MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS!
This chapter ends kinda sad but...hi...?
lol here:
The day before Christmas Eve, at eight in the morning, Katniss comes barreling down the stairs in a white flowing dress and a tan boots that go to her shin and a tan sweater. She's practically glowing with excitement. It's eight in the morning and she's got this big goofy grin on her face. I'm standing in the doorway and she walks right over to me and kisses me with my face in her hands and then hugs me and pulls away.
"Hi!" She grins.
"Hi. What's got you all excited?"
"Christmas time. I love it so much. I'm going out, I'll be back in a few hours." She says, running her fingers through my curls. "It's so boring in here! Open the blinds and windows! Light up the house!" She opens every single window and all the blinds and stops in the kitchen for a bagel.
"Where are you going?" I ask suspiciously. Her amazing mood is putting everyone else in a good mood. She just smiles the sweetest smiles I've ever seen on her lips.
"Just out." She grins again.
"Okay..." I trail off. She spins in a circle and takes a deep breath. As she spins, her dress billows out around her. She kisses me three more times before picking up her purse and walking out of the house.
KATNISS'S POV
I am in such a good mood. It's nice and chilly out today, and everything with Ellen has blown over. I don't feel a single bit of stress, and people keep complimenting me. They don't think our love is fake anymore. I'm actually going to pick up his gift. Peeta's, I mean. I'm stopped multiple times to take pictures with people and I do it willingly. I haven't shut myself in a room for a while and I don't plan on it.
I'm getting Peeta this necklace that's made of pure gold and it opens up into a locket with three parts. I'm putting both of us in the best pictures I could find that are guaranteed to make him smile. I had it made and now I'm going to pick it up and then I'm stopping at the store to go grocery shopping. The necklace is more than a thousand dollars and I have no problem paying it. I put it in my purse and head to the store.
PEETA'S POV
I'm extremely nervous for Katniss to come home because I'm worried she's going to be upset.
But she isn't. She comes in with a huge grin again and goes into the kitchen with groceries. I get the rest from her car and nearly run into her on her way back to the car. "That's all of them baby," I tell her.
"Thanks," she kisses me and goes into the kitchen again. I follow her and help her put away the groceries. She can't seem to stop smiling.
"Alright…" I shut the fridge, pulling her to a stop. She flinches and then her eyes widen and she backs up. "What? Why did you flinch?" I ask.
"Flinch? I didn't flinch." She giggles nervously and backs further away from me.
KATNISS'S POV
Dammit. I was doing so good hiding the bruises he left on accident. "Katniss, what happened?" he asks.
"Nothing," I giggle again and back further away.
PEETA'S POV
What happened to her and why won't she tell me? Who hurt her? I'll beat their ass.
"Katniss," I reach for her hand but she dives around me and presses a button on the wall. It slides out of the way, revealing that secret passage. She's halfway in before I grab her waist.
"No Peeta!" she screams. "It's nothing! Get away!" she pushes me but I roll up both her sleeves, sitting her down in the hole in the wall. She looks panicked.
There are finger marks on her biceps. Both of them.
I'm about to ask her who did this when it clicks.
Me. I did this.
"Stop!" I say as she thrashes viciously around in my arms. "Stop it!" She thrashes a bit more and I tighten my grip on her biceps.
"You hurting me," she says angrily. I loosen my grip to almost nothing. Johanna stands up and retrieves her cell phone.
"I'm not deleting shit." She storms off upstairs. "Look who's running away now!" Katniss screams after her.
"FUCK YOU!" Johanna shouts before her door slams.
I open my mouth to say something, but she steps away from me. "Don't you dare tell me to apologize!" she goes back into her office and slams the door.
I hurt her. The one person that I can't live without has bruises because of me.
"Peeta, please just lis-"
"I'm going home…"
"Peeta." She whispers, grabbing at my hand. "Don't leave me." she looks like she's going to cry. "You didn't do it on pur-"
"I…" I shake my head and walk out the front door.
