Treading Water From Your Shore:
Sam had called Toni to let her know that they were on their way back to Bobby's but that they had to make an unexpected pit stop when a fan belt blew on the Impala, so they were going to have to spend the night somewhere on their way back. Toni took the extra time their detour afforded her to try to finish putting Bobby's house into some sort of domestic order to make their living situation as comfortable as possible since it seemed like this would be their home base for a while. When the guys returned she was still out grocery shopping, but she had left them a note as well as sent a follow up text to Sam so the men all continued finalizing their plans to travel to Wyoming without giving Toni's whereabouts a second thought.
When Toni got back to Bobby's house, she loaded herself up with all of the plastic grocery bags then lugged them towards the back door hoping to unload the car in one slightly painful trip. She had seen Dean's car parked out front, so she had planned on teasing Sam for leaving her to do all of the heavy lifting all on her own during her 'fragile state', but then she heard all of them debating something in the study, so she forced herself to slip back into work mode quickly without saying a word.
By the time she had all of the bags set down on the counter, she heard Sam snappishly saying, "You have a fetish."
"Shut up. I like old movies," Dean replied defensively.
"You can recite every Clint Eastwood movie ever made, line by line," Sam countered sounding completely exasperated.
"Even the monkey movies?" Bobby questioned while nodding a quick hello to Toni when she stepped into the room.
Sam didn't hide his brotherly disgust as he answered, "Yeah… Especially the monkey movies."
"His name is Clyde," Dean clarified somewhat crossly because he couldn't believe that he had to defend liking such an American classic before he thrusted out a paper bag at his brother trying to offer a compromise to his brother for not wearing the full outfit saying, "At least wear the damn shirt."
Sam shoved the bag back at his brother irritably replying, "No! You're unbelievable Dean! You used to always say that I was ridiculous for wanting to wear 'costumes' on jobs, so if you want to play dress up, then fine, go right on ahead! But you're doing it by yourself."
Toni watched their back and forth and couldn't hold back a snicker when she heard how childish they sounded right now. Sam maintained his serious scowl, but both Bobby and Dean smiled softly along with her which just further frustrated the youngest Winchester. Dean rocked on the balls of his feet and bumped his shoulder against Toni's to greet her with a mischievous grin on his face while the angel in the room watch the scene playing out in front of him with a mildly annoyed frown on his face. He looked a lot like an annoyed father who was watching his children bicker, but Castiel remained silent and let the humans resolve their differences without his input.
"Help me out here Toni," Dean started somewhat playfully as he awkwardly wrapped an arm around her shoulder even though he was still holding two large bags in his left hand.
Toni looked down at the bags to her left skeptically then looked over at Dean's beaming face. She allowed herself to relax a little bit and tried to play along with him the best that she could by light-heartedly asking, "Sure… What can I do to be of assistance to you Dean?"
"Well… Could you help me by using that bewitching charm of yours and get your boyfriend over there to at least wear the shirt that I bought him so we can try to blend in," Dean questioned staring at his brother with a teasing smirk as he released Toni from his hold.
Dean chuckled while Bobby shook his head at the continuing idiocy he was witnessing, but Sam immediately caught the chagrinned look on Toni's face. As all of the color drained from Toni's complexion, Sam quickly snatched the bag from his brother's hand tersely saying, "Fine! I'll wear the fucking shirt."
Sam then grabbed Toni's arm more roughly than he meant to and led her into the kitchen while Dean hurried upstairs to get changed, still visibly reveling in his victory. She remained completely silent and allowed herself to be escorted to wherever Sam wanted to take her without complaint, which caused Sam to be even more concerned. Toni was fiercely independent and never shied away from speaking her mind when she was annoyed or had a strong opinion about something, so Sam had learned long ago that he should be more weary of a deathly quiet Toni than one that was yelling at you because that meant that she was harboring deep set, intense resentment that you could be seriously injured for later.
In an effort to diffuse what he thought was a ticking Toni bomb that was ready to go off at any given moment, Sam offered in a hushed tone, "Sorry about Dean… I… I don't know why he said… Called me that… I'll… I'll have a talk with him about that… I'll try… I'll make sure that I keep it from happening again."
Sam stood in his place just out of her reach, gripping the paper bag in his hand so tightly that it was almost tearing under his white knuckles as Toni finally turned her eyes up to look at him. When she saw that he was pointedly not making eye contact with her, she figured that he hadn't attempted to catch her eyes at all while he was making his mini speech and her heart sank completely. Once again she felt somewhat ashamed that her actions in the past had caused Sam to have so many doubts about their relationship right now. She still wasn't ready for a relationship with him in the conventional sense, but she had hoped that she had at some point since their reconciliation been able to prove that he was an essential character in the story of her life, if not being one of two of the most important people on the planet to her. But seeing his reaction to the whole situation right now told her that she hadn't been able to make that clear to him and that she should remedy this situation as soon as possible.
