Next chapter, and I think it goes off the boil a bit towards the end (sorry) but hopefully you'll still understand what I'm trying to get . Enjoy, and as ever please review...
Thursday afternoon, Darwin
"Are you sure it can wait till tomorrow?" Jac asked Elliott as they left the side room, the anxiety evident in her voice.
"As sure as I can be" Elliott replied, "her obs have stabilised and her presentation has definitely improved since I saw her this morning."
"But she's still not well is she?" Jac persisted "and I know she'd rather wait till tomorrow, but then she'd wait till hell froze over if it meant Robin would stand a better chance. The baby" she explained, seeing the confusion on Elliott's face. "But if delaying till tomorrow me…"
"Jac" Elliott interrupted, stopping to face her. "I have to be honest, it's marginal. You saw the ultrasound results and the MRI wasn't brilliant either. But she's holding her own and as I said her obs have improved, so yes I think it can wait until tomorrow. And I'm sure she's going to do everything she can to prove me right," he added, "and I don't need to tell you what difference that can make."
"No, no you don't." Jac replied. "Sorry, it's just"
"I know Jac, I know." Elliott said kindly, "you just want her to be OK."
"Yep," Jac said simply, but with so much feeling.
"Well then, we'd better get planning the theatre team hadn't we," Elliott continued, "only the best, yes."
"Yes." Jac said, smiling gratefully over at him – thankful to have something practical that she could do.
"Come on then" Elliott said, heading off towards their office, "we'll need to check the rotas, we might have to do some shuffling around."
"Ok, yep" Jac said, casting one last glance at the side-room before following Elliott. "I want Paul Rose as the gasser" she called after him, "only heads of departments will do for this op"
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Jonny popped in to check on Jil and was unsurprised to find her asleep, Daniel sitting by her bed reading a book. "Everything ok?" he asked.
"Yep, everything's fine" he replied. "Well, as fine as things can be I suppose," he added, shifting slightly in his chair, "considering."
"Yes, stupid question, sorry." Jonny said, beginning to imagine how he might feel if he was in Daniel's shoes, but then consciously distracting himself from the thought by checking the readings on Jil's monitors, because it really didn't bear thinking about. If that was Jac and their baby – he shuddered. "How long's she been asleep for?"
"About half an hour, 40 minutes I suppose." Daniel answered, looking at his watch. "She was shattered when she came back from the office, and I think that on top of the MRI just about finished her off."
"Yeah well, I'm not surprised," Jonny said, "she put on quite a performance in there – you'd barely have known there was anything wrong with her," he said thinking back to the scene he had witnessed earlier on that afternoon. Jil had, through the magic of the internet and a sheer force of will Jonny had never seen in anyone before, finally managed to speak to her nephews via Skype. However, because, no matter how much she harangued them, Jac had been unable to persuade the IT bods that Darwin needed to be wireless enabled Jil had had to go to Jac's office to make the call, and Jonny had been on hand to help. So he had seen how, in the blink of an eye or more precisely, the click of a mouse, Jil had become the smiling, fun-loving auntie her nephews must have known and loved. Somehow (and he still wasn't sure how – although he suspected it was least in part a combination of love and sheer bloody-mindedness) she had managed to disguise the fact that just moments before she had been receiving oxygen from a mask because of the effort she had expended in moving from the wheelchair to Jac's office chair, and that she had literally turned grey before his eyes when he'd helped her to move from her bed to the wheelchair.
"Yep, she can really turn it on when she needs to." Daniel replied, the smile he cast in her direction, not entirely hiding the worry. "She's tougher than she looks," he continued, and then after a pause, "just as well really…considering." Before reaching forward to gently touch her hand he looked up, and Jonny saw how scared he was. And once again he was forced to think how he would feel, how he would be if it was Jac, and although he knew he really had no idea how it was for Daniel, the imagining was enough to make him fervently hope that he never ever found himself in that position.
"You know she's in the best possible hands?" he said, trying to reassure and offer him some kind of comfort, "that they both are."
"Oh yes," Daniel assured him, "I've no doubt Jac's made sure of that."
