Thank you for all the reviews/follows/favorites!

Here is to all the angst lovers…do not worry though, it won't last long.

Warnings: mentions of past abusive relationships

And…here we go…

Can't stop, can't break, who's driving?

Sometimes there's no denying

Till today I feel I can't lose

I'm letting go of what I knew

I want you for always

I hear your name in every word I say

I'm a fool and I don't care

I hear your name in every word I say

Before you I was only

What I let control me

You are a revolution

Against my own conclusions

Till today I feel I can't lose

I'm letting go of what I knew

And now I say goodbye to the way I used to be

There is no room for question

Cause your name it sets me free

Yesterday's trouble harm me

Today's are creeping in

So let go of the world around me

Cause your love is all I need.

December

Castiel sat alone in the library…again. He tried to push past his annoyance but the gleam off his ring just made it so much worse. Dean was supposed to meet him over two hours ago to study. There was no call, no text to let him know what was going on. It was Thursday which meant Dean had only one class that afternoon…Castiel hoped that maybe Dean went to the shop to get some extra hours…and lost track of time? It was an excuse he'd been letting Dean get away with for the past few days.

They had agreed to meet at the library so Cas could help him with some homework…but every time, Cas found himself sitting along for 3 hours waiting for him. He'd either be late or wouldn't show at all. The first time it happened Cas had been extremely worried but Dean just explained that he lost track of time at the shop. The second time was annoying and with the same excuse. It was day four and well.. Cas was just pissed off now.

With an angry sigh he called Dean, keeping his head down to at least attempt to keep quiet. It rang three times and a half times before it went to voice mail. Cas pressed his lips together…Dean intentionally sent his call to voice mail.

"Hey this is Dean…you know what to do!"

"Dean…this is Castiel. I don't know what the fuck is going on but this is the FOURTH fucking time you've stood me up. Call me back god dammit," Cas growled and slammed his phone a little too hard down on the table.

This was so unlike Dean it was throwing Cas completely off. And he knew this man, knew him better than anyone…well besides his brother of course. He had expected Dean to freak out and run away for a few days after the proposal but he did the exact opposite. If anything he became clingy, constantly needing to be in physical contact with him. And even though it surprised the hell out of him, Cas loved every second of it. But now as the new week started…he really didn't know what to think.

"What's got your panties in a twist?" he heard a familiar deep British voice say behind him. Cas spun around and swallowed hard. It was that guy Crowley…ever since their first encounter he thought he would have stayed away but he kept coming around. Especially lately.

"Nothing Crowley…how are you?" Castiel asked slumping back into his chair. Pulling off his classes, he threw them next to his phone. His eyes hurt from reading so long…and now his head was starting to throb for many reasons. Crowley pulled out the chair next to him and sat down, dropping his messenger bag on the table.

"I'm just peachy…where's the Neanderthal?" Crowley teased with a sly grin. Cas stared at him and couldn't help the small laugh.

"No clue…if you see him let me know," Cas smiled at him, glad for the company. They sat together for a while, chatting and Cas was actually starting to like the guy. He was pretty charming once you got passed the whole, smarmy tone.

Castiel's head jerked up when he heard a throat being cleared. Dean stood in front of their table with a grim expression, a bag of food in one of his hands.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Dean demanded glaring at Crowley. Cas rolled his eyes and stood up, shoving his stuff into his bag.

"Knock it off Dean. Thanks for keeping me company…I'll see you around Crowley," Cas said with an easy smile. Dean's whole body went rigid as his eyes narrowed at him. Normally, he loved and would even get turned on by the territorial display…but right at this moment…it really pissed him off. Completely ignoring Dean, he pushed past him walking towards the stairs.

"Cas!" he heard Dean shout and he winced, giving the librarian an apologetic smile. Dean finally caught up to him once he was outside. Cas tossed his bag down on the grass and stretched out his body, trying to act like nothing was wrong.

"What the fuck was that Cas!" Dean shouted throwing his stuff down next to his.