"Anyways… Sorry," Sam added when she remained silent as he somewhat hesitantly started to leave the room.
Toni quickly grabbed Sam's forearm to stop him and had to center herself speaking because she noticed once again that Sam wouldn't look her in the eye. His gaze remained fixated on her fingers that were wrapped around his arm.
"Sam… You… You don't have to do that," she finally replied causing his eyes to shoot up to her face. "You don't have to talk to Dean about what he said… And you really don't apologize for it either because it's me that should be apologizing to you… I can't even imagine what my face must have looked like back there."
Sam turned fully around and finally made tentative eye contact with Toni, so she continued with the same apologetic tone, "When Dean called you my… Well that… I sort of thought that you two had talked about everything going on between you and me and about your feelings about our… Uhh… Relationship… And I kind of thought that maybe your feelings had changed since Portland and… Well… I got to thinking that it wouldn't be fair for me to expect you to keep things how they are if it isn't… If you aren't still happy with the arrangement, you know?"
"Toni…?" Sam questioned in genuine confusion. "Are you saying that you would…? You're willing…?"
"What I'm saying Sam is that when you get back from the past…" She paused briefly to chuckle at how ridiculous that sounded right now. "When you get back, we should maybe talk, alright? That is, if you wanted to and all."
Sam nodded with a warm smile and then leaned over and kissed her softly in response. Before he could straighten up completely, Toni pulled the bag out of his now slackened grip to check out the clothing that Dean had bought for Sam. She put the bag down on the kitchen table to sift through the contents and then she pulled out a white shirt with golden yellow embroidery on its shoulders.
When she turned to face Sam again, she was biting her lip so hard to keep from laughing out loud that it was turning white and nearly bleeding. Sam quickly grabbed the shirt out of her hand then snatched up the bag and stomped out of the room grumbling to himself that she was almost as childish as Dean sometimes.
Toni finally did chuckle aloud when Sam turned his back on her then she shouted with mock support, "Oh come on Sam! I'm sure you'll look cute in it!"
Once she was alone in the room again, she completely sobered up as she reflected on everything that she had said to Sam. Toni had never been at a loss to find companionship over the years when she wanted it, but true intimacy was something that she had never allowed herself to earnestly explore. She knew that she had the whole being physically compatible with guys down, but she was also acutely aware that for her to achieve true intimacy with someone that she would have to be able to open up to them about her feelings and emotions. The latter was neither her forte nor anywhere within her comfort zone, but she started feeling a change of heart within herself after she and her dad had explored the emotional side of their relationship and since it had positive results, she hope to have a chance to see if that could carry over into her relationship with the other man that she considered to be of the utmost importance to her. That was if he would allow her to open up to him… Or if he actually wanted their relationship to change in any way.
Toni lingered in the kitchen while Bobby narrated to Castiel everything that he thought that they would have to get done in order to prepare Sam and Dean for their journey, completely lost in her own thoughts.
She had been ready for about half an hour now, but Toni still had another twenty minutes before she had to leave to meet Sam on time, so she sat down on her bed to try to read and pass the time. After flipping through the pages for a while without actually registering anything that was written on the pages, Toni closed the book and shoved it aside. She then checked the time and groaned when she saw that only five minutes had passed since she last checked the clock.
After laying back on her bed, Toni closed her eyes while admonishing herself out loud, "It's just opening night for Vanessa's play with Sam… What the hell is wrong with you Toni? Calm the fuck down."
She stayed as she was on her bed with her closed eyes covered with her right forearm taking in slow, deliberate breaths willing her heartbeat to slow down until she heard a loud knock at the door. She sat up straight, grabbed her alarm clock on her night stand to check the time and when she saw that she still had a good ten minutes before she had to leave for her meeting with her 'non-date', she jumped off her bed and triple checked her reflection thinking that it was Sam picking her up early at her dorm so that they could walk together to the theater.
Before opening the door, she quickly snatched up her keys, wallet and jacket and then yet again checked the mirror to make sure that she hadn't messed up her makeup. It had been hard enough following Vanessa's instructions once, she wasn't sure she was confident enough to retouch the masterpiece she had finally created. Once she was sure that she had everything and that she still looked good enough to be seen in public, she took in a long, deep breath while holding onto the door handle.
"Hey…" She greeted her visitor as jovially as she could despite the butterflies in her stomach as she opened the door.
