Where the Truth Can Truly Spill
"'Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without feminine upheaval. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included'," Toni read aloud as she made a few more notes for her term paper. "Yeah… Good quote Toni, but it's got nothing to do with this Crim course… Focus damn it! Focus!"
She looked down at the mess of text and notebooks on her bed then decided that it was the perfect time for a break. Vanessa had just recently gotten Toni into doing yoga with her because Vanessa thought that they could both use the stress reliever to deal with school this semester. Well Vanessa needed it because of school more so than Toni because the classes she was enrolled in this term were the most stress-filled of her college career. She used school as an excuse, but in reality she thought Toni could use it to deal with everything that was going on in her personal life. But at the end of the day, Vanessa had mostly talked Toni into coming with her because she didn't want to attend the classes alone.
Toni rolled out her yoga mat and started to stretch and contort her body into some of the poses that she could remember, but she couldn't really lose herself in those movements like she could in class. After a few minutes, she decided that this was doing nothing to help her concentration and thought that a snack or maybe a run would be more helpful to clear her head before continuing.
A knock at the door caused Toni to pause as she rolled up her mat and called out, "Come on in! It's unlocked!"
After Corporal McCord stepped fully into Toni's room, he froze in his spot as he watched her skin go sickly pale and her hands dropped the mat to the floor. He only moved after her weak knees crumbled under the weight of her surprise and sorrow. As soon as he touched her, he could feel that she was shaking uncontrollably. Toni didn't seem to react to his touch, so he dropped his hat on top of the mess that was her yoga mat and scooped her up into his arms to carry her over to her bed.
"I'm so sorry Toni," he apologized softly against her hair. He tried to sit down on her bed, but first had to knock her books off it in order to make room for both of them.
He felt her shake her head then just barely heard her repeat, "No, no, no…" in quick succession over and over.
"I'll clean up the mess later, don't worry about it," the Corporal offered, mistakenly thinking that Toni had been further upset by his treatment of her school work.
He attempted to move away from her, but Toni quickly grabbed his uniform jacket tightly, forcing him to remain close. As he wrapped a comforting arm around her, Toni started to thump a fist against his chest and sat back to look at him through her tears.
"No…! No! NO!" Toni shouted more heatedly and adding more force behind each punch that she landed against the Corporal's chest. "NO! Darren no! He… He wasn't even in… In active… Active duty… He… He… He was just… A… A mechanic… No!"
"I'm sorry," he repeated again because he had no idea what else he could say to her right now that might appease her.
"No! He… He… He can't be… No!" She shouted almost incoherently as she continued to beat his chest with tightly closed fists with tears freely flowing from her eyes.
Darren remained silent and sat back slightly to let Toni work out her aggression against his body more easily. Her vigorous verbal protests soon became unintelligible mumbles that he could barely hear or attempt to understand behind her violent sobs. Even after she was no longer able to speak, Toni still continued to punch and slap her old friend's chest with violent, bruising force. He only moved to catch her hands when Toni started to lose momentum so that he could help to keep her from falling against him too hard or roughly.
"D-D-Darren… He c-can't b-be gone," she tearfully implored while he gently guided her head to his shoulder.
"I know… I know… It was a huge shock for everyone at the base too. I'm so sorry," he quietly replied as he tried to console her.
Toni pushed back against his chest to look up at him but before she could attempt to ask her next question, Darren added, "Shh… We have all day… We can get into the details later… When you're ready… Let's not rush it, okay?"
The tenderness in his tone almost caught Toni by surprise, even though it really shouldn't have given their history. He had gotten to know the McNamara siblings very well when he and William had been stationed together while Toni was still in high school. Back then, Darren had been beyond enamored with the youngest McNamara, but she had ignored all of his advances because she had had a boyfriend then they had first met. Darren knew that she was too young to be in any kind of long lasting relationship, so he was content to just bide his time as a close friend to both Toni and William and that notion remained steadfast to this day.
It was with that sentiment of friendship that he had taken it upon himself to step out of his usual role with the US Army's Military Police to make the next of kin notifications to Toni in regards to her mother and brothers. Although right now he just wished that he could find the right words to ease her pain in some way.
For a time, Toni had almost considered Darren to be just like another brother to her, which was why she didn't hesitate to break down and show him her rawest emotions and reactions. Now she just stared into his compassion filled eyes and wondered why he would let her direct her wrath at his body. But after staring at him for a while, Toni realized that he allowed it because he truly did care about her, more than she had ever thought possible.
Darren caressed her cheek gently to brush some of her tears away and Toni fell forward to kiss him almost timidly. He was quick to push her gently back by her shoulders, protesting with a soft tone while he held onto her to make sure she knew he wasn't upset by her actions, "Toni… I'm here for you, but you don't have… I'm not expecting… We can just…"
His statements were disjointed and got further distracted by Toni slowly unbuttoning the front of his jacket. Once all of the buttons were opened, Toni slipped her hands inside then ran them gently up his chest to his shoulders. Darren just watched her apprehensively because he was afraid that if he moved she would be angered and would resume her more painful treatment of his torso once again instead of this more loving contact.
