Chapter 17. The most difficult thing I have ever written in my life. Cried through the whole damn thing. Guys, this one might be short, but it packs one hell of an emotional punch. I will try to get the next chapter up as fast as possible but I am still recovering from this one so just bear with me. It hurts. A lot of you will be mad at me, but just stick with me. Watch for the next chapter.

*Disclaimer*

Not likely that you'll enjoy this one, but, please continue. It gets better. I promise.

RPOV

Tuesday. It was now two days later and none of Jacob's wolves would talk to me, even though I knew something had happened. I'd ordered them to tell me in as many different ways that I could think of, but I believed Jacob had ordered them not to say anything. He and I would be having a conversation when he came back. If he came back.

No, dammit. When he comes back.

Bending down, I grabbed a handful of pebbles, and, in anger, flung them as hard as I could into the waves of First Beach. Sadie, Blake, Derek, and Adam were spread out down the beach.

Sighing, I sat myself down onto a log and wrapped my jacket tighter around myself. Underneath it, I was wearing one of Jacob's old hoodies. The weather had turned colder once more. Another storm moving in. Apparently snow was in the forecast for the holiday. Mother Nature must have been brutally pissed off this year.

Sadie sat next to me, crossed her arms and leaned them on her crossed legs.

"Can't you tell me anything?" I asked, neither of us looking at each other, but out at the waves.

I saw her shake her head out of the corner of my eye. "Sorry, Ness."

"He order it?"

Silence. Not even a nod or head shake.

"I figured."

"Look, he cut us off, Ness. We don't know much more than you do. And trust me, you don't want to know. I can't tell you even if you did."

"My husband and I are going to have a talk."

She laughed without humor. "Good luck with that."

I snorted. "I know, right?"

"I wish I could give you something, but I can't break the order. He actually used 'the voice' on us."

"So something did happen?"

Silence again.

"Awesome."

With that heavy silence between us, I felt like I should be hysterical and sobbing. But something inside me had finally clicked into place, probably from Jacob's speech the other night. If something had happened to him, I needed to step up. Of course, I did feel hollow, as if I were already distancing myself from whatever was going to happen.

Instead of dwelling on Jacob, I thought about all the females possibly losing their mates, children losing fathers.

Swallowing hard, I sat beside my guard and numbly watched the waves wash over the pebbles.

Jacob's ring sat heavily between my breasts. It was warm from being in contact with my skin for so long. And it made me think of him. Of the last night we were together.

The aches and bruises were still there. The marks of his teeth still set into my skin. I enjoyed every one of his marks on my body. And prayed that I'd feel them again.

But just in case, I would ingrain the feeling and sights of these into my mind for as long as I could.

ChristaPOV

All the females were cuddled down at Emily's place except for Nessie and Tricia. Nessie had gone to the beach, but nobody knew where Tricia had gone, except Keira. She'd followed the blonde out without a word. Abigail, the injured and starved vampire, had just randomly taken off with a sense of urgency. Lucy, the thirteen year old werewolf, had stayed quiet and at the edge of the group. Bianca was doing some research for her so that she could go back to her family and have a pack nearby for support.

I'd sent Haleigh outside with Claire. Craig and his son had gone out with them. We were all gathered around the coffee table, playing board games and being worried. The smiles were tense and the laughs forced.

Walker promised only two days. We were on day two and the wolves hadn't said a peep on whether or not they were coming back. Sam knew something, but wasn't spilling, saying that Jacob had given him an order. One thing was for certain, though. The man wasn't happy, was clearly upset about something.

Shelby was sitting beside me, feeding Brayden, a blanket draped over her. Nobody minded. Leila was sitting up in Emily's lap, smiling.

"Men are terrible with time estimation," Emil said, rolling the dice on the board game. "I'm sure they'll be back soon. Something probably just caught their attention. It's happened before."

"She's got a point," Morgan said. "Especially if something happened to Denalis. They might try to find them if they're close. They did say a search and rescue."

