Hi All. Next chapter and it's a long one! It seemed to gain a life of its own as I was writing it and the bit in the middle with Jonny and Louisa is probably a bit much but I'd nearly written it all by the time I'd realised it was unnecessary and then I didn't want to get rid of it. (I always think its a shame we don't hear more from the regular Holby extras that we see every week in the background but who never seem to speak though, so maybe that explains it too.) We're nearly at the end of this story now - only another 3 or 4 chapters to go I think, so thanks to everyone who has stuck with and is still reading it, hope you enjoy this next installment! As ever, please review - it's really nice to know what people think of my scribblings...
Thursday evening, Jac's flat
"I'd not thought this through properly," Jac said to Daniel as they surveyed her lounge which, in their haste to leave that morning, they had left just as it had been when Jac had first awoken Daniel with the news of Jil's deterioration.
"What?" Daniel asked distractedly, as he entered the room and started to fold the quilt that was spread out over the sofa bed before, seemingly giving up, and sitting down at the end of it instead.
"Well," Jac said, joining him on the sofa bed. "Where are we all going to sleep? I've got to find somewhere to put Rob now, and I can't just offer him the floor, can I?"
"Well he can have the air bed" Daniel offered.
"And where are you meant to go then?" Jac said, pointing out the obvious flaw in that plan. "No, it's this" she continued, indicating the sofa bed "or nothing. But there's no way I can sleep on that" she said pointing at the airbed, "my knee just wouldn't stand it, or my back"
"Well there we are then," Daniel said cheerfully, "problem solved. One of us can share this with you." He concluded, patting the sofa bed.
"But don't you think it'll be a bit weird?"
"Well, I don't know – probably, a bit…but it's not as if Rob will be cheating on Sas, or me on Jil, is it? Needs must and all that."
"Yeah, I suppose." Jac answered, still not sounding particularly convinced.
"You know what I think we need?" Daniel said.
"No."
"A nice cup of tea – that'll help us reach a decision."
"That's your answer for everything" Jac replied.
"Yep, pretty much, after all there's noth…"
"Nothing a cup of tea can't help with, yep I know I know."
"Come on then" Daniel replied, standing up and offering her his hand to help her up. "To the kitchen..."
xxxxxx
When minutes later they were both sitting at the kitchen table nursing their aforementioned cups of tea, Daniel asked. "So, has it helped" indicating the mug, that Jac was warming her hands round.
"Yep, I think it has" Jac said definitely, standing up. "I've just had an idea that might make me feel a bit better about the whole sleeping arrangements thing"
"Oh yeah, and what might that be" Daniel called after her, as she headed down the hall towards, he presumed, the front door.
There was a slight pause before Jac replied, her voice growing louder as she approached the kitchen, "I'm going to text Jil and" she continued as she came into the room, phone in hand, and sat down again, "ask her what she thinks."
"OK, that sounds like a plan."
"And I suppose I ought to let Jonny know too," Jac said, continuing to tap out the message as she did so.
Daniel spluttered on the sip of tea he had just taken but finally managed to croak out. "You can't ask him that"
"Why not?" Jac asked innocently, looking up at him briefly. "He's always complaining that I don't consult him about anything, and here I am consulting him."
"Yes, but" Daniel tried to explain, "how would you feel if he asked you something like that?"
Jac seemed to consider the question before answering quite sincerely. "I don't think I'd mind too much – I mean as long as I knew sleeping was all he'd be doing obviously. And it's not as if he'd ever be doing anything else is it? I mean why would he?" she continued
"I think you might have missed my point." Daniel said.
"Oh, really?" Jac asked, genuinely puzzled. "What were you trying to say then?"
"Well it's just," Daniel struggled to explain. "It's not just that you'd be sleeping with someone else. Well I mean obviously it is that but…oh Jac, I just don't know how to expl.." He stopped in his tracks and then began again. "I think you're just going to have to trust me on this – Jonny will not want to be asked who you should be sleeping with tonight!"
"Oh," Jac said, looking up at him
"You've already sent the message, haven't you?" Daniel asked, recognising the look on Jac's face. She nodded, and continued to look over at him with an expression he recognised but couldn't have named on her face. "Well," he said, trying to reassure her, "never mind, I'm sure Jonny will be OK with it, he'll probably think it's funny actually."