"Are you kidding me? You really don't know?" Cas asked with a bitter laugh. He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair.

"Is this about me being late? I'm sorry but…"

"Yeah, yeah I know. You lost track of time. I believed that the first time…but this is the fourth fucking time Dean! I've been putting off my own shit to sit here in this damn library by myself like a fool…" Cas said through clenched teeth. He was trying so very hard to keep his anger down but it was hard. He never got this mad but he was just so…hurt and pissed.

"Baby…"

"Don't fucking patronize me right now Dean…" He warned shooting him a heated glare. Dean backed away a bit and Cas saw him struggle to swallow the lump in his throat.

"Cas…I'm sorry. I've been trying really hard to get extra hours at the shop…I know you tried calling earlier but my phone died," Dean explained and Cas shook his head. If it wasn't one excuse…it was another.

"Just forget it Dean…I'm really tired and just want to go home now," Cas said softly keeping his eyes on the ground. Dean stepped closer and he tried to fight the instant comforting buzz go through his body when Dean's arms wrapped around him. He nuzzled his face in Dean's neck, breathing in the strong scent of oil and cologne as his clung to his waist.

"I am really sorry Cas…I hate it when you're mad at me," Dean whispered against his ear. Cas nodded and reluctantly pulled away from Dean's warmth.

"I know…let's just go home ok?" Cas said giving the other man a tired smile.

Dean looked down at Cas as he snored softly in his lap. He smiled a little while his fingers ran through his thick hair. He felt horrible…he really did. It was never his intention to leave Castiel high and dry at the library but he couldn't tell him. The owner of the shop had laid him off and he was trying so fucking hard to find another job. The money Cas made at the coffee shop wasn't nearly enough to help with rent…and he wasn't having any luck finding another job. He even stooped low enough to beg his dad for rent money this month…John had been understanding and even sent a little extra for groceries.

It was disgusting…he had just proposed to Cas and now he couldn't even support them? He wanted to drop out of college but his mother somehow knew, calling and threatening him. The fact that his parents would help him out whenever they could was comforting but it still made him sick to his stomach.

Dean knew he should just tell Cas but every time he tried those fucking blue eyes would stare into him and he just couldn't let him down. He did anyway though every damn time he didn't show up to that library…it was all a lie anyway. He really didn't need help with homework it was just his stupid way of keeping Cas out of the house while he frantically called every mechanic in the area. He had one more interview tomorrow…the very last one. He prayed and hoped that this Turner guy would take him in.

Cas moved around in his sleep, his face pressing into Dean's stomach. He smiled down at him and sighed, fingers tracing along his cheekbones.

"I'll fix it baby…I promise," He whispered closing his eyes tightly.

The next morning he got ready for school, grabbing all of his stuff and giving Cas a clingy hug. His fiancé just gave him a worried look and Dean hurried off before Cas could ask the question he was dying to ask. He drove in the direction of school but once he was out of the sight of their house, he turned towards the garage. It took about 25 minutes to find the place and he was only a few minutes early. Taking a deep breath he got out of the car and looked around. Turner's Auto Repair and Restoration was a grungy looking place and Dean smiled. He loved places like this…especially the huge salvage yard attached to it. It reminded him of his Uncle Bobby's. All the other shops were too clean, to modern for his tastes.

"Hey, can. I help…well I'll be damned, Dean fucking Winchester…how are you brother?" He spun around to see a grinning Benny.

"What the hell? Benny? I thought you worked at that club?" Dean laughed hurrying over and giving the guy a quick hug. Every once in a while he'd get talked into going with the others to the club and he'd hide out by the bar. Benny often found him and would keep him company. He was a good guy, a true southern gentleman.

"Oh I still do, but just on the weekend nights. During the day I'm a slave here for the grumpy old coot. What brings you here friend?"

"Well...I'm actually here to try and get a job…" Dean laughed nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

"You're hired boy," He heard a rough voice call out. A skinny black man stood before him with a scowl that could compete with his uncle's. He couldn't help but grin at the similarities between the men.