KATNISS'S POV
Did he just break up with me? No. This can't possibly be happening. I hear his engine start up and the house is silent as it disappears. I roll my sleeves back down, stand up, suck up the pain and go back into the living room. I start to put the pickles away, but they slip from my hands and the jar shatters. "God dammit!" I shout. I may be small, but I'm strong. I pick up the kitchen chair and throw it at the wall, slamming the fridge closed. I clutch the counter and lean over the sink with a tight grip.
"Katniss?" Mom asks quietly behind me. "Honey, what happened?"
"He fucking left mom, because when he was holding me back when Johanna and I were fighting, he left bruises on my arms! He fucking left!"
"He left bruises on you?" she asks.
"Yes!" I pull off the sweater. "I was doing so fucking good covering them up!"
Johanna walks into the kitchen. "Go after him." She says.
PEETA'S POV
"Such a terrible fucking person!" I throw a wine glass at the wall in frustration. "Abuse! This is abuse! I fucking abused my fucking fiancé! What the fuck!" I throw another glass and purposely step in the shards. My arms are covered in cuts because I want to feel the pain I made her feel. I shout in anger and break another glass, and theme four plates and then purposely step in the remains again. I roll around in the remains.
Then the front door slams and Katniss walks right into the kitchen. I'm covered in cuts. She let's out a small squeak and then tears start sliding down her cheeks. "We need to break up." I tell her. She hands me the ring back and takes my hand and pulling me to the master bathroom. "Katniss. Get out. Go away. Go home!" I shout at her.
"I will in a little while. I promise."
KATNISS'S POV
He isn't thinking. That much I clear. I give him the ring though because we're technically not together anymore. I know he'll be back. I'm going to wait forever.
I silently pick the glass out of him and clean the wounds and cover him in bandages. I make him lay down in his bed.
"Katniss. Leave. Please just go." He whispers.
"Alright," I kiss his forehead. "I'll wait forever Peeta. I love you." I go own stairs and clean up all the glass and blood and go home.
"Well?" Mom demands when I walk into the living room.
"We broke up." I shrug and walk into the kitchen. The groceries are away and the glass is off the floor.
"Your not even upset?" Johanna asks.
"No. He'll be back. He was rolling in glass when I got there."
"He what!" Mrs. Mellark exclaims.
"He was rolling in glass. Don't worry, he's fine. He told me we were breaking up, I gave him the ring, cleaned him up, put him in bed, kissed his forehead, told him I'd wait, cleaned up the blood and glass and left."
"And why are you so sure he'll be back?" Mom demands.
"Because I know him better than anyone in the world. I know him better than he knows himself. He'll be back when he's healed. When you guys go home don't pester him. Don't talk to him unless he talks to you. I bet, when he's healed, he'll sneak into my room in the middle of the night. And he won't be here for Christmas unless he's healed. You guys watch. I'm going to be right. When your coming over tomorrow and every other day don't be like 'are you sure your not coming to Katniss'?' because that's going to pressure him. Just let him be, you'll see."
...9...
Christmas morning rolls around and when everyone but Peeta comes, they all look worried.
"Katniss I think he's going to kill himself. He won't stop crying and he doesn't come down to eat." Mrs. Mellark says.
"He's fine. Trust me, you'll see." I assure her. They don't look convinced. Everyone opens their gifts and there's squeals of excitement from the kids. Hugs and kisses are exchanged from everyone, and then we all start in on breakfast. I wish Peeta were here but I know he'll be back when he's back to Peeta. The cut will probably heal tomorrow or today. I think tomorrow. Everyone is talking about their gifts and I got a few shirts and a necklace. I don't really need anything. If I did I'd go get it. I'm in a red dress, my hair is left down and I didn't put on any makeup. I hear the front door slam and I smirk. We're standing in the living room.
