Hey. Next chapter and it's another long one! I was really tempted to split this in two and leave it on a cliff-hanger (a virtual cookie to anyone who guesses correctly where the divide was going to be) but I decided not to because I thought it would have been unnecessarily mean. There's a nod to one of my other stories (Sanctuary) in this chapter too, so if you haven't read it already you might want to have a quick look (just click on my name in the story blurb above and you'll find it) I promise it's nowhere near as long as this one! Anyway, as ever I really hope you enjoy and please review if you have a little time to spare...
Friday Morning, Darwin
Jac glanced at the door of the side room again as she sat with the Santini's in the 'comfy chair corner' of the ward. She was having to force herself not to go in to Jil's room and couldn't seem to stop the little voice in her head that was saying 'You should be in there'. But she also knew that she would probably be more of a hindrance than a help if she was in there, and that Dr Rose, Mr T and Elliott would be doing an excellent job without her. She turned her attention back to the group, determined that if she couldn't silence the voice she would at least give her mind something else to think about. "..be the first one to complain if you were hungry, and I didn't think anyone would want to go too far from the ward to buy anything." Rosa was saying as she rejoined the conversation.
"Well I'm sure somebody would have gone for us," Rob replied.
"We couldn't have asked anybody else to go," Rosa objected, "they're all far too busy to run around doing errands for us. Isn't that right Jac?"
"Erm, well yes, everyone is normally very busy on Darwin," Jac who, having missed the start of the conversation, wasn't sure what they were discussing managed to get out.
"You see," Rosa said. "I told you."
"Yes, but presumably they'd be going to buy something anyway at some point, so it'd be no bother to get a little bit more."
"There are five of us," Rosa pointed out, "six with Jonny so it wouldn't just be 'a little bit more' would it? And anyway it's done now, so I really don't know why we're still talking about it."
"Because it was unnec.."
"Rob," Tony interrupted "please – as your mum says it's done now, and there was no harm done in the end either so can we all just leave it."
"Fine," Rob replied, but Jac got the impression that it wasn't really fine at all.
Luckily Jonny arrived just then carrying a tray of hot drinks. "Right," he said, "I've not put milk or sugar in most of them because I couldn't remember what you all wanted but I think I've at least got the right drinks. Two coffees and three teas right?" he said putting the tray down carefully on the table. "I put the milk in yours though Jac," he continued, handing a mug decorated with brightly coloured dots to her, "and before you ask, yes it is made exactly how you like it. Teabag dunked but not squeezed, no sugar and a dash of milk."
"It's a shame you don't have a teapot," Rosa observed, as she poured some milk into her floral mug "you must use ever such a lot of teabags making it in the cups."
"You know," Jonny replied, "I think there might be a teapot in the staff room somewhere. I'm sure I've seen one in one of the cupboards. Jac do you remember seeing it?"
"Erm I don't know – maybe," Jac answered, "there's loads of stuff in those cupboards so it wouldn't surprise me. Actually it wouldn't surprise me if you found a magic lamp with a genie trapped inside in there really. I dread to think how long it is since some of those cupboards have been sorted out."
"Well that'll be a job for Jil when she's feeling a bit better after the op won't it?" Jonny joked grinning.
"Oh don't mate," Rob groaned. "You really shouldn't joke about it – its been driving me mad how tidy she's been recently, when she comes round to ours you can't put a cup down without her whisking it away to wash up and Daniel reckons she'll bankrupt him with all the cleaning products she's been buying. He says they've got 10 bottles of Fairy liquid in their utility, ten, I mean, although I suppose it is something you'll always use eventually"
"And it won't go off." Jac added.
"No that's true," Rob agreed, before asking "Washing up liquid doesn't have a best before date does it mum?"
"Well I've never really thought about it," Rosa replied, "but I wouldn't have thought so. Although things like that do sometimes say about not storing them in direct sunlight, don't they? And this is a lovely cup of tea Jonny," she continued, "thank you."
"Like the one that made it," Jonny said quick as a flash, which earned him a roll of Jac's eyes and a warm smile from Rosa.
"Exactly," she said.
"Yep," Tony said, "and your coffee's not too bad either mate."