A ding from the kitchen signaled that the water chestnuts wrapped in bacon were ready. Emily had taken to making finger foods instead of actual meals since so many people kept coming and going. Those and spring rolls were her specialty. At least we had high metabolisms, otherwise we'd be fat by now.

She handed Leila to Morgan as she hopped up. A few minutes later, an entire platter was piled high with the toothpicked deliciousness was set on the other side of the long hand-carved coffee table.

Haleigh and Claire must have had internal alarms to tell them when food was ready because they both burst through the back door to gather around the platter.

"Careful," Emily warned. "It's hot."

Both girls were flushed, cheeks rosy from the cold air. Their hair was frizzed from their knit hats.

"Haleigh, you want some hot chocolate to warm up before you go back out?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yes, please."

I smiled at her. "Claire, what about you?"

She nodded, too, her mouth full.

"Emily, you mind?"

"Not at all. Help yourself. I swear, the Cullens did us all a favor by giving us those machines. Especially with all the coming and going. Although, I wish," she said with emphasis at Alice, "that we could somehow repay them for all they've done for us."

"Oh hush," Alice said. "We have to make sure our family is well provided for. And we have the means. Trust me. Nothing is going to run out any time soon. Not with Edward and Jasper on the stock market."

"Still, you don't have to do all that for us. We're not really family."

Alice gave Emily a very direct glare. "Yes, you are. And not because my niece married Jacob. You became family when the pack stood with us against the Volturi the first time. Sam and the others didn't have to. They could have let us die out there."

"Let Jacob die?" Emily said incredulously. "I don't think so. That boy is like the little brother I never had. And Nessie? Let them have her? And you? Not on my life. Bella had told us all about you. I wouldn't have let Sam back out."

"See?" Alice replied with a grin. "Family. And the support we had deserves some doting upon."

Emily rolled her eyes as I stood up.

"Come on, girls. Let's get you some cocoa."

Haleigh gripped my hand and pulled me toward the kitchen. Alice and Emily kept up the bickering as I fixed the cocoa and seated the girls at the kitchen table.

"Stay here. I'll get you a plate of chestnuts."

After I got them settled and fed, I sat back down at the coffee table. I couldn't help but think about Haleigh. What would happen if Walker didn't come back? Would she retreat into herself? Would depression sink in? Could I deal with it? And what would happen with his-our-pack?

So many questions buzzed through my head that it was hard to keep track of them and contemplate any answers. Bianca came to sit beside me and squeezed my shoulder. Angelica sat on her other side.

"No matter what happens," Angelica said, "we'll all figure it out."

After that, we went back to playing the game. All of us kept touching, somehow brushing against each other. It was comforting, and it let me know that I wasn't alone.

"Christa?"

Haleigh was standing at the edge of the table on the other side of Angelica, looking down at me. The other two women moved to give her room to scooch down to me. Since I was sitting Indian-style, she nestled herself into my lap.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Is Walker coming home soon?"

Stroking her hair, I looked over at Emily and then Bianca. I rested my cheek on her hair and said, "I don't know, sweetheart."

She sniffled into my sleeve. "I miss him."

That's when the tears hit. "Me, too, baby. Me, too."

I'd tried to avoid intimate thoughts of him, but that barrier broke. The night of our wedding was one of the sweetest nights. After we'd gotten home, the three of us had cuddled up on the couch and had a Disney marathon. Once we'd put her to bed, the love-making had been slow and sensual. He'd woken me up multiple times in the night. The last time, I had cried, had fallen asleep against his chest with tears rolling over our skin.

Now my tears fell into Haleigh's dark hair as I held her tight.

"Excuse us," I managed to choke out as I stood up.

Bianca started to get up, but I shook my head. I couldn't take pretending to be okay anymore. Truth was, I was falling apart, screaming inside. Something was terribly wrong and my heart was breaking from lack of information and Haleigh's tears.

"We'll be fine. Just going back to my house."

After a moment, Bianca gave me a sad smile and nodded. "Ok. I'll come check on you later."