"Oh yeah? You don't want to see my resume or nothing first?" Dean smirked. Benny shook his head snickering under his breath.

"Don't need to…called over at that other shop you worked at and he gave me all the info…was damn sorry he had to loose ya…even told me you're going to school…could use someone like you…desperately," Rufus said with a huff staring pointedly at Benny who just shrugged his shoulders at him, "And…I knew your Uncle Bobby…the man couldn't shut up with what a good kid you were."

"Dean Winchester," he said with a smile reaching out to shake the man's hand.

"Rufus…now get inside to fill out all the proper forms and whatever…damn kids…" Rufus grumbled hurrying over to the garage, opening up the sliding doors.

"Aw brother…I think he likes you," Benny batted his eyelashes at him and Dean laughed punching him in the arm.

Castiel tapped his foot impatiently as he waited outside of the math building for Dean to show up. Wanting to surprise his boyfriend and be there for him when he finished up. It was 20 minutes past the end of his class and Castiel frowned…Dean was always one of the first ones out the door…and yet not one student had even left the building. Feeling his face frown even deeper he yanked open the door and found the classroom.

It was completely empty…no students…no teachers. What the fuck was going on?!

"Castiel?" He spun around and forced a smile on his face when he saw a girl from his English class.

"Oh hey…" He replied.

"What are you doing here?" She asked hugging her books close to her chest.

"Oh um…I was trying to find my boyfriends class…" He sighed rubbing the back of his neck. The girl giggled and bit her bottom lip.

"Well…I don't know who he has but I know Mr. Savari's class was cancelled today," she said. Cas felt his stomach lurch, his grip tightening on his book bag.

"How…why?" Cas asked.

"My best friend has his class…I guess Mr. Savari felt like giving his students a three day weekend since everyone is doing really well in the class," She shrugged and Cas bit down on his lip hard.

"Oh…" was all he could manage to get out.

"Didn't your boyfriend tell you?" She laughed and gave him a small wave before heading down the hall. Cas's vision swayed a bit and he leaned against the wall for support.

Dean was actually lying to him. He was a lot of things but a liar had never been one of them. What would he deem so important to lie about? Cas shook his head and left the building, heading out to the parking lot. He was nearly there when his body went completely rigid…

He wouldn't….Dean would never do something like that….but it was the only thing Cas could think of as to why the sudden change of behavior. All the others had shown the same behavior just before he found them out.

"He's cheating on me…" Cas whispered and felt his chest tighten and he suddenly couldn't breathe. Finding the nearest bench he collapsed down on it and hid his face in his hands.

"Castiel? You alright?" Cas groaned when the Brit's voice grated down his already sensitive nerves. He really didn't want to deal with the guy…

"Do I look fucking alright to you?" Cas snapped fixing a hard stare up at the guy. Crowley held up his hands in defense and backed up.

"Didn't mean to prod at ya…you seemed a bit distraught…" he said and Cas rolled his eyes.

"Oh I'm more than just a bit…" Cas grumbled. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He fished it out and glared down at Dean's name.

Message From Dean:

Hey baby, completely forgot that Savari canceled today's class. I went to the garage to pick up some extra time. Me and some coworkers are now getting some lunch at Gallagher's. I'll see you later, love you.

Castiel sighed heavily and shoved his phone back in his pocket a little too roughly. Maybe Dean wasn't lying…a lot of things did slip his mind…

Dean laughed as Rufus did another awkward victory dance when his dart hit the bull's eye. Benny rolled his eyes and playfully shoved the old man out of the way. Today had gone so much better than he could have imagined…he had a new job…a better paying one at that…Benny worked there so he didn't have to try to fit in with others. And Rufus was so much like Bobby it was easy to get along with the old guy. He could not wait to get home and tell Cas everything…it had been eating away at him but now he could come clean. He smiled down at his beer and chugged it.