"Please Darren? I just… I can't be sad yet… I want…" She continued working on his military issue belt and pants as she continued, "Make me feel something good… Please? Please Darren? Help me… Feel… Please? I'm just so… So numb…"
Darren nodded absentmindedly as he watched her nimble fingers go to work as she fell silent again. Once Toni was done unfastening all of the buttons and zippers of the Corporal's uniform, he sat back to get a good long look at her to double check where she was mentally at this point in time. Toni moved up his body with a cat-like grace to kiss every inch of flesh that she could find until she had blanketed his body with her own.
"Please Darren?"
He nodded with more self-awareness this time and then swiftly stood up off the bed. Toni flopped down against her pillows with a confused scowl on her face directed straight at him beside her bed. Darren smiled wryly then stepped over to her closet and pulled out two hangers for him to use.
"Everyone at the base would understand if I return with makeup streaks on my jacket," he explained as he carefully hung his jacket and pants and watched Toni haphazardly discard her clothing onto the floor. "But wrinkles would be much harder to explain away. I hope you don't mind."
Toni slowly slipped her panties off then sling shot them at Darren's face replying, "I don't mind at all Corporal, so long as it gets you back in my bed…" Neither of them moved and just stared at each other as they panted with anticipation before Toni added, "And naked soldier."
Darren couldn't help but laugh at her comment, but he was silenced when Toni laid back on her bed to make sure that she was on full display for him.
He took a couple of steps forward, now clothed in only his boxer briefs as he politely asked, "Toni? Are you…?"
She sat up to pull him down on top of her. While she handed him a condom, she huskily instructed, "Make me forget Darren… Even if it's just for a little while… Please…?" Her tears of sorrow returned as he plunged deep into her, causing Toni to shout out, "Please Darren! Please… Make me… Oh… Feel… Feels so good!"
Darren held her close to his chest, secretly hoping that Toni had fallen asleep because this day had been beyond his wildest dreams and he didn't want anything to ruin it. He had honestly only wanted to comfort Toni in her time of need, but he had never thought that she would turn to sex as a measure of reassurance. She didn't seem to move at all as he pressed himself against her back so that he wouldn't fall off of her twin sized bed, so he assumed she was asleep and just relished in the memories that he had just created.
Once her tears hit the back of his hand that was covering both of hers, Darren squeezed Toni in his arms as he heard her whisper, "He's really gone? I've… I've lost him too?"
The Corporal hugged Toni close even after she turned over to tuck herself against his side as he answered, "I'm so sorry Toni… Will always tried to be careful… For you and for Tara, but…"
"Oh God! Tara!" Toni gasped while pushing back on his naked chest. "He… He… Will was… Oh God! She… How is…?" Toni questioned through a new onslaught of tears.
"Shh… She wasn't at home… She's still in D.C. but… You don't… Shouldn't worry about that right now."
Toni went quiet except for a few stray sobs that escaped her lips. "Wh-what d-did the Co-Colonel de-decide to do? H-How s-soon is th-the f-funeral?"
Darren rubbed her back and kissed her head replying against her hair, "I don't know... They hadn't been able to notify him by the time I left the base."
"The Colonel doesn't know? So… So that means… I… I…" Toni started to cry harder against his neck but still managed to finish her thought, "I can't plan it all on my own… I can't do this… It's… It's too much."
"Shh… You aren't on your own Toni. Why don't you try to sleep and then we'll try to formulate a plan together once you've rested?"
Toni nodded against his chest, but she didn't fall asleep right away. As she continued to cry against his flesh, Darren gently stroked her hair while whispering words of encouragement against her head. He continued running his fingers through her hair even after he had confirmation that she was asleep. He hadn't planned on spending the night with her, but Darren relaxed completely once Toni was asleep and soon followed her into dreamland.
He awoke with a bit of a start and didn't really remember where he was until he felt Toni's hair tickle his nose. He squeezed her tightly as she quietly asked, "Do you have to leave soon?"
She rolled over to face him again as he stole a quick glance at the clock. "Not right away, but yeah… It'll be sooner than later."
"I wish we didn't have to leave this bed," Toni commented forlornly before pulling herself up to kiss him.
Darren tangled his fingers in her hair then rolled her onto her back replying, "We don't have to yet… That is if you wanted to maybe… Again…"
Toni cupped his buttocks then pushed his mid-section down saying, "Oh God… Yes… Yes please!"
He tried to roll off the bed to get cleaned up after this round of love making was over, but Toni had intertwined her legs with his to trap him in his place. "I like having you between my legs."
Darren laughed uncomfortably because he was sure now that this love-nesting that Toni had going on over the last few hours had nothing to do with him really, she just wanted a distraction from the real world right now. He knew that he should feel hurt, that he should feel used, but he couldn't bring himself to take it personally. In a weird way he was just happy that she had been able to find some sort of comfort in his arms. But despite all of that, he still had other responsibilities for work that he had to tend to, especially if he wanted to remain employed.
Every time he tried to untangle himself, Toni would tighten her hold on him. Since he didn't seem to be able to beat her, he decided to join her… Kind of. She went completely pliant under his lips and hands and just when she thought that he was geared up and ready for a third round, Darren quickly stood up off the bed and swiftly retrieved his underwear and started getting dressed.