"Katniss!" Peeta shouts. He comes storming into the living room. "Why the hell did you leave?" He demands.
"You told me we were breaking up and you told me to get out so-" he kisses me.
"Why the fuck did you listen to me?" He demands.
"Because-" he kisses me again.
"Because why?" He demands.
"Because-" he kisses me again.
"God dammit Katniss. Don't listen to me. I don't know what I'm thinking. Put the fucking ring back on and stop listening to what I tell you to do!" He snaps.
"Okay but-" he kisses me again, rougher this time, for so long that I'm lightheaded and breathless when he releases me.
"But what? Why do you listen to me? Don't fucking listen to me! Are you crazy?"
"Peeta, you own-" he kisses me. Again. "Dammit!" I push away from him. "Stop interrupting-" he kisses me again.
"Don't tell me what to do."
"I thought I wasn't supposed to listen to you." I reply smartly. He grits his teeth. People are smirking behind us. Then he just kisses me again.
"Don't listen to me. Don't ever fucking leave again, do you hear me? Don't willingly give me the fucking ring and leave!" He snaps.
"I'm sorry, I just-" he kisses me and I let him until he has to breath. "Are you done or-" he kisses me again. He picks me up.
"We're going upstairs. Don't bother us." He continues to make out with me as he goes upstairs. He shuts the door and locks it with his elbow and carries me off to my bed. "Don't listen-to me-again." He groans between kisses. He digs in his pocket with one hand and puts it on my right hand.
"That's the-wrong hand." I mumble between kisses. He slides the ring off again and puts it in the right hand, wrong finger. "Wrong, Peeta!" I gasp as I force his lips off mine when he starts kissing down my jaw to my earlobe and down to my neck.
"Hmm?" He moves back to my lips.
"Peeta," I put my hands on his chest. "Wrong finger." I lift my hand in his face and he pulls the ring off and puts it on my ring finger. He pulls at my dress and the. Just rips it in half and tosses it on the floor.
"I'll buy you a new one."
...m...
Okay, it's official. I love makeup sex.
"Never listen to me." He whispers.
"Kay," I mumble.
"Oh yeah, will you get back together with me? I was going to ask you when I walked in the door but I saw you in that dress." He mumbles. I laugh dryly.
"So everyone goes home tomorrow..." I begin.
"Yeah?" He asks.
PEETAS POV
"Are you still going to fuck me on my desk?" she asks.
"Okay...but you have to come home with me tomorrow. I've always wanted to fuck you on my couch, but there's always some sort of interruption." I mumble.
"Deal." She whispers. "So I've been thinking..." She stands up and pulls on a lacy black bra and matching panties. Then she strips down again. "Hang on." She walks into the bathroom and the shower starts. Five minutes later, she comes out wrapped in a towel. "I've been thinking." She begins again. "Do we actually have to do what my family does?"
"What does your family do?" I ask. She drops her towel and pulls on a red lacy bra and matching panties. A matching thong. I take a deep breath and she snickers.
"They wait to get married to live together. I don't want to do that. I love you Peeta and we're always sleeping over at one another's houses. What's the point in waiting?"
"You want to move in together?" I ask, standing up. She picks up the ripped dress and drops it on the floor again.
"I mean...do you want to?" She asks.
"Yes..." I trail off.
"Well...let's do it them. The only problem is Johanna. I love her to death...but..."
"But you don't want her as a roommate anymore." I answer.
"Right..." She sighs.
"Who's house though?" I ask.
"Well...to be honest, this house scares the fuck out of me. I hear noises at night and I was reading up on it and...do you believe is ghosts?" I ask.
"Kind of...I believe in spirits. Why?"
"I was reading up on it and this kid died of leukemia. He was only seventeen." I take a deep breath.
"Well...why don't we both move out and get completely new houses?" I ask.
"Good idea."
...9...
KATNISS'S POV
People stare at us when we go back downstairs and it's really quite irritating.