"You good taking this sore loser back to the shop?" Rufus laughed at the sulking Benny.

"Yeah, we'll be over in a few," Dean grinned watching him walk out. Benny plopped down next to him and sighed heavily.

"That man is brutal…" Benny laughed taking a swig from his own beer.

"Do you need a shoulder to cry on? I mean you did just get your ass handed to you by an old geezer," Dean chuckled. Benny pouted at him and then started to laugh, wrapping his arm around Dean's neck pulling him a little closer as the both of them cracked up.

"Dean?" He jerked away from Benny and turned to face a very grim faced Castiel. Dean smiled at him and hopped off the stool.

"Baby what are you doing here?" Dean asked and went to move closer but Cas held out his hand to stop him, taking a step back.

"What the hell is going on Dean? And why are you here with him?" Cas asked his gaze turning icy as it traveled to Benny.

"That's my queue…I'll catch you later brother," Benny said and hurried off. Dean watched him go and met Cas's gaze.

"Well…there's actually something I need to talk to you about…"

" I knew it…I fucking knew it…thanks Dean…thank you very fucking much," Cas growled out and before Dean could even gather what just happened Cas was stomping off towards the door. Dean threw some money on the counter then ran after him; he grabbed Cas's arm wrenching him around to face him.

"Cas will you stop running from me? I'm trying to explain to you…"

"Well save your breath…I really don't need to hear the details," Cas said bitterly and Dean was shocked to see tears actually forming in those big blue eyes.

"Castiel stop! What the hell do you think is actually going on?" he cried out. Cas flinched away from him and Dean bit his lip hard.

"You…and Benny…" Cas pushed out as a few tears spilled down. Dean jerked away from him like he had been slapped.

"You…actually thought…Cas…really?" Dean asked his voice cracking a little at the end. He couldn't believe it…of all the things…

"What else am I supposed to think Dean? You've been lying to me and then I find you here with him…"

"You won't even let me explain!" Dean yelled.

"Because I don't want to hear it!"

"God dammit Castiel I lost my fucking job! Ok? I got laid off a couple of weeks ago and I was already disgusted with myself that I couldn't support us… I couldn't fucking tell you! Today was the last interview I had…the fucking last. Do you know how many mechanics I have called in the last two weeks? Oh wait…I forgot…you don't want to hear all the details!" Dean was shouting and knew his face had gone a dark shade of red. There were tears in his own eyes but he refused to let them fall. Cas was staring at him, his mouth hanging open.

"Dean…"

Dean noticed that people were starting to stare at them. He pulled Castiel towards the alleyway, quickly dropping his hand from his arm.

"I understand you being mad at me for keeping this from you…but you of all people should know that I would NEVER cheat…I am a lot of things but I would never hurt you like that…never. And as for Benny? He works at the shop….oh and I got the job by the way…congcratu-fucking-lations to me…" Dean spat out. Cas reached out to grab his arm but he jerked away from him. He was so angry he didn't know what to do with it all.

"I'm sorry Dean…I…I just didn't know what to think…"

"So you instantly assumed I was cheating…you've known me your entire life and you were there when that bitch broke my heart…how could you even…You're never going to trust me are you?" Dean asked his breath hitching in his throat a little. If this had been the first accusation maybe Dean would have been able to let it slide…but it wasn't. The first one had been a little funny and he was able to tease Cas like crazy, but this was probably the third time. Dean was done. It cut him deep to know that the one person he trusted completely thought so little of him.

"Dean please…I'm sorry…I just get scared…"

"Of what? That I'm going to miraculously find someone better than you? That I'm going to wake up some day and realize that I'd rather have pussy then dick? When are you going to fucking get it that I was serious when I gave you this? That I'm not like him!" Dean said grabbing at his left hand, his fingers touching the cool metal wrapped around his finger. Cas visibly flinched but tried to grab onto his hand.

