Sorry for the long wait!
As always, INSERT DISCLAIMERS AND SPOILERS HERE.
"Eh, Sis, where are you going?" Shinpachi asked as his older sister, Otae, prepared to leave the house. It was very early in the morning and the only reason why Shinpachi was awake at such an early hour was because he needed to get to the Odd Jobs office early. Otae on the other hand had the day off and it seemed very peculiar to Shinpachi that she would be going out so early instead of sleeping in. Maybe they were out of Bargain Dash at home.
Shinpachi called out again after not receiving a reply from Otae, "Sis!"
Otae turned with a calm smile and replied in a sweet voice, "Yes Shinpachi-kun?"
"Ah— eh, where are you going so early in the morning?" Shinpachi nervously asked, weary of his sister's sweet outer appearance, because he knew very well of her violent inner nature. Otae, continuing to smile calmly, answered,
"The Shinsengumi Headquarters."
Shinpachi's jaw dropped. Otae closed the door behind her and headed for the Shinsengumi Headquarters with a dark aura trailing behind her.
—
"Gin-san! Wake up, there's an emergency!" frantically Shinpachi screamed as he shook the soundly sleeping Sakata Gintoki. In his shocked state Shinpachi had froze up and was unable to stop his sister from leaving. When Shinpachi had finally snapped out of it, Otae was long gone, and Shinpachi panicking had immediately ran to the Odd Jobs office for help. But help is not that easy to find sometimes.
"Mahhh, what are you talking about?" Gintoki mumbled, his annoyance at being woken up so early was very transparent. Shinpachi shook the lazy boss of Odd Jobs once more and screamed,
"Sis said she was going to the Shinsengumi Headquarters! Why? Even though she is constantly being stalked by that gorilla she's actually going straight to his home?"
"Ehhh, how should I know why your sister does what she does? Maybe she's finally giving herself up for all those times she violently beat innocent civilians," Gintoki pushed Shinpachi away and curled back up in his bed. Shinpachi stood defeated until he glanced towards the closet where Kagura slept. All hope was not lost. He slid open the closet door quickly,
"Kagura-chan—," Immediately a fist made contact with Shinpachi's face and he was sent flying across the room.
"Go die," Kagura grumbled before she slammed the closet door shut. Shinpachi crouched on the ground, clutching his now bleeding nose,
"All hope is lost!"
At the same time in a convenience store somewhat nearby a young cashier was quivering and stuttering before the presence of a certain two individuals. The first one's words stung a great deal sharper than the sweet tone that delivered them.
"What do you mean this coupon can't be used on the Bargain Dash?"
"I-It's exactly l-li-like I said— the Bargain Dash is already marked down so—,"
"Fifty percent is barely marked down,"
"Mi-miss,"
"What kind of business do you run here?"
"I-I-I could c-ca-call the ma—,"
"If you're going to mark it down by fifty than you may as well just mark it off by one hundred,"
"B-but M-miss that would mean giving i-it for free,"
"Exactly," the cashier cowered in fear and glanced over at the man in a Shinsengumi uniform next to her. The cashier's eyes pleaded for help but like it was said before, help is not that easy to find sometimes. Bottles of mayonnaise were slammed onto the check out counter by the Shinsengumi officer who wore a dark and intimidating glare,
"So the Bargain Dash gets marked down but what about the mayonnaise? Is this mayo-discrimination?" the very yakuza like threatening manner of speaking contrasted against the status of the Shinsengumi officer. It only added to the confusion and fear the cashier was feeling. Trapped by the two, the distraught cashier looked from the threatening glare on his face to the deadly grin on hers. A scream rang out.
Moments later the manager of the 7-11 convenience store returned from his break only to find his employee crouched on the ground behind the counter, rocking back and forth in fetal position, his eyes wide open as he muttered repeatedly,
"What is the meaning of life? What is . . ."