"I'm sorry Toni, but if I want to keep my job, I have to get back," he explained without turning to face her for fear that it would only take one look from her to break his resolve again.
He had his pants and undershirt on when he felt her touch his arm to help him into his jacket. "And I need to pack," she replied as if she was having to remind herself of that fact.
She moved around him to pull on a pair of sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt while he finished dressing and ensured that his uniform looked just as crisp as it had the day before. "Uhh… By the way… Umm… Thanks for… You know… Uhh… Being the one to tell me… I don't think I could have handled hearing it from a stranger."
Darren held her hand as he retrieved his hat from the floor saying, "It's the least that I could do… I'm just sorry that we couldn't have reconnected on better terms."
"Maybe next time we will." As she walked him to the door she attempted to light-heartedly joke, "I mean it's not like I have another brother that can die or anything."
Before she opened the door, Darren squeezed her hand tightly and almost reprimanded her but Toni smiled tearfully and added, "I didn't mean… I just…"
"I understand," he cut in affectionately. As he stepped out of the room, Darren placed his hat on his head then turned back and held Toni's face in both of his hands. Her sad eyes seemed to still be looking for reassurance, so he leaned down and kissed her softly. When she reciprocated with a painful whimper of need, Darren prolonged his embrace and hesitated breaking it to continue on with his day. He pulled back reluctantly then moved his lips to her ear whispering, "Call me when you get back to town, okay?"
Toni nodded then they forced themselves to turn away from each other. She pulled her bag out from under her bed and let a couple of guilty tears fall as she started to pull her clothes out of her wardrobe because she knew that that was the last night that she was going to spend in that bed. She didn't plan on ever returning to Stanford, but she didn't have the heart to tell Darren or anybody else that just yet.
"Sam…? Sam…?" Toni whispered trying not to disturb Bobby while they all searched through Bobby's library for anything they could find about Leviathans. "Sam?" She called out once again with a tiny bit more volume.
When Sam finally made eye contact with her, Toni nodded towards the kitchen then got up and walked out of the study. She didn't notice that Bobby had been watching their exchange and was chuckling silently to himself. Bobby couldn't help but give Sam a questioning look, but all Sam could do was shrug in reply because he had no idea why Toni was trying to be so secretive right now.
Toni was squeezing the juice from a wedge of lime into her rum and coke and Sam could instantly see that her hands were shaking fairly hard. He watched her in silence trying to figure out what she might have on her mind, beyond the crazy stuff that all of them had witnessed lately. With a still shaking hand, Toni took a large gulp out of her glass while looking out the window behind the sink.
As she added more rum to the mixture, Sam called out softly, "Toni…? Are…? Are you okay?"
Toni was shaking her head while guzzling down her drink before saying with a tone of uncertainty, "Sam I need… I kind of have a weird… Umm… Question… If that's okay with you…"
Sam sat down at the kitchen table turned command post central and gently grabbed her hand to pull her close. Toni almost sat down on his lap, but quickly changed her mind and sat on a chair on the opposite side of the table. She was staring at the table top, so Sam took a drink from her glass to keep himself quiet and to keep himself from rushing her.
He choked slightly then exclaimed, "Holy shit Toni! That's practically pure rum! You should warn a guy."
"Yeah… I guess I'm… Uhh… Kind of nervous…" Toni answered with an uneasy laugh before gulping down a couple more mouthfuls.
"Toni," Sam offered encouragingly as he took both of her hands in his. "You don't have to feel nervous… You know that you can ask me anything. Just take your time."
Toni looked up to his eyes and they both seemed shocked that a couple of tears escaped out of her eyes. "It's… It's something that demon said…"
Sam froze and went rigid in his place and then he ground his teeth together and nearly growled as he said, "Crowley? Crowley said something to you…? Fuck I knew that I should have stayed downstairs… What lie did you tell you about me?"
"You…? No… No Sam he didn't say anything about you," Toni clarified with mild guilt in her tone. "He… Shit… Umm… It's just that… When you were…? Is there any way to find out if…? Umm… If Alex and Will are still in Hell right now? I mean when you were there did you see…? Uhh… Sense them at all?"
"What? Why…? Why do you ask Toni?"
She let Sam pet her cheek then she took his hand in both of hers replying, "Well… The demon… Err… Uhh… Crowley… He told Bobby and me that I would be proud of my brothers' high pain tolerance in the afterlife. Doesn't…? Doesn't that mean that they're in Hell right now? I mean there's no pain or torture in Heaven, right?"
Sam got up to move his chair beside her so that he could be sure that she knew he was there to comfort her and that no unauthorized ears would hear their conversation. "Toni I'm more than positive that they aren't in Hell. That's just Crowley's way of getting under your skin so that you'll be too preoccupied of unsavory thoughts of them to fight."
Toni nodded, knowing that what he was saying was the truth, but she still couldn't help but wonder out loud, "But they… They could be, right? They… They were both… Umm… They both killed people… Doesn't that mean that they could be…? Umm… Sent to Hell?"
"They didn't… They weren't… Okay, maybe they killed people, but they weren't murders… They didn't do it for fun…" Sam tried to explain even though he wasn't quite sure what he was trying to say. "Dean and I have killed people and when we were murdered we went to Heaven."
