I Am So Afraid of Breaking What We Made

Hearing the raw sorrow in Toni's voice caught Sam off guard so he released Toni's arm immediately. She calmly exited the vehicle and Sam stayed in his seat as he watched her walk briskly back to the room with her eyes fixed on her feet.

Sam really wasn't in the mood to get into a shouting match with Toni about gender equality issues, so he remained stationed in his place. He was hoping that she would blow off the majority of her steam in the room alone while he studied the map of the lake to plan out their next hunt. In the seven months that they were 'together' at school, Sam had seen Toni get into a couple of arguments where she hadn't been able to keep her emotions in check and she had been pretty scary. On the rare occasion when that had happened, there was absolutely no way to reason with her until she finished her argument. But then an hour later she had return to her normal, even-tempered self, as if her outburst had never happened. If someone ask about it (which only happened once) she had acknowledged that she MIGHT have overreacted, but that her argument was still valid.

After what felt like an eternity, Sam checked the clock then sighed with the utmost frustration. He hadn't checked the time when Toni had left so he had no way of knowing how long it had been since she had gone back to the room. Willing to take his chances, Sam slowly extracted himself form the truck to make his way to the room. He paused at the door and put his ear to it in an attempt to hear what was happening in the room. When he didn't hear any smashing or crashing around, he tried to peak through their window while he turned the knob.

As he stepped into the room, he heard the sound of the faucet in the bathroom running, so he assumed that Toni was still working at washing the stain from her jacket. He moved silently through the room and sat down at the spot that he had claimed as his own at the table. From his spot, he just watched the closed bathroom door debating if it would just be easier for him to just hop in the truck and take care of Jimmy Medina on his own or not.

Shortly after Sam had made himself comfortable, Toni emerged from the bathroom. She had her hair pulled into a loose bun, so Sam couldn't see that the ends of her hair were still wet from her having had to wash some remnants of the baby's vomit out of them. She was holding her semi-soaked jacket and she retrieved a hanger from the tiny closet to hang her jacket on a hook on the back of the bathroom door where the fan was on so that it could dry.

Toni continued to move through the room as if she were completely alone, not noticing or not caring that Sam was now present. She pulled out her bags and placed one of them on a chair near the end of the bed to take out a change of shirt. With her back turned to Sam, she shed her button down blouse. Sam sat in a stunned silence as Toni unlatched her flesh colored cotton bra and removed it as well.

As she stood there, naked from the waist up, she carefully folded her blouse before placing it in her bag. Sam got up and moved stealthily towards her as if there was some unseen magnetic pull between them. Toni jumped slightly when Sam's hands reached around her and softly cupped each of her naked breasts then Sam stayed still for a moment while he waited for Toni's reaction with slight apprehension. When the back of her head rested gently on his chest, Sam lowered his lips to kiss her neck while his hands massaged the flesh in his palms.

"I really am so sorry Toni," he apologized in a lust filled tone. "I didn't mean to offend you… That's just how we do things." He continued as he covered her shoulder, neck and cheek with soft embraces.

While his hands continued to toy with her breasts, Sam couldn't hide his smile when he felt Toni grab his left thigh to steady herself against his body. Toni allowed him to continue with what he was doing and when he gently pinched her nipple to bring it to a hard peak, she swallowed her aroused moan to keep from letting onto Sam the true effect he was having on her.

"I'm so sorry," he would add every so often trying to pull any sound that he could out of her. He remained so focused on his tasks that he didn't hear Toni slide the zipper of her jeans open. Then she reached up and clasped his right paw in her small fist.

"Okay Sam," she finally answered. "If you're so sorry, then why don't you prove it to me," she nearly ordered as she slid his hand down the defined muscles of her abdomen to the waist of her cotton panties. Sam ceased all movement to watch her direct his hand to exactly where she wanted it.

When he didn't continue past the elastic waist band, she rolled her head while it was still on his chest so that she could look up at his face and somewhat forcefully demanded, "Well?"

