A/N: So this chapter has no Winchesters in it… Just a bit of development of Toni's relationship with her dad. I felt like it needed to be explored. :S
And Your Words Are Like Weapons:
At the gate of his complex, Toni paused and took in a few deep breaths to calm herself down. She had never heard the Colonel speak in such a jovial tone, especially not with her, so she wanted to stop the butterflies in her stomach from fluttering before seeing him. Once she was sure that she had her emotions in check, she continued down the road.
Her feelings of calm were soon overshadowed by apprehension when she saw her father nervously pacing on the sidewalk. He immediately stopped when he heard her pull up and greeted her with a wide grin.
"Okay Toni, it's just the Colonel. Nothing strange is going on," she coached herself before getting out.
As soon as she had her door closed, her dad had her wrapped tightly in his arms.
"Toni! You're here! I missed you!" He quickly released her and looked slightly chagrinned as he worriedly asked, "I'm so sorry… I… I didn't hurt your shoulder at all did I?"
Toni chuckled softly then replied, "No sir, Sam and Dean patched me up pretty good, so I'm not really feeling any pain now Colonel. Honest, I'm good."
He cringed ever so slightly, but quickly put on a bright smile and said, "Antonia, please just call me 'Dad'… Now… Let's get your bags and get you all settle. I'm sure you must be exhausted and ready for a good night's sleep."
Just call me 'Dad', Toni repeated silently to herself while she watched her father unload her truck and start down the path towards his town house. Okay, something MUST be up with him. Shit.
She followed him in silence with as sincere a smile as she could muster on her face. He continued straight to her room and placed Toni's bags at the end of the bed. As soon as she got through the door, Toni instantly noticed that the Colonel had redecorated and now had family photos she had forgotten existed prominently displayed in his hallways and living room.
She gasped quietly at one photo of herself with her mom from the night of her Senior Prom. It was one of only a handful of pictures that she had taken with her mother before her death.
"You looked so beautiful that night," her father commented now that he was standing beside her. "Neither of us wanted to let you out of the house."
"I remember that… Man we look so young… It feels like forever ago."
They both laughed softly until her father said, "Your room is all set up for you." He hugged her again, kissed her forehead and pointed her in the direction of the room he had just exited.
While she was still in his arms and before he could say anything else, she whispered, "Christo."
His soft laughter turned into a rather loud chuckle before he replied, "Angel, I'm not possessed… But you've had a long day, so we can hash it all out tomorrow, okay? How do crêpes and fresh fruit sound for breakfast?"
"That's my favorite… It sounds perfect, thank Col… Thanks dad," she somewhat hoarsely replied.
"Good, good. Sleep tight Toni."
He turned and left her standing in the hallway as he made his way to his room. Toni lingered there then stopped to admire each photo for a minute or two after she finally started moving. By the time she made it to the guest room, she was almost completely lost in her memories. She turned on the light and stood in a stunned silence at the changes her father had made in this room as well. He had set up a small study for her in one corner with practically every book on the supernatural that she had accumulated, with a few shelves to spare along with a brand new desktop computer. After staring at the bookshelves, she then took in the fact that this wasn't the same room that she had been staying in during her previous visits. He had exchanged everything from the actual guest room with the contents of the master bedroom so that she now had the room with the en suite.
She drifted towards the bathroom and laughed after she turned on the light because he had tried his best to set up this room as well. There was a brand new razor (surprisingly it was in fact the same brand she currently used) and tooth brush still in their packaging on the counter, new bottles of her favorite shampoo and conditioner in the shower and a basket that was over flowing with bath gels and lotions on the other side of the counter as well.
Well he's reaching out… You're the only family has left, so you should look at this as a good thing, echoed in the back of her mind as she brushed her teeth and washed her face. He's trying, so should you Toni.
She woke up the next morning to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and something that was cooking or baking that she couldn't quite put her finger on. Out of habit, she dressed in a pair of yoga pants, sports bra and long sleeve shirt. She exited her room while pulling her hair into a ponytail and met her father in the kitchen. He was preoccupied, tending to something that smelled incredibly good on the stove. Toni helped herself to a few blackberries before pulling out the coffee pot to pour herself a mug.
"Toni!" The Colonel excitedly exclaimed when he heard her moving behind him. "Sorry… Did I wake you? Did you sleep well? Are you hungry?"
She finished pouring her coffee, took a large gulp and then humorously answered, "No, yes and most definitely!"