Toni pushed back on Sam's chest tearfully asking, "You…? You were…? Murdered? When the fuck did THAT happen?"
"Oh… That… Umm it was like… Geez… Three years ago now?"
With a self-conscious chuckle Toni more calmly replied, "Well I think Chuck should get his ass in gear and publish the rest of his books or else I'll never know the whole truth about my boyfriend when he has a memory as spotty as yours."
Sam pulled Toni onto his lap so that he could hold her close to him while repentantly explaining, "I would have told you about it, I swear… But we've been… We're dealing with so much shit right now…"
He paused when he felt Toni laugh against his neck. "When did you getting killed and going to Heaven fall into the 'Not As Important As' category?" Sam shrugged then Toni bit back a sob so that she could more seriously ask, "So really? You don't think that Alex and Will are being tortured in Hell right now? You really do think that Crowley was just lying to me?"
Nodding his head emphatically, Sam pulled Toni's head to his shoulder and rocked her gently answering, "I'm sure of it… But we might be able…"
He cut himself off at hearing the fridge door open. Dean hadn't noticed them before he not so quietly grumbled to himself, "How are we almost out of food again? And beer?" He popped the top off his beer and almost politely said, "Oh hey guys, I didn't see… Shit… I'm interrupting something aren't I? Sorry."
Toni stood up and dried her cheeks slowly while replying, "It's fine Dean… It isn't anything that can't wait a bit longer while we put together a grocery list."
She stepped out of the room to get a pen and paper, so Dean quickly asked his brother in an unwavering serious tone, "Dude?"
"She's right Dean, it can wait…" Sam answered without taking his eyes off of Toni's path. Once his eyes landed on his brother, Sam swiftly added, "Honestly Dean, it can… But I'll explain it all to you later, alright?"
Dean didn't get a chance to answer because Toni had re-entered the room announcing, "Bobby's only requests were pork chops and for me to get all of the fixings for a meatloaf…" She looked up from her notepad and could tell that she had disrupted the Winchesters' discussion, but she was confident that she had been the primary topic of conversation, which she was more than happy to put an end to, so she just continued asking, "Sam do you have any special requests?"
"Could you grab enough stuff to make your famous 'shit-mix salad'?"
Toni blushed briefly answering, "I'm sure that that could be arranged…" She opened the fridge then stole a glance over her arm at Dean and apologetically offered, "I can just make a list of everything that I need and you could still go shopping solo if you wanted."
Dean shook his head saying, "Oh hell no! You are not getting out of trekking to the grocery store that easily! There's no way in hell I'm doing that alone!"
Toni's smile brightened and seemed to be more sincere, so Dean added, "I'll just go get cleaned up so I don't embarrass you at the Supermarket."
Toni was reading over her list so she didn't notice that Sam was approaching her and jumped a little when his arms encircled her waist. "Hey… You holding up okay?"
She nodded replying, "Yeah… I think having a project is helping to keep my mind from focusing on all the other shit right now. But that… I mean… It's not that I don't want to talk it all out with you, but I guess it could… Should wait until there's a longer lull in the action and all."
Sam kissed her cheek softly agreeing, "That sounds reasonable to me… So…? How's the list coming along?"
"Well so far I have beer, pork chops, ground beef… Extra lean for you and me… Beer, ground chicken, lettuce, beer, steak, whiskey, potatoes… Oh and…Umm beer."
She looked up at Sam then said with mock innocence, "What? I'm just trying to make sure that I'm playing to my audience… And my strengths, as few as they are in the kitchen."
"To your audience you say…? You sure about that?" Sam questioned with a quirked eyebrow and his arms crossed securely across his chest.
Toni turned her eyes away from her notepad and pouted at Sam apologetically. He didn't move or change his stance, so she stood up on her tip-toes to kiss him, but he didn't lean over or bend down in any way to make up the difference between them so that her lips could connect with his. Toni then stood up straight and tall and mirrored the look she saw on his face as she wrapped a foot behind his knees. Neither of them broke eye contact, even when Toni grabbed his arms to keep her steady so that she could kick the back of his knees to force him to bend over slightly.
Once he was at a more manageable height, Toni grabbed Sam's face and kissed him until he stood up to break the embrace and then she explained, "I don't know what's in season right now, but I'll be sure to grab some vegetables too… They're my top priority."
Sam blushed unconsciously as he admitted, "So long as you didn't forget about me."
Although she knew that the teasing was meant to be light-hearted, Toni could feel a large lump growing in her throat as she replied, "Never Sam… I've never forgotten about you."
At the end of her statement, she quickly turned and left the room so that she wouldn't break down in from of him again. Dean caught the tail-end of the exchange between Toni and Sam and when he saw that Sam was visibly upset, he chose to try to ease some of the tension in the room instead of razzing his brother more by saying, "If I have to eat nothing but salad while you and Toni are trying to kiss and make up, I'm going to put you in a coma just so that she'll go back to making real food like meatloaf again."
Sam scoffed indignantly but softened his facial features slightly when he saw the playful smirk on his brother's face. "Well, you know… It wouldn't kill you to eat a vegetable every once in a while."