"I'm sorry…Dean I am so sorry but you have to understand…it wasn't just him…all of my boyfriends cheated on me…every…single…one. I love you so much Dean and as much as my rational side knows and believes you'll never do that…the other side questions everything. That you'll be just like them," Cas said thickly, tears falling freely down his face. Dean swallowed hard running his fingers through his hair. Completely torn between wanting to hold him and just leaving.

He knew about a few of Cas's boyfriends…but he never went into detail about them. He had only known about him…the one that had broken his best friend down to an empty shell of the man he adored so much. He remembered it so clearly it made his chest hurt. Cas had called him, barely making out what he was saying through the heart wrenching sobs. After getting him back to his apartment, he went after the bastard and nearly killed him when he found the smug douche bag in the same bar where Cas met him. It took four guys to pull him off but the message was sent. You don't fuck with Castiel Novak without provoking him. He spent the entire night holding Cas, wanting him to know that he would always take care of him.

"You never told me about the others," Dean said quietly. Cas shrugged wrapping his arms around himself.

"I know…I just didn't even want to deal with it. Dean…I really am sorry," Cas said softly. Dean let out a really hard sigh, raking his fingers through his hair.

He looked at Castiel and his heart squeezed…he loved this man so much but it still hurt.

"Cas…I think I'm going to stay with Sam tonight…just so I can clear my head," Dean swallowed hard and couldn't look at Cas when he heard the sharp intake of breath.

"De…please," Cas whispered. Dean started to reach out for him but stopped himself. Cas's arms wrapped tighter around himself. He watched him for a moment before making a final decision…he turned on his heel and stalked out of the alley way. Biting down hard on his lip when Cas shouted after him.

Cas was curled up in a ball on his side watching an old Danny Kaye movie, Wonder Man. He hadn't moved from that spot all day…he couldn't bring himself too. After his fight with Dean (the first one they ever had) he had stood there for so long, thinking…hoping that he would come back. When it was obvious he wasn't…Cas dragged himself towards his car, driving in a haze to their home.

Cas had wished that Dean would come home that night…or even that morning…but it was nearing midnight on the second day and he hadn't even gotten a text message. Gabe had been his only way in knowing where Dean was.

"Dude, I don't know what happened between you too but I have never seen Dean like this," Gabe said in a whisper. It made him feel horrible and guilty all over again. He understood why Dean kept it from him that he got fired…Dean was insanely prideful and stubborn. If only he would have just listened to Dean instead of flying off the handle and accusing him of one of the worst things. He trusted Dean with his whole heart….now if he could just get his head to feel the same.

It really wasn't his fault though…with four cheating boyfriends…it was pretty hard not be so jaded, When he was a sophomore in high school there was Garrett, who only got with him after breaking up with his girlfriend to see if he really was bisexual…Castiel found him making out with her after only a couple of weeks. The second one was Erik in his junior year, his first serious relationship and even though he wanted and lusted after Dean, he found himself falling a little hard for Erik. 6 months later he found Erik in bed…with Garrett. It was Cas's first heartbreak and Dean couldn't help himself from slashing the guy's tires. The third was senior year and it only took 4 months to find out what a slut Devon was.

The final one was the worst and he still couldn't bring himself to tell Dean everything that had happened. Copeland was amazing at first and Cas being Cas…fell hard and fast. Especially when Dean began to sleep around after all the bullshit with Lisa. He had started to tell himself there was no chance with his best friend so he tried to move on from it. During his freshman year at college, he met Copeland at a café that hosted open mic night. He sat on the stage with his beat up guitar singing with a voice that sent chills up his spine.

Copeland bought him a drink and Cas found himself in the man's bed later that night. He figured it would have been a one-night stand but it turned into a very sexual relationship and went even further into an emotional one. It took 3 months for everything to turn sour. Copeland began to pull away from him, lie to him and every time Cas brought it up, he'd end up on the floor with a busted lip. Every time it happened Dean would get worried and question him but Cas would just let it go. A year…an entire year he dealt with this…dissolving into a pathetic version of himself. Believing that he deserved no better, that he was "lucky" to have Copeland. He went to work one afternoon but was sent home early, he couldn't focus on anything and kept dropping dishes. When he entered Cope's apartment, everything inside shattered. Cope was on the couch fucking a much younger guy, probably still in highs cool. Cas didn't even wait for an explanation, just turned and ran out of the complex.

