This was the day they would get to Nebraska. Castiel could feel it in the anticipation in Sam's voice when he talked about the trip, in the finality with which Dean woke him, slapping him lightly on the cheek and whispering Cassie, Cassie wake up. This was the day he was going to die. Unless... unless there was a miracle. If the police managed to find him, or better still, if Dean took pity on him. There was hope of that still.
When Dean roused him, he did so gently, or relatively so. His hands, rough and warm, lingered a moment on Castiel's cheek, almost cupping it as the other man groaned his way back into wakefulness. The world was all dull pain, but Dean's face, inches away, seemed like a salvation.
His gag was untied. It came away trailing saliva and crusted with dried blood from his nose. It was only when Dean took him to the bathroom that he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He would not have been recognizable as the man whose photo was all over the news. This face was pale, the hair greasy, tangled, the eyes defeated, and the nose broken. Dried blood caked the lower part of his face like mud after a drought, cracked and desolate.
When the awkwardness of the bathroom was left and he again sat in the corner, watching the two Winchesters, he did not speak, though he could have, but listened.
"You got everything we need?" Dean asked, pouring his obscenely early morning shot of whisky.
"And more. This is small fry, this case."
"One step at a time, Sammy. And besides, we're about to go on vacation, take some time to lie low after we ditch Cassie."
A shiver shot down Castiel's spine at the mention of his name.
The younger Winchester nodded. "We can stay with Bobby. He's always cool with us using his place."
"Great." Said Dean, "Let's hit the road." He walked back to Castiel and pulled him back to his feet.
"Dean-" Castiel grunted. "Please don't gag me."
"You know I've got to. Don't want you screaming."
"I won't scream. I promise." He was pleading now.
Dean seemed to consider. "Fine. But if you try to scream, if you even cough too loud, I'll pull over and shoot you."
"Dean, no." Sam said, crossing his arms, "You really wanna risk it?"
Dean shrugged. "Sure. Cassie deserves it, don't you think? Been so good for us." He placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder, fingers kneading the flesh.
The younger Winchester rolled his eyes.
Dean led him to the car, but not to he trunk.
"Special treat." Said Dean, opening the back door. "But don't feel too special. Don't even blink funny out that window or I swear to god I'll end you."
"Thank you Dean." Castiel nodded his head in submission.
The other man laughed. There was a lot wrong with that laugh. It was laced with poison and honey, dripping with cruelty. But there was something else too. Goodness, or something like it. Castiel heard it as mercy, ringing like a bell.
"We got a good long drive ahead of us." He said, as Sam joined them, lugging the last of their bags.
"You're letting him sit in the back?" Sam's eyebrows jumped to meet his bangs.
"Yeah. Figured the kid deserves a last hurrah."
Last hurrah. To be sure, that wasn't promising. There was always the hope of the police finding him. But another, newer part of him shuddered at the idea of Dean being caught on his account.
Dean blasted classic rock, Sam complained. Then there was a kind of companionable silence between the brothers.
Castiel thought of Gabriel again. Gabriel who had always been there for him, loved him, even when he was lazing, half naked, half asleep on Castiel's couch, he was still affectionate. He made jokes, helped him study. Honestly, he never would have made it through Paradise Lost without Gabriel's dramatic reenactments of Lucifer's fall from grace. When they were kids, he used to get hell at school. He was always the odd one out, the weirdo. But at the end of the day, when he walked home, biting back tears, Gabriel would catch up with him, and comfort him with a grin and a firm hug. Out of all his siblings, Gabriel was the kindest. Castiel missed his big brother more than he could say.
"Well I don't know about you, Sammy, but I'm starved." Said Dean.
"Yeah? Well what do you want? Our faces are all over the news, we can't just pop into a diner."
"I dunno." Dean shrugged. "We'll do drive-through. Can't see our faces if we're in the car."
"And what about Castiel?"
Dean turned to look back at his captive. "Hey, Cassie, you like burgers right?"
Castiel didn't know how to respond.
"Well I know you like not getting shot in the face, so let's make a deal. You be a good little hostage and lie down in the back, don't make a fucking sound, and I'll give you a bit of my burger. How's that?"
The captive nodded. With all the mobility of an earthworm, Castiel heaved himself off the seat and lay down on the floor.
"See, Sammy, he's so well behaved!" Dean cooed.
The drive-through went smoothly. Dean ordered two cheeseburgers. Sam grumbled and Dean told him to shut up and eat his junk food. The wait for the food was tense. Castiel felt it too, there was the worry of being recognized, of being caught over something stupid like a burger.
"Thank you sweetheart." Dean said, presumably to the worker who handed over the food –Castiel couldn't see. There was an audible sigh of relief in the car as they pulled away.
"You can get up now Cassie." Dean said.
"I can't." He replied. It was true, once he was down there he was stuck.
Dean chuckled. "When we get out of town I'll let you back up. 'Till then why don't you just chill out on the floor."
It wasn't as if Castiel was in a position to argue; so stay on the floor he did. He felt the unevenness of the road against his cheek and wondered if he was going to die, or if he minded.
Really, what would it matter to anyone else if he died? Oh, sure, the media would love it, for a while. The search for Castiel Novak, coming to an abrupt end when they found his body, bound, shot in the back of the head in some ditch in Nebraska. Gabriel would cry. The other Novak children might also, but only for a little while. His father might not even care. He had never been the favorite son, or even one to stand out of he crowd of other siblings. And it wasn't as if he had friends. No, if he died it would be a tragedy for only a very few. Even Gabriel would move on. Perhaps letting the Winchesters kill him wouldn't be the worst thing. At least he'd go out with a bang.
"This'll do." Dean pulled the car over abruptly. "Sam, could you go 'round back and sit Cassie back up again?"
The younger Winchester sighed heavily but complied. He pulled Castiel back up to the seat, not meeting his eyes.
"Aw shit Cassie, I forgot to save you some of my burger!" Dean moaned.
He said nothing but looked down. He hadn't eaten in days. How long now? Four. Four days and the Winchesters had not fed him once. He didn't complain.
"I'm gonna go use the bathroom." Sam said, making for the woods.
"You gotta go Cassie?" Dean asked, looking back.
"No." There wasn't enough inside of him for anything to need to come out.
Dean leaned back in his seat. He had a boyish look in his eyes, a little wistful, dreamy, but alive. "You got parents?" He asked.
"Yes. A father."
"Mom dead?"
"Gone."
"That sucks. Our mom's dead, Sammy's and mine. Died in a house fire when we were just kids."
"I'm sorry." Castiel didn't know why he was offering comfort to a serial killer, and his kidnapper.
"It's fine. We get by. Can't say the same for Dad of course, nah, he drank himself to death a couple years back. Not a big tragedy. Guy was a pretty shit father come to think of it. Still, taught us kids how to hunt. Without that we never would've learned how to kill." Dean was rambling. "Why am I even telling you this?" He asked as if he expected an answer. "Doesn't matter. What about your Dad, Cassie? He good? You think he'll miss you?"
"My father is a very good, very busy man. He's a CEO, you see. And he has nine other children besides me."
Dean let out a low whistle. "Ten kids? Ain't they got birth control where you come from?"
"My father is very religious."
"Humph. Ten kids." Dean repeated. "Crazy. Y'know Cassie, you're a good boy. I like you, you're interesting. Hell, I'll be a little sorry for this road trip to end."
Would that it never had to end, thought Castiel. Would that he could go on with the Winchesters forever and never have to face this awful fate.