"Alright. alright," Jac said, "that's quite enough of that. His head's big enough already thank you," she said, smiling up at him to neutralise her words.
He simply stuck his tongue out at her, which earned him a "very grown up, Jonny" from Jac and a bunch of amused grins from everyone else.
There was then a natural pause in the conversation, which is why Jac was able to hear the side room door opening. She immediately looked over at it to see Mr T and Elliott coming out of it, closely followed by Daniel, who after looking round the ward started to walk towards them. Jac tracked Elliott and Mr T and seeing they were heading towards the Darwin Theatre corridor started to feel her anxiety levels rising. Determined to try and keep a lid on them she turned her attention to Daniel. "Everything OK?" she asked.
"Yep," Daniel answered, "Profesor Hope and Mr T have been through the operation with us again, and now Dr Rose is just doing the final pre-op checks and then it'll be go for launch," he continued, smiling uncertainly at the group.
"Come on sit down," Rosa said kindly. "Rob go and get another chair," she instructed her son.
"Oh yeah, course," he replied, hurriedly standing up so that Daniel could sit down.
"And Jonny, could you get him a hot drink?" Rosa continued, "Tea?"
"Yes, yes please that would be great," Daniel answered, sitting down heavily in the seat Rob had vacated
"Right yes," Jonny said, "and I'll have a look for that teapot whilst I'm waiting for the kettle to boil. I've got a feeling we'll get some use out of it today if I can find it." And so saying, he walked off towards the staff room once more.
Rob rejoined them, "I couldn't find another chair," he said. "No, no, it's ok" he continued, as Jac and Daniel both seem poised to offer him theirs. "I promised Sas I'd phone her before Jil went in, and now seems as good a time as any. Don't let her go in without me seeing her though will you?" he concluded, the anxiety showing through.
Of course we won't," Jac reassured him, "believe me no-one on Darwin would dare to do anything I told them not to." 'I just wish I had such control over future events' she though to herself, 'cos that would make the next few hours so much easier to handle.'
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Friday morning, Darwin
Relative's room
Daniel entered the relatives room, closing the door after him as he did so. "I promised Jil" he said, as he saw Jac, he presumed going to re-open it. "She said she didn't want any of us seeing her actually going down to theatre," he explained further.
"Of course she did," Jac said, sitting down again on the sofa she had half stood up from. "Any particular reason?"
"She said she didn't want any of us seeing her in 'those blooming hospital gowns' because they look so awful on her."
"Not that again," Jac said, remembering how Jil had resolutely refused to change into one before the very last minute, which was according to her 'literally just before they come to take me down'. "I mean it's not as if we're not going to see her in it afterwards is it?"
"Yeah, I did think of that but I wasn't sure it was the best argument to use," Daniel said.
"No, no I suppose not," Jac replied, sighing. "So we can't leave here or even open that door until we're sure she's in theatre. Well I hope nobody's desperate for the toilet, that's all I can say," she concluded.
"Well it hadn't even occurred to me till you mentioned it," Jonny piped up, accusingly, "but now..."
"Oh for pity's sake," Jac retorted exasperatedly, "you'll just have to cross your legs won't you?"
"It shouldn't be too long mate" Daniel comforted him, "the porters were waiting outside her room to take her down when I left, and Tara was there to help her to finally change into her gown. She might even be in there by now," he concluded, the expression on his face suddenly changing as he realised what he'd just said.
"Come and sit down mate" Jonny said, getting up from his seat on the sofa by Jac and guiding him to the free armchair next to Rosa's.
"She's tough, our girl!" Rosa said, as she placed a comforting hand on Daniel's arm, "if anyone can get through this it'll be her, and I'm sure Robin will have inherited that fighting spirit too. Yes?"
"Yeah, yes!" Daniel replied, smiling gratefully over at her. "So now we just have to wait…..."
xxxxxx
Darwin Theatre 1
Elliott addressed the team in theatre, Jil lying asleep on the operating table to the side of him. "Now, I know that this particular patient is, in many respects, a VIP but all I'm expecting of each one of you in this operation is what I expect of you all in every operation – that you will do your very best for the patient. Is that clear?" He heard a murmured assent from the team and so continued. "Now Miss Naylor has requested regular 15 minute updates, so Kay," he said, turning towards the nurse standing unmasked near to the door, who had taken the role Jonny would normally have in theatre, "can I give you the responsibility of letting the ward know how everything is going so they can pass the message on?"