"Oh! Hey Toni! I was starting to think that you were out for the night," he replied as he turned back around to face her.
Toni didn't have a chance to reply before Kory quickly added, "And you look gorgeous! Which is perfect… I was hoping you would be up for celebrating with me."
"Cele…" Toni finally mumbled as she self-consciously looked down at the floral print summer dress that she was wearing. (Vanessa had insisted that Toni borrow it to wear so that Toni would be certain to more than impress her cast-mates on Opening Night.) Her curiosity soon over-rode any other emotion that she was feeling right now, so she meekly asked, "What…? What are you celebrating Kory?"
He took a step forward, but when Toni didn't make a move to invite him into her room, he just took her free hand and swung it as he explained, "I got into my graduate program! Looks like you'll be stuck with me a couple more years."
"Oh! That's… That's… Uhh really… Really great news Kory. Congratulations," she managed to say with some measure of enthusiasm as she gently freed her hand from his grasp.
"Exactly! So come… Come celebrate with me!" Kory instructed her playfully as he once again took her free hand in his and gently tugged her arm.
Toni looked up to object and caught Sam's eye as he approached her dorm room. "Actually… Kory… I… Uhh… Kind of… Umm…" She quietly explained as she pulled her hand out of his grasp. "I… Already made plans."
Kory stole a glance over his shoulder at the man that was approaching then nodded saying, "I should have known… You look way too beautiful to have just been staying home alone tonight."
"Kory…" Toni implored quietly, not wanting him to start anything with Sam right now.
"Hey… Hey, I get it." He dipped down and pecked her cheek with a quick, "Rain check?"
"Sure… Yeah… We'll talk… Uhh… Congrats… Again and all…"
He smiled then made a somewhat hasty retreat past Sam who was asking a hundred questions with the look on his face, but he still asked aloud, "Am I keeping you from something?"
Toni locked her door then slipped on her lightweight trench coat (with Sam's aid) saying, "No Sam, when he knocked at the door, I thought he was you… He was just… Excited because he made it into his Grad Program after applying for like two years now… Please, don't make a big thing of it okay? Tonight's supposed to be fun… And it's Vanessa's big night."
"Yeah… Sure… Fine… Whatever," he replied somewhat dejectedly as he took her hand once they fell into step together. "So… What's this play about again?"
After the performance there was a get together for the cast's friends and family that Toni had promised she would attend (with a date was Vanessa's stipulation so Toni broke down and asked Sam on the closest thing to an actual date that they'd ever had). After she had scoped out the room, Toni looked down at her outfit and sighed audibly because Vanessa had made sure that her roommate would blend in perfectly with this crowd by lending Toni this dress. Growing up with two older brothers had turned Toni into a complete Tomboy and it never ceased to amaze her how easily Vanessa could transform her into looking like a true 'California Girl' to help Toni feel at home while at school.
"Cocktail?" A well-dressed man a few years older than Sam and Toni offered. As they both took a glass of champagne he asked, "So which one is yours?"
Toni choked slightly on her beverage as she laughed then answered, "I'm roommates with Vanessa."
"Ooh the lead… Ouch that has got to be tough on you," he offered with exaggerated sympathy.
"Well actually…" Toni tried to correct him before being interrupted by Vanessa joining them with a cheerful, "Brant! You found them!"
Brant passed Vanessa a drink and wrapped an arm around her waist answering, "Sure did and Toni here was just tell me and her boyfriend about all of the horrors of living with a diva who nailed her lead role on stage."
Completely chagrinned, Toni jumped in saying, "Oh, no, no he's…"
"I'm not her boyfriend," Sam finished for her.
Vanessa stepped out of Brant's embrace to put an arm around Toni's shoulders playfully admonishing her new beau saying, "Brant I told you all about our Toni, remember? She's our free spirit… And we love her for it."
"Oh that's right," he replied. "I almost forgot."
Vanessa looked towards Sam then asked, "But that being said, Sam can I steal her away from being your arm candy for a little bit? I promise we won't be long."
Sam nodded answering, "Sure. I'll go see if I can get us something to eat… Meet you by the appetizers?"
As Vanessa led her away, Toni looked over her shoulder at Sam who just continued chatting with Brant while thinking to herself what she hadn't been able to complete out loud, Oh, no, no he's just joking Vee… I swear I didn't say anything bad about you.
Bobby was walking through the kitchen with a duffle bag when he caught Toni during her daydream. He gently squeezed her forearm as he quietly asked, "You doing okay Toni?"
After Bobby squeezed her flesh a few more times, Toni finally focused on the older man. She smiled as easily as she could right now saying, "The 1860s? You gotta have one hell of a travel again to swing that kind of a trip, right?"