"Thank you."

The air was crisp and cold so I tucked Haleigh against my chest and carried her home. Once we got there, I put us both in our pajamas, I cuddled us up in my bed. Walker had insisted on changing the sheets before he left. I'd hated it because I'd wanted his scent surrounding me.

On my side, I tucked her into me and stroked her hair. She slept fitfully. Body twitching, face scrunching up, she tossed against me.

"Mommy," she pleaded into my shoulder in her sleep.

I pulled her closer. "Shhh, I'm here, sweetheart. I'm right here."

Murmuring to her over and over, she finally settled. And with her peace, came mine.

ShelbyPOV

My heart went out to Christa and Haleigh. The girl had just found a man that would make a perfect father for her and now something awful could be happening to him. And Christa? She'd just married him, had just gotten him back in her life.

Brayden was currently snoozing in my arms, and I couldn't bring myself to think about Seth. Worry already flooded me. It was better not to make it worse by mulling those thorny thoughts over and over.

All that worry I decided to aim toward Nessie and Christa and Leah. The last had run herself ragged, whining and whimpering. The two men she loved most were away with Jacob. Caden and Seth were out there, both ripped away from her. She hadn't eaten, barely slept, and was rarely seen in human form over the last couple days.

The times she had been human, she'd come to hold Brayden, her one connection to her baby brother. My only connection to my mate. After about twenty minutes, she'd disappear once more. I suspected she was giving her brother updates about the both of us. I hadn't seen her in a few hours, so that meant she was running again. I'd have to make sure she ate when she came in. Caden would kill me if I let her go on the way she was and he came back to a skeleton.

That was assuming he was coming back.

Clearing my throat, I turned to Bianca. "Would you mind taking care of him for a couple hours? I need some fresh air."

"Oh, o-of course," she said taking him from me.

I think she was surprised that I'd turned to her, but she was a good woman and Walker trusted her. After what he'd done and that she'd supported him, I trusted her, too.

Alana followed me out. Patrick had gone with the rest of the pack up north, but she'd stayed behind to guard me and Brayden. Since Brayden was safe with wolves and vampires, she accompanied me out onto the rez. I didn't bother with small talk. She was too busy scanning the people, trees, and buildings.

"Do you know where Nessie went?" I asked.

Alana lifted her face to the breeze. "Her scent is fresh enough. Leads to First Beach."

"Good. That's the freshest air in this whole place. Can you take me there?"

She nodded and started leading the way.

Eventually, we made it to the parking area. Stepping onto the pebbles, I looked around. Nessie was further down, sitting in front of the woods, on a bleached log. Her four guards were spread around her, Sadie positioned behind her.

I made my way over to her, the waves loud against the pebbles. It was peaceful here. No wonder she'd come out here. On my long walk to her, I studied my best friend. The lines on her face weren't as deep, as defined. Leaning forward, elbows on her knees, she smiled softly and twisted her wedding ring on her finger.

"This seat taken?" I asked as I reached her.

She startled and gave me wide eyes. And then a smile. "No, of course not. Join me. It's...quiet out here."

Sitting on the log, I nodded. "Yeah, it is." I looked over at her. "So how are you holding up?"

She shrugged. "I should be freaking out from no news, but Jacob has his reasons I guess. Even though I don't like them. Taking care of the pack and you needs to be my top priority right now. I just needed some time to think, an isolated spot."

"Well, this is perfect for it."

She nodded. "Yeah. How's Brayden?"

I snorted. "He's a baby. He's fine. It's Haleigh and Claire I'm worried about. Claire's strong and can put on a brave face, but Haleigh broke down just before I came out here. Christa took her home."

"Poor things. They both just got Walker."

Nodding, I laced my fingers together and gripped one knee. "And Leah."

Wide eyes turned to me and she gasped. "Oh my god, I didn't even think about that. Caden and Seth both." She covered her face with her hands. "How is she? I haven't seen her."