—
Having lost faith in humanity (like the young cashier), Shinpachi had left the Odd Jobs office to wander in the streets of Edo, his shoulders slumped downward in depression. Only making matters worse Shinpachi felt a drop of water land on his cheek. He brought out his hand as more rain drops followed and began to fall in a steady patter, people around him ran for shelter, calling out in surprise at the sudden rain fall. Shinpachi remained under the pouring rain with his glasses inevitably fogging up. Shinpachi sniffled, brought his sleeve up to wipe his glasses, but suddenly stopped. He quickly looked up while wiping his glasses hurriedly. Shinpachi blinked,
"Sis?" Sure enough at the end of the street on the stoop of a convenience store Otae stood with a great deal of plastic bags in tow. She blinked and brought out her hand to confirm the rain fall. A smile grew on Shinpachi's face as he called out to his sister, "Sis! Over here Sis—," Shinpachi stopped in his steps as a figure stepped out beside Otae. He was wearing a Shinsengumi uniform. Before Shinpachi could get closer to make out the figure's face an umbrella opened up and shielded both Otae and the mystery man from view. Shinpachi ran forward but the two had already stepped into a Shinsengumi patrol car. Stumbling and tripping Shinpachi ran after the quickly receding car while still calling out to his sister. He slipped and tumbled to the ground, water splashing up on his clothes and glasses, Shinpachi reached out again, "Sis . . ."
Otae was seated in the front passenger seat of the Shinsengumi patrol car, blissfully unaware of her little brother calling out to her. She sighed happily, "I don't know how to repay you this time—," Otae looked over at the figure in the driver's seat, "— Hijikata-san,"
"There's no need," the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi said in his gruff voice. A flashback of the horrible bento box (Super tamagoyaki 13) ran rampant in his mind. Hijikata blinked and shuddered. Otae turned to look at the pile of plastic bags in the back seat, the car turned and one of the bags opened to reveal a stash of Bargain Dash (marked down to half price of half price of half . . . etc.,).
"But it was such a big success," Otae smiled— a genuinely pleased smile on her lips, unlike her usual sadistic smile. Hijikata glanced over and reddened at the rare sight of this side of Otae. A blast of a horn as Hijikata, in his state, had neglected steering the car. He quickly swerved back into the appropriate lane and cleared his throat while trying to regain his composure. The plastic bags shifted and the peaks of hoards of mayonnaise bottles could be seen. "Hmm, well I guess you got a pretty good deal out of this as well," Otae turned back to face the front of the car, seemingly unfazed by the little mishap of Hijikata's steering. Hijikata grunted in response, his eyes fixed on the road, he was intent on not being distracted again by the smiling woman beside him. Silence fell on the two. Hijikata's eyes flickered to Otae. She was staring out the window calmly, her eyes following the rain drops as they drizzled down their paths along the glass. Hijikata's tense grip on the wheel relaxed and for a small amount of time the only sound that could be heard was the steady hum of the engine and the friction of the wheels against the cement road. Then Otae spoke, a mischievous spark in her tone,
"I wonder if the 7-11 across town also has such an easy to break cashier?" Hijikata smiled at Otae's suggestion and then replied with a growing dark grin on his lips,
"If not, we might have to resort to force," an excited grin from both,
"Yes, let's hope we will not have to resort to force," Otae said while the look in her eyes read loud and clear that she wished dearly that they would have to resort to force. And so the two drove off to . . . bargain . . . at the next convenience store for marked down Bargain Dash and Mayonnaise.
Meanwhile at the Shinsengumi Headquarters; Yamazaki was, as always, practicing his badminton swing in the court. Shinsengumi's Commander Kondo Isao walked in just as Yamazaki hit his 134th swing.
"Yamazaki, have you seen Toshi?"
"Eh? Vice Commander? No I haven't seen him today. One hundred thirty five—,"
"Hmm," Kondo looked out at the aircraft cluttered sky stretching over all of Edo. Toshi's been absent a lot recently.
What is the meaning of life indeed. Don't worry, they paid for the Bargain Dash and Mayonnaise. It's just that their idea of a fun date is harassing unsuspecting cashiers . . . what do you expect from the most violent couple in edo?
Next few chapters will be based on recent episodes. (OMFG TOGORO! if you don't know what I'm talking about, watch ep.203 NOW. DO IT.)