Bobby chuckled then as they re-entered the study Toni's eyes locked with Castiel's and he replied, "I'm not a travel agent, but I promise that I'll do my best to ensure their safe travel."
"Oh… God… I mean… Uhh… Shit… Sorry…" Toni stammered as she tried to find a way to apologize to the angel for cursing in front of him.
She saw a bright sparkle in Castiel's eye and the barest hint of a smile tugging at his lips so she breathed a small sigh of relief. He held her in a comfortable stare, so she relaxed a bit more and even gave him a grateful grin.
"Alright, so I think I have everything," Bobby commented mostly to himself as he dropped a couple more gold necklaces into a duffle bag that he had placed on his desk.
Toni remained transfixed by the angel's ice blue eyes until she heard Sam walk into the room saying, "Dean this is stupid, I look stupid."
The three of them turned to look at the brothers as Bobby joked dryly, "You going to a hoedown?"
Toni stepped over beside Sam and took his hand to get him to lean down so she could whisper an encouraging, "You don't look as bad as you think."
Sam gave her a 'come on I know you're lying' look, so she tried again saying, "Okay, maybe you have a point, but confidence Sammy. If you believe it, they'll believe it… Just pretend you still look hot."
"Where you're going they don't take plastic," Bobby was explaining to Dean when Toni and Sam started to focus their attention back on the group.
Toni and Sam noticed Dean was inspecting a variety of gold jewelry so Toni got an idea. She dropped Sam's hand to his side and quickly moved to her messenger style bag on the couch to retrieve a small black box with gold accents.
She pressed it into Sam's palm offering, "Here, take… Uhh these… They might help too."
Sam looked down at the box then up to Toni's face. When he saw tears glistening in her eyes, he knew that whatever was in the box must have meant something special to her, so he placed it back in her hand saying, "That's okay, it looks like Bobby has that more than covered… But thank you Toni."
She slipped the box into her pocket then gave Sam a hug saying, "Be safe. I'll see you when you get back."
After she took a step away from Sam, everyone stood in their places for a second in an awkward silence while they each internally reflected on what would be happening next until Toni hugged Dean as well. She whispered something to him as well then she turned and retreated to the kitchen, Dean had a stunned look on his face until he shook his head in an effort to erase her words away like a child clearing their creation off of an Etch A Sketch.
Castiel recovered first explaining, "I'll send you back to March 4th. That should give you time to find the Colt… And this Phoenix creature."
"All right," Dean replied in his signature self-assured tone. "Well… See you at high noon tomorrow."
After Castiel had sent Sam and Dean to their designated time in American history, he left to take care of some of his business in Heaven. Bobby set a countdown clock and placed it on his desk then just took a moment to try to absorb everything that was happening. Even though he might have been feeling somewhat overwhelmed, he knew that he couldn't be or show any weakness right now.
Toni hadn't made it back to the study, so Bobby wandered into the kitchen to see what she might be working on. She was standing at the counter beside the sink and he could hear her sniffling softly, so he tried to approach her cautiously while keeping everything Sam had told him about her in mind so that he wouldn't spook her.
"Hey… Toni…? You okay?" He asked while he was still a few feet away from her.
She turned to face him, eyes red and swollen with tears sliding down her cheeks. She quickly swiped the back of her left forearm under her nose then she motioned to the counter with the knife in her right hand saying, "I was thinking of making meatloaf for an early dinner." She sniffled in a deep breath loudly then laughed a little when she saw the concern in the hunter's eyes and explained, "I thought that these were Walla Walla sweets… They don't make you cry… Obviously the sticker lied."
Bobby couldn't have hidden his relieved grin even if he tried as he answered, "Meatloaf sounds great… It's one of my favorites… I can't remember the last time someone cooked that for me."
Toni had finished chopping the onions and was washing her hands as she said, "Shit, it's your favorite? Well no promises for how good it'll taste… Dad and I have only made it once together, so I hope I don't screw it up."
Bobby was more than aware that Toni was baiting him to try to get him to feed into her misguided insecurities and he absolutely refused to do that, so he changed the subject saying, "You sure did have Dean rattled there for a bit… Mind me asking what you said to him?"
Without skipping a beat, Toni continued working on the loaf, placed it into the oven and as she wiped her hands on a tea towel she very calmly and plainly answered, "I told him that if he didn't bring Sam back alive that I would hunt his sorry ass down and rip his heart out with my bare hands." Her statement had the same effect on Bobby, but she didn't pay that any mind before she asked, "Now… Mashed potatoes? Would that be too heavy to go with meat loaf?"
