6. Regret

How Zoe knew to find him wasn't something Jimmy was disposed to think about. Maybe she'd just been passing by and saw him sitting on the footbridge over the harbour, looking like he was going to jump in. He hadn't gone very far from school, but off-campus was still off-campus. Perhaps people had seen him running and sent word. He could believe that.

"So," she remarked, slumping down next to him and hanging her feet over, elbows resting on the first crossbar. "It went well."

Jimmy buried his face in his hands, reliving the moment before he explained it. Let him feel the shame once more alone, before he had to share it with someone else's judgement.

"I punched him," he mumbled into his arms, and this time – for the first time, Zoe laughed.

"Jimmy!" she chuckled, like his misfortune was her highest entertainment. Her hand settled between his shoulders, at the base of his neck. "Come on. How hard?"

"I don't know," he confessed. "I was mad." And when he was mad he didn't really have much control. He hoped it wasn't too bad, but Pete wasn't the sort of person built to take any punches. "You said it couldn't get any worse," he remarked like he was accusing her.

"Well, I underestimated you, Jimmy," she half-joked, but still treading carefully. He didn't really like pity, so this was about what he could manage. "Only you possessed the skill fuck it up even more."

"I knooow," he moaned into his wrists, swinging his feet into nothing. "What the hell's wrong with me?"

"Relax," she ordered. "C'mon, Jimmy. It's not so bad."

"I punched him!" he burst. "How is that not so bad?"

"You coulda punched him twice," she suggested, trying quite visibly not to burst out laughing again.

"There's time yet," he lamented. Knowing his luck he'd be beating the shit out of Pete and stuffing him in lockers by the end of the week.

"So now what?" she put to him, and he pulled his face out of his arms and sighed.

"I'll lay low, I guess," he sighed. "Doubt he wants to see me any time soon."

"Look," she started up. "Do you want me to go talk to him? I can do some damage control."

"How do you damage control that?" he huffed.

"I know you feel like shit – but – and don't take this the wrong way," she said, "but we all know you're a dumbass sometimes."

"Thanks," he muttered.

"Really, Jimmy," she insisted. "Pete knows you're a hothead. I bet he's not as shocked as you think he is."

"For real?" he remarked. "Cause I gotta tell you, I lost my shit."

"He's seen you lose your shit before," she pointed out. "He just probably didn't expect it to happen to him."

"He did say some stuff to set me off," he reasoned. "Not that he had it coming or anything." No, Jimmy was still the asshole here.

"Should I see if I can find him?" she posed. "Just to check if he's all right. Don't even have to talk about it."

"When did you become such a fucking matchmaker?" he questioned crossly, and she gave him a friendly shove.

"Since you became a bleeding heart," she retorted, and he couldn't deny that.

"All right," he conceded. She was going to do what she wanted to do, regardless of whether Jimmy said yay or nay. Might as well agree now. "And you can tell him I'm sorry," he added as Zoe got up and smoothed down her skirt.

"I bet he knows that already, but sure," she conceded, giving him a friendly prod in the ass with her boot. "Don't jump off, okay?" He snorted.

"I'll try," he countered, counting each of Zoe's footsteps as she walked away.

Pete Kowalski was feeling pretty much a dick right about now.

It was still sweat-through-your-clothes hot inside the dorm, so after Jimmy knocked all the marbles out of his head, he got a can of cold beam out of the drinks machine and sat on the steps pressing it to his chin, wondering how he'd managed to get Jimmy Hopkins to punch him in the space of three minutes.

In fairness, Pete was pretty sure he wasn't the only one acting an ass here, but he certainly could've not said that stuff about Jimmy and he'd likely have a face that wasn't throbbing.

"Hey, squirt." That was typical, he thought to himself. Just what he needed now: Jimmy's alter-ego.

"Hi Zoe," he murmured, leaning on his knees and rolling the beam up and down his cheek. "I suppose you know already." She didn't answer right away, just stomped her way up the first step and sat down next to him. Didn't seem to care how much leg she flashed haunching down on the steps next to him, twisting round and putting her hand over his as she pulled the can away from his face, taking in the damage.