Without any further thought or hesitation, his hand moved downward over her nearly naked skin and he soon felt that Toni wasn't actually angry at all. In fact, she was beyond aroused and her excitement hit him like a lightning bolt which caused him to bite down a little too hard on her shoulder as he slid two fingers slowly inside her.

"Sam? SAM?" He heard Toni shouting from across the room, followed by the undeniable CLICK of Toni placing the clip into the handle of her gun. "Earth to Sam!" She continued with a chuckle.

"What? What was that?" He questioned, completely dazed and still staring at the spot where she had changed into a sport's bra and long sleeve shirt.

"Other than silver bullets, is there anything else that I should have with me?" She asked sounding like it wasn't the first time that she'd made that same inquiry.

"Umm… Yeah… Anything you've got that's made out of silver… Weapons wise, I mean," he answered somewhat distractedly. He finally forced his eyes to focus on her and she looked like she was now deep in thought.

"Shit… I have my iron knife. Unless… No, damn… Took it out after that job in Oregon… Dammit… Ok, well silver bullets it is then," she concluded with a nonchalant shrug.

As she pulled her belt out of a couple of loops on her jeans to attach her holster, Toni looked over at Sam and asked, "Now, do we wait until nightfall or do we head out sooner?"

Sam had finally snapped out of his daydream and was on his feet moving towards his duffle bags.

"I just need to change and then I think it would be best if we head out now. It'll be dark soon enough, so we should try to get a lay of the land before nightfall," he explained.

"Yeah that's what I thought too. Okay… So while you get changed, I'll look over the map you got and I'll try to familiarize myself with it."

Sam nodded then continued towards the bathroom. At the door he paused and looked back at Toni, now seated at the table pouring over the slightly crinkled paper he had brought in with him. He shook his head at himself for forgetting that this was Toni he was dealing with. She didn't do dramatic bitchfests about things when she had a job to complete. No… She could compartmentalize her feelings and push them aside in order to move onto the next step in achieving any of her goals.

By the time he had changed into a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt, Toni had pulled up an aerial map off the lake on Sam's laptop. He stood behind her as she examined the various houses and docks that lined the shores of the water.

"I hope you don't mind, but your laptop was out and all… So," she started as she closed the laptop shut. "It looks like they've added a dock just at the end of their yard here. Otherwise not much else has changed on this map."

Sam nodded slowly, but since he was remaining mute, she continued, "Alright, so I was thinking… We can cover more ground if one of us takes the cabin while the other covers the ground outside. What do you think?"

Sam nodded silently again. Toni turned fully around to look at Sam and when he didn't make eye contact, she closed her eyes and hung her head dejectedly.

"Sam? Are we going to have to have a heart to heart or can we just move on and get this job done?" She asked with the mildest hint of annoyance slipping into her tone.

Sam shook his head and then his eyes met hers and he seemed to once again wake up. "No, no I'm good. I was just wondering… Which would you prefer, inside or out?"

"Well I still suck at picking a deadbolt, so I'll take outside?"

"Sure, sounds good. And your gun… It's loaded with silver bullets?"

"Yeah," she answered with more self-confidence. "Okay, so I also double checked the calendar and it looks like we're in the full moon cycle right now, so he doesn't have to have… Umm… An object of affection to turn… Uhh… Do you think that makes him more or less dangerous?"

Sam shrugged as he placed a silver knife in a pocket on the inside of his coat. "They're pretty vicious regardless… I don't know if it makes a difference. Why do you ask?"

"Oh… I just thought that since you had… Uhh you know, pretty 'intimate' knowledge of werewolves that you might have… Umm some insights. But whatever… Vicious monster, shoot it in the heart… That's all that I really need to know," Toni replied as she put on her jacket and met him at the door.

"Intimate… Wait, you… You know about Madison?" Sam asked with genuine surprise.