I know that my family is probably mad at me because technically we're not supposed to lose our virginitys until we're married. They don't even like kissing before your married.
And now I'm about to tell them that I'm breaking the number one family rule. Peeta runs his hand up and down my arm gently because he knows I'm nervous.
"Brainless I think I'm gonna move." Johanna says. "This house is fucking creepy."
"I'm moving too." I reply. "With Peeta,"
"What?" Grandma asks. My parents are the only ones that think the rules are stupid. They still followed them though.
"Here we go." Prim mutters under her breath.
"I said I'm moving in with Peeta." I repeat. My parents sigh and all my uncles and aunts look at me in shock. Haymitch and Cinna and Aunt Portia think it's stupid too.
She laughs, "Your joking, right?" Grandma asks.
"No." I reply.
Her eyes flash anger, and everyone that thinks the rules are stupid sigh, and then they all mutter 'brace yourselves'.
She stands up.
"No your not." She snaps.
"Yes I am." I reply.
"No you are not! I forbid it!"
"Your not my parents and I'm twenty one. I can do what I please."
"I can't let you. Your not my Granddaughter. Your so...so disobedient."
"Thank you," I reply cooly. "That's means a lot."
"And your arrogant. And disrespectful and selfish."
I laugh cynically. "Really? Last time I checked, you've been sleeping in my house, eating my food. Under my roof. You can say what you want, but I'm not arrogant, disrespectful or selfish. If I was, I wouldn't have you in my house. I wouldn't be feeding you and I sure as hell wouldn't have bought your plane ticket. Now, I'm moving in with Peeta whether you like it or not. You can shun me, or you can suck it up and deal."
She narrows her eyes. "I'll shun you. Goodbye." She retrieves her luggage from upstairs and walks out of the house.
"So much damn drama. Let's jut forget about it and celebrate the holiday without any more drama." I open the blinds and the windows and go into the kitchen to set up lunch. Peeta helps me.
"Katniss, what happened to that red dress? I really loved it." Prim says when lunch is served.
"It's ripped." I reply.
"What? How did it rip?" Mrs. Mellark asks. I finish chewing and swallow carefully.
"Peeta couldn't get it off fast enough." I shrug. Peeta's face goes beat red and he looks down.
"He ripped that beautiful dress?" Mrs. Mellark gasps. "Peeta Ryan!" She scolds.
"It's no big deal. I'll just get another one." I defend Peeta. I'm standing right behind him. I thread my fingers in his hair. He curses under his breath and stands up.
"I have to go home for something." He says.
"Katniss why don't you go with him? We can handle things on our own for a bit." Mom says. I look to Peeta. He nods. I jog upstairs and get my purse and go back down. He grabs my hand and pulls me to the car.
I watch him, as he drives. He will occasionally look at me and smile my smile.
"Like what you see?" He teases.
"Yes." I reply. He smiles again and looks back at the road. I can't seem to draw my eyes off his face.
"Alright, what is it?" He asks after ten minutes of me gazing at him.
"I love you." Then I look out the window.
We pull into his garage. "I wish we could stay here alone. Forever. I don't like having to please people. The only person I want to please is you." He cups my cheeks in both hands. Softly, he dips down and connects our lips. Warmth spreads slowly throughout my whole body. My eyes flutter closed and I take a step closer so we're right against one another.
Halfway through the day, we go back to my house. My grandmother came back. She pays no attention to me. We move to the kitchen, Peeta and I, and start Christmas dinner. People come in to help us. "Kat, wash the veggies." Peeta says. I grab the bowl of veggies and turn on the sink, douse the veggies in soap and start to wash them. He smacks the back if my hand playfully.
"Don't smack me!" I smack him back.
"You don't use soap to wash them." He laughs.
JOHANNAS POV
Brainless' grandmother walks into the kitchen.