"Okay, good. Now sit, sit. Make yourself comfortable and I'll get you a plateful."
"Col… I mean, Dad, everything smells wonderful. When did you learn to make crêpes?"
He placed a plate in front of her, one at his place and other with extra crêpes in the center and smiled brightly. "Let's see… It would be one month, one week and three days ago."
He then sat and watched as she started to dig into her meal with a large grin on his face. After she had made her way through two helpings (and was started on her third), her father tentatively started, "Antonia… Sweetheart… Can we talk?"
She stopped mid-bite, placed her ford on her plate and took a large gulp of coffee to clear her mouth. "Yes sir, of course we can," she answered just over a whisper.
"Okay… Here goes. Toni, I'm sure that you've noticed a lot of changes around here since the last time you visited (she nodded but remained silent). Well, I've been taking steps to make some changes in my life… Twelve to be exact…" He paused to give her a chance to let it all sink in.
She was scowling in thoughtful contemplation as she quietly commented, "You're an alcoholic." She didn't pose it as a question because she already knew it was true, but she was still stunned that he was finally admitting it to her.
"Yes I am. But, I haven't touched a drink in three months, two weeks and four days. I even checked myself into a facility and have made a commitment to not be that man anymore. And not only that, Antonia, I've made a resolve to be better to you… To make up for all of the time we lost during your childhood," he explained while taking her hand in his across the table.
Toni looked up at him and felt completely confused. "During my childhood? I… I don't think I follow."
"Antonia… Toni, one of the things I discussed with my counselor was how I had raised you… It really wasn't fair to you that I treated you like you were your brothers or one of the soldiers under my command. You're my daughter and I tried denying that fact from day one because I didn't know how to raise a little girl. For instance, your name… Your mother wanted to choose a girl's name along with a boy's name so that we would be prepared, but I refused… I picked out 'Anthony' and I was adamant that that was going to be your name, no matter what. Your mom… She had to go behind my back to change it and feminize it…"
"Sir… I have to respectively disagree," Toni countered with gentle firmness. "Mom used to say that I was 'special' because I was the first girl to be born into the family in seven generations because everyone else, including her, had to marry into the family… But that always made me feel really uncomfortable… I… I kind of preferred being treated the same as Alexander and William, sir." They sat and stared at each other for a bit and her father looked very uncertain, so Toni added, "I would never have been strong enough to do this job if you hadn't of raised me the way you did."
After that statement he smiled gratefully, but still remained silent.
"And sir? I hope you don't mind me still calling you 'Colonel' because… Well, sir, I started that because I knew that it would make everyone else jealous."
"Pardon?"
"Well, sir… None of my friend's parents held a position of such high esteem and it made me proud," she sheepishly admitted. "I know it's not the most mature thing to do, but I liked the feeling of superiority that came with it."
"Oh… I thought you did it to keep things between us… Umm… Impersonal," he stated softly.
"No sir, I was trying to show you how much I respected you." She swallowed hard and after another moment she smirked and said, "And what's so wrong with my name? I think I make a perfect 'Toni'."
Her dad got up, walked over to her, kissed the top of her head and hugged her tightly. "I do too Angel, I do too."
"So all of this… The room, the photos? It's all a part of you trying to make amends?" She questioned once he was seated again.
"I know it isn't much, but yes, yes it is," he replied with an unsure tone. "After talking with some of the other patients, I realized that your mom and I didn't really nurture you three the same way that other families do with their children. We moved from base to base so frequently that you were barely able to make any friends at all and you had no real home per se… And we never just sat and talked as a family about… Well, you know talked about anything really."
"Dad? Are you trying to apologize for my upbringing?" She questioned trying not to cry when she saw a glisten of tears in his eyes as he nodded softly. This time it was Toni's turn to get up, but instead of hugging him, she pulled a chair up beside him so that they were face to face. She then took both of his hands in hers and stated without wavering, "Colonel… Dad… Sir, All of those experiences, good, bad or indifferent, they all helped to make me the woman I am today. Yeah, there have been some weird twists and turns along the way, but how many people can say that they're genuinely happy? Because, I promise you sir, I really am. I've never needed that 'normal life' everyone else tries to attain because you and mom showed me that you just need to make the best of what is given to you. So, please, please don't say that you and mom did anything wrong, okay? I personally wouldn't change any of it if I was given the chance. I love you Colonel, I really do. I probably should have told you that before now."
He pulled her close and whispered, "I love you too Antonia… And thank you. You have no idea what a relief it is to hear that from you."
