Disclaimer—One Piece and all associated characters ect belongs to Eiichiro Oda not me I just enjoy reading/watching it. Spoken dialogue belongs to him if it seems very familiar.
I was writing another 1000th way and made an offhand comment that spawned this idea.
Warning: Animal cruelty is partially unintentional and part cultural.
AKA: One Of The Times When Law Used His Powers For Dubious Ends
Sashimi
It would never be said that Trafalgar Law had a healthy sense of humor. In fact, his crew would quite adamantly argue that he didn't have a humorous bone in his body. At which point they would angrily cut off anyone that pointed out that Law did, in fact, have two humerus's. They were the Heart Pirates and damn it, that joke stopped being funny the moment their captain found out about it and if you are so funny why don't you see was Law-sencho thinks of your joke Mr. Funny guy? Or you can ask Orvis here…but good luck with that 'cuz Orvis still hasn't said anything since he was stupid enough to say the same thing you did in front of Law-sencho.
That all being said, Law did indeed have a sense of humor, and he was known to exercise it on rare occasion when the mood hit him.
It was just extremely skewed.
And dark. One could not forget it was dark.
His crew, or at least the most senior members of his crew, had found this out a week or so after Law had figured out what his newly obtained Devil Fruit power could do—and that particular incident was an adventure in its own right.
Law had been experimenting daily with his newly named rooms and the extent of what he could do in one. When he discovered cutting objects resulted in influence able pieces that he could manipulate and arrange in whatever way he desired, he immediately got the urge to try the operation on something more…interesting. He was debating on what exactly he could try but a chime from his clock reminded him that it was time to start dinner, as it was his turn to cook.
I need to find a chef. He thought with distaste. At least we have supplies and won't have to resort to odds and ends again.
He rose from his desk pleasantly surprised that he was not completely exhausted from today's practice with his devil fruit abilities, it was tangible evidence that he was gaining endurance and stamina. Soon he would be creating rooms that would be of actual use rather than a sort of idle plaything. Not that he couldn't think of uses for small rooms, especially if he was unable to make them as expansive as he had calculated with his limited data.
Always have congruency plans. Law thought as he walked down the hallway absently noting a leaking pipe that he would have to get fixed. We need an actual mechanic also. Hopefully on the next island we will find someone of worth.
In the galley, Law looked around for inspiration and found none among the bags of dry goods and clumps of vegetables. One thing he was sure of what that he wasn't in the mood to deal with even the smell of bread much less the sight of it. The only thing that kept him from tossing the now offensive substance of his submarine was the fact that the rest of the crew not only could eat it, but it was a very good staple food for them. Law wasn't going to force his crew to suffer in that manner because of his newfound weakness; in fact he would overcome that weakness and make it nothing more than a footnote. However, he wasn't going deal with bread if he didn't have to—and tonight he was not willing to subject himself to it. It would ruin his uncharacteristically amiable mood.
His contemplation was interrupted by an excited shout edged by a deep rumble that instantly identified its owner. Law was proven correct as Bepo barged into the galley a handful of seconds later. The bear-man was nearly dancing while tightly holding something in his arms. His large form was astonishingly graceful as he jumped about, hinting at his extensive fighting expertise. Law blinked, leaning back against the metal counter he observed for a few minutes before interrupting his friend.
"Bepo."
The soft-spoken address was more than enough to cause Bepo to pause and look at Law with a sharp-toothed smile.
"Law-sencho! Look! Look!" He crowed holding out his arms so Law could see what the bear-man was holding.
It was a rather large fish, a red snapper from the look of the beaked mouth. It was still very much alive, though pinned by Bepo's paws so that it could barely wiggle. Its large red head was gasping for air and its gills pumping but unable to unclump enough to gather oxygen effectively from the air.
"I caught it! Can we keep it?" Bepo asked almost shivering in excitement at his achievement.
Law stared at the fish for a long moment before a slow smile oozed across his face.
