2. Admission

Jimmy wasn't a guy disposed to having crushes.

He was accustomed to wanting to screw people, that was a feeling he could compute, one he understood perfectly. He met someone he liked, approached them, and if they responded to him everyone was happy and hopefully getting laid. Except he hadn't nursed a real, heart-and-soul crush for a while, because when you were being thrown out of a couple schools a year it never made for much fun having to leave people behind. Not ones you actually liked.

But now he'd been at Bullworth nearly a year, and wasn't going anywhere fast. He'd gotten settled, and with Gary shipped off to whatever crazy camp they put creatures like him out to pasture in, things had slowed down enough to breathe. Jimmy actually had time to have feelings, and they'd taken him quite by surprise.

Why him, he had to wonder as he sat on his bed and realised that he'd gotten his first bout of incoherent protection-rage, which was usually the first sign.

It was a mistake, he decided. He probably had mono or something. Was coming down with a virus because of that time Beatrice ran him down and did her bulldozer come-on even when she was all snotty and disgusting sneezing into a handkerchief. She was going to make someone an absolutely terrifying wife some day.

"It's all in your head, Jimmy," he told himself, drilled it like Dr. Watts' damn periodic table. "Get over it."

With that settled, he decided he definitely didn't have a crush on Pete and got on with his life... for about a week. One week of ignoring it and then even he had to accept the ugly reality. He had the works; the woozyness, saying the wrong thing, catching himself looking at Pete and wondering why in high hell he liked him, and realising that he helplessly, regrettably, did. At which point there was only one thing to do.

"Zoe," he began the next time he hung out with just her alone. They didn't really do 'dates' so much as coordinated mischief and sometimes making out. They were up by the pagoda outside glassjaw gym, debating which window you'd have to break to get a brick to land right on Derby's desk from outside.

"What is it?" She was scraping crap out from under her nails with a paper clip, feet up on one of the benches out of the sun. Neither of them were made for weather like this.

"I've got a..." He paused, took a breath. "Swear you won't laugh."

"What?" she scoffed. "Is this the confession, Jimmy? Is this when you tell me you love me?"

"You know I love you," he quipped, relaxing a bit more. He did love her, partly because they felt so similar. It was nice to be with a person who was on the same wavelength... the same aggressive, short-tempered wavelength. "No, it's something else."

"Then spit it out," she denounced. Now or never, Jimmy prepped.

"I think..."

"Hey!" Jimmy's stomach almost leapt up his throat and inside-outed in his mouth. Not him. Not now.

"Heya, squirt," Zoe cheered, shifting her feet off the bench and inviting Petey onto it. "How's it hanging?"

"Nice weather," he glowed. After hours he obviously wasn't wearing school uniform, not in this weather. His shirt looked like a hand-me-down, given it was about two sizes too big for him and had colourful scenery of a desert island printed all over, but the shorts fit at least.

"For you, maybe," Zoe commented. "I'll burn like a shrimp out there."

"Guess I'm lucky," he replied, wrinkling his nose. "I just go brown."

"Oh yeah, rub it in, why don't you?" Zoe baited. "Anyway, Jimmy was about to-"

"Ah ah ah!" he erupted, realising where she was trying to pick up again. He drilled her with alook and changed topic. "I was just talking about getting some ice cream," he substituted. "Wanna come?"

Pete had this habit of smiling like he was thrilled every time he was included in anything. Like the surprise never wore off. Jimmy's collar itched against his neck with the heat. "Sure," he offered brightly, and off the three of them went for topic-avoidance ice-cream.

Afterwards Pete wanted to go back to school, something about prefects and homework, but Jimmy had a better inclination to go with Zoe's plan of her place and a kung-fu movie. He kept his mouth shut and tried not to encourage Pete to 'drop the loser shit and come with them' as Zoe so eloquently put it, but Pete was thankfully on a stubborn streak and insisted that they all ought to go back to school.

"I'll be back later," Jimmy negotiated like this was the best compromise for them all. "Don't sweat it, Pete. In time for curfew."

"Well... all right," he murmured, wearing his disappointment like a badge. He probably wanted the company on the bus ride, or perhaps he knew that between Zoe and himself there wouldn't be any trouble. Something did niggle at Jimmy leaving him to go back alone, but it had to be done. "See you tomorrow."