"Hey, they put that shit on my burgers… I eat vegetables," Dean retorted with a hearty laugh as he left the house.
He was still laughing quietly as he approached the Impala, but he became very serious when he got into the car and saw Toni staring intently at the screen of her laptop. He wasn't sure what she might be researching and by the look on her face, he wasn't sure that he knew how to break the tension that he could feel mounting like he could with Sam, so he decided not to try and just started the engine without a word spoken.
Toni closed her laptop when she heard the purr of the engine and after it was carefully tucked away under the front seat, Dean caught her smiling mischievously out the windshield to herself.
"Is everything alright with you Toni?" He finally asked somewhat cautiously.
"Yeah, everything's fine," she replied turning to look out of the passenger side window. "But… I think I finally found an apple pie recipe that even I can't screw up."
Dean gave her a side-ways glance with a suggestive smile, so Toni playfully punched his arm defensively explaining, "Hey, if I'm going to remain the household chef, it's only fair that I learn to make each of your guys' favorite dishes. I'm just trying to be fair Dean… Don't be such a girl and go reading into it too much."
Dean pulled a paper bag out of the trunk and when he saw Toni give him the stink eye for not carrying more, he shrugged saying, "I already told you, I'm more than happy to lug around anything that I'll eat… You can have fun toting those leafy things around."
Toni laughed heartily as she reached for two plastic bags tucked into one corner quietly retorting, "Nice one Drama Queen, you forgot the beer before making your dramatic exit."
She entered the grim atmosphere of the kitchen and immediately dropped her jovial demeanor at hearing Sam say, "It's a lead Dean."
Toni remained solely focused on unloading the bags they had brought in up until she heard Dean state authoritatively, "Sam, you're in the middle of a psychotic break."
She tried to catch her boyfriend's eye, but he avoided doing that by looking between his laptop and his brother reasoning, "It's a couple of hours drive Dean… And it could be a Leviathan thing."
"Nah… I'm not leaving you here alone…" Dean retorted as he straightened up from reading the article Bobby had found and turning away from the two other hunters.
Bobby walked around the table to his computer, passing Sam a piece of paper and jumped in defensively saying, "Hey! What am I? Chopped brains on toast? I can eyeball the kid. Go… Work off some of those nerves on something useful."
Dean looked between them and almost threw up his hands in exasperation as he conceded with a gruff sounding, "Fine."
Toni stepped up beside the eldest Winchester and passed him a cold, opened beer to him offering, "I'll keep an eye on the guys for you… Hey, how 'bout I whip up something for us to eat while you pack?"
Dean took a long swig of beer then pointed the beer bottle's neck at the two other men replying, "Thanks Toni… See? Now you two could learn a thing or two from Sam's lady friend about how to treat someone when you're trying to persuade them to help you."
Toni rolled her eyes because she had already told Dean how he hated being considered too feminine and lady like or being called any "girly" names, so she couldn't help but utter an annoyed, "You better get to packing Winchester or it's beet salad for dinner."
He quickly wrapped his lips around the bottle's neck and fled the room as fast as his feet could take him without tripping. Sam appeared at Toni's side and started unloading the bags of groceries with her. Since she was still trying to get acquainted with Bobby's house and kitchen, she let Sam finish the unpacking while she got to starting their meal. Bobby remained somewhat amused by their antics, but tried to make it look like he hadn't taken his eye off of his computer during their exchange. That was until Toni pulled a glass out of the freezer, filled it with whiskey and placed it by his left hand.
Before returning to her previous job, she leaned over and whispered into his ear, "I've got everything covered here so long as you promise to fill me in on what's going on with the tall one later."
Bobby barely moved his head as he picked up his drink took a large gulp then winked as an affirmative reply. Toni then moved back to the counter to and shoed Sam away when she saw that he was trying to put away some of her dinner supplies. He quickly retreated to his spot at the table then he and Bobby exchanged overly amused smiles before getting back to their work as well.
Soon after night had fallen, Sam started to absentmindedly scratch at the bandage covering his left palm. Toni had claimed Bobby's seat at the table after he had vacated it to work on something outside and kicked Sam under the table scolding him, "The more you pick at it, the longer it will take to heal… Not to mention you increasing your chances for infection."
Sam paused then grumbled with a slight whine, "But it's fucking itchy."
Toni looked over then kicked him again to get his full attention. His eyes nearly turned to fire as he glared at her, but she was up on her feet without replying and tugged on his good hand to try to get him to stand, but Sam remained stubbornly in his place. She stared him down and clenched her jaw and glowered at him with her own incensed stare which got Sam to his feet in an instant.
Once he started following her, Toni softened her exterior as she explained, "If it's itching that bad, it could mean that an infection is trying to set in. Unlike Dean, I prefer using peroxide to properly clean a wound… Plus that way we can conserve the whiskey for drinking."
Upon her explanation, Sam followed more obediently. As Toni started to remove his bandage, he kissed the top of her head and whispered, "Thanks Toni, I appreciate you looking after me."
"So…" She started as she freed his wound from its binding. "What Dean said to you earlier…? Is…? Have things gotten worse than was we've talked about already?"
Sam hissed loudly as the peroxide hit his palm and wasn't really able to speak until Toni placed his hand under a stream of cold water. "No… No it hasn't really gotten any worse."