"You think?" Jac asked, unconvinced.
"Yeah, course" he replied, with far more conviction than he felt, "I mean he's got a great sense of humour, hasn't he?"
"Well, he's always telling me he's funny, if that counts?" Jac said wryly.
"Ermmm, yeah, sort of." Daniel said, smiling over at her.
Jac's phone, which she'd put down on the table during their exchange buzzed and she picked it up. "Jil's replied," she said, opening up the text, her smile growing broader as she read it. "She reckons we should all top and tail together," she said, "that way I can be the rose between two thorns."
"She said that?" Daniel asked.
"Read it and weep" Jac replied nodding and handing him her phone.
"Cheeky mare!" exclaimed Daniel, as he read the text for himself. "I'll be having words with her tomorrow, you mark my words."
"No you won't," Jac said definitely. "You almost never 'have words' with her – she's got you wrapped round her little finger"
"It's true," Daniel said, smiling, "I'm wrapped so tight round her pinky she'll never be able to get me off. And that's kind of the point – she's stuck with me now. Absolutely no chance of escape for either of us."
"And neither of you would want it any other way," Jac exclaimed.
"Precisely," Daniel agreed, "it's a win-win situation every time, whichever way you look at it."
"I'll drink to that" Jac said, holding up her cup to chink with Daniel's. "To win-win situations," she said.
"Win-win situations," he repeated lifting his cup up and gently touching hers, before they had to put them down before they spilt the tea in them because they had both started to laugh.
And when, an hour or so later, Jac received Jonny's reply - one word followed by several exclamation marks – sent, she presumed, in his evening break, she had to smile. But didn't say anything to Daniel, preferring to keep his answer to herself, holding on to it tightly as a sign that, no matter what else was going on in her life, her and Jonny were doing OK.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Thursday night, Darwin
"Jonny," Louisa said as she returned to the nurse's station after completing the 15 minute obs round.
"Yep," he replied, looking up from the computer where he was catching up on his emails.
"Jil said that she'd like to see you when you've got a minute. No rush," she added, "just sometime before you go home."
"Oh right, thanks. If I do the next round of obs I can see her then, if you're ok with filing all these, that is?" he said, indicating a pile of reports that had come up to Darwin throughout the day.
"Oh yes, that's fine – it'll be nice to sit down for a bit actually. Although" she said, eyeing the pile, "weren't we meant to be paperless about two years ago?"
"Yep, but there'll be pigs flying before that ever happens. Doctors are much too attached to the concept of writing indecipherably to ever fully let go of their pens," he replied, before turning back to his emails. "Oh for godsakes, how often do they need to update the Clinical Relationships policy?" He exclaimed in response to one of the new messages in his inbox. "It's easy really – just don't shag the patients, and you'll be fine."
"I'm not sure it's quite that simple," Louisa said. "Aren't there all sorts of rules about patient's relatives too? And they're things in there about not letting any personal relationships you may be having with other members of staff affect your work."
"You seem to know a lot about it," Jonny commented.
"Yeah well, when I was working at St James' one of my managers kept banging on about it. David's a physio there," she explained seeing the puzzled look on Jonny's face.
"Oh right," Jonny said, "I knew he was one of us but wasn't sure quite what he did."
"Yeah, it was one of the reasons I moved here when this job came up – she just wouldn't let it drop. It wasn't even as if we saw each other that much, I mean he did come up to the ward but it wasn't like he was based there or anything. I had this theory she was just being nosey, living her life vicariously through other people's relationships – it was a bit weird sometimes."
"Like Imelda," Jonny said, shuddering slightly at the memory, "she wanted a list of all the staff members who were couples."
"I heard about that. Did you ever do one for her?"
"No I did not!" Jonny exclaimed. "Have you ever heard the like? It's just creepy if you ask me. No, she kept asking and I kept putting her off and then she was gone and Serena couldn't have given two figs about it. Although," he added, "I'm sure she knows all about them anyway, and Hanssen too – don't think much gets past either of them."