It was weird for Toni to be that open and honest with her father, but she could tell that he needed that from her right now, so she was happy to oblige. Of course, she wasn't used to it and she quickly started to feel somewhat uneasy. They sat with a silence that hovered between comfortable and uncomfortable in the air while they both picked at the fruits and berries on a platter in the center of the table.
"So… I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I have to leave for a bit," Toni finally said to break the silence. He threw her a nervous, worried look, so she elaborated. "I was in my truck for just shy of 20 hours yesterday and my body is begging for some activity… Plus I skipped my morning run yesterday, so…"
"Oh!" He happily responded. "Of course! Well, you know the grounds and I'll be here… But your key is on the hook by the door."
"Okay, thanks." She got up and started for the door, but suddenly stopped and turned back to ask, "Dad? We're okay, right? You didn't need… Want to talk about anything else, did you?"
He smiled and looked genuinely happy as he replied, "No Angel, we're good. There is something I wanted to get your opinion on, but it can wait until you get back."
"You're sure?"
"Affirmative. Now go, enjoy your run," he confirmed. To prove this to her, he got up and started to clear the table, so Toni continued outside for her morning cardio workout. She was thankful that didn't run into many people that knew her well, so she could get by with just a polite smile and wave without having to stop and chat for a long time. She was still reeling slightly from the discussion that she had had with her father and really needed this time to sort everything out in her mind.
By the time she got back to his townhouse, she was feeling better about the situation. In fact, if she was to be honest with herself, she could actually say that she was feeling quite relieved. The kitchen table had been cleared, but was now covered with file folders, note pads and books from her library. Toni briefly looked them over, but the need for a hot shower over-powered her curiosity.
After she had showered and changed, Toni pulled out her laundry bag and was reminded that she desperately needed to do a load… Or five because she was running low on clothing, period. Her father had made himself comfortable in his armchair in the living room with a good book. He watched as she moved to the small laundry room and chuckled when the overstuffed bag nearly exploded in the hallway after she made it down the stairs.
Toni cursed under her breath at the mess she made, but quickly worked to separate some of her blood encrusted articles of clothing so she could soak them in cold water. Once she had one load in the washer, she tried to contain her mess as much as possible in the laundry bag. She was still grumbling quietly to herself when she overheard her father's laughter.
"Toni, don't worry about the mess. It won't be in our way, just leave it there," he called out from his spot.
She turned around and smiled somewhat guiltily as she walked into the living room. "Thanks Dad. It's been a while since I've had a chance to hit up a Laundromat."
She flopped down on the couch beside her father's easy chair and caught a quick glimpse at the book in his hand. "Umm… Dad? What are you reading?"
"Oh, this? It's just a little light reading, nothing important," he replied trying to hide his embarrassment by covering it up on his lap.
Toni attempted to hold back, but suddenly she was plucking the book out of his grasp and laughed a little too loudly. "Are you reading a 'Supernatural' novel?"
"No… Umm… Actually I'm re-reading it," he said in a slightly defensive tone.
"Re- Dad? Have you read this before? Wait! Have you read the series?"
"Well… Yeah. The counselor I worked with said that I should try to learn more about your interests so that I can share in them with you. The last time we talked, you mentioned this series and it sounded like you really enjoyed them, so I figured it would be a good place to start to learn about everything you were doing. I was hoping they would help to create a bridge between us."
She leaned over and hugged him while dropping the book back in his lap. "Colonel, that is so sweet. Did you like them? The books I mean... And what did you think of the main characters? The two brothers I mean."
He placed his bookmark at the page he thought he was at when Toni joined him and answered, "I've found them quite informative actually. There have been some nights when I've had some issues sleeping because I've been worrying about the things that you're fighting, but after reading about how the brothers have fought them I've been reassured that you can too. Luckily, Andrea usually called you to give you an update after those nights so that I have confirmation that you're okay." He had gotten up and walked towards the kitchen. "And before you get upset with her for not being truthful, I asked her not to tell you about my being in rehab because I wanted to surprise you."
Toni smiled and nodded as she took that her dad was passing her.
"Now this one, 'Home', it kind of got me thinking about as few strange things that have been happening here."
She quickly glanced at the pages in the folder and skimmed the contents. Her father had been as meticulous as herself and she momentarily got lost in his research.
"You think that the common room here is haunted?" She asked finally making eye contact with him.
