14.

I want to swim away but don't know how;

sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean.

Let the waves come take me down;

let the hurricane set in motion, oh.

Let the rain of what I feel right now come down;

oh, let the rain come down.

~Into the Ocean; Blue October

Drip. Drop. Drip.

Rain? Is that rain?

Shouldn't I be dead?

Is there rain in heaven?

Drip. Drop. Drip.

No I hear the waves, larger they are, pushing me up against something, hard. Salty.

I pry my eyes open. I'm lying on my back floating in the water, my side hitting the dam with every large wave that comes forward. The clouds above me are a dark grey and giant drops are raining down upon me. Shouldn't I have drowned already? The waves are huge, some of them are even close to reaching over the side of the dam, actually if you look closely it seems the water in the dam has risen too. I look around for whatever is holding me up.

The belt. So that's what that thing is for. I try to pry it off with my frozen fingertips to no avail.

I was supposed to be done with everything, with this awful world we live in; but here I still am. It seems like heaven is not ready to take me. No matter how hard I try to make it there, apparently I am not done here.

But what really can I do? I'm floating on top of water in a swiftly rising dam, and I feel like I'm about to cry. A soft hum has started in the back of my mind and I know it's only a few moments until I break down. Why doesn't god want me?

"I'm reaching for this life within me. How can one stop this ending; I thought of just your face, relaxed and floated into space" Finnick's mind plays behind my closing eyelids when the voices start taunting me, the pain. How can I make this end? The pain.

"Come away little loss come away to the water" they chant over and over.

I try to clamp my hands over my ears but the pressure of the water is too much for me.

Crack.

A huge noise fills the air spilling through my thoughts and then I'm falling. Through a swirl of blue and white waves. Down down down I go and I think 'is it finally ending?' however when I hit the ground I follow the soft water and am swept away. The voices have left, disturbed by the commotion. I see pine trees and rocks swirl in the water beside me.

Flood. It's a flood.

Then I think of Oak, she didn't have a belt, she can't swim like I can she could never survive. I know it might be the same for the others, I could win this thing if I just stay afloat long enough. I don't want to survive, I don't want to survive this. I don't want to return to that would; I want to be at peace. I wish I was able to get the belt off before.

A huge wave crashes over my head and I'm pulled into the undertow. I gasp for breath and struggle to the top. With the help of the belt I reach open air and suck in breath.

Why didn't I let myself drown?

'Because your hearts not really in it' the voices taunt in my head.

'BOOM' a cannon distinctly goes off. Someones dead, someones drowned.

'BOOM' another unnecessary death.

'BOOM' only two more left. That means at least one of the careers are dead, or at least all of them.

'BOOM' I hope Oak is the one left, I really hope so. The I see someone struggling in the water ahead of me, someone with very familiar dark brown hair. So far she has managed to stay afloat but I don't know for how much longer.

I push forward with the current, using my skill from living in the fishing District. I eventually reach her side and grab her arm trying to keep her afloat.

"Annie" she splutters with relief "you're alright". I feel guilty for leaving her. I try to reply but the added weight and the water pulls me under and I struggle to lift us both to the surface. I manage to get us up for a breath before another wave comes and we are pulled in by the undertow. I struggle with her weight but eventually lift us above the water. Thunder rumbles ahead.

"We both know there is only one winner" she chokes out.

"It's gonna be you" I yell over the sound of the waves.

She gives me a sad but determined look "we both know I need you to survive this, if you drown I drown and then we're both dead".

"I would rather that!".

"I'm sorry Annie but it was never meant to be this way. Tell my family I love them" and she lets go of my hand. I try to reach for her again but her head slips under the water. I swim to where she disappeared but a wave crashes over my head and I'm drifted farther along.

'BOOM'

I sob tears streaming down my face. She sacrificed herself for me. I wish she hadn't, I wish she let me die.

"Ladies and Gentlemen our winner of the 70th annual Hunger Games! Annie Crest!" A few weeks ago I would have been very happy to hear those very words, to know I would be going home to Lynn, Finnick, my family. But no matter how much I love every single one of them, the darkness in my brain no longer threatens to consume me but already has. Sweet Annie Crest from District 4 is gone forever, and I don't know if she will ever return.

Soon a fancy silver hovercraft lowers a claw down towards the water and whisks me up towards its ranks. They put me under some sleeping aesthetic and whisk me away to be treated for whatever injuries I have sustained in the arena.

I wonder if they can fix a broken heart and mind.

Probably not.

I wake up with a bright yellow light shining in my eyes. I groggily roll me head to the side and find that I am lying in a comfortable bed, dressed only in a gown. The room around me is white, all white and I am being restrained to the table with metal bars.

The pain, oh the pain.

I scream I kick I thrash. Soon they have injected me again and I am pulled under. It's better that way, I sleep without any dreams or thoughts. It's like my brain has momentarily left me, which is nice.

I wake up in intervals after that. It's always the same, voices, pain. Screaming, kicking, thrashing. And every time I am pulled under into a blissful sleep. I do not eat when given food, I just scream. Eventually they give up and start injecting the stuff into me, I wish they would just let me die.

I wonder what the drug they keep giving me is. But like many of my other rational thoughts it slips away and is replaced by voices, and images upon images of the many deaths I witnessed. It looks like I redrew everything my eraser erased.

Everyone thinks their mind is a beautiful thing. However it plays tricks on you. Nasty things.

And no one can ever escape their mind.

Never? I wonder.

Nope. Never.

Maybe?

No.

Please.

No.

Just end?

But ending would be too easy. Wouldn't it?

Sometimes I wonder if this is why the Capitol has a winner. Not for hope, or mercy. To show the people that even if you escape you could never be happy. The Capitol owns everyone, everything and there is nothing any of us can do about it.

I pray for the day when someone is strong enough to do something about it.

To stop the Capitol.

I pray for them. I hope I see that day when the Capitol is brought down.

What a beautiful day.

Maybe then I will be whole again. Maybe then the darkness will leave me.

Hope is stronger than fear.

From that day forward I push myself to be healthy. To hold onto reality. To try and be whole. For Finnick.

Hope is stronger than fear.

I get through the next through days with Finnick's help. My prep team who sobs for me. Ceaser Flickerman who claps for me. The movie. The train. Home. My Family. They welcome me with open arms, they take care of me and I know then with there help I will be alright.

Hope is stronger than fear.

I am a living example of that very statement.

The End

A/N: So this is the end. Please don't be sad, I'll post the Epilogue soon don't worry. I know, I know this story was short and didn't last very long. BUt I really tried hard when writing this and I hope you guys see that. I hope in farewell that anyone who reads this story tells me what they thought of it, whether they loved it, hated it, are indifferent or more. I would love to know how I can improve on my fics and only you guys can help me. Thank you so much to all my faithful readers.

Like Paty4hale.

music lover from district 4

The Honey Crisp

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All the lovely Guests who took the time to review.

And anyone else who bothered to read and reveiw. Your support means so much to me.

The Epilogue should be uploaded by tomorrow or the day after. xxxx

~Laura