"No, think you're right about that - but I don't think he's as scary as he makes out you know. Jenny on Paeds said he's actually quite good with the kids on there when he's called in for a consult – not scary at all. They seem to really like him and they're generally very good judges of character."
"Yeah," Jonny said, remembering how supportive Mr Hanssen had been to Jac through the whole Jil thing, "he's definitely not a pushover, but I reckon he's got a good heart."
"Mmm, speaking of which," Louisa said, "I don't suppose there's anyone else with a good heart round here who'd go and get me a cup of tea before I start on this filing is there?"
"Aye, go on then, I'll get you one" Jonny said smiling, "these are doing my head in anyway. 42 new emails I had today and only about four of them are actually about things I needed to know – its ridiculous! White, one sugar?" he said getting up.
"Half, I'm trying to cut down – I know I should just give it up but it just tastes so horrible with none in, and sometimes I swear tea is the only thing that gets me through to the end of a shift."
"Amen to that," Jonny said, "although I think I might have to go the whole hog and have a coffee. I don't think tea's going to cut it this time. I'll be back in a minute" he said, heading towards the staff room.
xxxxxx
He returned, a few minutes later carrying two steaming cups, which he put down carefully on the desk. "One white tea, with half a spoon of sugar," he said.
"Oh, thanks. You went for the coffee then?"
"Oh yes!" Jonny said definitely. "There is no way tea would do the way I feel – only a real caffeine hit's going to keep me going 'til ten."
"You're off tomorrow though aren't you?" Louisa asked.
"Yes, but I'll be in anyway," he replied, continuing as he saw the puzzled look on her face, "for Jac. It's Jil's op tomorrow."
"Oh course!" Louise exclaimed, "I hadn't thought of that. Do you think she'll be alright?"
"Jil or Jac?" Jonny asked.
"Both I suppose."
"Well, Jil's got all the best people on her case and I'm sure they'll all be giving 100%, so she's in the best position she possibly can be, given the circumstances. And as for Jac…I don't know, but I'll be here to do what I can to make sure that she is."
"Ohh, that's so sweet" Louisa said.
"It's just what you do, isn't it? I mean, you'd be there for David if he needed you wouldn't you?"
"Like a shot. "
"Exactly," Jonny said, taking a small sip of his coffee and then, on finding it was just about drinkable, a full mouthful before, replacing the cup on the desk, he stood up. "Right, 15 minute obs here I come," he said, walking out of the nurse's station, "and can you ring the visiting bell if I'm not back on time please?"
"Of course," Louisa replied, "at half past eight exactly," she replied, remembering what a stickler Jonny was that visiting times should be respected.
"Yep, on the dot" he said smiling as he walked towards Bay 3, before he turned back and reaching over the desk placed an empty kidney dish on the top of his coffee. "To keep the heat in," he said in answer to the questioning look on Louisa's face, before turning round and heading back towards Bay 3.
xxxxxx
"Knock, knock," he said, as he peeped round the side room door."
"Jonny," Jil exclaimed, smiling happily over at him, "come in."
"Everyone gone then," Jonny, who had heard the visitor's bell ring about five minutes before, asked, as he entered the room.
"Yep, the Santini's have left the building." Jil confirmed.
"I'm sorry about Daniel and Jac," he said, noting down Jil's obs in her folder as he did so.
"Oh no, it's fine. It wouldn't be fair for me to be able to have five people when everyone else only gets two. As it is I was breaking the rules with having mum and dad and Rob here, so thanks for that."
"Hey, that's fine – I wasn't going to throw Rob out, not when he'd come all that way. And well, I wouldn't dream of asking your parents to leave," he explained, replacing her folder at the end of her bed.
"Did you get to speak to Rob much?" Jil asked.
"Not really, no." Jonny replied, remembering the stab of jealousy he had once again felt when he had seen Jac in the arms of yet another man. Literally swept off her feet by Rob who had picked her up and was hugging her, before he put her down and kissed her forehead.
"Oh, well never mind, there'll be plenty more time for that tomorrow I suppose,"
"Definitely," Jonny agreed, before continuing, "Oh yeah, Louisa said you wanted to see me?"
"Oh yes that's right – I think I might need to ask a favour of you" Jil replied, "a huge favour."