Still stunned at how serious Toni had sounded, Bobby swallowed a couple of times before he could hoarsely answer, "No… No they sound like they would go good together. Can I help you with anything?"
After eating, Toni and Bobby went back to researching while they waited for the hours to pass, but Toni found it hard to concentrate because she was worrying so much about how Sam and Dean were doing with their mission. They had no guarantees that the guys had even landed on the date that Castiel said that he was sending them to, let alone if they had made it there alive. Bobby caught her checking the countdown timer more than once, but he just left her to her thoughts because he also noticed that her gaze didn't linger for too long.
When he finally did catch her staring at his desk intensely for an uncomfortably long time, Bobby picked up the timer, turned it away from her an then set it down on the opposite side of the desk so that she wouldn't be able to see it anymore. Toni blushed slightly and slowly raised her eyes to Bobby's face as he smiled and said, "No use fretting about the time 'cause it ain't gonna make it move any faster."
Toni's cheeks were burning hot now after getting caught, but Bobby was giving her such a comforting smile that she realized that she really didn't have anything to be embarrassed about because it appeared that he was feeling the same way. She smiled sheepishly then went back to trying to read through the piles of books that Bobby had separated from the rest of his collection. She could feel Bobby watching her, so she turned her eyes up to him to check and then gave him another bright smile in the hopes that she could ease his mind like he had tried to ease hers. After a couple of seconds he looked back down at the book in front of him and Toni couldn't help but wish that she could read his mind right now.
The third book in her pile didn't tell Toni anything that she didn't already know about Purgatory, which was starting to frustrate her to the point that she wanted to tear her hair out or punch somebody. "Damn it… This is getting beyond ridiculous," she announced to no one in particular before focusing her commentary to Bobby, "I think I need to clear my head… I feel like I'm going crazy."
Bobby nodded as he watched her restack the books on the couch before standing up as she continued to explain, "I think I'm gonna head out for a run… I'll be back in about an hour, if that's okay with you."
"Take your time Toni, take your time," Bobby replied with a dismissive wave of his hand.
After sprinting upstairs to change into her workout gear, Toni popped her head into the study to say a quick "See you later". Once Bobby heard the front door click closed, he heaved a loud sigh of relief at having the house to himself, even if it was only going to be for an hour or so. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate Toni's help, but he could see how much it was bothering her not to know that Sam was okay and he didn't quite know how to get that sad look out of her eye especially when he knew that his eyes were telling her the same thing. He couldn't resist one last check of the countdown clock before opening up a new book to see what he could find out about the Mother of All and from where she had escaped.
As soon as Toni's feet hit the asphalt, she was completely lost in the sounds piping through her headphones and let her feet fall into step with the beat.
Toni had planned on going to the Frat party that night (she'd even picked out a cute outfit that was still hanging in her closet), but then an idea popped into her head for her assignment and once she started writing she found that she couldn't bring herself to stop until it was finished. Since everything was just flowing together, she decided not to fight it and got comfortable with the thought of staying in for the night. Plus she figured that Vanessa wouldn't get on her too much for not going to the party if her excuse was that she was getting her homework done as opposed to her more usual excuse that Sam might possibly be there and that could make being there uncomfortable for all of them.
She was so in the zone that she hadn't even had a chance to notice the time or her hunger pains until her phone rang and brought her out of her trance. At first she thought that it might have been Vanessa trying to convince her to come out, but as soon as she saw the name on the Caller ID she sat up so quickly that all of her text books fell to the floor.
Without giving them a second look, Toni snatched up her phone so fast that she almost ripped her phone's charger cord in two.
"WILL!" She shouted inadvertently from her excitement.
He laughed heartily as he answered, "Well damn Chiclet, a guy couldn't ask for a better greeting. Dare I ask how you are doing?"
Toni issued a small embarrassed chuckle before saying repentantly, "Sorry… Didn't mean to blow an eardrum, but it's been months since we've actually caught each other… I hate playing telephone tag with you."
"I know me too," he replied taking any hint of good natured mockery out of his tone. "So, what am I keeping you from this fine Saturday night?"
Toni relaxed onto her bed, sitting cross-legged in anticipation of chatting with her brother for long enough that it would completely drain her cell phone battery. "I was going to go to a party, but then I started writing and lost track of time so you aren't interrupting anything really… It isn't due until next week."
"So you're home…? Alone…? Doing class work…? That isn't even due on Monday…? On a Saturday night? Did I hear that right?" Will retorted with the sound of utmost brotherly taunting back in his voice. "You are such a nerd Annie!"
"Shut up Will! You know I hate it when you call me that! So don't you dare get it in your head that I won't hang up on you and then let all of your calls go to voicemail from here on out if you keep that up!"