She hissed through her teeth and replaced the makeshift cold pack. So it probably looked bad enough. He was currently running lists of acceptable excuses to tell Dr. Crabblesnitch and the other teachers when he showed up with a shiner on Monday morning.

"Look," she began at last. "Jimmy's a fucking idiot sometimes."

"You're telling me," he murmured.

"What did you say to him?" she questioned, and he flicked a glance at her.

"He didn't tell you?" he assumed they shared everything. They always appeared to. That was half the reason he was so surprised by Jimmy's confession, for lack of a better word. He'd thought Zoe and Jimmy were the item. He was meant to be the third wheel.

"No," she insisted, trailing off into a pregnant pause. "You don't have to tell me either," she pointed out conspicuously, and Pete sighed.

"I might've shed a little light on the fact that pretty much every emotion translates into anger for him," he commented, and Zoe's laugh made it seem like this was funny and not the least-fun thing that'd happened to him since Gary finally went down. Here he'd thought the hard part of school life was over.

"Not a great idea to tell someone who's a hothead that they're being a hothead," she remarked, and he shrugged in defeat. He did know that, but Jimmy wasn't the only one whose mouth (or fists) could move faster than they ought to sometimes. "He's really sorry, you know," she added like that could suck the bruise back out of his face.

"If he's so sorry, why'd he do it?" he muttered, and Zoe put her arm around him.

"I know he seems like he's got his shit together, but here's the thing about Jimmy," she revealed like they were coming together in a state secret. "Most of it's an act," she concluded. Not exactly what he'd been expecting to hear.

"Whaddya mean?" he inquired.

"He had to pull it together to save the school," she explained. "He's just a fuckin' kid, like you. People forget that." It was true that people treated Jimmy like he was something more than what he was, as if it was reasonable to ask a teenager to help fix their lives and hand their problems off like old laundry.

"I guess," he said, realising that the beam was really not that cold any more and he was probably overreacting anyway.

"And you know he's got a good heart, even if it's a bit rough around the edges," she continued. He knew that too. Jimmy had never given it to someone who didn't deserve it as long as Pete had known him. He wondered if that meant he'd deserved it too.

"So what?" he prompted, wondering if this was what being set up felt like.

"Don't go too hard on him," she answered. "He's been having a rough time."

"He has?" Pete suggested, as if to ask why, but realised Zoe was staring right at him. "You can't mean because of me?" he surmised.

"Haven't you ever had unrequited feelings for someone?" she asked, and he found himself shrugging rather than explaining.

"Not really," he mumbled.

"So everyone's liked you back?" she put to him, and now it was his turn to laugh.

"More like, I've never liked anyone in the first place so it doesn't matter if they like me back," he elaborated. Her eyes widened.

"You've neverhad a crush?" she phrased.

"Not really," he confessed with another shrug. With the pick at Bullworth, it was easy not to get hung up on people. Sometimes he wondered if they could swap everyone at Happy Volts for everyone at Bullworth and see what actually changed, because he didn't think it'd be much.

"So you're... what?" she put to him. "Gay?" He pulled a puzzled face. "Straight?" Same gesture. "Something inbetween?"

"I dunno," he answered with a shrug.

"Do you jerk it?" she demanded suddenly.

"Zoe!" he blasted. This was meant to be a talk about Jimmy, not about his own masturbatory habits.

"I'm gonna assume that means yes," she said, all too sharp for him to cover anything up. He supposed he wouldn't have reacted so badly if he'd nothing to hide. "Anyway, that's not the point," she thankfully moved on. "I'm just telling you, as someone who gave Jimmy a shot before, he's a good guy."

"I know that," Pete sighed. "It's just... it seems so weird sometimes."

"That's probably him," she explained, and he looked up. "People act like dicks when they're hiding a crush," she added.

"That was hiding it?" he marvelled.

