I realize that a lot of my chapters are uber short, there is a reasonable explanation for this. I have a short attention span. I could never sit down and write (HAHA I almost typed right instead of write, there's honestly something breaking down in my brain) a 5000 word chapter (ok there are some exceptions but on average I can't). So, apologies to those who like long chapters with numerous things happening all at once in one chapter. I am a one plot, under 1000 words, short chapter type of writer. Now that I have that out of the way . . .

Insert disclaimers, spoilers, and such, HERE.

The onslaught of rain had finally ended and clear skies were in the forecast for weeks to come. It was around this time that Edo became a breeding ground for blossoming love and spring romantics. Parks were full to the brink with couples who giggled with linked arms and those who sat gazing meaningfully into each other's eyes on picnic blankets. Among this crowd there sat a pair, not a couple, but a pair who were not so much 'gazing meaningfully into each other's eyes' but more along the lines of glaring intensly into each other's eyes.

"It's not nice to decline food Hijikata-san,"

"I told you, I'm not hungry!"

"Do you want it to go to waste Hijikata-san? You shouldn't let it spoil Hijikata-san,"

"Stop saying 'Hijikata-san, Hijikata-san' are you a parrot? And besides that won't spoil, it isn't even food."

There was some truth to Hijikata's last statement; the bento box in Otae's hands contained some substance that definitely could not be food. It emitted a dark aura that was similar to the one Otae was emitting at that moment, it was black and burnt and charred all over, and most importantly it was not even arranged nicely. Food is all about presentation isn't it?

"My, my, what do you mean 'it isn't even food'? It's in a bento isn't it?"

"What does that have to do with anything?! With that logic a shoe in a bento would be food! It isn't I'm telling you! It isn't!"

Otae let out a long sigh and brought her hand to her cheek, "I'm sorry for letting you down Hijikata-san, I only meant to thank you for lending me your umbrella."

"No, there's no need. Please,"

"Eh, no need? But this is only proper manners. Manners need to be kept Hijikata-san, without them we would be a group of uncivilized fools who went around taking umbrellas and not saying thank you,"

"Please just return the umbrella then if it's causing such guilt on your conscience!"

Otae let out another sigh. "I would expect no less from the Demon Vice Commander,"

"Ehh?"

"Such a cruel—" here Otae abruptly sent a fist pounding into the ground, shaking the very structure of the park. Hijikata staggered back and stared at Otae. "—heartless—" another fist sent flying into the dirt, a deep impact ring appeared, rubble chocked up from the Earth and screams erupted from nearby couples.

"Eeek, what was that? Was it an earthquake?!"

"Let's get out of here!"

The once heavily populated park was quickly emptied as the couples ran for their lives from the mysterious rumbles in the ground. Hijikata and Otae were left alone in a sea of abandoned picnic blankets. Hijikata by now had begun to sweat excessively and the pounding in his heart, although mostly composed of fear, had possibly a hint of admira. . . no it's probably just fear.

"—UNCARING—"

"Ahh wait wait! I'll eat it, I'll eat it. Please. . . just stop." That smile lit up her face again and she answered happily,

"Wah I'm so glad Hijikata-san!" then the bento box of horror was placed before Hijikata the second time that day. He held back a gag and took out a bottle of mayonnaise. As always he poured out almost all of the contents of the bottle onto the unspeakable black substance. Then he took the bento in hand and raised it to mouth level. Even with a pile of mayonnaise there was no denying the terrifying aura around the substance. He glanced up at Otae whose smile was long gone; in its place was a look that smirked and said 'Got you'. Hijikata immediately began to panic inwardly, THAT WAS ALL AN ACT?! She's not thankful for the umbrella at all! She was humiliated that I saw her in such an embarrassing situation! Now she's trying to silence me!!! Silence me forever!

Hijikata stared at the deadly meal waiting him. He looked back up at Otae who had switched back to her kind smile. She stared back at him expectantly. There was so much sweat on Hijikata that he could have filled up an ocean.

There's no escaping this, it's either eat and die or . . . die PAINFULLY by the hands of that woman. SHIT! Whatever!

Then Hijikata took the spoon at his side and scooped up the mayonnaise and alien substance mixture.

He took a bite.

Chewed.

Swallowed.

It wasn't that bad.

He took another bite and then another. Pretty soon there was nothing left in the bento box.

"Ah," Hijikata looked up calmly at Otae while still chewing on the last of the mayonnaise and who-knows-what-it-is.

WHAT?! Otae drew back in shock and horror. Her mouth hung open as she gawked at the man before her, the only one to ever be able to consume her cooking without severe and immediate damage to the organs. No blood spurting out? No screaming? No fainting? This doesn't make sense?!

"Well thank you for the meal. You can keep the umbrella." Hijikata stood up and walked away, leaving a very puzzled Otae. Hijikata lit up a cigarette, inhaled then with a long exhale of smoke, he smiled.

---

Late at night at the Shinsengumi Headquarters, Yamazaki; resident badminton expert, awoke because of nature calls. As he approached the bathroom he was surprised to hear guttural gagging echoing down the dark hallways. Once he entered and turned on the lights he found Shinsengumi's Demon Vice Commander; Hijikata Toshiro, kneeled over the toilet and vomiting in pain.

"That damn woman!"

Yamazaki did what any sane person would do, he turned off the lights and returned to bed.

Haha bet you weren't expecting another update so soon! Well now that I've typed out all this I've probably reached my limit. See you in another year or so. . .