"Yeah, 'Heart' was one of the three books that I read. You two together… It was pretty hot you know," she admitted while raising an eyebrow suggestively.

Sam unconsciously blushed and Toni couldn't help but smirk. She mentally patted herself on the back for once again being able to unnerve Sam so easily. He remained frozen for a moment, so Toni leaned over and turned the key in the ignition. She hadn't noticed that she had steadied herself by placing her hand on Sam's inner thigh, but Sam's eyes immediately became glued to the connection when he felt it. He decided not to say anything about it and then they continued on as if it had never happened.

When they pulled up to the cabin, Toni watched the setting sun with a slightly worried eye. Sam caught onto her apprehension and offered, "You can still take the cabin if you wanted."

Toni shook her head, smiled brightly and then replied, "No that's okay. It's a clear night, so I'm sure there'll be enough moonlight. I didn't expect the sun to set so fast… I'm just hoping that I dressed warmly enough."

Sam was still laughing softly when they met at the hood of the truck to go over their final details. "So, I'll call you if I find him, alright?"

Toni again shook her head, unholstered her pistol then held his arm to ensure that she had his full attention. "If you find him first, please don't waste any time on calling me… 'Jimmy's dead' is all that I need to hear from you when this is done, okay Sam?"

He nodded and prepared his gun as well by chambering a round. Then he turned to leave but Toni's hand shot out and grabbed his to halt him.

"Sam… Be careful, okay? Make sure that I get to buy you a celebratory drink when this is all said and done, alright?"

As he was nodding, Toni stood up on her tiptoes and pulled his face to hers. Sam picked up on her intentions almost instantly and picked her up to help eliminate the height difference so that they could share a tender kiss. Toni kept ahold of his neck and hugged him tightly then whispered, "Thank you for saving my life and helping me with all of this Sam."

Sam squeezed her but didn't have any words to offer as a reply. Then he placed her gently on the ground and they each said one last "Good luck" before finally parting ways.

Sam entered the cabin with ease as Toni made her way to the dock by the back yard. The yard was beautifully manicured and was quite sparse because the owners had already stored all of their outdoor furniture for the winter. Toni was very thankful that it was in fact a clear night because visibility was even better than she had originally anticipated.

The nearly full moon had risen high above the lake and was illuminating the soft ripples that rose in the soft breeze which Toni found unusually calming. As she made her way towards the shore line, Toni could see a fairly large mass near the edge of the dock. She surveyed the area for any other movement and for any cover that would help her to reach the dock undetected.

She followed close against a hedge that played the role of a makeshift fence between the Medina's yard and that of a neighboring yard. As she moved towards her target, Toni paused twice when she thought that she heard a noise on the other side of the hedge, but each time she cautiously checked the other side, there was nothing to be found. When she reached the end of the shrubbery, Toni could now make out that the large dark blob she had seen from the house appeared to in fact be a body. She wanted to sprint out to it and check if it was another werewolf victim, but she knew that such a move would be incredibly stupid and only make her more vulnerable. So she stayed pressed against the bush and closed her eyes while stilling her breath, listening intently for any other movement in the immediate area. When she went up to the count of 150 without hearing anything, she ventured a check over and then around the hedge.

With every step she took, Toni started to feel sicker and sicker because as she got closer, she knew that the scent in the air was unmistakably blood and bodily fluids. She stood over the legs of the woman and holstered her sidearm as she took a coser look. Toni stood frozen for a moment then forced down the bile rising in the back of her throat with a hard swallow. The red head's chest had been ripped open with a couple of her ribs lying beside her corpse. Toni nearly vomited at the thought, but she knew that she had to check if her heart was missing before she did anything else.

When Toni had that confirmed, she forlornly whispered, "I'm so sorry" to the woman, but it did nothing to ease her mounting feelings of guilt.