"Oh Chiclet," he pleaded sweetly. "You wouldn't do that to me, would you? Not your favorite big brother…? Would you?"
Even though it had been over a year since they had buried their eldest brother, Toni still got a little choked up thinking about why William was her only living sibling. He had never expected her to mask her feelings, but Toni still did most of the time and he expected that she would do the same now and just continue with the sarcastic back and forth.
Tonight though, she let her brother hear every emotion that she was feeling as she tearfully replied, "No Will, you're right… I wouldn't ever do that to you."
Will heard the pure sorrow in her voice and felt tears well up in his eyes, so he tried to quickly change the subject because he didn't want to upset his sister any more than he unintentionally had already. "So… Chiclet, you know that Thanksgiving's coming up and all… Umm… Were you planning on heading home for the holidays?"
"No Will, I… I wasn't planning on visiting the Colonel at all," she explained sounding somewhat ashamed that she didn't want to see their Father. "The last time I went to stay with him it wasn't… We didn't… Well… I don't think it would be a good idea for me to head over there."
"Right… Right… But I heard that Paulie was happy to have the extra hand at the bar because it got so busy," he offered in an effort to try to find a bright side like always did for his sister.
"Yeah, that's true… And he did say that I'd be welcomed back anytime that I was in town… I guess the guys were tipping better or something."
"I can't imagine why that would be…"Will started to tease playfully.
Toni's cheeks turned a bright crimson red as she interrupted him with a mortified, "WILL! Please, please don't finish that thought." They both went quiet then after she heard him chuckle softly she added, "I mean it William Walker McNamara… Just don't even go there, please? God… I'm your sister…"
"Whoa! Hey… Hey now, I just heard that he service was better and all… Lloyd told me his fries were so hot he nearly burned his fingers because you were so quick… Wait? Why did you…? Is there something else that I should know about?" He asked his question sounding genuinely innocent even though they both knew that he was more than well aware of how Toni had almost become like an attraction that guys were flocking to see and were more than willing to throw their money (and more) at when eating at the bar.
Toni groaned softly then pleaded, "Will, did you just call to torment me or did you actually have something that you wanted to talk to me about?"
"Toni? Chiclet? I'm sorry… Really I didn't mean to upset you," he replied genuinely apologetic. "But yeah I did want to talk to about something… Although there's probably no point since you'll probably say 'No' just to spite me now…"
"Or maybe I've actually grown up some after living here on my own in California and I might even surprise you," Toni shot back with mild condensation.
"Yeah, that could be true… You aren't my little orphan Annie anymore, are you?"
Toni gritted her teeth together and as she nearly growled out her brother's name as a stern warning, he quickly added, "Okay sorry, sorry. Alright, no more teasing… Okay… So I was calling because I was wondering if you might want to spend Thanksgiving together… Well you, me and Tara too…"
"What? Really? You… You want me to come up to Everett for the holidays? Really? But I thought… Well I figured that since Tara's finally getting back from overseas and all that you'd want to be alone… Well spend some alone time with her… Are…? Are you sure?"
"Toni, I wouldn't call and ask if I wasn't serious or sure that I wanted to see you," he answered almost sadly and sounding hurt. "And Tara really wants to get to know you better too… Plus…"
"Plus what?" Toni questioned hastily, feeling very apprehensive about her brother's uncharacteristic evasiveness.
"Plus… I was hoping that you would be able to help me out with something."
Toni waited a moment for Will to elaborate but became very antsy during his prolonged silence so she said, "Of course Will, I'll help you out with anything that you want me to… You know that… All you ever have to do is name it."
She could hear the relieved smile on his face as he explained, "Well a buddy of mine is living in San Francisco now and he designs jewelry and…"
Will stopped when he heard Toni gasp. "Oh… My… God… You're going to ask Tara to marry you?"
"Yeah Toni, I am," he answered with a dreamy sounding tone.
"Wow… That's just… Wow… But why?" She blurted out absentmindedly.
"Chiclet… Don't be like that… I know that Alex totally warped you to the idea of marriage and everything, but I love her and I want to share the rest of my life with her," William answered with a slight hint of melancholy. "But if you don't want to… I mean, if you're not comfortable with it… Well that's okay too… No harm, no foul."
"No! No… Sorry Will. I was just a little surprised because I didn't know that you two were getting that serious… I'm really sorry… But… Well… Congratulations… Umm… What is it that I can do to help? Really, I want to help. Please Will?"
