18: Dark Matter

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After practice Otae announces that she will be baking Christmas cookies for everyone today as a special treat.

There is a mass exodus of the dojo, with quick excuses and rapid good-byes, until only a handful remain to be Otae's culinary victims.

"You don't have to do that, sister," Shinpachi says, trying to mask his panic. "Everyone's already had enough sweets for the day with all the macadamia nuts."

Otae pulls a cookbook off the shelf. "Nonsense, Shinpachi. Christmas is all about being generous. And I want to share cookies with my friends."

"I like Tae-chan's cooking," Kyuubei says and blushes.

"And you're the only one!" shouts Gintoki. "Like hell I'm gonna eat more "dark matter" and get stomach cramps!"

Otae looks almost ready to cry.

Kondo laughs boisterously. "Of course Gintoki is only joking. We all love Otae's cooking." He subtly kicks Hijikata's leg. "Don't we?"

"Yes, Otae's cooking is the best," says Sougo, inching towards the door. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think I need to go sharpen my sword."

"Just a minute, Sougo," Hijikata says, catching him by his jacket lapel. "If I'm going to enjoy Otae's cooking, then you should too."

"Excellent. I'll start a batch right now."

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Half an hour later, Otae emerges from the kitchen, proudly holding a steaming tray of …blackened-crisp-chocolate chip cookies.

Kondo sets out plates for everyone. "Oh, those look wonderful, Otae. What flavor are they, chocolate?"

"More like space-junk flavored, or chocolate-death-chip," mumbles Gintoki, turning green.

Everyone takes a cookie. Gintoki covers his in enough whipped cream to cover a gingerbread village, and Hijikata covers his in mayo. They all try not to make faces are they eat, except for Kyuubei, who blissfully asks for seconds with a genuine smile on her face.

When Hijikata doesn't look as green as everyone else, Sougo peeks under the table cloth.

"Hijikata, you must have added too much mayo and accidentally dropped your cookie under the table," Sougo says, oh-so-innocently picking up the blackened crisp and placing it back on Hijikata's plate.

"Sougo-"

"There's no need to thank me, Hijikata. I wouldn't want you to miss out on Otae's Christmas cookies."

And everyone, except Kyuubei, Kagura, and Otae, spends the rest of the evening covertly vomiting dark matter into the bushes.