"Of course," Kay answered.
"Right," Elliott said, "Dr Rose is everything OK from your point of view." The anaesthetist nodded, "and Mr T you're happy?"
"Yep, so far so good," Mr T agreed, "baby's heart rates within the normal range and stable."
"OK," Elliott said, "in that case we'll begin." And so saying, and with only the most momentary of pauses he picked up a scalpel…...
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Relative's Room
Conversation swirled in the room, sometimes several happening at once, other times everybody talking about one thing. Jonny wasn't normally able to contribute much to these whole group conversations, centred as they mainly were around Jil and everyone's shared experiences of her, although he never felt excluded, which when he thought about it later seemed to him remarkable and a testament to how good the Santini's and Daniel were at making people feel comfortable in their presence. Their conversations were punctuated by the operation updates which had been coming every 15 minutes, just as Jac had requested, since they'd been told that it was underway about ten minutes after Daniel had come in. They were delivered by different members of the Darwin team, always (so far) wearing smiles on their faces as if to signal even before they passed the message on that things were going well. And the updates weren't the only thing that the staff brought in to the relatives room - throughout the morning there'd been an almost constant stream of hot drinks too. It seemed to Jonny that no sooner had he finished one than his cup was whisked away and replaced by another full one. And the consumption of such a lot of drinks led to the inevitable consequence, so that between most of the updates at least one of the group left the room for a 'comfort break'. Around three hours in to the operation Jac had left the room for the second time, following Sylvie who had delivered the update out of the door. A couple of minutes later and Jonny, who was half listening to Rosa talking about the last time Jil had been in hospital with her heart, began to wonder where Jac was and if, the promise she had made Jil to keep away from theatre, would prove to be the first one she had been unable to keep. He quietly got up and left the room, sensing again, out on the ward, the increased level of tension in the air. It was as if nobody could quite relax until the operation was over and Jil was safely ensconced in ITU. He quickly established, after asking Jenna to check, that Jac wasn't still in the toilet so went straight to the theatre corridor, only to find no sign of her there or in the viewing room which was where he'd honestly thought he'd find her, knowing that she would never risk entering the theatre itself. Then he checked her office, the locker and staff rooms and all the bays but to no avail. He knew she wouldn't have left the ward and after unsuccessfully searching the back stair landing even began to check all the store cupboards, just in case she'd hidden herself away in one of them because she didn't want anyone to see her upset. 'Come on Jac, where are you?' he thought to himself, as he came out of the clean sluice. 'Where are you?'
xxxxxx
Prayer Room
Jac meanwhile had, on impulse, slipped into the prayer room. She wasn't sure why she had come in here after all it wasn't like she believed in God or anything. 'But' she reasoned, 'Jil does', although she didn't really know what difference that made. She looked around the room as she sat on one of the chairs, noticing how the stained glass diffused the light and made the ward outside the door feel much further away than it actually was. She tried to remember the last time she had been in here but couldn't, the last time she'd been in a church was easier – Alexi's christening. Then she thought of all the times she'd been to church with Jil when she was little. The Santini's had always gone to the family mass at their local church, and Jac had to admit she'd liked the children's service, with the opportunity it offered to colour in pictures and make things, and she'd loved the music too. And later, after Paula had left she'd sometimes gone to that same church to spite her – knowing how much she had disapproved of organised religion. She still wasn't quite sure how she'd managed to go to the same secondary school as Jil, St. John the Baptist being one she knew Paula would never approve of. The Catholic primary school they'd attended together was easier to explain – it was literally just down the road and Jac knew that Paula wouldn't have dreamed of putting herself out to take her to a non-religious school that was further away whatever her beliefs were – she wouldn't have thought it was worth the effort. Her education was perhaps, she thought bitterly, the one thing in her life when Paula's indifference to her had worked in her favour - she hadn't even looked at the school preference form Jac had completed (copying exactly the one Mr and Mrs Santini had filled in for Jil), just signed and dated it without a second glance on her way out to her woman's emancipation group. Jac also suspected that Rosa and Tony had played a part in her getting in to the school too though. St John's was one of the best schools in the borough and heavily over-subscribed and the fact that Jac wasn't Catholic should really have guaranteed that she wouldn't get a place, but she did and the only possible reason she could think of (apart from of course, a miracle) was that Jil's parents had somehow got the head teacher to make an exception for her. And she was incredibly pleased that they had – she didn't know how she would have coped, when Paula left, if Jil hadn't been with her at school. And even though there was a little bit too much 'god stuff' for her liking it hadn't been that bad, and she had really enjoyed being in the school choir (however much she denied it now). Singing in Westminster Cathedral had been a particular highlight she thought, remembering how proud Rosa and Tony had been to see 'both our girls up there'. Jac smiled broadly as she remembered those particular words, feeling again the sense of belonging they'd engendered. Her trip down memory lane was interrupted by the sound of the door opening and she quickly looked around to see who it was.