"Phew… I was hoping that you'd say that. Vince told me that he'd have the rings ready soon. I kind of told him that you would pick them up and I was hoping that you could bring them up with you because to be honest… I don't really trust them coming up in the mail and all…"
"Holy shit! Really? You're trusting me with… With bringing them up? That's… That's a huge responsibility… Are you sure?" She asked feeling genuinely overwhelmed.
"Of course I trust you. Who else always has my back? So… Does that mean…? You'll do it?" William questioned now wondering if his sister really would say 'Yes' or not.
"Yes, I will. Wow… So I'm like going to have a sister… Cool. I can't wait to finally meet her." Toni heard Will chuckle then felt really self-conscious, so she quickly asked. "So do you know how you're going to ask her?"
"Yeah I do… I was thinking…" William then explained the whole elaborate night that he had planned out down to the tiniest detail. Toni couldn't help but smile at the excitement she heard in her brother's voice, even if she didn't totally understand why someone HAD to get married to be happy. In the back of her mind she was calculating how much a ring, a dress and the whole wedding would cost and cringed thinking about how many trips she could take with that money. It all just seemed like such a waste, especially since relationships didn't seem to actually last. Will would probably meet someone else soon and think that she was the center of his universe and then Tara would be left alone to start from scratch again.
"Toni? Chiclet..? You still there?" Will called out softly.
"Yeah… Yeah I'm here. Sorry… But yeah that all sounds great," Toni replied encouragingly even though she wasn't sure what she had just complimented.
"Hey Toni don't worry, when you meet the right guy all of this will make a lot more sense… I know I sound like a crazy person, but you'll understand when it happens to you… And I promise I'll be right there to help you through it."
Toni wanted to be completely dismissive, but she knew that William wasn't saying that to be condescending or mean in any way, so she swallowed her bitterness and tried to share in his happiness. "Okay, yeah… If I do it would be nice to have someone to help me through it… So… Where is this jewelry store anyway?"
Vanessa had started counting down the days until Thanksgiving for the first time in three years because she was just about ready to strangle Toni. It wasn't that she wasn't excited for her best friend, but this was the semester that she not only had the Art History course from Hell, but she was also taking a class on Shakespearean Literature that she was sure was designed to slowly kill its students as well. One of those classes would have been enough to drive her completely crazy, but taking both of them on top of working on the main stage show was making her feel nearly suicidal or homicidal depending on the day from all of the stress.
She had been out all night working on some last minute set and lighting changes, but figured that Toni wouldn't have noticed with all of the last minute packing and planning that she was doing before heading up to Washington State. Vanessa still thought it was kind of ludicrous how anal Toni was being about her packing because she still had at least two weeks before she set out on her trip which should give her more than enough time to get everything done. But Vanessa said nothing because she also knew how much Toni missed her brother and how hard this past year had been on her with not being able to spend more time with him.
As she dragged her tired limbs towards their room, Vanessa stopped dead in her tracks when she saw her dorm room door open. She shook her head sadly thinking that Toni was heading out for a run (she kept reminding Toni that she was skinny enough and beautiful as she was, so she didn't have to bust her ass at ungodly hours to workout), but then she almost fell over in shock.
A very handsome naval officer in a crisp white uniform stepped out of her room placing his hat on his head. Once he was in the hall, he turned and held Toni's face in both hands then leaned down to place a long, lingering kiss on her lips. Before standing up straight, he moved his lips to Toni's ear and said something to her too softly for an out-sider to hear. Toni just nodded in reply and then they both reluctantly turned away from each other.
It took Vanessa a minute to process everything then she sprinted to their room and threw open the door nearly shouting, "Oh my God! Toni he was hot! Who…?"
Before Vanessa could finish, Toni looked up from the bag that she was packing. Vanessa didn't have to ask anything else after seeing the look on Toni's tired face, so she just ran over to wrap Toni in a tight hug.
"Oh Sweets… I'm so sorry… How…? How long do you have before you have to leave?" She asked not relenting on the intensity of her embrace.
Toni shuddered in Vanessa's arms then choked out tearfully, "As s-soon as p-p-possible… Th-the Colonel is Em-em-em… MIA… S-so I have to ge-get up there t-to take c-care of things."
Vanessa sat Toni down on her bed and tried to get her to calm her breathing so that she could try to understand what her friend was saying better. Much to Vanessa's surprise, Toni was actually clinging to her so tightly that Vanessa could barely move her arms to comfort her distraught friend.
Toni and Vanessa just sat as they were until Toni fell asleep sitting up from her tear-filled exhaustion. Vanessa laid her down on the bed as gently as she could and started to tuck her in when she notice something in Toni's hand. She tried a few times to free the black jewelry box from Toni's vice like grasp but her fingers wouldn't relent, so she just left it alone to let her friend get some sleep.
