So sometimes I end up writing another chapter immediately after uploading one, even though I had writer's block before uploading. It's weird. Anyways here's another chapter!
Based loosely off Episode 216. I do not own Gintama.
Kids these days have too many questions. Hijikata twitched in anger and glared at the group of children gathered before him. One kid, with an exceedingly strange afro-perm, middle-aged glasses, and a notepad with pen in hand, was going on and on with his questions.
"Who would be a bad person? So the law is always good? I have a question then!"
When the position of Shinsengumi promotional tour guide was brought up during the Shinsengumi weekly meeting, no one volunteered, and they ended up having to draw straws. Hijikata drew the shortest straw. And so he had to give up one of his rare days off to babysit a bunch of cheeky brats. He wasn't enjoying it.
"Could you explain how much trouble a person must cause to be considered a criminal? For example . . ." the boy trailed off and pointed to a store to the left of the group. Hijikata looked over to where the boy was pointing and if he had had a cigarette in his mouth, he would have choked on it or swallowed it— or both. The boy continued, "We have an individual getting the snot knocked out of him by the woman he keeps stalking. Which one is the criminal?" In the background Otae continued to use Kondo's head as a punching bag.
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The tour didn't go well. In fact it basically ended before it even started. The Otae and Kondo incident had pretty much guaranteed that. Dejectedly, Hijikata had resigned himself to muttering to himself and unrolling his patriot at a nearby cafe. What did those brats know anyways? Hijikata continued to unravel the paper roll and in his defeated state, barely noticed when a figure stopped next to his growing pile of toilet paper.
"What are you doing, Hijikata-san?"
Hijikata paused for a moment and glanced up. Otae, holding the bags of groceries she had earlier used to beat Kondo with, tilted her head at the sorry sight of the Shinsengumi's Vice Commander. Hijikata's chest tightened.
"Nothing," he grumbled.
Otae glanced at the pile of toilet paper at Hijikata's feet and then up at the patriot on the table. She made a slight noise of disapproval.
"You're littering, Hijikata-san." she ripped the roll of toilet paper and the loose end fell to the pile on the ground.
"Ah—,"
Otae set her grocery bags on the floor and signaled to a waiter to clear away the pile of paper on the ground. Hijikata blinked and stared at Otae as she took the seat opposite of him. Otae returned his stare and said calmly,
"If you're going to sit at a cafe at least order something to eat,"
Fifteen minutes later both Hijikata and Otae had a bowl of ice cream before them on the table. Otae enforced that it was Bargain Dash regardless of what the menu or waiter said and when Hijikata tried to correct her, he received a quick convincing punch to the face. With a growing bruise on his cheek Hijikata absent mindedly took out his ever present bottle of mayonnaise and began to top his Bargain Dash with it. Halfway through Hijikata froze and his face darkened.
A thought occurred to Hijikata. Otae's love for Bargain Dash was so severe that surely anybody who tried to mix condiments with it and therefore ruin its sanctity would get more than just a fistful in the face. Hijikata gulped. He cautiously glanced up at Otae. She was happily eating her share of Bargain Dash. Hijikata blinked. The mound of mayonnaise on Hijikata's Bargain Dash didn't seem to affect Otae at all. But it would have been difficult for Otae to not notice that Hijikata was staring at her. She blinked and asked,
"What is it Hijikata-san? It's not polite to stare at others when they're eating,"
"Ah, sorry. No, it's nothing . . . never mind." Hijikata looked away and took a spoonful of the Bargain Dash and mayonnaise. A flash of reminiscence overcame Hijikata as he took his first bite. All those times women fawned over him in the beginning and then the quick succession of screams of horror as he revealed his quirky obsession with mayonnaise. Women were so fickle. One moment they were sighing and laughing, 'Hijikata-san, Hijikata-san'. The next moment they were holding back their gag reflex and exclaiming, while pointing at his mayonnaise topped meals, 'What is that?' or 'THE HORROR', stuff like that. Honestly, what was so bad about mayonnaise?
Hijikata lost himself in his thoughts and they ended up finishing their respective deserts in silence. Otae had stood up first and then Hijikata followed. They faced each other for their farewells. She was staring up at him with a very concentrated look. For a moment he thought she had realized that he had eaten Bargain Dash with a large serving of mayonnaise and she was either going to slap him into oblivion or react like those other women. But no look of horror crossed her face. Instead Otae leaned forward. Hijikata went rigid and tried to speak but Otae said firmly,
"Hold still," she took out a handkerchief and began to dab at some stray mayonnaise on the corner of Hijikata's collar. "Honestly, men are such slobs when they eat," Hijikata's heart pounded against his chest like a drum. Every precise stroke of the handkerchief against his shirt collar pushed him closer to her. Otae continued to wipe at the stain carefully. She didn't realize her close proximity to Hijikata until she looked up. Their eyes met. She didn't move. She couldn't move. Hijikata's hand wavered and then slowly he brought his fingers up to hers and covered the slim hand that held the handkerchief. Otae withdrew quickly. The handkerchief caught in Hijikata's hand but Otae made no attempt to take it back. "Well then, goodbye Hijikata-san," she picked up her grocery bags and left without another word. Hijikata was cemented to his spot for a few moments. Then he blinked and thought to call after Otae and to insist that he help her with her groceries as some attempt at an excuse to be with her just a bit longer. But she was already gone. All that was left was her handkerchief in his hand.
What IS a patriot? I tried to mention it as little as possible because I wasn't sure how to refer to it but I couldn't just ignore it since the whole episode was basically about it. Whatever.
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On a completely unrelated note I thought I should mention that my favorite Gintama character isn't actually Otae or Hijikata. It isn't Gintoki either. Can anyone guess who it is?