She once again had to take a moment to collect herself and secretly hoped that Sam had found their most recent target and had taken care of him. Ever the realist, she knew from the absence of the sound gunfire in the distance that Jimmy was still around somewhere. And then she heard it…

Somewhere behind her, towards the shore, Toni heard the distinctive sound of a snarl. She then placed her hand on her hip and struggled slightly to unlatch the catch over her gun. By the time she finally had it out and she was standing again looking at the grotesquely misshapen form that Jimmy Medina took when he transformed into a werewolf was only a few feet away from her.

Toni started to take a few steps back and then she heard Sam yell from close to the hedging in an attempt to get its attention. However, Jimmy's attention never wavered as he made his slow, deliberate approach towards Toni.

She stole a glance over her shoulder for a possible escape route, but saw nothing more than the black depths of the lake. Toni leveled her pistol in an attempt to line up her shot, but Jimmy kept his body slumped over in such a way that his torso was never erect enough to present her with the appropriate target. Toni wanted nothing more than to increase the distance between herself and the creature, so she took a large step backwards… Right into a large pool of blood. She immediately lost her footing, but instead of falling face first into the blood soaked wood of the dock, she used her sideways momentum and dove head first into the water.

After she was safely in the lake, Toni swam a few strokes under the water and as she surfaced, she heard Sam pop off two rounds into the werewolf. One of them struck its target and Jimmy reared up in pain, which gave Toni an unobstructive view of his torso. She took this opening and squeezed the trigger of her gun three times as quickly as possible. By the time Sam reached the creature's body, it had finally fallen silent after issuing a long blood curdling shriek.

Sam was satisfied that Toni had put down their werewolf, so he ran to the edge of the dock to meet her as she swam back. He quickly holstered his firearm in the small of his back and reached down to pull her out of the water.

"Nice shot," he praised as soon as she joined him on the dock.

She was beaming at her achievement, but when she looked down at the werewolf, Toni's face twisted into horrified shock.

"He's… He loo… Looks…" She stuttered.

"Human? Yeah, they revert back to their human form when they're dead," Sam explained indifferently while watching Toni start to shiver violently. "Hey, are you okay Toni?"

She tried desperately to reply, but her teeth were chattering too vigorously for her to form any words.

"Yeah, jumping into frigid water in the autumn twilight, not the brightest idea," Sam commented somewhat compassionately as he scooped her up into his arms.

Toni was still holding her gun in an icy death grip, so Sam pried it from her fingers and dropped it in his pocket. She wanted to wrap her arms around his neck, but her nearly hypothermic muscles couldn't do anything but vibrate as they attempted to warm themselves up. Sam didn't hesitate to drape her arms around his neck as he moved towards the yard so that he could hold her tight to his body in an attempt to warm her up with his own body heat.

He ran as fast as he could while he carried her shivering body towards her truck. As they neared the pickup, Sam tonly stopped because he felt Toni's jaw move more deliberately than it had been moving when he felt her teeth chattering during his run.

"What is it Toni?"

"Ba… Blah… Blanket… Bah… Bac…" She stoically tried to explain.

"Backseat?" He concluded correctly as she nodded and slurred, "Yeah."

"Do you think you can stand on your own long enough for me to grab it?" Toni again forced her head to nod again.

Sam placed her on her feet and held her face for a couple of seconds as she got her chattering mouth to flash him the closest thing to a smile that she could muster. He sprinted to the driver's side and turned on the ignition and cranked the heat to high while stealing a few glances at Toni's shivering form. Then he searched the backseat in the dark until his hand brushed against the rough fabric of a heavy woolen blanket.

He rushed back to Toni as fast as his legs could take his large frame and she was thankfully still standing. He was able to wrap the oversized blanket around Toni's petit frame twice and then he picked her up again and carried her still shivering body to the passenger's seat. After he laid her down on the bench seat, he shed his heavy coat and placed it over her blanket clad body as well.