She quickly changed into her pajamas then crawled into her own bed and watched Toni sleep for a while. A few tears fell onto her pillow while Vanessa tried to take stock in everything and the realization hit her that Toni had lost the last man in her life that she loved with all of her heart. She had seen how broken Toni was after Alex passed away, but that just seemed to make her relationship with Will that much more intense and concrete. But now Toni had lost him too and she had no idea how she would be able to fill those shoes for her best friend.
When she woke up later that day, Vanessa noticed right away that their room was more barren than when she had first come in earlier in the day. She didn't bother looking for Toni because Vanessa knew that she would be gone. Instead she looked for the enveloped that she was certain that Toni would have left to explain to her friend what she couldn't (and wouldn't) say out loud.
Toni had made her bed like she had every morning, with perfectly crisp corners, and Vanessa found the envelope waiting for her on Toni's pillow. She didn't even have to read a single word before the tears in her eyes started to blur her vision because she could see the spots where Toni's tears had already been absorbed by the paper. As she read what Toni had written, she felt like someone had torn her heart out. She crawled into Toni's bed with unending tears falling onto Toni's pillow. Vanessa never ignored the phone, but knowing that her best friend had left this place for the last time had her feeling so depressed that she was nearly catatonic.
She finally got out of bed when Kory opened the door to their room with the key that Toni had placed in the envelope of the letter that she had left him. He and Vanessa commiserated together for a while, but he knew that neither of them would be able to change Toni's mind, so he followed Toni's wishes and started packing all of her things while Vanessa started making phone calls.
When Toni got back to Bobby's, she could hear him talking with someone in the study. Toni had been out longer than she had originally anticipated and after being away from such intense exercise for so long, she was really feeling the effects of the endorphins and muscle fatigue so it took her a minute to distinguish to whom the second voice in the room belonged. While she was still panting in a few breaths, she slowly made her way up the stairs to squat down to steal a quick look through the bannister. It was somewhat awkward and difficult to achieve, but she did manage to catch a quick glimpse of a tan trench coat causing her to sigh softly in relief.
As she continued up the stairs, Toni chuckled to herself whispering, "Angels."
Toni took her time in the shower because Bobby's words had finally sunk in while she was out running and she knew that she couldn't control the flow of time. She was still riding her high and sense of calm as she slowly dressed even though her concern for Sam's safety was still a seed germinating in the back of her mind. As she pulled her still wet long hair into a messy bun, Toni stared at her sad eyes and forced herself to take in a few deep, long breaths to maintain her Zen like calm.
"You can't change anything from here Toni," she coached herself out loud. "Just stay positive… You can do that right? They've both survived Hell, so they can endure a little time travel no problem…"
Hearing herself talk about Hell AND time travel in the same sentence made Toni laugh out loud spontaneously which in turn made her feel like she would actually be able to keep going without crumbling completely. As she made her way down the stairs, she noticed that the house was eerily quiet right now. She almost called out to Bobby to ask if he had eaten anything solid while she was out today, but she was silenced by a loud knock at the door.
Sam had answered the door by time that she hit the main floor and he hurried into the study, package in hand, without noticing her at all. Toni stood in the hallway staring at the front door with a soft, thought filled scowl on her face before she registered that she had seen Sam… SAM… In the flesh and she almost tripped over her feet to get to the study to double check that he hadn't just been a figment of her sometimes over active imagination because she was starting to miss him so much.
Toni rushed to the doorway and stood there watching Sam's back as he held up a letter to read it out loud to the crowd. "Dear Sam, I got this address and date off you 'thingamajig' and thought the enclosed might come in handy. Regards, Samuel Colt."
Dean had been trying to read the letter along with his brother and just gave Sam a questioning look in regard to what 'the enclosed' might actually turn out to be. Sam then extracted a clear bottle filled with a black substance, but Toni could tell straightaway that none of the men immediately knew what its contents actually were or what it could be used for either.
Bobby forced his head off of his hand to ask, "Is that what I think it is?"
"Ashes of the Phoenix," Dean replied in slight awe and reverence. "You know what this means?"
"Yeah," Bobby retorted sarcastically. "I didn't get a 'soulonoscopy' for nothing."
Sam and Toni groaned as she approached the group after Bobby's attempt to joke when they saw how drained and exhausted the hunter and their angel friend looked, but Dean wouldn't be dissuaded from speaking his mind as he confidently countered, "Yes. And… It means we take the fight to her."
A/N: SPN MUM thanks for the kick in the bum... I hadn't realized this was hiding in my brain just waiting for me to write it. Hope all of you enjoy!