"There you are," Jonny said relieved that he'd finally found her. "I've been looking all over for you – thought you might not have been able to keep you promise" he elaborated.
"Yeah, well I was tempted," Jac admitted.
"So you came in here instead," Jonny replied, "yep I see your logic"
"No, it wasn't that, I was tempted before I went to the loo not after. I'm not really sure why I ended up in here," she concluded truthfully.
"You OK?" Jonny asked, walking over to her, the concern he felt for her obvious. "It's really not like you to seek divine inspiration. Mo maybe, even Elliott but not you."
"No, I wasn't in here for that either."
"Well, what have you been doing?" Jonny asked, genuinely curious to find out the answer.
Jac shrugged her shoulders and after a slight pause answered simply. "Thinking."
"About what?"
"Church and school and singing." she said, causing Jonny's expression to change from curious to puzzled, but Jac who wasn't looking at him continued. "And, how much I've got to be grateful to Tony and Rosa for and, weirdly, my mo…Paula too."
"Right," Jonny said, his confusion now evident in his tone of voice.
"I'll tell you later," Jac said realising that he didn't have a clue what she was talking about. "We've got to get back now for the next update," she continued, standing up and walking towards the door.
"Right, yeah." Jonny said following her. He saw her slightly increase her walking pace and realised why when he saw Jenna heading towards the relative's room from the nurse's station. He jogged across to the relative's room intercepting Jenna just before she went through the door Jac had left open and was relieved to see that she had a smile on her face and so he knew even before he heard the update that it was still good news.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Friday Afternoon, Darwin
Relatives Room
Jonny looked across at Jac who was standing at the window, looking out, but he would have bet from her expression not seeing anything. He stood up and crossed the room to join her. "What's wrong?" he asked quietly.
"They're late!" Jac whispered, before quickly looking over at the others to see if they'd heard her, which she was relieved to see they didn't appear to have, all of them seemingly involved in a conversation amongst themselves, and paying no attention to her and Jonny.
"Only a minute or so, if that" Jonny reasoned looking at his watch, at the same time thinking how extraordinary it was, that Jac, who had no way of telling the time, was the first one to notice that the update hadn't been forthcoming. It was something he'd noticed about her before but not really thought much about until now – her unerring ability to know how much time had passed almost to the minute, 'something to ask her about later' he decided.
"But they've NEVER been late before," Jac stressed, "and you know this is the point where things get tricky," she continued, struggling to keep her voice low and her emotions in check. Five hours in to this operation Jonny was well aware that this was the time when things got really complex, and probably was the riskiest part of the whole procedure for Jil, but most especially for Robin."
"Well that's probably it," he said, trying to find something he could say to reassure her "Elliott's probably in the middle of something and wants to wait till it's finished before he gives us the update."
"Yeah, maybe," Jac said, but her tone of voice belied her words.
"Hey," Rob called over. "What are you two plotting? If it's another plan for global domination I have to warn you Jonny, Jac's not up for sharing the position of almighty leader, whatever she says to you now."
"Rob," Rosa scolded, "don't say that! They were probably just having a nice little moment together, and now you've gone and spoilt it with all this nonsense about world domination. You ought to apologise…Go on – right now," she persisted.