"He… Uhh… Lucifer's visits…? They aren't any more frequent are they?" She questioned hesitantly as she gently patted his wound dry. "Because the frequency can be just as important as the intensity when gauging the severity of hallucinations… Or so I've read."
Sam became somewhat mesmerized while watching her wrap new white gauze over the ugly stitches his brother had sewn into his hand as he distractedly answered, "No… No they haven't really changed much… That's just Dean's way of dealing with my… Uhh… Situation."
Toni finished dressing his wound then held his cheeks resolutely saying, "Good… Because you and I are doing the whole talking about our feelings and shit now so… I'd feel really stupid if it starts to become one-sided… And the truth is… I worry… About you… A lot Boyfriend, so please don't hold anything back from me, alright?"
"I know, I know… If things change between Lucifer and me, I promise, you'll be notified immediately." Sam could see that Toni wasn't impressed by his response, so he took her hands from his face and squeezed them saying, "I promise that I will… I mean if my girlfriend is pissed off at me then my life could get pretty damn miserable, right?"
"Right… It totally means that you won't be getting laid," Toni reaffirmed with a chuckle then followed up with a soft kiss on his lips. "But I think you need to try to stay on your brother's good side too… I don't want him to feel left out…" Sam stared at her dumbly, so she clarified, "I'm pretty sure that's your phone I hear ringing… Who else would be calling you right now?"
Sam jumped up off the toilet then rushed out of the room without responding to retrieve his phone. Toni calmly cleaned up her supplies then started to move towards the kitchen, but she paused when she noticed that there were a few droplets of blood by the bathroom sink. She was really concerned about Sam or any of them getting infected by any viruses because she knew an illness would severely delay their work, so she focused on cleaning the majority of the bathroom before doing anything else.
When she finally made it to a doorway adjacent to the kitchen, it looked to her like Sam was having a heated argument with someone. Given his tone of voice she could have easily assumed that it was his brother that Sam was yelling at, but she could distinctly see that there was no one else in the kitchen or the study right now and that he was no long on his phone.
Bobby stepped up to her side and gently gripped her bicep saying, "It's just part and parcel of what Castiel did to him."
Toni looked up at him with terror in her eyes, but she couldn't find her voice to reply. "I know Darling… It's a lot to take in, but we'll get him through it."
"Yeah… Right… Right, we will," she finally managed to respond. She stole another glance at Sam and couldn't help but jump when he started shouting louder and more furiously at no one. "But I just… I… Not right now…" She mumbled as she backed away from the doorway towards the stairs.
She instinctively retreated to the bedroom to grab her phone and call her Dad to get some advice from him. As she went to hit his speed dial button, she caught a quick glimpse at the time. She silently cussed herself out for not noticing how late it had gotten and then she chuckled sadly because she knew that meant that she was finally getting used to the Winchesters' schedule. She wrapped both of her hands around the phone and rested her forehead against her knuckles trying to get her emotions in check.
When she felt like she had achieved that goal, she moved to place her phone on the nightstand. The red flashing indicator light made her heart skip a beat and the small voicemail icon nearly caused her to cry happy tears. Her hands trembled slightly with excitement as she dialed into her voicemail and she held her breath when she heard her father's voice.
"Hey there Angel. I know our phone date isn't until tomorrow, but something's come up and I have to reschedule… And before you worry… It isn't anything bad… I've been invited out to… Well… Shoot… I'm going out on a date… And I'll give you a moment to stop laughing before I proceed… (He paused then took a deep breath.) Alright… Well, I should let you get back to your work. Call me when you get a chance. I love you Toni and I'm so proud of everything that you've accomplished. Keep up the good work and send my best to the boys and Bobby. Hopefully you're keeping them all in line… I'll talk to you soon Angel. I love you."
Somehow all it took was hearing her Dad's voice and Toni was able to completely center herself again. But she figured this new feeling of calm had more to do with being distracted with disbelief that her Father was going out on a date than it did with actually being somewhat at peace with what was happening to Sam. She then reminded herself that she had to call him as soon as she could to find out what was going on in the Colonel's life right now to keep from remaining distracted.
Bobby was just finishing a phone call when Toni made it back down to the kitchen, so she remained silent to find out what she had missed. After he had the phone and thrown it back on the table, Bobby turned to Sam explaining, "Well either Sheriff Mills is having an Obama-Care insurance opium dream or something's eating folks at Sioux Falls General Hospital."
Bobby grabbed his jacket off his chair then hesitantly said, "Look… I don't want to bruise your ego or anything but…"
"No… No, no, it's okay," Sam interjected quickly. "Go, go, go… I'll… I'll watch the phones."
Toni caught Sam's eye and her feelings of uncertainty flooded back with brutal force, but she didn't address them and just asked, "Hey Bobby? Since Dean was sure that the Leviathans were making their way up here… Umm… Did you want some back up?"
Before answering, Bobby stole a look at Sam's reaction to her question and could see that something was bothering him, but Sam gave him a tight smile with a nod, so Bobby replied, "Sure… Since I don't know what the Sheriff was in the hospital for, why don't you follow me in your truck just in case we have some heavy machinery to deal with?"