"Yes. Why don't you leave it for me and I will prepare it for dinner. How does sashimi sound?"
Bepo nodded happily always glad to have meat as a main attraction and gladly gave the fish to Law.
"Now, go see what the new boys are up to." Law said referring to the newly found navigator and helmsmen.
Once Bepo had left Law returned his attention to the fish. It was attempting to struggle but found Law a worthy opponent.
"Hmph."
With his crew of five settled at the table Law entered the mess balancing the sashimi expertly on his splayed hand and a large pot of rice in the other. The table already had a bowl of sliced fruit and various dipping sauces.
Law set his burden down and with a flourish removed the top from the sashimi dish.
"Red snapper." He intoned.
Law had cut the fish into methodically thin strips, making the fish resemble a flower with the head serving as a center and the fins as leaves around the petals formed of body meat. The whole presentation was actually quite professional looking.
No one would say Law didn't know his way around a knife.
"Wow! That looks great." Paco the new navigator praised.
"Yeah, good luck tomorrow Paco, you have dinner shift." Ushimaru, the helmsman, joked slyly. "You have to make a decent showing."
"Ahh, as long as no one gets food poisoning and it is edible who cares? Getting your stomach pumped sucks!" Shachi grumbled and then brightened. "But this does look great Law-sencho!"
Law nodded taking his customary seat next to Bepo. He quietly dished himself some rice and fruit before picking up his chopsticks. However, he held off on picking at the fish. Penguin, who was always the first to dive into available food, used his chopsticks to snag a bit of fish cheek.
The snapper reacted the instant the wooden tips touched it violently jerking, its mouth opening and closing in a convulsing but silent gaping action that caused the entire head to spasm and vibrate. The rest of the fish pieces also quivered and the tail and fin flopped all in synchronous motion.
Paco and Ushimaru both jumped back wide eyed while Shachi fell of his chair with a shout loosing his hat in the process. Penguin shrieked, also attempting to scramble from his chair, his chopsticks flew out of his hands hitting Bepo in the head.
"Demon fish! Demon fish! Get a priest! AAHHHH~HHHh~hahhah! Its possessed! Back demon fish back!"
He hit the ground a moment later in a dead faint.
Shachi pulled himself off the floor and hesitantly poked the fish with the end of his chopstick. The fish jerked again, though less violently.
"Ikizukuri?" He asked his voice higher pitched due to his own discomfort with the situation. "I thought that was a South Blue dish."
"It is." Law agreed before he continued in an almost musing tone. "It's interesting that all the parts are still functionally connected and communicate with each other even though they are physically apart. It bares future testing."
Paco and Ushimaru both looked at their new captain with blown pupils and involuntary twitching. They knew that he was a devil fruit user, but they obviously hadn't made the connection yet.
Shachi, who had been on the crew long enough to have a better understanding of his captain and his sometimes mercurial moods, let out a breathy laugh. He got to a shaky stand and smashed his hat over his ginger hair.
"Ah, nice one Law-sencho. Can't get much fresher than this."
Law hummed noncommittally and taking a knife calmly dispatched the fish by spearing it diagonally through the gills into its still beating heart.
"Dinner is served." Law commented observing how the fish's blood only now was released from stasis and created a puddle on the plate.
It seems that that only outside a room can a fatal blow be given. He concluded.
Bepo, completely unaffected by events, happily snagged the head and began to chew on it whole. The bones snapped and cracked under his teeth and made the newest crewmembers flinch at the overly loud noise. But it was Law calmly picking up a sliver of fish and popping it into his mouth that made Paco finally follow Penguin to unconsciousness. To his credit, Ushimaru noted his fellow's sudden pallor and was able to assist him to the floor, preventing injury to the other man.
Hmmm, good reflexes. He will make an excellent helmsman as I suspected.
A week later Law awoke to a high scream echoing down the metal walls of his sub. He sedately swung out of his bed and calmly walked down to the crew's cabins but changed direction as two of his crew ran by.