"You can say that again." Jonny agreed, remembering the conversation she'd had with Professor Zeller when she'd informed him that 'of course you don't mind swapping your annual leave to another day. After all, I'm sure your golf buddies will be able to find someone else to make up the four.' Or the way she had only relented and agreed to let Mr Thompson be the obstetrician involved, when it had been pointed out to her how very unlikely it was that even she would be able to 'persuade' Mrs Walters to fly back from her daughter's wedding in the Maldives. And even then, it had only been Elliott's reminder that Mr T probably had the most experience in these sorts of cases that had stopped her at least phoning her to find out if it was possible. "You'd be amazed what people will do when Jac asks" he concluded.
"Mmmm, I'm not sure I would be actually," Daniel replied smiling. "I know how scary she can be. I definitely wouldn't fancy saying no to her."
"No, me either," Jonny agreed, relieved to see that Daniel didn't appear quite so scared now. "Although," he continued, "I do do it sometimes"
"Feel the fear and do it anyway," Daniel said, nodding.
"Mmm, something like that," he replied, smiling. Before continuing, "but all this talk of me being brave isn't getting my work done so I'd better get on I suppose. If you need anything, or Jil does, just come and find me though, or buzz OK?"
"Will do," Daniel replied, "and thanks."
"Hey," Jonny said, stopping by the door, "it's nothing, really," before he headed back to the nurse's station to check if Mrs Rainer's blood results had come through yet. And he realised how true that was as he waited, phone in hand, for the lab assistant to get back to him. He really hadn't been able to do much, say much to help and it hit him then again just how hard this must be for Jac, and he remembered how her feelings about that helplessness had manifested themselves earlier that day…...
Naturally Jac had been there, with Daniel, for the Skype session – ostensibly to speak to the boys, who she hadn't seen herself for some time, but more to keep on eye on Jil who, Jonny could tell, she was worried about. He hadn't been the only one to notice the strain it put on Jil to get to the office, and was sure that whatever concerns he had about how she'd cope with the call itself, were magnified by at least a thousand times for Jac. So when he'd left them in the office, the three of them crowding round Jac's desk, Jil, smiling with one of her best beams holding up Jac's paperclip bowl to show Nicholas that she hadn't been fibbing when she'd told him how useful it was proving to be for Auntie Jac, he hadn't expected to see her again till Jil was ready to go back to her room. So, when he exited bay two about ten minutes later and saw her standing outside her office door with her back to the ward he didn't quite know what to think. 'Surely', he thought, as he walked down the corridor towards her, 'they can't have finished already'. "Jac," he called out quietly, as he approached her, and when he received no response, repeated, his concern growing, "Jac…is anything the matter?" She still didn't answer him and now he had reached her, he could see that she was upset, but desperately battling not to show it. "Jac, sweetheart," he said again, reaching out to touch her shoulder, the concern he felt evident in his voice.
"Don't Jonny, please" Jac replied, an audible catch in her voice, before she expertly moved away from his touch, "not now." And she smiled sadly at him, and he realised that, just as before when Jil had had her first MRI, Jac was trying to keep herself together, and that somebody being nice would cause her to fall apart, which was something she just couldn't do now.
"Ok," he said, "but later, right?"
A small nod was the only answer he received but it was enough, and his heart almost broke when he saw Jac take a deep breath, straighten her shoulders and go into her office again, arming herself with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
True to her word she did seek him out later to explain what had been going on. The boys had, it turned out, assumed that Jac would be performing the surgery, and Christopher had said to Jil, with the confidence only a small child could show, that 'you'll be OK, cos Auntie Jac's going to fix you, and she's the best'. Then when Jil and Daniel had tried to explain why that wasn't going to happen, both realising that Jac was struggling, he had become upset and not even Assumpta's attempts to comfort him had worked and he had started to cry. His upset had transmitted itself to both Nicholas and Alexi, so that within a few moments all three boys were sobbing, with Christopher shouting through his tears that 'Auntie Jac has to do it, cos she's the best. Please, tell them – she's got to. Please Auntie Jac, you've got to, please." A plea which was taken up by Nicholas, so that both of them just kept repeating 'please Auntie Jac', until Jac had been unable to stand it anymore and had left the office, using her bleep as a means of escape.
Or 'taking the cowards way out', as she so brutally assessed her behaviour as she told Jonny the story in the staff room, sitting next to him on the couch nursing a cup of tea. 'I should have stayed' she said, 'Jil must have been just as upset as me, and I just left her to it.'