He called Dean and tried to tell him what happened but all that could come out were strangled sobs. His best friend found him and held him while he cried and screamed in rage until he passed out in the strong arms he missed so much. He woke up the next morning in Dean's bed but the man was nowhere in sight. He returned a couple hours later, covered in bruises and blood. Dean had just looked at him, telling him silently that everything would be ok now. After Cas helped clean him up, he was genuinely shocked when Dean crawled into bed with him, holding him close. It was then the walls around his heart that he tried so desperately to keep Dean out crashed down.

It took a while but Cas finally got over it and found himself buried deep within. Even started dating again despite the fact that he was in love with his best friend.

So now he was wrapped tightly around himself, his knees pulled into the very large BU sweater that belonged to Dean. He remembered the first time Dean had bought it, Castiel had been able to slip underneath as well since it was so huge. The fond memory made him smile sadly, pulling his knees even tighter to his chest. His stomach rumbled but he ignored it, he didn't want to get up so he closed his eyes instead, sinking into a restless sleep.

He felt something push through his hair and his eyes fluttered open, his mouth opening in a small gasp. Dean knelt down in front of him, his fingers threading into his hair.

"Dean…" Cas whimpered and Dean smiled at him, his hand moving to cup his neck. Dean's eyes never leaving his as his thumb traced his jaw line.

"Hi baby," Dean replied leaning in to brush his lips against his cheek. Cas couldn't help the pathetic little whimper leaving his throat. He was so scared that he'd wake up at any moment and Dean really wouldn't be there. His eyes closed without his permission when he felt Dean move closer pressing soft lips to his forehead.

"How long you been lying here?" Dean asked softly, his fingers never once leaving his hair. Cas shrugged as he nudged his head into his fingers and let out a soft moan. Dean sighed and before Cas could realize what he was doing, he cradled him in his arms, picking him up off the couch.

"Dean…what are you doing?" Cas gasped his arms quickly wrapping around Dean's neck. His fiancé just smiled at him, carrying him through the house to their master bathroom. Dean sat him down on the counter and kissed his forehead again. As he turned, Cas's hands shot out, clinging on to Dean's shirt.

Strong arms circled around him, pulling him tightly against a soft but yet solid chest that he had missed so much. He snuggled his face into Dean's neck as the both of them clung to each other.

"I'm sorry I stayed away baby…" Dean whispered and Cas shuddered at the press of those soft lips along his neck.

"It's ok…you're here now," Cas replied, his fingers tangling in the hair at the base of Dean's neck.

Dean pulled away slightly, both of his hands coming up to cup the sides of Cas's neck. He stared at him for a moment before pressing their lips together and Cas whimpered, his entire body trembling. Dean nipped at his bottom lip before slowly pulling away, Castiel watched him step over to the tub to start filling it. Cas couldn't help pulling his knees back up, hugging them close.

The scent of chamomile filled the bathroom and Cas smiled watching Dean run his hand under the water.

"I love it when you wear my sweater," Dean smiled stepping back over to him. Cas blushed and tried to hide his face in his arms but his best friend was having none of that. He let out a hushed moan when fingers pulled on his hair just enough to get him looking back up. Dean grinned at him, his hands moving to gently pull at his ankles, getting them out from under the sweater.

"Remember when you first got it?" Cas snickered raising his arms so Dean could pull it up. Dean bit his lip and smiled, dropping the hoodie on the floor.

"Mmhmm…it was so hard trying to keep my erection from you…when it really gets cold we need to see if we still fit," Dean wiggled his eyebrows making Cas giggle.