"Riiight, ok"
"It's just… tomorrow, when I have my operation, my things won't stay in this room will they?"
"Err no, I shouldn't think so," Jonny replied, "someone else will probably be in here because you'll be going to ITU when your operation's done. So your things will be there too."
"That's what I thought. " Jil said, "in which case, I'll need somewhere to put these," she continued, opening the drawer of the bedside locker and taking out a small pile of envelopes. "I don't want anyone else finding them tomorrow, and I need to know they're safe." And Jonny, who had known what Jil was talking about even before she had taken them out of the drawer felt his heart sink at the prospect. And this feeling must have transmitted to his face because Jil said. "And I'm so sorry to ask this of you, but it's just...I don't… it's just I can't think of anyone else who could do it. Would you be able to keep them in your locker for me, just till after the operation? Please" she concluded, holding them out to him.
And Jonny, seeing the expression on her face, couldn't do anything but agree to her request, however reluctant he was to. "Of course," he said, taking them from her, "I'll look after them for you just" he emphasised, "till you're awake again. Then I'm giving them straight back to you. Right"
"Ohh, thank you so much," Jil replied, the relief she felt obvious, "and" she continued, smiling apologetically at him, "I really AM sorry. Another secret for you to keep"
"Hey, it's fine" Jonny, rushed to reassure her, "it'll only be for a few hours anyway. I'll go and put these in my locker now, so we both know they're safe. And I'll be in to say bye, if you're still awake, at the end of my shift, ok?"
"Yeah, that'd be nice, thanks. And thank you again for" Jil replied, pointing at the letters in Jonny's hand.
"Hey, it's nothing."
"It's about as far from nothing as you can get," Jil said definitely, "so thank you."
"Ok," Jonny said, embarrassed, "better get back to work I suppose, might see you later though." And so saying he turned around and began to walk towards the door, only to be stopped in his tracks by Jil saying.
"You will look after her, won't you?"
He turned around at the doorway, immediately knowing who she was talking about. "Tomorrow? Of course," he replied.
"Tomorrow and,…and…"
"I'll look after her!" he said definitely, with a slight nod of his head.
"Thank you," Jil said, smiling gratefully at him. "Now off you go, back to work."
"Yes ma'am," Jonny answered, lightening the atmosphere in the room even more. "I'll see you later," he continued, before he left the side room and quietly closed the door. He walked a few steps down the corridor and then stopped, finding it necessary to lean against the wall. He looked down at the letters in his hand and his stomach clenched as he thought of what his having them might mean he had to do. He flicked through the pile, seeing the names of people he knew Jil loved – Daniel, Mum and Dad, Rob, Nicholas – before he came across the one with Jac's name on, at which point he stopped, suddenly feeling even worse, if that was possible. He leant back against the wall and ran his other hand through his hair, his thoughts racing and his heart beating almost as fast. After a few moments he somehow managed to get a bit of a grip on himself and, taking a deep breath, shook his head and pushing himself up from the wall began to walk towards the locker room.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Friday morning, Jac's flat
Jac lay in bed, wide awake, listening to the sounds of the others sleeping around her. In the end, after much deliberation, she had decided that sleeping with her surrogate brother was slightly less weird than with her best friend's husband, so it was Rob who was beside her in the sofa bed. She had only realised how much she missed him when he had picked her up and given her a hug when he saw her at the hospital, and, despite her earlier worries, it didn't really feel weird to have him there sleeping beside her. If anything it reminded her of the sleepovers she had had at the Santini's throughout her life when Rob would, when she and Jil were younger, tell them ghost stories before they went to bed and then attempt to terrify them in the middle of the night by messing with the door handle and, on one memorable occasion, creeping into Jil's room with a fox mask on. Later on, when they were all teenagers this scare-fest had transformed itself into him (and normally a friend) telling both of them slightly inappropriate jokes and stories, and there had been a bit of that tonight as well. Rob as ever, the main instigator with Daniel performing his role as his wing-man superbly, although Jac had also contributed something this time – a six month rotation in A & E as a junior doctor providing lots of stories of a slightly inappropriate nature. But now both Daniel and Rob were asleep and Jac was left with her own thoughts, which was not a particularly nice place to be, filled as they were with worries and questions. She sat up slightly and looked at her phone for what felt like the twentieth time since she had realised that Daniel was, like Rob, also asleep and seeing that at 12.43 it was only six minutes since she had last looked, flopped back on to the sofa bed in frustration. 'It must be longer than that' she thought, but after looking at her phone again realised that she hadn't misread the display, and that it was indeed only a quarter to one. She felt her tension levels rise as she lay there and, realising that there was no way she would get to sleep anytime soon in this state, carefully pulled the covers back and even more carefully got out of the bed and crept into the hall. She padded over to the kitchen and after taking a glass out, crossed to the fridge and took out the jug of water she always kept in there, as she closed the door her attention, because the light from the street lights outside was shining on them, was drawn to the photos on there. She looked at them for a moment before she focussed on one in particular and she suddenly knew what she had to do. She replaced the jug in the fge and went out to the hall, where she collected the clothes she was now so pleased she had got out the night before, figuring that with five people to get ready in the morning every second would count, and slipped into the bathroom.