"Not good. Barely eats. Maybe sleeps about five minutes. Only phases back to human to see Brayden. And then she's off again."

She sighed heavily. "I'll have to talk to her about that. She needs to keep her strength up." Reaching over, she patted my knee. "How are you?"

"Trying not to think. Every single time I look at my son, I see Seth. It hurts, but I know that I'll be his mother no matter what."

"Of course you will. We told you you'd never be your mother."

"Thank God for that."

We both chuckled...until Alice appeared in front of us.

RPOV

I choked on my laugh. "Aunt Alice!"

This wasn't a friendly visit. I knew that expression on her face. Carefully, skillfully neutral.

"Nessie, I need to talk to you."

So much for a peaceful retreat.

Sighing, I stood up and followed her into the trees. Sadie followed closely.

"What is it, Aunt Alice?" I asked, shoving my hands into my jacket pockets.

Now, in private, her expression crumbled. A deep sadness filled her eyes, and I was certain she'd be crying right now.

Reaching out, I gripped her hand, concern and fear painting my voice. "Aunt Alice, what's wrong?"

She swallowed hard and gripped my hand. "I know Jacob gave an order not to tell you anything, and I've respected it." She shifted. Now fear enveloped me. My aunt did not shift or fidget. She was a vampire, and right now, she was acting like a scared, upset human. Licking her lips (which was another fear-inducing action), she whispered, "But...but they're back."

My brain was slow to process. "What? Th-that's great!" I frowned. "But why aren't you happy?"

Her bottom lip trembled and she shook her head.

"Where?"

"North of the big house."

Opening my mouth to ask yet again what was wrong, I was interrupted by Shelby.

"Alice? What is it?"

My aunt's eyes darted between me and Shelby, the sadness deepening. And my stomach dropped. Shelby didn't notice anything.

Shaking my head, I went around her, pointing as if that would change things. "No," I said in denial. "No!"

Flinging myself into the trees, I heard both women yell for me. I had to see for myself before Shelby did. Hearing Shelby behind me made me touch into my vampire speed. Hopefully I'd be faster than her this time.

Tears started raining down my cheeks as I dodged limbs and roots. Slippery leaves threatened to throw me on my face, but each time I managed to grab onto something to hold me up. The sky opened and rain started to fall, drops managing to make it through the canopy of trees, hitting me. The ground became slicker under my feet, the tears harder and faster.

No, no, no, no, no! This couldn't be happening.

Moments later, I burst through the trees into the clearing that the big Cullen house was sitting in. The rain soaked through all my layers as I studied the front of the house. They'd be coming around from the back. Shelby was still far behind. I could barely hear her crashing through the shrubs.

Darting around to the back of the house, I waited to be able to see them. It wasn't yet dark, but the rain was heavy.

"Come on," I whispered. "Where are you? Prove my aunt wrong."

Not a heartbeat later, dark shapes formed through the sheet of rain. As they got closer, the rain let up just enough that I could see them. There was a group, and they were carrying something.

The rain let up a little more and Jacob came into view. He was leading the group, but he was in bad shape. Blood soaked his naked body, scratches and lacerations covering his skin. But worst of all were the tear tracks running down his face.

My own tears started back up again, hand going to my mouth as I shook my head.

"No, Jacob," I whispered.

He heard me. Those sad eyes closed tightly as more tears streamed down his face. "Take him into the house. Let Carlisle prep him for the pyre." His voice was dead.

"Jacob?"

Shelby's voice.

"Jacob, who is that?" He didn't answer. Panic flooded her voice. "Who is that?!"

He shook his head as I turned to catch her. She avoided my grasp and ran to Jacob.

"Tell me it's not Seth! Seth!"

When nobody answered her, she screamed, running for the group. Jacob grabbed her, holding her to his chest.

"I'm sorry, Shelby," he choked out.

"NO! Nooooo!" she screamed through her sobbing.

Sagging into Jacob's grip, she screamed, complete agony pouring from her.

"Shelby, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Jacob said to her, holding her tightly as she struggled and continued screaming.