"But it was just a joke," Rob argued.
"I don't care," Rosa countered, "you need to say sorry. And anyway, you shouldn't be joking about things like that, so go on."
"Oh OK then," Rob relented, "Jac I'm sorry I JOKED about your megalomaniacal tendencies and if I spoilt your 'nice little moment' I'm sorry too, both of you."
Jac, who had got somewhat of a grip on herself in the time Rob and Rosa had been talking, somehow managed to get out "It's fine" accompanied by a tight smile and was then helped out by Jonny who whilst leading her back to the sofa said
"Aye, you're alright Rob – we forgive you, but just this once, mind." And he noticed, with a jolt of pleasure that felt slightly out of place in the circumstances, that even though they were now sitting down Jac was still holding his hand. "Spoil anymore of our nice little moments and I'll be forced to give you a Gorbals kiss."
"A what?" Rob asked
"A headbutt," Daniel translated.
"Oh right. I thought the Scottish for that was a Glasgow handshake" Rob said, puzzled..
"Ah yes, bu…" Jonny began, but before he could explain the vagaries of Scottish slang to him, the door opened and Jac's hold on his hand increased until it was painful. He stole a very quick glance at her, and saw how anxious she was, and then turned back towards the door and saw Mo standing there.
"Hey," she said softly from the doorway, before coming in and gently closing the door. "Now, Professor Hope specifically told me to tell you all that Jil is fine and that you weren't to panic" she began as she perched on the arm of the sofa nearest to the door
"You were in there with Elliott?" Jac asked, and her hold on Jonny's hand tightened, and stealing another glance at her he saw that what little colour she normally had had drained from her face.
"Yes, but it's not what you think," Mo replied. "I wasn'.."
"What are we meant to be not panicking about?" interrupted Daniel. "What's going on? Please, I need to know,"
"Ah yes, well like I said, Professor Hope said that you weren't to panic but Jil did give everyone a bit of a fright"
"Why? How? What happened?" Daniel asked
"Well, Professor Hope had finished the first part of the procedure and wanted to see that everything was OK so he took Jil off bypass to check. Now, although Jil's heart didn't stop when she came off" she stressed, "it did slow down to abnormal levels so they had to treat that
"They didn't have to shock her?" Jac asked, squeezing Jonny's hand even more tightly.
"No, no – they gave her some medication," Mo replied to the whole group, before adding for Jac's benefit, "2mg atropine. And that worked and brought her heart beat back up to normal levels."
"So she's OK," Tony and Daniel both asked at the same time.
"Yes, her obs are all stable again now."
"And Robin?" Daniel asked
"Baby's fine too," Mo reassured them, "I mean there were some indications of distress when Jil's heart rate slowed but they disappeared as soon as the brady was over and Mr T is very happy with how things are at the moment." And Jonny saw the relief course through the Santini's and Daniel, as the tension they had been holding flooded out of them, and he felt it in Jac too, as she finally released her vice-like grip on his fingers.
"So, is that why the update was late then?" Jac asked.
"Yes, well sort of," Mo said, going on to explain. "You see Elliott actually wanted to talk to the person who was going to give you it, rather than passing on the message by phone, and I took the call and went down, and that made it take a bit longer. Sorry."
"I didn't even realise it was late when you came in," Daniel said, "it can only have been a few minutes at the most."
"Yeah, about three." Jac agreed, finally letting go of Jonny's hand and running her now free hand through her hair, and after taking a deep breath, continuing. "But believe me three was enough."
"Jac, you should have said something," Rosa chided.
"What and have you worry too? Why would I do that?" she replied. "And anyway, it's OK I had Jonny to try and keep me calm."
"Even so," Rosa said, before adding. "But thank you Jonny, its good to know Jac's got somebody she can rely on."
"Hey, it's nothing," Jonny said embarrassed, "all I did was talk to her and hold her hand, which isn't really a hardship." 'Although' he thought as he surreptitiously wiggled his fingers, 'I'm not sure my hand would agree.'
"Well, I'd better get back to the ward," Mo said, standing up, "I'll have to check but I think the updates are sticking to the original schedule so you should get another one in a few minutes. Who knows, if you're lucky it might even be me that brings it." She concluded before she opened the door and left the room.