xxxxxx
A few minutes later she emerged fully dressed and, after writing a quick note to let everyone else know where she was and putting it by the kettle, found her biker jacket on the coat hooks, picked her helmet and bag up from the hall table and left the flat. She pushed her bike to the road and after stowing her bag in the compartment under the seat, put her helmet on and started it up. The roads were almost empty and Jac thought ruefully that it was almost worth being awake at 1am to be able to ride her bike like this, almost. She didn't really have to think too much about the journey, it was so familiar to her she could probably have ridden it in her sleep and as around 20 minutes later she saw the building she knew so well looming into view, she realised she couldn't really remember how she had got here. She drove past the entrance - a blaze of light in the darkness - and then parked up before, after removing her helmet and retrieving her bag, she approached the entrance and entered the building through the automatic sliding doors. She smiled over at the security guard who was sitting at reception and made her way over to the lift, pressing the button and waiting for the doors to open which they did almost straight away. She pressed the button for the sixth floor and as the doors closed, the lift informing her as they did so, she was struck by how quiet the hospital seemed, which, she reminded herself, wasn't really surprising 'it is 1.17 in the morning after all' she thought, checking her phone, 'its hardly going to be party central is it'. The lift went straight up to the 6th floor and she entered Darwin, quietly closing the swing doors behind her and walking down the corridor towards the nurse's station. Gwen spotted her approach and Jac, noticing the enquiring look on her face, smiled and increased her walking speed slightly.
"I couldn't sleep," she said by way of explanation. "How is she?" she continued, indicating the side room.
"Also having trouble sleeping," Gwen replied, smiling slightly, "she's still awake too. Or she was ten minutes ago when I did her last set of obs anyway," she clarified.
"Oh, so it's ok if I go and see her then?"
"It's fine with me, and I'm sure she'll love to see you." Gwen replied.
"Ok, thanks." Jac said, "I'll do her next set of obs too if you like?"
"Yeah, that'd be great."
"You should be asleep" she said as she opened the door to the side room and crossed over to the bed.
"So should you" Jil replied, looking up from the book she had been reading. "In fact, you need to be asleep more than I do because you've got to be awake tomorrow, whereas I get to sleep away the day." She continued, opening her arms and leaning forward to receive Jac's hug as she did so. "What are you doing here?" she asked, after Jac had let go and settled down in the chair next to her bed.
"I couldn't sleep" Jac replied.
"Oh," Jil said, "Daniel wasn't snoring was he?... Or Rob," she continued when Jac shook her head.
"No, there was no snoring involved. I just couldn't seem to switch off that's all, and I knew that just lying there not sleeping wasn't going to help so…here I am"
"What've I told you about thinking" Jil said, "you never listen!"
Jac smiled, but after a few moments her smile faded and she said after a slight pause. "You know I'm terrified, right?"
"Of course," Jil said, reaching for her hand and smiling, "and you know that I'm absolutely petrified too?"
"Of course," Jac replied, returning her friends smile and squeezing her hand.
"It's just," Jil began, before pausing and looking up at her friend, "I gave up proper tea for this baby," she continued, stroking her bump with her free hand. "Six months of drinking hot water and decaff tea and those fruit teas which always smell so much better than they taste. I can't lose it – not now, not again," she concluded, tears filling her eyes.