"Wh-what happened?! What happened?" she sobbed, her voice giving into her sobs.

Others burst through the trees behind me as my own pain at losing Seth brought me to my knees in the mud. Aunt Alice was there. She knelt by me and took me into her arms. More wolves poured out of the woods behind Jacob and Shelby to surround them. Walker, in human form, threw his head back and howled mournfully. The pack followed, but nothing could drown out Shelby's sobs of despair.

"Walker?" Christa called to my right. "Walker!"

The crowd around Jacob and Shelby shifted and Walker appeared at the edge. He was just as bloody and beaten as Jacob, as all of them. Somewhere along the way, he'd slid into some sweats. Those piercing, green wolf eyes were frantic.

"Daddy!" Haleigh yelled as she started running toward him.

Walker moved, too, while Christa followed Haleigh.

"Haleigh!"

"Daddy!"

Just before reaching her, Walker went to his knees, sliding in the mud. Haleigh flung herself into his arms. He held on tight as Christa dropped beside them. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into him, kissing the side of her head.

"My girls. My beautiful girls," he said, his own tears surfacing.

Joy for them hit my heart, but nothing beat out the sorrow. Getting to my feet, I shakily made my way to the group. Seth's body had been taken inside per Jacob's orders. Shoving through the wolves, my shaky legs dropped me next to Jacob and Shelby. When she saw me, Shelby flung herself into my arms.

I held her, but looked up at Jacob.

His tears were still steady. He was looking down at Shelby when he whispered, "We were ambushed. Alec sent out vampires before Alice started watching him. Tristan wasn't there. They'd taken the Denalis. Seth-," he had to swallow hard and clear his throat to continue. "Seth...he took the blow for me, just jumped right in the way."

Shelby's sobs deepened, her nails ripping through my clothes to dig into my skin. Wrapping a firm arm around her, I reached out with the other to cradle Jacob's face, rubbing the tear track with my thumb.

"He loved you," I choked out.

Though he leaned into the touch, he also shook his head. "It shouldn't have been him. It was supposed to be me. He was supposed to watch out for himself, to come home to his son."

Surprising me, Shelby sat up with a glare at Jacob. "Don't you dare," she said in a low, dangerous tone. Standing up, she glared down at him. "Don't you dare smudge his sacrifice. He gave his life for yours. Appreciate it!"

With that, she turned and marched through crowd that separated for her.

"I'm sorry," Jacob whispered again as he stared after her.

I watched her barely make it to the house, brushing off everyone who tried to help her. Her grief was so great that she walked more like she was drunk than the strong woman that I knew.

Before I could get up to go after her, a strong arm pulled me back against a hard body. Jacob. Turning, I snuggled into him.

"I thought I'd never see you again," he choked into my hair.

I stroked his sides and back. "Shh, you're here. You're back. We can have a reunion later, though. Shelby needs us."

I felt him nod against my hair, his lips on my temple.

"Where's Brayden?" he asked.

"Bianca took him inside," a familiar English accent said.

"Good. Shelby needs her son now more than ever."

Getting to my feet, I followed her trail and stumbled my way into the house, Jacob not far behind.

ShelbyPOV

If Brayden didn't exist, I would have already died of a broken heart. My entire body hurt and was numb at the same time as I stumbled through the house. The tears blurred my vision so bad that I had to rely on touch to get me to the stairs, and once I got there, I had to use both hands to pull me up because my legs were trembling so badly.

Collapsing seemed like a good idea once I got to the top of the stairs, but I didn't dare. The door to the treatment room was open and voices floated out. Gritting my teeth and gripping the wall, I made my way down the hall.

The voices stopped and Edward stepped out of the room. He was drenched, caked in mud, and his eyes held sadness not sympathy. Which was good for him.

"Is he...is-,"

He nodded. "He's cleaned and ready for the pyre."

"P-pyre?"

"Yes. Like Jordan."