"Bright and early," Jimmy faked, feeling like his smile was way too obvious. They turned in different directions and proceeded in their own ways.

"So what was all that about?" Zoe pounced with the usual lack of restraint, approximately five steps away from Pete.

"I'll tell you later," he groaned. "And don't laugh."

She didn't, actually, which was good of her, because if Jimmy was consulting himself he surely would have split his sides over it.

"So?" she prompted as Jimmy crashed on her beat-up couch and kicked of his sneakers. "Spill it."

"I think..." Deep breaths, he reminded himself. Take it easy. He put a hand over his eyes. "I think I'm gay for Pete." He winced and waited for the laughter, but the air was still and silent.

"Huh," Zoe proclaimed thoughtfully. "That does explain it." She got a jug of lemonade out of the fridge, which was approximately one meter from the couch. The place was technically her dad's, but he was never around. "How gay?"

"I don't know!" he burst, putting both hands to his face. "Gay enough to make it weird."

"For who, you or Pete?" she pointed out calmly. Not like she was a stranger to going both ways, so there was one thing less to worry about.

"Me," he grumbled. "I don't think he's cottoned on." And hopefully wouldn't.

"So lemme get this straight, Jimmy, if you'll pardon the term," she jibed. "You're crushing."

"Yeah."

"On Pete."

"...Yeah."

"Kowalski."

"Which other Petes are there?!" he spat. "Don't rub it in."

"Why are you acting like it's such a bad thing," she suggested. "You could do a lot worse. In fact, you have done a lot worse."

"But it's Pete!" he protested. "You know... wears a pink-bunny-suit-Pete."

"What?" she bit.

"Oh yeah," he murmured. "You weren't around for that." In fairness, it had been Gary and his erratic ways. Pete wasn't exactly to blame for it, given that Jimmy wore the costume he'd been given as well. "I'm not prepared for this," he lamented.

"For what, Jimmy?" she baited. "Wanting to fuck your friends?"

"No," he argued. "That's it. If it were that I could deal with it, but it's something else." In fact the idea of just friend-banging Pete felt distinctly perverse, like committing statutory.

"So what do you want?"

"I dunno," he fussed. "I just... like him." He sounded like a real dipshit right about now, but at least it was only Zoe to revel in it.

"Why are you throwing a fit?" she said. "I mean... he's cute... kinda."

"I know," he gasped, pulling down the skin of his face like he could swap for another personality along with it. "I wish I knew why."

"Come on," Zoe goaded, and made it sound like he was being stupid.

"What?" he barked.

"Well, just the fact that he's literally the only person from Bullworth never to stab you in the back," she pointed out; she hadn't, but was a recent addition to the student body. "And he did help you all those times." She paused, sipping her lemonade. "And he's, you know... one of those good people."

"Right?" Jimmy retorted. You could count the truly good people at Bullworth on one hand. The ones who'd never turn their back on you, even when everyone else had, who wouldn't betray you for any advancement or prize.

"So what's the big deal?" she declared. "You got a crush. What are you gonna do about it?"

"Do about it?" he echoed. "Are you nuts? I can't do anything about it." Except hope it went away.

"What?" she spat. "You're gonna leave it at that?"

"Zoe," he said seriously. "It's Pete. Pete." He felt like this ought to be enough of an explanation.

"I'm not the one with the crush on him," she retorted, and then gave a shudder, clearly imagining it. "It'd feel like hitting on my little brother," she disparaged.

"Thanks a lot," he bemoaned.

"I'm not saying you can't like him," she contested. "Calm your tits. You don't even know if he's straight or what."

"Exactly," Jimmy replied. "In this school? I think there's more closeted gay bars." Not that he'd know. It was more common to hear shocked rumours that someone was actually straight.

"He could just be shy," she said. "Also, the guys in Bullworth? Gross." She made a gagging motion, then noticed Jimmy staring. "Oh no offence," she delivered mechanically, but Jimmy continued to pout and she gave a dramatic sigh. "Does love usually make you this melodramatic?"

"I am not in love," he insisted, arms crossed and feeling like this conservation was the opposite of what he wanted. "It's just... a crush. Or something."

"Well, how did it start?" she asked, and he let out a long breath.