"I didn't say he was good at it," she countered. "Now, I'm sure he wouldn't like me telling you this, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. He likes you more than anyone else in this damn place, including me, so if you're worried about being next in line of his exes, I wouldn't."

"Even you?" he queried, finding it unbelievable. He thought Jimmy and Zoe loved each other.

"He never punched me," she replied.

"So that's what shows he cares?" he shot. "He likes me so much he hit me in the face. How romantic-"

"Can the sarcasm," she snapped, and he remembered all at once that Zoe was just as scary as Jimmy when she wanted to be. "I'm saying he gets irrational," she laid out for him. "Not that it's a good or clever thing, but let's face it, Pete. He's no genius." She shared a smile with him like they were really the best of friends, and he felt torn between wondering if he was being manipulated, and just liking it. Having friends, being talked to, sharing secrets and maybe for once something happening to him in his life, not just around him.

"So what do you want me to do?" he questioned.

"I'm not setting you up for anything," she retracted quickly. "I just don't want him beating himself up for the next two weeks on my couch being a pathetic heartbroken loser."

"Yeah right," Pete scoffed, and then realised Zoe wasn't joking. Not with a glare like that. "He'd really-?"

"See? If it's you he likes to much, why am I the one putting up with it?" she asked herself helplessly. "Just think about it, Pete. If there's no chance, then tell him and he can get over it like a grown up."

"But I said I'd try," he put forward, and she lifted an eyebrow. News to her, then. "That was when he got mad."

"Why?" she asked.

"He didn't want, uh, a pity-... thing," he fumbled, knowing that curses often sounded more stupid than not when he said them.

"Well duh," she retorted, cuffing him round the back of the head. "He wants you to actually like him, not just be humouring him because you don't feel strongly either way."

"But I don't feel strongly!" he protested. "I just figured it'd be okay if it made him happy."

"So you do like him," she deduced.

"Of course," he confirmed. "He's done so much for the school, he did so much for me. Of courseI like him," he trailed off, feeling distinctly less comfortable than he had moments prior. "I just don't know about... that kind of like."

Zoe had her chin propped on a closed fist, and let off a great heave of breath like she was exhausted with all of this.

"You know what I think?" she announced, and he was going to hear it anyway. "I think you oughta give him a chance."

"I tried to," he burst. "He punched me in the face!"

"Yeah, okay," she agreed. "He probably won't do it again, though."

"Probably?" he echoed.

"I dunno, squirt," she jeered. "You can say some provocative shit sometimes." That wasn't entirely untrue. He just never said most of the stuff he thought because he liked not being beaten up – and look how far it'd gotten him now. "Point is, you two clearly need to go sort somethin' out," she continued obliviously.

"I can try," he relented, actually feeling slightly better about the whole thing, to his surprise. Taking to Zoe about what went on in Jimmy's head had made things seem clearer.

"Attaboy," she commended, getting up from the steps and sweeping sweat from the back of her neck. She and Jimmy did seem to be suffering more in the heat, with their fair complexion and red hair, which he didn't envy. "You gonna drink that?" she asked, gesturing at his tepid Beam.

"Not really," he answered, offering it up to her. "So, you think I should try talking to him again?" he suggested, as she cracked the tab and slurped down some lukewarm soda.

"Give it a bit of time," she advised, "but not too long. He's less fun when he's moping and sorry-for-himself."

Pete almost didn't believe he had that kind of impact on Jimmy. He wouldn't have believed it until a day or two ago. He used to think he was perceptive, but that only seemed to be for things that didn't concern him.

"All right," he said in way of a farewell. Zoe surely had better things to be doing than relationship counselling for him and Jimmy. Not that they were in a relationship. "Thanks for... uh, this."

Helping? Persuading Pete that Jimmy really did like-like him and that being punched in the face shouldn't be taken as an insult but an expression of passion? Pete wasn't really sure where he was going with his life any more – first Head Boy drops into his lap, now this.

He had a whole weekend, and a lot to think about.