"He just smacked her and she said 'don't smack me' and she smacked him back. I don't like that. He's going to put her through the wall." She says to Mrs. Everdeen. She starts to tell everyone that Peeta is going to put Katniss through the wall. She tells me, and I laugh and roll my eyes.
"Your fucking crazy, old bag. Peeta would never hurt her." I laugh.
KATNISS'S POV
"Katniss, I want to talk to you." Grandma says behind me.
"Can it w-"
"Now." She says.
Shit. I'm in trouble. My grandma is the alpha of the family. She doesn't care how old you are and she doesn't care what day it is. She will scream at you, even on Christmas. Peeta catches my eye and I sigh. He's clearly warning me. He spent one holiday with my family and I can tell he wanted to go home the whole time. I don't blame him. My family is easily stressed and when they're stressed, they get snippy.
I sigh and follow her into the hall. It's in hearing range and I can tell that this is going to be a really bad fight.
"He's going to put you through the wall." She says.
I frown, "who?" I ask.
"Peeta. He's abusive."
"What! He is-"
"Katniss, he left bruises all up and down your arms and he just hit you. I watched him." She says.
"Peeta is not going to put me through-" I start loudly, more pissed than ever.
"Yes he is. Your Aunt Portia's ex wife out her in a coma for a month." She snaps.
"Okay, and?" I snap.
"He's going to kill you." She says loudly. I can hear the house silent and the sink has shut off. I know Peeta's listening.
"No he is-"
"Stop arguing with me!" She shouts.
"Are you joking! You don't even know Peeta! You don't know what your fucking talking about!" I shout right back at her.
"Your Aunt Portia's ex husband-" she begins, shouting.
"Is not Peeta!"
"He left bruises all up and down-"
"Because I was going to fucking kill Johanna if he hadn't pulled me back!" I shout.
"He didn't have to pull you back to the point where he left bruises!" She shouts. "Is he strong enough to put you through a wall, yes or no!"
"Yes but that doesn't mean-"
"It means he's going to do it! He left bruises on you and he fucking smacked you! Has he raped you? You better not lie!"
"No he hasn't raped me!" I shout. "I love him-"
"And I just don't want him to hurt you." She says.
"He will never hurt me. He wouldn't even think if hurting me. Ever." I snap.
"How do you know he wouldn't hurt you? You don't. You can't possibly know that." She shouts.
"I can know that! I do know that! You don't know him! The only fucking reason I'm still a part of this damn family is because of Haymitch, Cinna, Portia, and Prim! That's it!"
"How do you know he loves you? Aside from him telling you, how do you possibly know?" She demands loudly.
"How do I know? Oh, maybe because he'll locked himself in a room with me until he starves to death just so he can hold me while I cry. Or maybe the fact that my damn name is tattooed on his arm! Or maybe because he buckles me in every fucking time we're in the car together and puts it as tight as it will go, insisting that if we were to get in a car accident, I would live. Or maybe, when I wanted to kill myself in high school because of the shit this family puts me through, I went to him. I snuck into his bedroom in the middle of the night and he talked me through it. Because he saved my damn life. I love him. He won't hurt me. He's my life. Without him...I'm empty. I'm left with nothing. You can ask Johanna. She's a witness to that. He's the love of my life, and you know what, I know he's probably blaming himself for accidentally hurting me right now, even though he didn't do anything wrong. He's the reason I'm alive fighting with you right now. Don't say he's going to put me through the wall when you haven't even seen him behind a closed door." I started out screaming, and ended up speaking normally. She's got her arms crossed stubbornly and her eyes are narrowed.
"I didn't know you wanted to kill yourself in high school." She says quietly.
"I didn't just want to. I went to his house, crying my eyes out with a bottle of sleeping pills. I asked him to stay with me until it was over. That was the first night I ever saw him cry. He didn't say anything for a long time. Then he dumped the pills on the floor and smashed them to nothing. He got rid of the powder leftover out the open window. That was the first time I ever saw him cry."