"I'd like that," Cas sighed softly with content while Dean ran his fingertips all over his chest and stomach. They had only been a part for almost two days but it felt like so much longer. Every touch sent chills down his spine filling his stomach with butterflies. Cas lifted with his hands so Dean could pull of his boxers, biting down a moan when a few fingers brushed over his rapidly growing cock.

"Damn Cas," Dean groaned. Cas licked his lips as he watched Dean's eyes rake down his body.

"You're wearing too many clothes," Cas whined, his hands yanking on his shirt. Dean chuckled and stepped away, beginning to pull his clothes off slowly. Cas bit down on his lip, his hand tracing down his chest to grip at his throbbing member.

"Nuh uh," Dean grinned smacking his hands away. Cas pouted up at him; Dean pulled him against his bare chest moving in to kiss him. He shuddered at the first touch of Dean's tongue against his lips. He let him beg for it for a moment before opening his mouth. Their tongues collided, rolling against the other almost frantically with need to taste each other. Cas moved his hands down Dean's chest and stomach, sliding them around to grip at his ass, pulling them flush against each other.

"Fuck I missed that," Dean moaned against his swollen lips. Cas nodded, his teeth nibbling along his jaw line.

"Lets get you in the tub Kit," Cas mewled against his throat when he heard the nickname. His legs locked around his waist and Dean lifted him up off the counter. Cas let out a heady moan as his lover's cock pushed against his own. He carefully stepped into the tub and Cas lowered his legs. Dean was good…but he really didn't want to get dropped.

Dean sunk down into the water a filthy moan escaping past his lips. Cas licked his dry lips watching the beautiful man in front of him relax completely in the water. All the stress, worry and built up tough guy walls melting away. Cas loved watching the real Dean come to the surface, it made his body quiver when those green eyes rolled up to look at him a small smile on his lips. Cas grinned and lowered down to his knees, letting Dean put him where he wanted.

Cas relaxed back into Dean, his head falling back on to his shoulder. The smell of chamomile completely relaxing his muscles letting him melt against his lover. Dean's arms wrapped around him, pulling him as close as he could against his chest.

"Kit…I am really sorry for staying away. I had only meant to stay one night and come back to you after work but I passed out when I went to get my stuff from Sam's," Dean laughed brushing his lips slowly along Cas's neck. He shivered and bit his lip, letting his body sink a little lower in the hot water.

"It's ok De… I know you're going to keep apologizing no matter what but it's really ok. I just want to put this all behind us," Cas sighed his entire body humming with content with how happy he felt. Dean's warm, strong body was wrapped around him, protecting him and loving him. The hot water soothed his achy body while the Chamomile made him want to curl up and sleep.

"This was our first fight," Dean huffed out a laugh, pressing his lips to his shoulder.

"I know…and that better be our last," Cas grinned. Dean chuckled, his hands moving all over his torso.

They relaxed in the tub for a while, taking turns giving the other a massage and washing each other's hair. Cas loved being this relaxed with his fiancé but he wanted…needed something so much more.

"Dean please," Cas whimpered in Dean's ear, his hips jerking back against his fiancé's very hard dick.

"Ok, Ok…needy bastard," Dean grinned, turning Cas's face to give him a deep kiss, his tongue swirling in a very delicious way.

"I want you to fuck me so hard…make me feel it for days…please baby?" Cas whimpered, moving his ass to grind slow and hard against Dean. He let out a guttural moan and suddenly he was being shoved forward, his hands gripping the sides of the tub. Water sloshed out onto the floor but he really couldn't find it in himself to care.

Especially when a hard wet body pressed against his back completely.

"You want it right here? Or perhaps over the counter so you can watch those pretty blue eyes turn black while I fuck you," Dean moaned hotly in his ear. Cas cried out when he felt the head of Dean's cock nudge at his entrance. Without thinking he spread his legs as wide as he could, pressing back against the throbbing flesh.