'But things had calmed down when you went back in, yes?' Jonny asked. And Jac nodded. 'So, maybe that was the best thing you could have done' he said, pulling her closer. And though he didn't think Jac was convinced, she had stopped beating herself up about it, openly at least, which was something. Not much, he owned, but something. And Jonny knew it wasn't just the boy's response to the news that Jac wouldn't, couldn't do the surgery that was causing her such upset, but her own he didn't know what – guilt maybe – that that was the case. Even though it went against all the rules and was, rationally speaking, a bad idea he knew that given the chance Jac would be in that operating theatre like a shot, and that the fact that she wasn't allowed to in her mind 'look after Jil' was almost more than she could bear.
His attention was brought back to the here and now by a voice on the other end of the phone and he realised that the lab assistant was telling him the results he'd been waiting for. "Erm sorry," he said, "could you say that again please? I didn't quite catch it." He heard the annoyed tut of the lab assistant, and was grateful that was all she did, he wasn't sure how he'd have responded to a sarcastic comment. "Thanks," he said after he'd scribbled down the results she'd repeated for him, "and you'll send those up when you can…OK, thanks. Bye." Then as he put the phone down, Jason handed him an envelope with somebody else's results in – taking it out he realised it was Mr Jamieson's scan report, and seeing Louisa walking past asked her to show it to Professor Hope. As he put it down he was reminded that he'd promised Jil he'd get her some envelopes, a request she'd somehow managed to ask of him just before he'd transferred her back to bed after the Skype session with her nephews. He hadn't needed to ask what they were for, guessing, from the way she whispered the question to him, so that Daniel and Jac wouldn't hear, that they were for her 'just in case' letters. Thinking of the letters reminded him of the 'big news' that had come from the Skype session - that Rob was coming down to be there for the operation, and should be at the hospital sometime that evening. And he remembered with a small smile of his own how happy Jac had looked when Jil had told him this news, and then when she had confidently continued, 'Oh, you're going to get on like a house on fire – he thinks Jac's wonderful too, you see.' he had seen Jac smile grow, and realised, once again, quite how much the Santini's meant to her.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
"And you're sure it can't wait until Monday?" Jil asked Elliott, who had once again popped in to see her before he went home.
"If I'm honest," Elliott answered, "I wasn't wholly convinced it could wait till tomorrow. So no, I don't think we should push our luck any further."
"It's just.." Jil began, her gaze moving to the drip stand, "a few more days might.."
"Jil," Elliott said, as kindly as he could, realising what she was getting at "I know that a few more days would mean that the baby's,"
"Robin" Jil quietly interrupted
"Robin's," Elliott repeated, "lung development would be better, but I really do not want this operation to become an emergency procedure, especially not over the weekend."
"I know," Jil said.
"Besides which," Elliott continued, "Jac's planned this like a military operation, down to the very last detail. And I wouldn't want to be the one to tell her that she'd got to cancel it and set it all up again for Monday."
"No," Jil said, smiling, "can't say I'd look forward to having that conversation either. But it's just…25 weeks – it's so early and even a few more days would make such a difference, especially because of the steroids" she finished, pointing at the drip stand once again.
"But you don't have a few more days," Elliott said definitely. "I am truly sorry but I really don't think we can afford to wait any longer. It'd be too much of a risk, and I'm not prepared to take that risk. And anyway we wouldn't want to upset all of Jac's carefully laid plans now would we? Well, actually I'd rather not upset Jac, full stop!"
"No, I suppose not," Jil said, with a small smile.
"So, I'll see you tomorrow then," Elliott concluded, standing up and gathering his papers together.
And Jil nodded, watching him before, after a pause where she seemed to be considering something, she said as he reached the door. "Professor Hope" and Elliott turned back to look at her, "can I ask a favour of you?"
"Well, you can ask," he replied.
"It's about Jac," Jil began, "I don't want her to be in the theatre tomorrow. I've already made her promise that she won't but…you might have to help her to keep that promise. And I don't want her sitting on those seats outside either," she continued earnestly, "she needs to be with my family – they'll help to keep her safe."
"I'll do my best then," Elliott said, "I promise."
"Thank you," Jil replied, smiling, "I'll see you tomorrow then."
"You will," Elliott said, opening the door "'til tomorrow."
And Jil watched as he walked off down the corridor, before seeing Daniel and her parents heading back towards her she fixed a smile on her face, and waved at them.