"Okay, great! I can do that! I'll just run up and grab my jacket," Toni exclaimed happily nearly lunging forward to hunger the older man.
Sam and Bobby exchanged another sad look after she hurried out of the room and then Sam slowly followed Toni's path upstairs. She had gotten into the same habit as the Winchesters of packing a bag whenever they left Bobby's house to do anything but grocery shop, so Sam found her placing the few things she had unpacked into her bag when he got up to the room.
"I could stay if you wanted me to," Toni offered without pausing her hands or turning around to look at Sam.
Sam stepped up behind her and placed a hand on each of her hips replying, "That's okay. Bobby really could use the back up."
After zipping her bag closed, Toni turned around but didn't make eye contact with Sam. "So… Just now…? That's…? Umm… That's what been happening to you?"
Sam stroked her hair gently and she finally lifted her eyes to his face as he answered, "No, that isn't what usually happens… But I guess after losing Cas and not sleeping properly… I must have kind of lost it… Well at least my ability to keep my anger in check that is… It's just been so frustrating… I'm sorry if I scared you."
"I've… I've never seen you that mad before… That… That's what freaked me out the most I think… You… You looked like you could kill someone with your bare hands," Toni explained in a timid voice.
"Do you want to know the truth?" Sam asked while almost shying away from maintaining eye contact with her. Toni swallowed hard then nodded slowly. "Most day I kind of feel like I could do that… And not going out on hunts is kind of making me even more antsy."
Toni closed her eyes then apologetically replied, "Right… Of course you would be… Okay… Alright, I should go catch up with Bobby…" As she turned back from picking up her bag, Toni set her shoulders then resolutely stated, "If you need me to come back, I'm just a phone call away."
"I'll be fine," Sam replied dismissively.
Toni grabbed his arm then more forcefully said, "Sam I mean it… You aren't doing this alone… If you need someone to be here with you before Dean gets back you better fucking call me, understand?"
He kissed her softly on the lips and as he held her against his chest he replied, "Completely… I promise I'll call… But you're right, we shouldn't leave Bobby waiting."
After they had both parked, Bobby and Toni met at the entrance of the hospital and decided to split up in order to cover more ground faster. They agreed on a rendezvous point for when either of them found the Sheriff and then rushed into the hospital to head their separate ways.
Toni wasn't sure if Sheriff Mills had told Bobby what ward she was on, so she bee-lined straight for the first desk that she could find with a nurse stationed behind it. As she approached it, she bit her lip and tried to coax some tears into her eyes.
"Miss…? Are…? Are you okay?" The nurse questioned with undeniable concern.
Toni sputtered out a breath then tearfully replied, "M-my s-s-sis… S-sister was ah-ah-admitted… I… I need to f-find her."
The nurse placed a comforting hand over Toni's that was resting on the counter then serenely asked, "Well you're in the right place Sweetheart… What's your sister's name?"
"Mills, Ma'am… Jodie Mills," Toni more calmly answered.
"Alright… Let's see here…Okay… Here she is… Room 136." She looked up and gave Toni a bright smile then pointed down the hall behind the 'distraught sister'. "Just follow that all the way down to the end, turn right and follow that hallway to your sister's room."
Toni gave her a hesitant smile replying, "Thank you so much."
"It's my pleasure Sweetheart; I hope your sister will be okay."
After a polite nod, Toni turned on her heel and hurried down the hall. She checked over her shoulder a couple of times to ensure that she wasn't being watched then she dried her cheeks on her sleeves as she rounded the corner. The room numbers were much higher than she had anticipated, so she started sprinting to make up ground quicker.
Not long after she had broken into her run, Toni saw Bobby round a corner down at the other end of the hall before he quickly slipped into a room. Toni then slowed her pace to a comfortable jog in order to keep from attracting too much attention to herself.
Bobby was helping the Sheriff into a wheelchair when she got into the room. As she closed the door, he looked up at her and saw her slightly puffy eyes and worriedly asked, "Toni, are you okay?"
She smiled brightly then swiped her fingers under her eyes to make sure that there was no longer any moisture leaking from them. "Just the easiest way I know how to get information without having to give a lengthy explanation." She stepped up to Sheriff Mills and extended her hand saying, "It's a pleasure to meet you Sheriff Mills… I'm Toni."
The Sheriff shook her hand weakly then Bobby pulled Toni aside and quietly instructed, "Okay, you go get your truck and pull up out back. While you take the Sheriff home, I'm going to do a little investigating here."
"Bobby? Are you sure that's safe?" Toni swallowed hard then blushed under Bobby's steely glare then repentantly said, "I'll just go get my truck and meet you out back Sir."
As she turned away, Bobby reached out and gently grabbed her arm. "I'll be fine Toni. Don't worry about me Darling."
She nodded then gave him a tight smile before saying, "I'll meet you outside in a bit."
Bobby came out the door pushing Sheriff Mills in her wheelchair just as Toni pulled up to the curb. Before she could attempt to get out of the vehicle, Bobby was opening the passenger's side door and was helping Jodie into the truck.
"Bobby Singer, my hero," she teased weekly before she sat down in Toni's truck.
