Sorry for the long wait! Insert disclaimers and spoilers HERE.
On the other side of Edo, far from the Shinsengumi Headquarters, there was a certain calmness about the Kakidōkan Dojo as afternoon settled into evening. The sun was setting slowly in the sky as Otae knelt before a small tub of water. In her hands the soft material of a handkerchief acted like a fish net being sifted through water. The water sloshed as she dipped its yellow trimmed corner into the tub. Otae smiled affectionately as she rubbed the soft fabric between her fingers. She began to hum— a little tunelessly but without a care— and her thoughts drifted to that fateful moment long ago.
—
It began with Otae's own growing self consciousness towards her 'lack of feminine habits'. Sure, she could toss a considerable group of men over a two storey house and instill fear with a single roar, but women are supposed to be delicate and kind. Women are supposed to be elegant and charming. Women are supposed to smile and answer in a sweet voice. Otae was all of these things . . . technically . . . to a certain degree. She had the smile and voice and some of the qualities . . . at times. But still there was no way to overlook Otae's sharp tongue.
"My, my, you want to sell me these bruised apples at such a high price? You must take me for an imbecile, am I right?"
The 40-something year old man stared wide eyed with his mouth slightly open at the peacefully smiling Otae before him. "M-miss I don't make the prices—,"
"Oh? As a store owner you can't even make your own prices? You should just commit seppuku then."
The poor store owner, visibly shaken at the casual use of 'seppuku' in everday conversation, tried to find his words but only came out stuttering. Other women looking on whispered (rather audibly), "Did she just say—?"
"I think so,"
"My, how rude! For a young woman like herself to be carelessly using such a word,"
"She may look gentle but anyone with such a tongue surely cannot be considered—,"
Otae stepped out of the store before the snippy woman could finish her sentence. She didn't need to hear the end of the sentence. Why should she have to listen to the chatter of gossiping hens? They didn't know what they were talking about anyways. She wasn't 'carelessly' throwing the word around. What did they know? Seppuku is . . .
"Haah?! You forgot to fill up the gas before patrol? You should just just commit seppuku then!"
Otae blinked and looked up. Not too far down the street the Demon Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi was telling off his subordinates in his signature gruff tone. A lit cigarette was hanging from the corner of his mouth.
"Vice Commander," the Shinsengumi officers all bowed their heads or raised their eyebrows imploringly, "We said we're sorry already, there's no need to always threaten us with seppuku, is there?"
"'Always threaten with seppuku'?" Hijikata's voice came out in a low growl, "I'm not 'threatening' you, I'm telling you that if something is worth doing than you do it with your life on the line! If you're not going to do it properly then just go die!"
Otae stared in shock at the man before her. Her heart skipped a beat. She felt a twitch at the corner of her mouth. And then her hand raised to her mouth as she laughed out loud. Her chest swelled up and she looked up at the sky with a wide smile. It's a matter of honor.
Then Otae thought back to that day everyone was staking out and waiting for the panties thief to appear. She wasn't the only one who's heart skipped a beat when they started in sync over killing methods. His gruff voice contrasted with her sweet voice. His killer intent and her smiling from blood lust.
—
Otae squeezed the handkerchief and let the water drip back down into the small tub. Even at times when I was down . . .
The ice had clinked in the glass before Hijikata and Otae. Hijikata, despite the bandages wrapped around his head, had a cigarette in his mouth as Otae spoke, "Even though I couldn't see it through to the end, I went and did it with a half-hearted conviction. What I did, in the end, wasn't for anyone's sake . . ."
Hijikata had let out a slow puff of smoke and then responded in his gruff tone, "You're not even close to being Buddha, so how did you think you could save everything in front of you?" Otae had looked over at him. "No matter how much you break your bones trying, there are things you can save and things you can't. So what? Is your way of life so fragile that it'd break with this?"
The handkerchief snapped in the wind as Otae flicked her wrists and shook the excess water off the edges of the fabric. And yet, with every word from Hijikata, Otae had always wondered, how much of it was actually on Kondo's behalf?
"At this very moment, if there was someone who could be saved by your so-called half-hearted kindness, what would you do?" Hijikata had glanced over at Otae. In that moment her heart had suddenly grew very heavy.
Otae stared at the handkerchief in her hands and thought of all those times Hijikata ran to Kondo's side, all those times Hijikata supported Kondo after she blew him half way to hell, all those times he wasn't at her side. She knew Hijikata would forever be loyal to Kondo. Maybe she even knew back then, when he said "Never mind,"
But even so . . .
Otae lifted the handkerchief and clipped it to the small dangling hanger. Her thumb smoothed over the tulip in the corner. Otae smiled and said to herself, "A girl can hope . . ."
Once again, sorry for the long wait! Also, does anyone have the translation of the third drama CD where there's this famous Hijitae moment? I've been searching for it ever since I started this fanfiction :/
And the chapters are getting longer! My attention span has increased over the years! Hurrah! Also I was rewatching episode 18 and at the part where everyone realizes that they forgot where they planted the land mines and Otae says "This'll be a problem. The newspaper delivery man will explode tomorrow.", am I the only one who thought her face and tone of voice was ridiculously cute? Anyways, onto the next chapter . . . or not? Hehehehehe. But really, thanks for all the reviews!