"I don't know," he mumbled. "It's like, since this whole thing with Gary wrapped up there's not much to do but run errands and hang out... and Pete's always around, and he's good company, actually. I guess... I started feeling kinda woozy," he narrated. "He helped me with some algebraic stuff and it was like... god, I had the fuckin' butterflies and everything." Zoe was outright staring at him.

"Is there any chance you could be sick?" she questioned.

"Right?!" he burst. "That's what I thought. With this heat and all, I figured I was just going a bit nuts." He recounted the past weeks and wondered what in hell had happened to make him turn into a pubescent girl. "But then," he added, "I kinda... found a couple of jocks beating him up about a week ago, and I just flipped out."

"How bad?" Zoe inquired, eating chips out of the bag like she was watching a movie.

"Pretty bad," he admitted. "I threw'em around some."

"Right," she conceded. "That doesn't have to mean you fancy him."

"I know," he mooned. "It's the other stuff. I mean, I'm not stupid, I have had crushes before. Just not that often."

"It's really not that big of a deal," she advised. "Why don't you just do whatever it is you usually do to pick someone up?"

"I can't do that," he scorned. "Rip a bunch of flowers outta the ground and tell him he's got nice eyes. Yeah right..." He noticed Zoe giving him a look. "But your eyes really are special," he asided. "Swear it."

"Uhuh," she murmured, perhaps just a little aloof. "So you like him, but you won't do anything about it, like find out if he likes you, or even guys in general."

"Exactly," he said. "Now you're getting it."

"So what are you telling me for!" she snapped, throwing a handful of chips at him. "If you're gonna be damn stupid and not listen to any decent advice."

"Sympathy," he remarked, leaning backwards over the couch and looking at her upside-down. "Pity me."

"Sure, you poor, unfortunate soul," she groaned. "With your self-inflicted emotional trauma. You're worse than my ex."

"Which one?" Jimmy asked cheekily. "Cracky or methy?"

"Both," she hissed. Those weren't her nicknames, of course. Jimmy only needed to chase them back into Happy Volts once to never let her live it down. "What is he, anyway?" she remarked into her bag of chips a minute later.

"What?" he squawked.

"Pete," she resumed. "Is he gay, straight, what?"

"If I knew, would I be having this issue?" he suggested crudely.

"Yes," she batted back. "Yes you would, only you'd be bitching about some different angle of it." Jimmy huffed and realised that Zoe was only taking about as much shit from him as he'd take from anyone else, so he couldn't really begrudge her for it.

"Fine, be like that," he said cattily. Even if it was probably true.

"Look, it's simple," she declared. "All we have to do is find out what he's into. Then you're gonna know if you're wasting your time or not. You don't have to make it seem like you're personally interested just to find that out, right?"

"I guess not," he conceded, scratching his crown. "All right. But you'll have to help me," he pinned and she pulled a face.

"Why should I?" she protested indignantly. "It's your crush."

"Because you're a good friend," he stated. "and because you wanna know too." He knew she was nosier than she let on. She sighed and crunched on a chip.

"Fine," she agreed, picking up the bag and shoving his feet off the other end of the sofa to sit down.

"It's gonna be too weird to make out now, isn't it?" Jimmy commented, reaching for the chips and claiming one for himself.

"After you spent twenty minutes solid bitching about fancying Pete?" she parodied. "Just a little, Jimmy."

"Well if it's only a little-" he began enthusiastically, sitting all the way up and lunging for her. She palmed him off with a laugh and he flopped back down on the couch.

"I wouldn't want to get in the way of your romance," she teased, so he kicked her with a sweaty foot. She, in return, threw him off the sofa and stretched out herself. They ended up watching a movie with him cross-legged on one end and her laying face down across the length. His knees made a perfect dip to rest her boobs, which was apparently very convenient.

"Guess I better go," he announced with the final credits, and it was just a little bit after curfew, but he wasn't going to fuss over breaking a silly rule like that. "Are you coming?"

"Eh," she declined. "I'll just get up earlier tomorrow." The benefits of living in town. At the door they parted with a hug.

"Don't jerk off too hard thinking about Pete tonight," she taunted, ruining the moment.

"Go fuck yourself," he responded courteously.

"Maybe I should ask if Pete wants to do it for me," she returned. "That'd be a way to find out what he likes, right?"

"Not funny!" Jimmy yelled as he picked up a bike and started to pedal away. She shouted something after him, but he didn't catch it.