"What did he do after that?" She asks. She's softer, and I know I've broken through.
"He held me for three days straight and refused to let me go. He wouldn't even leave me alone to go to the bathroom and practically forced me to eat."
To be honest, I like Mr. And Mrs. Mellark much better than my own parents.
"That seems a bit abusive, don't you think?"
"Are you fucking-you know what? I'm done with this conversation. Get out of my fucking house before I call the police and tell them you're refusing to leave." I open the front door. She looks pissed. Then she grabs her stuff and walks out the front door. I slam it behind her.
"Anyone else going to fucking tell me he's going to put me through the wall, too?" I shout angrily. Peeta brushes past me, his head ducked as he heads right for the door. I press the 'safe mode activated' and his hand freezes on the doorknob. "Your not leaving." I tell him. He doesn't look up. "I forbid it." I cross my arms stubbornly. He sighs and scrubs at his cheeks; and that's when I realize he's crying.
This is the second time I've seen him cry. Sure I heard him crying when he left those voicemails when we broke up. I stop the safe mode activated and pull his hand off the doorknob.
Mrs. Mellark sees he's crying and then says, "You two go on upstairs. We'll finish dinner."
...9...
I've never actually saw him this upset. Ever. I don't mind comforting him. He's always comforting me, and I like to comfort him. He isn't crying. Not hysterically, but his eyes are brimmed with tears. I think he wants to just let it out but he doesn't want to do it around me. I run my fingers through his hair, my lips pressed to the top of his head every now and then.
"I don't think we should get married." He finally speaks. He isn't out of it, and he's speaking seriously. "I love you more than anything or anyone or...I don't even know how much I love you. But I'm hurting you. I left bruises on you. I hit you. I don't want to hurt you. I really think we should break up." He lifts his head off my shoulder.
"Peeta, why..." I struggle for words as my ADHD mind flies. "No Peeta. I love you so much. I love you more than I can even know. Your not hurting me. The only reason I had those bruises was because I was going to get thrown in jail for beating Johanna and I was uncontrollable. And you did not smack me! We were playing Peeta! I was an idiot because I literally washed the veggies! You talked my hand and I did it back! Why the hell are you listening to her. Peeta, if you leave..." I take a deep breath, admitting the truth. "I'll kill myself."
He shakes his head.
"Don't try and guilt me." He says.
"Peeta-" I start, pleading.
"No Katniss. No. We're done. Over. You can keep the ring. I still love you."
And then he's gone.
The only thought I can think of is...I wasn't kidding. I will kill myself without him.
...a...
"BRAINLESS OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR RIGHT NOW!" Johanna screams. I've been in here for four days and I don't let myself sleep, I don't eat and I don't drink.
I hope I die, to be honest. There isn't a person in the world that I hate more than my grandmother.
Sadly, everyone is staying in town now because of me.
"Katniss." Johanna sounds like she's crying. "Please. Your all I've got. Don't kill yourself. Come on Kat, please don't end it."
I want to so badly, but I can't find any pills. The Mellark's and Peeta's band aren't here anymore. They're probably at his house.
I continue to rummage through the cabinets till I find a bottle of sleeping pills. I grin. Finally. I hate everything and everyone except for Peeta but he doesn't want me even though he loves me and if I can't have him I don't want to live. I rattle the bottle to see how many are in there. Johanna must hear, because she starts screaming and I hear her crying and screaming bloody murder and then there's a ton of voices outside the door.
Fucking idiots. I'm going to die and there's nothing they can do about it. I open the bottle and dump it into my hand. Ten huge liquid horse pills. They're huge.
Good, they're strong too. I down all ten with water.
My last though is how much I love Peeta, and then I'm dead.
Don't get mad about Peeta having some problems. Don't call him a baby for crying. Don't say Katniss is overreacting. Please just keep it inside.