He chuckled softly then replied, "That's the roofies talking." Once she was settled in her place, Bobby looked into the cab of the truck to say, "Give me a call once you've got the Sheriff settled, okay?"
"Yes Sir," Toni replied immediately with a soft smile.
The drive to the Sheriff's house was quiet because Jodie drifted in and out of sleep along the way. Once Toni finally navigated them to her house, she got out to help the Sheriff walk up the pathway. They moved slowly and the injured woman had to take a few minutes to find her keys in her purse. Although Toni wanted to try to hurry her so that she could get back to help Bobby, she forced herself to remain patient.
While she fought with the lock, Jodie asked, "So how do you know Bobby Singer?"
"Oh… Well I'm friends… Actually… I'm dating Sam… He… Uhh… He helped you back when you… Uhh…"
"Right, the tall one… He helped me with my 'situation'," the Sheriff cut in solemnly. "So have you been doing this job long?"
"Not as long as they have," Toni answered as she helped Jodie into bed. "Just a few years now."
Sheriff Mills nodded softly against her pillow and seemed to instantly fall asleep. Toni sat with her a little while longer to make sure that she wouldn't get restless, then she placed a bottle of water beside her bed along with a stack of crackers and her bottle of pills. She lingered for a moment, not really knowing how to say 'Good bye' then turned and retreated to her truck.
As she walked out to her truck, Toni tried calling Bobby to check how he was doing, but she only heard his gruff voice on his voicemail saying, "This is Bobby Singer's direct hotline… You should not have this number."
Without leaving a message, she hung up and started to make her way to the salvage yard like they had planned. As she drove she tried Sam's cell, but he too didn't answer. She refrained from leaving a message because she was sure that she would be seeing him soon enough to talk to him in person. While she traveled along the empty streets, Toni contemplated calling Dean but figured that a call to him would be met with the same results as the other two men, so she slipped her phone into her pocket to try to just keep her focus on driving.
As she got closer to Bobby's house, Toni's stomach clenched and then started to do nervous somersaults. Somehow over the past few months this feeling of dread had become so common place for the new hunter that she could easily ignore it. Although Toni did turn on her radio in the hopes to further distract her thoughts, but the moment she saw the red and blue lights of emergency vehicle in Bobby's yard, her heart stopped and her ability to remain rational was completely forgotten. She just barely put her truck into 'Park' before throwing her door open to run as fast as she could without even worrying about turning off her engine.
"SAM…! SAM!" She started calling out hysterically as she ran. "Sam! Where are you? SAM!"
When the ambulance came into her view, Toni completely lost her voice, but she just kept running. She was so focused on finding Sam that she missed seeing the Sheriff's Deputy that was trying to flag her down. When he grabbed her arm to try to stop her, Toni nearly flipped him over her shoulder but thought better of it when she realized it was an officer of the law that had taken hold of her.
"LET ME GO!" She screamed while inadvertently spitting in his face.
He didn't loosen his grip as he calmly stated, "No, I can't do that. Now you need to calm down or we'll be finishing this conversation at the Sheriff's Office."
Toni looked from him to the ambulance and contemplated breaking his wrist to get to Sam as she heard him ask, "Do you know them?"
"Yeah," she replied once she had finally calmed down. "He's my boyfriend. Please Deputy, I just need to check on him quickly… Please? Then I'll answer any of your questions or go anywhere you want me to… Please?"
He nodded then closely followed her to the open doors of the ambulance. She could see two stretchers inside and when Sam didn't move at all, she automatically assumed he was dead. Of course if she had of been thinking straight, she would have remembered that a corpse wasn't moved the same way that a patient was in an ambulance. Before she could fall over, the Deputy grabbed her elbow and helped to steady her on her feet somewhat.
Before she could speak, Dean raised his head slightly to ask, "Toni? Is that you?"
"Yeah," she answered confidently. Hearing Dean's voice allowed her to finally shake off her own terror to be strong in front of the elder Winchester. "It looks like you boys were partying pretty hard without me."
Dean tried to laugh but winced from the pain instead before saying, "Sorry, we tried to wait for you to get back, but one of Cas' 'buddies' showed up to get things going."
She saw the knowing look in Dean's eyes, so Toni took in a deep breath to make sure that her voice wouldn't quiver or waiver when she talked. "You don't say… Well Cas' friends can go a little overboard sometimes… I'll go find Bobby and make sure he's been taken care of then…"
Dean nodded then looked over at Sam and flopped back on his stretcher. Toni remained cemented in her spot and the Deputy had to pull her away so that the Paramedics could close the doors and drive away.
After she took a step back, Toni quickly regrouped then turned to the Deputy asking, "Alright what questions did you need to ask me? And…? Can we make this quick? It looks like my boyfriend might not make it."
Toni knew that Sam wasn't going to die, but the look on the Deputy's face was totally worth making the crass comment. He swallowed hard then shook his head replying, "No that's okay… You go to the hospital, I'll follow up with you later."
A/N: Thanks again for reading. Just wanted to let you know it might be a while til I update again because I was jumped on my way to work, hit in the head with a whiskey bottle and ended up with stitches in my head and minor injuries to the right side of my body, so writing this up was difficult and I might have to wait to do more. Hope you enjoyed!