"Well," Rosa began after a momentary pause, "thank God that's over. I feel like I can relax a bit more now Jil's had her customary blip."
"What?" Jonny asked.
"Every operation she's ever had she's done this – frightened the surgeon, it's just what she does."
"Yeah, reckon it's an attention-seeking thing," Rob chipped in. "I mean it's not enough that she's having complex life-saving surgery on her heart, she's got to go one better and have a complication during it too."
"Oh yes, she's a regular little drama queen is Jil." Jac agreed, smiling
"So what else has happened before then?" Jonny asked, interested to hear but also eager to keep this particular topic of conversation going, as it was one that seemed to have prevented Jac from thinking too much about what Mo had just told them. I mean if it could make her smile, it had to be a good thing.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Friday night, Darwin
On call room
Jac sat on the bed in the on-call room reading a text from Jonny. She smiled as she did so and then, after sending him a reply, placed her phone on the bedside cabinet. She had point blank refused to go home tonight, determined to be here if anything happened overnight , without Jil (who although she had woken up after the operation hadn't stayed that way for very long, the anaesthetic still in her system sending her to sleep again) to insist on it, all of Jonny's and the Santini's gentle (and in Jonny's case not so gentle) persuasion had not been enough to make her change her mind. She'd known she'd won when Jonny instead of trying to win her round had offered to stay with her at the hospital, an offer she'd refused because 'there's only a single bed in there and I do want to get some sleep tonight. And anyway, you're working tomorrow, so you definitely need a good night's sleep.'
She wasn't sure how much sleep she would get tonight, she was tired but thought that the events of the day would mean that that wouldn't really matter. Although she knew that the operation had been a success, and that, for the moment, both Jil and Robin were doing OK she also knew that the next 24 hours were crucial and that things could still go wrong. And she figured that her mind wouldn't let her settle for too long, which was another reason she had turned Jonny's offer (although she would really have liked to have him with her).
She didn't think she had ever been more relieved to see anyone as she was when Elliott came in to the Relative's Room to tell them that Jil was in recovery and would be being transferred to ICU shortly. The seven and a half hours the operation had taken to complete had just crawled by, and she had found it hard to believe when she and Jonny had gone to sit in the peace garden after she'd seen Jil in ICU that it was still light outside. It seemed wrong somehow – it felt like so much later, and she was disoriented for a while, like she sometimes felt when she'd been to the cinema in the daytime. It had been nice though too – sitting quietly with Jonny, not needing to say anything, just enjoying each other's company. And then they'd had dinner in the staff canteen and they'd seen Chrissie and Sean Dolan, who both already knew that the operation had been a success, and came over to say how pleased they were. A sentiment that had been echoed both by Mr Hanssen who had come down when Jil was still in recovery and Michael who they saw in the foyer just before he left for the evening. And when they got back to the ward, which felt much more relaxed than it had that morning, Louisa told Jac that Serena had phoned whilst they were out and that Sacha had also just called to check how everything had gone. A few minutes later Jac had received a call from Sacha herself, and he admitted that he'd phoned the ward rather than her first when he'd woken up because if things hadn't gone according to plan he'd wanted to be prepared before he spoke to her. And Jonny had just been brilliant, perhaps a little too persistent in his attempts to get her to go home (or more accurately to his) rather than stay at the hospital, but even that was, she knew, for her own good. He'd been so persistent that in the end, just to shut him up, she'd agreed that if everything went OK with Jil overnight and tomorrow she'd stay at his tomorrow night. That would mean that the Santini's would be there on their own again, presumably complete with Daniel too, who for tonight was sleeping in one of the relative's beds in ITU, but they'd already said they didn't mind, and Jac was looking forward to spending some, hopefully worry-free (or at least less worried) time with Jonny now. Just as she was thinking about how nice that would be her phone buzzed and picking it up she saw that Jonny had texted her back. Smiling she gently stroked the picture that appeared on screen whenever Jonny contacted her and then opened the text, her smile growing as she read it. 'Yes' she thought to herself, 'as long as Jil behaves herself then a night tomorrow with Jonny will be great!'