"Yeah. All of the signs are nearly identical to what happened to that poor single mother the brothers helped in their childhood home," he explained with a large grin on his face while holding the novel up to show Toni. "Now I bought one of these, but I haven't been able to find anything. I was hoping that you would be able to help me with that."
The Colonel was holding out a black, rectangular object and Toni took it saying, "An EMF meter? Really Colonel, you bought an EMF meter?"
"Yes I did. But like I said, I haven't been able to find anything with it."
"Hmm… All of your notes… It looks like you've gone in there just after lunch and never any later than 7pm?" Toni clarified.
"Affirmative… Does that make a difference? Did I do something wrong?" He asked feeling slightly dejected.
Toni offered him an encouraging smile and said, "No, not 'wrong', but… Well you've read 'Asylum', right?" After he nodded she smiled coyly and continued, "Well I believe that Dean described it perfectly, 'The freaks come out at night.' We should do some recon tonight, maybe do a sweep of the grounds and then go from there."
He sighed audibly with relief and smiled a bit easier. "Oh, okay. What do we do until then?"
"Well I have another 20 loads of laundry to do and it looks like there's a ton of research here that I have to familiarize myself with," she half-heartedly teased. When she saw the anxious look on her dad's face, Toni quickly added in a more sympathetic tone, "We basically just have to wait it out, dad. Normally we would be doing research, but you've taken care of that and we can't make the hours to tick by any faster. Maybe you and I could take this time to… Umm… Catch up?"
"I'd like that, a lot… So you asked about the brothers? Well they both have their good and their bad points, but at the end of the day Carver Edlund has written them fairly well. The characters have been developed quite thoroughly during the series and have a complexity that most series are missing. Like Dean… He appears to only be all about the job, but in 'Dream a Little Dream', we see that he actually dreams about being a father one day."
He paused when he heard Toni snort back a laugh and saw her biting her lip. "Was it something I said Antonia?"
"Sorry dad, but yeah it was… Uhh there's something I need to tell you. You know Sam? The guy that I just worked this last case with? The one that I befriended at Sanford?" He nodded with an unsure look on his face. "Well… His brother's name is Dean… His mother, Mary, she died in a fire when he was a baby… His father, John, raised them to be hunters… Of the supernatural that is… And his girlfriend, Jessica, died in a fire at Stanford…"
She swallowed uncomfortably while she monitored her father's reaction. He absentmindedly flipped through the pages of the book in his hands as if they held the key to what was on his mind and then he turned his attention back to his daughter, asking in a perplexed tone, "But you said that your 'Sam' was going to be meeting up with his brother. How is that even possible? I mean, how could he meet up with a dead man?"
"I'm sorry sir, but I really don't understand your question."
Before clarifying, the Colonel hurried into Toni's room. After he re-entered the room, he handed her a book entitled 'No Rest for the Wicked' then said, "At the end of this book… Well the end of the series, Dean goes to hell because he made a deal with a cross-roads demon to resurrect Sam."
"Wait! What? Sam died?" Toni questioned with genuine surprise.
"Yeah, but like I said, Dean made a deal to bring him back. Just like John made a deal with the demon that killed Mary and Jessica to save Dean," he explained as if she should already know all of this information.
"Whoa… Okay, this is a lot to take in dad. Sam didn't tell me all of that… I mean about Dean and all, but I did know about John… Shit, I guess I really should read the books, but first let's deal with your ghost here, okay?"
"Sure… Sure, sounds good. But, Toni would you do me a favor?" He asked as he passed her more of his research.
"Of course you can dad. What can I do for you?"
"Umm… When you see or talk to Sam again… Could you ask him how Dean got out of Hell? I mean, I was really hoping that he would and it's really good to hear that he got out, but since they stopped publishing the books there's… Umm… No way for us to know what happened, but you seem to have an 'in' with Sam and all…"
Toni didn't even attempt to suppress her laughter before responding. "Sure Colonel, I would be more than happy to do that for you… Now, how about we focus on the case at hand?"
Her dad nodded and was still smiling like a kid on Christmas morning. She easily made it through all of his research and was mildly frustrated that they had no definite suspects. This had been a retirement village for nearly thirty years, so dozens of ex-Military men and women had passed away here. She smiled and felt relieved when she reached the second folder because her dad had methodically researched any deaths that appeared to be suspicious or violent.
"Colonel? Uhh… Dad?"
"Yes Toni?"
"Before we do anything else, can I just say that this is one of the most thoroughly researched cases I've ever worked on?" She praised hoping to keep their relationship building streak on a roll.