"De…oh fuck De…I don't…I don't know," Cas whimpered, wincing just slightly as the blunt end started to push against the rim of muscle. Dean let out a low growl that sent a shudder through his body. Cas shouted out Dean's name when he felt a hard yank on his hair, making him arch back.

"Decide baby or I will," Dean groaned. Cas swallowed hard and moved out of Dean's arms, surprised that he didn't try to yank him back. Green eyes followed him closely as he got out of the tub; he grabbed a fluffy towel and spread it on the floor of the bathroom. He got on his knees and pressed his chest flat onto the floor, turning his head to give Dean a pleading look. The water sloshed over the edge again as Dean clambered out, making Cas moan loudly when he pressed against him again.

"Fuck me baby…please…I need to feel you inside of me," Cas whimpered and smirked when he felt the harsh jerk of Dean's hips.

There was some fumbling and Cas looked over his shoulder to see Dean rifling through their bath time "sex drawer". He bit his lip hard and closed his eyes when a slicked up finger sunk into his waiting hole. It moved slowly, massaging his insides just before a second wormed it's way in. Cas let out a whine when he felt the fingers spread, stretching him open.

"Dean…please!" Cas shuddered, his lower back rising even higher when a third joined and it felt so good. His whole body was on fire as he moved, grinding down hard against Dean's fingers.

"God you look so beautiful like this Castiel," Dean whispered and Cas damn near came undone but a firm grip held onto the base of his cock.

"Oh no you don't…you can't cum unless I say so," Dean ordered and Cas's eyes rolled up, his fingers gripping the edge of the towel.

"Say it."

"Yes baby…not unless…oh god! Not, not unless you say so," Cas cried out loudly when a fourth finger stretched him even farther. His cock was leaking steadily now, pooling underneath him on the towel.

Cas opened his mouth to beg once more when Dean's very thick, throbbing cock shoved deep into him in one rough thrust. Cas pressed his chest harder against the floor, letting Dean dominate him completely. He rolled his hips, dragging Dean even further into his ass.

"Fuuuuck, Kit!" Dean moaned, his hands gripped the sides of his waist tightly. Cas bit his lip knowing he'd have bruises there. Even though Cas was in a very submissive position, he was still able to roll his hips and make Dean scream his name. He knew it was more visual than anything for Dean.

Dean fell forward, pressing his chest against his own while their asses stayed up in the air. Cas mewled as Dean's hips shoved hard against his ass, his dick dragging in and out of him roughly.

He couldn't breathe, it felt too good and his prostate was getting hit hard with each violent thrust from Dean. He threaded their fingers together and Cas pulled one of their hands under his chest, pulling Dean flush against him. Though the position they were in was sensual and loving, their lower bodies moved harder and faster with each thrust until Dean was practically humping Cas with all he had. Sweat poured off their skin and Cas screamed out when Dean suddenly jerked his chest up off him, their lower bodies slamming together in one final thrust as Dean exploded into him.

"Fuck Dean! Please!" Cas couldn't stop the shouts as his body started to spasm violently back against Dean.

"Cum for me Kit," Dean whispered hotly in his ear. Cas let out a shout and came hard onto the towel.

When their visions finally cleared Dean collapsed down on top of his back; moving his hips to slowly pull his softening member out of him. Cas whimpered but lowered his ass, to lay on the floor in an exhausted heap. Dean wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. Cas smiled and was about to say something snarky when he felt something wet hit his shoulder. He looked over and gasped, a few tears had fallen down Dean's cheeks.

"Dean…" Cas whispered, moving them so they were lying on their sides, Cas's hand on Dean's neck.

"I can't ever loose you Kit," Dean whispered and Cas swallowed hard, his eyes brimming with his own tears.

"You never will baby…I love you so much Dean," he said, pulling Dean into him, his head falling onto his chest.

"I love you too Castiel," Dean whispered, his arms wrapping around him, clinging to his body. Cas ran his fingers through his hair, humming softly.

They spent the rest of the night and into the next day in bed, watching old moves as they clung to each other.

Every Word I Say: Hanson