"Oh," I whispered. Wiping my eyes, I suddenly felt a surge of strength. This was my mate, the father of my child. "I need to see him before...to say goodbye."

"Of course. Carlisle," he called.

A moment later, the doctor appeared, face carefully blank.

"I'm so sorry, Shelby," he said as he passed, a hand on my shoulder.

"Please check on my son," I said in an emotionless voice.

"Absolutely. Take all the time you need. Do you want Brayden brought up?"

I shook my head. "No. I don't know how good his memory is and he doesn't need to remember his father this way."

"The choice is yours."

"Thank you for bringing him home," I whispered.

Edward cleared his throat even though he didn't have to. "We never leave family behind."

And then they left me alone.

On shaky legs, I forced myself into the room. As promised, Seth's body was clean, even the wounds. As I leaned over his body, my tears fell onto his skin. The...killing blow had been a set of claws to the heart and slashes across his throat.

My lip and hand trembled as I reached out to stroke a lock of hair from his forehead. "Oh, Seth."

His skin was paling out, lips turning blue. I could never mistake this for sleeping. Collapsing onto his lifeless chest, I sobbed and completely broke down.

"What am I supposed to do without you? How can I do this? Your strength was mine."

And then my words were gone in a flood of agony. My heart now broke. My legs gave out and strong arms caught me, settling me back into a chair but allowing me to keep contact with Seth's body. I was vaguely aware of other people in the room, other females crying. Leah and Sue must be around. They'd want to be near Seth, too, but I could bear to let go of him. Not yet.

My son no longer had a father. I was now a single mother, a widow, and the pain ripped me apart. It felt like pieces of me, my soul, were flaking off with every tear. Living without Seth, raising our son, was going to be the hardest thing I'd ever done. This fear had always been there, from the very beginning, and now that it was here, I hated fate. I hated the universe, whatever caused things like this to happen.

A good breath was hard to come by and I choked on what little air managed to get into my lungs. Cold didn't even begin to cover what I felt. More like frostbite. His beating heart always kept me warm, kept me from feeling soulless.

Leaning back, I said, "Someone give me a knife, or something."

Immediately, a scalpel was placed in my waiting hand. Whenever we'd made love, he was the one inside me, spilling into me. I needed something of me to be burned with him.

After slicing the palm of my right hand, I sliced his, and clasped our hands.

Quoting one of my favorite movies I said, "My blood. Your blood. Our blood. Always," I whispered over our connected hands. "I love you, Seth. So much." I sniffled and swallowed hard a few times. "I don't know how I'm going to live without you, but I will damn sure try. For Brayden. You made me the woman I am, and I will fight to stay this woman. And I'll keep my promise. Brayden will know you. I'll tell him everything. As will Leah and your mother."

Reaching up with my free hand, I stroked his hair. "You'll always be my man. I love you. So much." All I could manage to say was "I love you". The word "goodbye" just wouldn't leave me. It would make all of this final even though I held his lifeless body in my arms.

Leah and Sue made their way to the other side of the bed to say their goodbyes. Both women were clutching at each other, sobbing. Sue reached over to place her hand over mine and her son's. Leah's joined her mother's.

Our gazes met.

"We'll take care of them, Seth," Leah said in a strangled voice.

"Absolutely," Sue conceded. She leaned over to press a kiss to Seth's forehead. "Goodbye, my sweet boy." Her tears dripped onto his cheeks.

"Bye, baby brother," Leah said, thumb stroking his cheek. "Until we meet again."

Together, we all broke down. Our tears mingling on Seth's body.

My palm still clasped with his, my blood becoming his. His becoming mine.

If Sue and Leah could say it, could accept it, I could, too. For our son. To let Seth go, to let his memory rest.

"Goodbye, my love," I finally whispered before giving in to the paralyzing pain.

Really? Do I really need to say anything here? I know I left Tricia out of this chapter, but she just wasn't talking to me. I guess she wanted me to focus on the main event. Love that girl. Please review. Let me know. Love you guys! I didn't do it on purpose. xoxoxoxo