.
So, I'm still reeling from the loss of Cory but Finn is important, (he always was to me) so this story and others needed to be finished and worked on. Anyway, this story has had a title change. I changed the song so I had to change the title. This story is important for me to put up and finish because it leaves open a new story I've been working on about Finn. In the beginning of this story there are 10 years unaccounted for about his life. I love my Finn, so I'm working hard on that.
And as always, REVIEW = LOVE!
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN Turning Tables by Adele
A few months later, I was sitting on my bed checking my email and there was one from Finn. I hadn't spoken to him in a while so I was surprised to be hearing from him. I opened it and inside was a video. I steeled myself and clicked play.
"Hi, Rachel." Finn's voice said. He was standing in a room with wooden paneling. "I know that everything is kinda messed up between us right now but I feel like I owe you some kind of...explanation I guess." he paused for a moment before he began again. "When I left 10 years ago I was...broken. I felt completely unappreciated and unloved. I know that you love me Rachel but it wasn't in the way I needed to be loved. You loved the fact that you could drag me to this party or to that party without argument. You loved that I was something you could show off to your NYADA and Broadway friends. I was a star high school quarterback and I was the heir to a successful auto garage and whatever else you'd think to say. But what you didn't get was that I wanted more than that. I wanted to be Finn Hudson. One you could be actually proud of and not one that you had to make shit up about." he took a deep breath and looked directly at the camera as he spoke. "But I didn't want to be a trophy any more. I wanted to be your equal but you couldn't see that. All you saw was that I was tall, dark and handsome and that was enough for you. That's why I left. But if I was being completely honest Rachel, if you had followed me to Lima and even gave me just a half-assed apology, we would probably be together right now. But after about a month and I didn't hear from you, I moved on." I paused the video as my breath caught in my throat at those words. For ten years, I waited for Finn to come back to me and all I had to do was to go to Ohio and bring him back. I blinked away tears and started the video again. "I know that when we were in high school you thought it was easiest to express your feelings or whatever with a song. So, I need you to listen to me and know that I mean every single word." I watched as the video panned out and a grand piano came into view and Tina began to play a soft melody. Finn shifted from one foot to the other and I watched as he closed his eyes and began to sing softly.
"Close enough to start a war
All that I have is on the floor
God only knows what we're fighting for
All that I say
You always say more
I can't keep up with your turning tables under your thumb I can't breathe.
So I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I can't give you, what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye
To turning tables
To turning tables-"
The sincerity in Finn's voice made me want to cry. Had I really been so blind to everything? It was hard to believe that Finn actually felt this way. I took yet another deep breath and kept listening.
"Under haunted skies I see you
Where love is lost, your ghost is found
I braved a hundred storms to leave you
As hard as you try, no I will never be knocked do-wn
I watched his sincere brown eyes looked straight into the camera and at me. Did I really hurt him that bad? How long had I been hurting him? Am I really as horrible as everyone always told me I was?
I can't keep up with your turning tables under your thumb I can't breath."
I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I can't give you, what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye
To turning tables
Turning tables-"
My mind was reeling as I watched Finn continue to sing. His face was sad and he had glassy eyes. I knew that he meant what he was singing to me. I knew that Finn would never have picked the song if he didn't. I was dreading the rest but I kept watching.
"Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
When...the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
Standing...on my own two feet-"
I paused the video. I looked at the frozen Finn and I tried to figure out where in the course of our relationship I changed. I made the only man I truly loved feel like less of man. Like he was some kind of prize that I won. I made him feel like he wasn't his own person. How could I do that? I dried the few tears that had fallen and started the video again.
"I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I can't give you, what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye-
To turning tables
To turning tables-
Turning tables-ye-ah
Ohhhhh
Turning-ohhh yeah"
When the video ended, Finn stood there for a moment before he dried his eyes on his shirt sleeve. I watched as he hugged Tina before she exited the room out of a door behind him.
"Rachel, things between you and I are different now. They just are but I can't lie to you and tell you that I don't want to be friends with you because I do. I just...I need to know that you can respect what I have with my wife. I found happiness Rach, real happiness and it's not fair that you want to take it from me." Finn said before he paused for a moment. "Listen, the Finn that I've become is the man that my mom raised me to be. The man that Burt and Mr. Schue helped me to become. I've only gotten better as a person because of Evianna. I want you to get to know this man. He not the same guy that got jealous of Jesse St. James or the guy that was that was too impulsive and stupid at Nationals our Junior year and cost the New Directions everything. I can't be that guy anymore. I can't be jealous, impulsive or stupid. I have two important women in my life and I am never going to do anything to ever hurt them." he stopped again and I could tell he was a little bit angry. "I hurt Evi more than I ever wanted to when I stayed with you in New York instead of being a man and trying to fix what was...well..." Finn paused and looked directly in the camera. "Fix what was broken by you. Rachel I forgive you for what you did but you caused a lot of damage in my marriage and our friendship. And yes, I want to be friends with you but not until I am in a good place with my wife again. I hope that this video makes sense and that you actually listened to everything that I said. My life is different and if you can't handle that and all of it's nuances, then I guess this is goodbye."
Then the video went black. I didn't know what to do or say but I knew that losing Finn was not an option. I knew that I would never have him for myself again but having Finn Hudson as a friend was better than nothing.
X X X X
8 Months Later
"Oh my God Kurt, I'm on my way." I said as I rushed down the crowded New York street pulling my pink suitcase behind me.
"You're late Rachel. Blaine's waiting." Kurt said haughtily into the phone.
"I know. I had a late rehearsal and I overslept. I'm literally running up the stairs of your building."
"You better be."
"I am, just open the door." As I reached the landing of the eighth floor, I ran to the end of the hallway and knocked.
"It's about time Rachel." Kurt said as he pulled the door open wide enough for me to come in. "As soon as Blaine makes his final KHummel bow tie selections we'll be ready to go."
"Who's meeting us?" I asked as I rested on my suitcase, slightly out of breath.
"Mercedes and Sam." he answered. "Did you really only bring one bag?"
"Yes, Kurt. I'm only going to be in L.A. for a week." I laughed.
"Well so am I but I honestly don't think I could live with just one bag." Kurt said pushing his three suitcases to the door.
"That's why you over-packed and had to pay extra." Blaine said as he pulled his plaid suitcase out of the bedroom. "Hi Rachel."
"Hi."
"Are you guys ready?" Kurt questioned as he held the door open for us. Blaine and I simply nodded and headed out of the building.
XXXX
"Did you really clear this with Finn?" Kurt asked as we stepped off the plane in L.A.
"Yes, but if I hadn't don't you think that asking me now would be a little to late?" I asked as we walked toward Sam and Mercedes. They hugged and greeted us and we left the airport. Kurt was right to ask me if I cleared my being in L.A. with the New Directions with Finn. I had taken everything that he said in that video to heart and I spent the last eight months not only trying to fix my friendship with him but with the entire glee club.
Rachel Berry was a new woman and although it's taken a lot to for me to keep the scheming, pushy, bossy, solo grubbing, gold star loving, carousal horse sweater wearing Rachel at bay, I knew that's what it would take to make everything right. I thought that in order to achieve my goals I had to be all of those things until I finally got to New York and the carousal horse sweaters fell away and then the gold stars. It took ten years and a heartfelt video from, the person I now consider my best friend, to make me see that all the things that were left of the old Rachel weren't good things.
As me, Kurt, Blaine, Sam and Mercedes entered into Quinn's plush apartment, I looked around at my peers, who were genuinely happy to see me and realized that I've been changed for the better because I knew them.