Chapter 2: Heaven? Nope. You're Still Here.

Getting to know the author: growing up, I played Jeopardy with my mother all the time. She constantly kicked my ass, though there were those rare occasions when I would be victorious.

The two men entered the house and found an empty room, save for two red rugs that appeared to have bell-shaped patterns. One rug was used by the pair to wipe their feet. The other one lay between them and another door. A silver candlestick holding three lit candles hang on either side of said door, which was straight ahead.

"Hello?" called out Gabuscus. "Sorry for just walking in like this, but we're lost. If you could just tell us how to get out of these woods, we'll be on our way."

"And do you have any food?" asked Tobuscus. "I'm really hungry and I know it wasn't nice of us to just walk in without your permission but could you feed us anyway?" he blurted out.

"Don't say that! I already feel like a jerk as it is, despite-"

"Oooooh! What if it's a surprise party for me?" Tobuscus interrupted.

"This is a complete stranger's house. Why would they-"

"And you took me out to play frisbee as a distraction." Tobuscus then gasped with excitement. His eyes began to well up as he went to hug his friend. "Gabuscus, you shouldn't have!" he sobbed.

Gabuscus snapped "Yes! I'm throwing a surprise party for you! It's for the twenty thousandth time you've annoyed me!" Unbeknownst to him, Tobuscus has been keeping track and it really was accurate.

"You've been counting, just like me." said a smiling Tobuscus as he finally let up on the death grip hug. "Okay. I'll totally act surprised when I walk in. Let's go!"

Gabuscus began to protest the idea of delving even deeper into a complete stranger's house, but was pulled into the next room by Tobuscus before his mouth could form the words. This room had no rugs or candlesticks. There was, however, a large red circular platform in the center of the room. This platform was slightly raised, almost as if it were a-

"Button!" Tobuscus shouted as he ran toward it. "Does this make all the guests appear?"

"Don't!" yelled Gabuscus.

Tobuscus stepped on the button, causing the walls to close in quickly, crushing the life out of both of them. Our heroes have failed in their seemingly tedious task of picking up a frisbee and going home.

Or have they?

Gabuscus' eyes opened to the view of a beautiful moonlit sky. He felt the gentle touch the flowers that flowed in the night breeze. The smell of nature all around him was soothing, almost soothing enough to make him forgive his friend for getting him killed. Speaking of which, he sat up to check the area and-

"Oh, come on!" he half shouted, half whined. "Even in death, I can't get away from you!" he sighed "So this is my eternal fate, stuck in Hell with the man that killed me."

"What makes you so sure we're in Hell?" asked Tobuscus. "Is it because I say 'God dang it!' all the time? To be honest, I was wondering if doing that would lose points with the Big Man."

"Well, now you have your answer, which doesn't help now tha- wait. What's your frisbee doing here?"

"Noooo!" cried Tobuscus. "Discbuscus! You didn't deserve this fate!" He was now crying and hugging the tobasco and ant covered frisbee.

"What? Discbu-" Gabuscus then found his train of thought. "I'm gonna go look around. This all seems too familiar."

Sure enough, a short walk south revealed the huge rose wall that prevented them from leaving. Nearby was a rusty machete, which answered Gabuscus' question about it's whereabouts. After walking north, cutting the rose bush, and watching the machete break again (causing Tobuscus to briefly mourn the death of Happy Killslice), they stood before the house once more.

"So, did we die?" pondered Tobuscus. "Or did we simply dream that we were never even here to begin with?"

"You died, you morons. Before the first save point, too. Wow! You're pathetic!" chimed in Gryphon, sitting on the tree stump.

"What, like a video game save point?" asked Gabuscus with a look of skepticism.

"Exactly." Gryphon went on to explain. "I can save your progression through the house so you don't have to start your journey from way back here. That is, if you can find me before dying again."

"So...how are we immortal?" asked Tobuscus.

"If you were immortal, then you wouldn't have died, stupid." replied Gryphon. "I feel a strange magic around this place. Something to be feared. I can't quite explain it, but it's as if the house is calling out to you two. Maybe it needs help. Maybe it wants to amuse itself by killing you over and over. Either way, that's all I can offer as far as some vague explanation of why you'll come back to life. As long as the magic around here lingers, you'll always come back. Can I have my treat now?"

"Ooooh, I'm sorry, buddy." said Tobuscus. "I didn't think to bring any with me."

With that, Gryphon ran south toward the rose wall. Tobuscus was about to give chase, but Gabuscus stopped him.

"Let him go." he suggested. "He's just as stuck here as we are. Besides, he's our save point. We'll see him inside."