"Thanks Angel. Now this one here, it has a list of all of their grave sites… I thought it would help to know once we figure out who it is that is our target."
"Perfect. Hopefully we'll have it pinned down after we check out the Common Room tonight. Now, we're going to be at this really late and I don't know about you, but I think I'll grab a nap to prepare," Toni commented hoping her dad would follow her lead.
"Oh, yeah that's a really good idea," he agreed as he bundled everything up. Before Toni could turn away, he pulled her into a tight embrace. "Thank you for helping me Toni. I know we weren't a 'huggy' family, but I really want to make some changes with you from here on out… If that's alright with you."
Toni squeezed her dad's torso then replied, "It's definitely more than alright with me."
On their way to the Common Room, Toni and her dad went over a rough game plan for them to complete their search. She handed her dad one of her iron knives and explained how iron and salt were their best defense if the ghost (or ghosts) decided to manifest themselves tonight. He in turn gently reminded her that he already knew all of that, but thanked her for lending him the knife.
They then parted ways and after two hours, the EMF still hadn't spiked, nor was there the slightest hint of any apparitions. Toni could feel herself getting overly frustrated, so she found a quiet spot to sit down on the floor so that she could close her eyes while she took stock of the situation and tired to refocus her energy. She was starting to feel like this was more of a wild goose chase than an actual hunt, but she didn't want to discredit her dad's hard work too quickly.
She was just about to go and find her dad to suggest a new approach for the following night when she was stopped by a scratching sound off to her left. She moved soundlessly towards the door of the room she thought that the sound originated from and steadied her breathing the best she could. She held out the EMF meter, excited that she might have some good news for her father, but it barely registered any change.
"What the hell?" She whispered to herself when she felt something brush up against her leg. Toni held her breath as she flipped on her flashlight and jumped when the little brown mouse that was on her foot scurried away.
"Shit," Toni muttered once she started piecing together a new theory.
She slipped into the room, which she quickly recognized as the utility closet. She swept her flashlight over the floor and walls and easily found the breaker box for the building along with some other unexpected surprises.
"SHIT!" She repeated and then laughed because that was the crudest way that she could describe the scene with all of the evidence of a mouse infestation that she just found.
Toni took a moment before continuing to the breaker box because she was still clinging to the hope that there was a supernatural explanation for everything that was happening. Once she got there, her suspicions were confirmed and she finally admitted defeat to herself. When she left the room she didn't worry too much about the amount of noise she made because she knew there was really no reason to be cautious anymore. In the main portion of the game room, she begrudgingly lifted the index and middle fingers of both hands to her mouth and issued two quick whistles, which was the pre-approved signal for them to head to their rendezvous point.
With each step that she took, she felt a little bit more disheartened. This feeling became even more unbearable as she approached her father because she could see that he was nearly bouncing with anticipation.
"So you found something?" He asked excitedly.
"Yeah dad, I did," Toni replied feeling like she might cry because she felt like her heart might break. "Umm… Dad? First let me remind you that your research was… Umm… It was some of the best that I've ever seen… It reminded me of my own case files."
"Okay, thank you for the compliment, but what's the bad news?" he questioned taking her by the hand and stopping her on the path.
"The bad news? Umm… It's not a ghost, sir. The place is infested with mice, so the scratching you've heard was actually just them creating their nests."
"But what about the flickering of the lights," He asked sounding very small.
"Umm… Well... At the breaker box I found a fried rat. My best guess would be that it shorted out the lights when it was chewing through the wire and met its untimely death."
"Really? So, that's it then?" He asked sadly.
"Really. I'm so sorry dad; I wish I had better news. But seriously, you should have someone look at that breaker box; it's kind of a fire hazard. I wouldn't want to see this place go up in smoke on you," she attempted to joke to lighten the mood.
"Yeah, but before talking to an electrician, I think I'll call an exterminator. There's no way on God's green Earth that I'm going to the social next week knowing that those damn things could be contaminating the food," he replied matching her joking tone.
By this time they had made it back to her father's townhouse and they both paused before moving to open the door. Toni unexpectedly turned and pulled her father into a hug and quietly said, "I'm so sorry. I really wanted it to be a ghost, Colonel."
He gently pet the back of her head replying, "Me too Angel, me too. But thank you for your help; at least we know the truth now. Okay, it's late and I'm exhausted, I say we call it a night, alright?"
Toni stepped back and nodded while biting her lip. Once inside they both quickly retreated to their rooms without another word spoken.