"Oh sweetheart," Jac said, standing up and sitting on the edge of the bed so she could hug her more easily. "I know, I know,"
"I'm sorry" Jil said, sniffing and rubbing the tears she had shed away with her free hand.
"Hey, there's no need to apologise," Jac said, releasing her hold slightly so she could see her friend's face. "Absolutely no need," she repeated. "It's fine" she said, although she felt tears pricking the back of her eyes, and desperately fought to stop them falling.
"Right," Jil said a couple of minutes later, "think you can let go now – your emotional first aid has done the trick."
"You sure?" Jac asked
"Mmm hmm," Jil replied, "as sure as I can be anyway." So Jac released her hold on her and Jil leant back on the pillows, shaking her head and smiling as she did so. "Well, that was interesting," she commented wryly, "ohhh, how stupid" she continued, running her hands over her face and then through her hair.
"Hey, it's not stupid." Jac exclaimed.
"Well it was a bit," Jil said smiling sheepishly and once again reaching for Jac's hand. "Not least because" she continued, squeezing it, "I'm sure everything's going to be OK. After all, I promised, didn't I?"
"Yes, yes you did!" Jac replied definitely, remembering the conversation they had had, what seemed now like years before, when Jil had last visited. "And you know how I get when people break their promises?"
"I do," Jil said, "and I really wouldn't want to have to face that. Not in a million years!" she continued, smiling slightly. "So everything's just going to have to be OK, isn't it?"
"Definitely" Jac said, responding in kind to her smile, and feeling and returning the increased pressure of Jil's hand in hers. "Definitely," she repeated, before they lapsed into silence, each gaining reassurance and comfort from the other's presence and the courage they knew the other was showing.
xxxxxx
Jac stood in reception, just outside the lift, looking for the keys to her bike in her bag. It was ten past two and Jil had finally fallen asleep about five minutes ago, lulled to sleep by the sound of Robin's heartbeat which Jac had captured using a foetal doppler borrowed from maternity. Something which, Jil had sleepily made Jac promise wouldn't be taken back until Daniel had also heard it tomorrow, 'because he missed out before too, didn't he?' So Jac had instructed Gwen, before she left the ward to 'deny all knowledge' of it if anyone from maternity asked and to say that 'you're sure Miss Naylor will sort it when she comes in tomorrow' knowing that her name would scare all but the very most persistent nurse from doing anything before the morning. She had thought, as Jil had fallen asleep, about staying at the hospital but then decided that she didn't want to be there now, knowing that she'd see more than enough of the place over the next few days. She finally found her keys, tucked into the nightshirt she had stuffed in there before leaving her flat, and walking towards the entrance waved to the security guard who was still sitting at reception, before exiting the building through the automatic doors. She walked over to her bike and very soon that same security guard saw her ride past the entrance.
xxxxxx
She reached the flat and after finding the key let herself in, closing the front door quietly behind her. She stood still in the hallway for a few moments to let her eyes get accustomed to the darkness, before putting her helmet and bag down she took her boots and then her jacket off. She then pulled the nightshirt out from her bag and crept down the corridor to the bathroom where she quickly changed and after remembering to fetch her phone from her bag set off for bed. And she thought how ironic it was, as she slipped in beside him, that Jonny's one word wish, 'Me!' sent in answer to the question she had asked about who should she sleep with tonight had come true. 'Ironic, but nice too' she thought to herself, as she snuggled down under the quilt and felt him turn towards her slightly, as if he was unconsciously aware of her presence. 'Very nice' she thought, as her tiredness enveloped her, '…very nice indeed…'
There is a slight nod to one of my other stories (Jac and Jil) in this chapter, so those of you who've read it will probably make the connection. If you haven't and would like to (it did get some fairly good reviews) if you just click on my name in the story summary at the top of this page you'll be able to get to it from there. It is quite long but will probably help you to understand this story a little better, also (from a purely selfish point of view) I'd love to get to 100 reviews for it, and think I'm not that far from that but am unlikely to get any new reviews for it now without promoting it somewhere because it's probably way down on page 10 now.