Toni wasn't able to minimize the amount of space that she was taking up on the front seat of her own volition, so Sam had to place her head in his lap so that he could drive. During the entire drive, he continued to stroke her face and now loose wet hair in an attempt to not only warm her but to comfort her as much as possible as well.

Once they returned to the motel, Sam was soaked with sweat in the sweltering heat of the cab of the truck. After he cut the engine, he wiped his brow then checked on Toni. Her eyes were squeezed she, her teeth were still chattering and her whole body was still shivering uncontrollably. He once again picked her up off the seat and carried her into the room without a word because he could feel in his gut that this was a bad situation that really didn't need to be discussed.

After she was once again standing, Sam unwound the blanket from around her trembling body then softly instructed, "You need to get out of these wet clothes… I'm going to grab some towels, okay?" Before he would leave her alone, he had to ensure that she understood so he stood in front of her until she moved her head in a nodding motion.

While he was in the bathroom gathering up as many clean towels as he could find, Toni attempted to remove her clothes on her own. This was nearly impossible for her to do because her hands were shaking too violently for her to complete that task. When Sam returned to her side, he dumped the towels on the bed and looked down at the frustrated look on her face with slight amusement. Even as he stood there, she continued her attempts to remove her clothes despite her absolute inability to do so.

Sam stopped her hands in midair and gently lowered them to her sides saying, "Okay… Here, let me help you."

After he peeled off Toni's shirt, Sam started to struggle with her now form clinging jeans. Once he had the soaked jeans somewhat rolled down to her ankles, Sam sat her on the bed so that he could remove her sneakers and the stubborn denim. Sam got Toni to her feet again and she wanted to do nothing more than wrap her arms around her nearly naked body to hide her vulnerability from Sam, but once again her quaking muscles couldn't comply with her brain's directive.

Sam maneuvered around Toni and picked up one of the towels and gently started to dry her long, somewhat matted hair. Once that thin towel had absorbed as much water as it could, Sam tossed it onto the pile with the blanket and Toni's soaked clothes. She continued to shiver uncontrollably as he wrapped a second towel around her body and tried to soak up as much water off her skin and underwear as possible. It too became sopping wet too quickly and Sam tossed it onto the growing pile with an annoyed grunt.

Toni still wasn't able to do much more than shiver while her teeth continued to chatter and Sam looked down at her with his brows furrowed in frustration. Since Toni didn't seem to be able to control her limbs, Sam lifted her arms over her head before he started to fight with her unyielding sports bra. As he tried to gingerly roll it up and off her body, it pinched her more than once. Toni's mouth couldn't stop its quickly paced up and down motion to whimper in pain, but her cheek did burn somewhat under Sam's palm when he brushed a couple of tears away.

"I'm sorry, but I have to… I have to get all of your wet clothes off you," Sam quietly explained.

Toni was finally able to nod and them Sam removed her last article of offending clothing. As she stood there, stark naked, Sam tried to keep from focusing on her supple skin and picked up the last dry towel on the bed and wrapped it around her. He then rubbed his hands up and down her sides vigorously to dry and try to warm her.

She hissed slightly in pain at the sandpaper texture then painfully stuttered, "Be… Be… Beachchch… Ta… Ta…"

"Beach towel?" Sam asked, putting Toni out of her misery.

She nodded slightly then Sam quickly questioned, "Your bag?"

After another nod, Sam riffled through each of her bags until he found the soft, fluffy oversized towel with her favorite cartoon character printed on it. Toni offered him the best smile that her chattering teeth could offer in appreciation of his effort. The towel was big enough to wrap around her petite frame almost three times and then he picked her up and placed her on the bed under the covers. Sam's clothes were now quite damp with sweat and lake water, so Sam stripped down to his boxers before he crawled into bed and pulled Toni into his arms.

He nuzzled into her and put his chin on her shoulder and squeezed her against his chest and whispered, "I've got you Toni… Don't worry… Everything is going to be okay."