Penguin was alternating between hyperventilating and swearing incoherently at Shachi and chased him up onto the deck.
"That was not funny, you asshole!" He howled as they reached the top of the submarine.
Shachi skid to a halt, as he was having trouble breathing himself, but from an entirely different reason than Penguin. He was laughing so hard that he was bent over double and gasping for air. Ushimaru and Paco were also laughing but not as hard as their Quartermaster and had followed the others up to the deck at a slower pace. Bepo had arrived just after Law and cocked his head to the side watching in confusion as Penguin sneered angrily and shaking chucked an object at Shachi's head, forcing his friend to duck the badly aimed projectile.
The object bounced and rolled to a stop with a wet squish.
"You don't go around putting f-ing fish heads on peoples pillows you wolf-spawn ice-chucker!" Penguin snarled.
"Law-sencho?" Bepo asked.
"Hmm? Penguin just called Shachi an illegitimate son of a back alley thief as well as an imbecile." He clarified the insults.
"Oh." Bepo's voice was confused and held a note of depression.
"Don't worry about it Bepo." Law drawled knowing that Bepo remembered little to nothing of his life before the change into a polar bear and thus would not recall the North Blue insults.
"Alright! Break it up and back to your duties. Work it out on your own time, and if you injure each other, remember to show up for treatment." Law yelled.
The crew instantly jumped to attention. The haze of violence dissipated, as the crew knew that although they would be treated for illness or injury by Law's expert hands well they would have to get treated. And no matter how good Law was at medicine, no one enjoyed getting treated.
Things quickly returned to normal, albeit with a decidedly increased number of fish-related ribbing and the undisputed establishment of the honored tradition of "head-hazing". Law ignored the teasing, distracted by his successful experiment and the plans for the next.
More experimentation required for conclusive evidence to support initial hypothesis. However, preliminary results are definitively encouraging.
-Right, so this is partly inspired by an old America's Funniest Home Video's where a group of, what I guess were college students, found themselves ordering Ikizukuri (see Wikipedia) and promptly freaking the hell out when they realized the poor fish was still alive (either someone ordered for them or they had no idea what they ordered). I have taken this a step farther as the fish is not only alive but unlike Ikizukuri is no longer in one cohesive (sliced up) piece.
-If you don't recognize the fish head in bed thing then you are more deprived of pop culture than I. Ironically I have not seen the Godfather myself…its on the list.
-I made up the North Blue insults in response to assumptions of their region. The ocean is apparently cold/arctic so their cultures are going to be influenced by snow, ice, and creatures that live there.
-Odd Science Fact of the Day: One of the most interesting tidbits of fact I learned from Vertebrate Biology is that fish actually CAN breathe in air and lungs technically can derive oxygen from water. The issue is that gills (not to be confused with gill slits of the operculum, but instead the fibrous tissue that is below them) clump due to cohesion and adhesion instead of being splayed when out of water. Think about long hair when it gets wet vs submerged. The resulting loss of surface area drastically reduced the gill filaments ability to absorb O2…and thus the fist actually suffocates while surrounded by oxygen. Similarly lungs are capable of getting oxygen from water…the issue here is that lungs work by differential pressure. The diaphragm is incapable of expelling water from the lungs once it is inhaled so the animal will drown.
-I have held off naming other Heart Pirates until some more are (hopefully) revealed but it is getting unavoidable the more I write. At this time, it is unlikely that it will happen for a while. As such, I have made up some names that I will replace as soon as they are announced. I also assume that Penguin and Shachi are primarily fighters and/or possibly serving positions that are higher on the totem pole as they have been named and been seen interacting with Law frequently. I assume one may be his Boatswain and the other his Quartermaster as those are both very important historical positions on a pirate crew and would force them to be in contact with Law frequently and personally. This means they have hidden depths, which I will be expanding on later.