Hi all. This is a bit of a filler chapter, and is quite short but hopefully is OK. Hope you enjoy and please review if you have time.
Monday Afternoon, Holby City Hospital
Darwin
Jac exited theatre for the second time that afternoon, leaving Oli to finish up with Mr Watkins. Jonny, still, amazingly in his honest opinion, with his head attached to his shoulders, watched her knowing exactly where she would head – straight to Bay 1 to spend time with Jil. It was the pattern of how things had been since she'd returned from the labs, holding Jil's hard (for the lab staff) won results in her hand. He had seen immediately that there was something in them that worried her but also that she was trying desperately not to show this – whether for Jil's, the other staff on the ward or her own benefit he couldn't really tell. She hadn't seemed surprised to see him there, sitting by Jil's bed, nearly an hour early for his shift but it was obvious to him that she was on a knife edge, which made the prospect of the conversation he was going to have to have with her even more daunting.
"I'll leave you to it." He had said, smiling at both of them, which earned him a beam from Jil, and a small, tight smile from Jac which he realised didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Thanks Jonny." Jil said, "He's been keeping me company" she explained to Jac, still smiling, "he's really good at it you know."
"Well I suppose he's got to be good for something" came Jac's reply, quick as a flash, but tempered with a smile, aimed in his direction, that was real this time. And Jonny was so relieved that, at least in some ways, she was still being the Jac he knew and loved that he didn't even think to take offence, instead saying
"If you need anything I'll be at the nurse's station," before, after the briefest of pauses when he again wondered if he really was going to do this, adding "And I need to talk to you when you're finished here – it's important."
"OK," Jac said looking at him, a puzzled expression fleetingly playing over her face before she turned her attention back to Jil and the test results in her hand.
"So what do those tests say?" Jonny heard Jil ask as he pulled the curtains around her bed space. He didn't stay around to hear Jac's reply, realising that he now only had a matter of minutes to figure out what he was going to say to Jac.
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As it turned out the conversation didn't go even half as badly as he'd expected. Although he was more than happy to admit this had very little to do with him. When Jac finally appeared at the nursing station and looked at him expectantly, he still hadn't thought of a way to broach the topic, but realising that she definitely wouldn't want to talk about it on the ward, he got up and walked to her office. This seemed to arouse her suspicions so as soon as he mentioned her afternoon theatre list, it was as if a switch had flicked in Jac's mind. 'Are you worried that all this, with Jil, will effect me?' she'd asked.
'Well,' he'd prevaricated, 'maybe – I mean it's obvious you've got a lot on your mind and well I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit concerned.'
'Jonny' Jac had said, sounding more hurt than angry, 'do you really think I'd operate if I thought I wasn't up to it.'
'No, of course not!' Jonny had replied definitely, and meaning it. 'I know if you think you're OK to operate then you will be. I suppose I'm just asking if you actually think you are?'
There was a pause, and Jonny could see that Jac was really considering what he had asked her before she replied "Yes I'm sure. I think it might help actually – when I'm in surgery that's the only thing I focus on you see, there's nothing else. Does that make sense?'
"Yes, perfectly' Jonny replied, realising how much that answer explained about Jac and her seemingly relentless striving to always do more, be better. Surgery was her escape route, enabling her to focus only on something she knew she excelled at, and to stop thinking about all those other things in her life that were so much more uncertain.
'If Mo's still worried' Jac added, correctly guessing from where Jonny's concerns had stemmed, 'you can tell her she can scrub in just in case.'
'Will do' Jonny replied, smiling, before pulling her in to a hug and kissing the top of her head.
'What was that for' Jac asked, her voice muffled by Jonny's top.
'Oh, surely you must know," he replied, slowly releasing her from his arms, 'I've been desperate to do that since I saw you on Saturday evening.' And Jac, knowing that this was true but also aware that this wasn't the only, or even the main reason for his actions smiled up at him and brushed his lips with hers before saying simply
'Thank you' and then, walked away from him towards the door, saying 'I suppose I ought to get some lunch if I'm going to be operating all afternoon.' Only to be stopped just before she reached the door by Jonny catching hold of her hand and giving it a small, comforting squeeze, which earned him another smile before she finally headed out of the door towards the ward exit.