The pair walked straight on through to the second room, exaggerating their walk around the button just to be sure not to set it off. Tobuscus then read aloud the piece of paper taped to the far wall.

"Come to my room? Wow, this guy or girl is direct. And freak-aaaay!" Tobuscus sang out that last word as he tore the paper down.

Suddenly, they heard a loud scream accompanied by loud hurried footsteps.

"Oh no! That girl or woman is in trouble! I gotta save her!" Tobuscus went to run to her aid, but-

"The very first puzzle in that house is literally 'Don't step here!' What do you do? Step there...twice!" screamed a fuming Gabuscus.

"But the possible hothothothot needed my help." Tobuscus whined. "This time, I'll just- ew! Gryphon! No!"

"Next time, come prepared with the treats, dummy!" Gryphon warned as he finished peeing all over Tobuscus' shirt.

"God dang it! This will never come out and now I smell like urine!" Tobuscus cried out in agony, much to Gabuscus' amusement.

"Serves you right, dumbass!" laughed Gabuscus.

"Yeah, very funny. Laugh it up. My dog peeing on me and ruining my shirt is just fun for the whole family. You know what? Steven! New shirt!" he demanded as he threw the ruined shirt to the ground.

Tobuscus suddenly was wearing a fresh green Tobuscus shirt. He stood proudly, beaming at his suddenly confused friend.

"Could you always ask Steven to help us out? Hey! Stev-"

"It doesn't work that way, Gabuscus. He only works for me and only does one favor per month."

"So he could've gotten us out of here?"

"Yep."

"But you already used your monthly favor on a new shirt?"

"Yessir."

Gabuscus just stood there with his jaw dropped and his eye twitching.

"Oh! You mean that instead of the shirt, I could've made things much easier by asking Steven right away to get us home. Hmmm...guess I dropped the ball there." Tobuscus chuckled.

Gabuscus began to chuckle. Chuckles became laughs. Laughs became louder and uproarious. Then that became Gabuscus throwing Tobuscus on the button from the other room. Tobuscus came back angry.

"I kept saying I'm sorry! Is that how you respond to apologies, by throwing the apologiser into crushy death rooms!?"

"Just...wait here." Gabuscus commanded as he walked into the room and pulled the paper off the wall.

They heard the scream and footsteps once more. When Gabuscus came out of the room to help, he noticed that the entry room was now a small hallway. The door from whence he came seemed to have dissolved into the wall. New additions to this area included two nightstands which sat on opposite sides of where the door once was, slightly further apart than the candlesticks. There were now two more doors where there where once only walls. This creeped the pair out a bit. Luckily, Gryphon was also there.

"Would you like to save your progress?" he asked in a pleasant tone.

"Yes! For the love of everything that has ever been worshipped - holy or not - please save it!" cried Gabuscus.

"Your progress has been saved. When you die again, you'll return here and not outside. "

"Wait. 'When?'" asked Tobuscus "Don't you mean 'if?' Do you really have that little faith in us?"

"Yes!" replied Gryphon. "You died three times to the first trap in this house. I have no hope for you."

Before Tobuscus could retort, he felt someone bump into him hard in the side. The impact made him stumble, but he eventually regained his balance. Everyone looked over to see a girl wearing a simple off-white sleeveless dress with short blonde hair and green eyes. This disappointed Tobuscus.

"Awww, man! I wanted a hothothothothot woman, not a cutecutecute little girl." he groaned.

The girl stood up. She did not appear happy.

"You idiots!" she yelled "I worked so hard to get out of here! Now thanks to you, I did all of this for nothing!"

Gabuscus walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder, which made things slightly more awkward.

"Call me stupid if you want for asking this, but I assume you got trapped here as well?" he asked.

The girl thought for a moment. "Yes, I got lost and wound of here. This house is full of traps and evil magic. It's a miracle I'm still alive. I was running away from the witch who owns the place. But now I have to go face her again because I'm, once again, trapped here."

"A witch would definitely be a good reason for all this spooky stuff." said Gryphon. "At least you won't have to go it alone this time. You ha- what are you two doing?"

They were curled up in a corner just shuddering and muttering "witch" over and over.

"Anyway, the one in the green shirt is Tobuscus and his jolly purple giant friend is Gabuscus. And you are?"

"Viola." she said with a bit of a smile as she went to pet Gryphon.

Will our heroes be able to trust and help Viola? Can she trust them? Why is Gryphon the bravest one in the group despite being the smallest and youngest? Will this story progress any faster? Find out whenever I feel like writing another chapter.