A/N: Hello fiction-y people. My apologies but life got in the way of this coming out earlier (get it? nah? ok). I've already started on the next one & I will have it out hopefully before Friday rolls around. Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, favorited & followed my story. You guys are awesome! I'm working as well one some other one shot ideas so I'll be posting those soon as well. Lemme know what you think cuz I'm not sure of this chap :(
Oh song used is Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy. This song is sooooo beautiful *tears*...kk bye!
Chap 9
Jade
"Mmm you like that baby? You like it when I lick…"
"Can you please shut the fuck up and do what you're doing?" I sighed mostly from annoyance at this blond bimbo lying in between my legs. She talks way too much for my liking but at least she is trying to get the job done. I contemplated calling Cat but then I remembered the confrontation we had that day in my driveway and washed my mind from even giving her this kind satisfaction but then again I must be at a really low point if I even thought about her. I reached over to the hotel bedside table and took a swig of vodka. I lay back as the slow burn consumes me inside out numbing to any feeling. It's been working great this past 3 weeks since she left me standing there with my crushed heart on a fucking platter. Dramatic, I know but that's really what it felt like. This is why I don't let people in. The power they hold over you can do irrefutable damage. I can't even fully blame her cause I sort of chased her. Wait, what the hell am I even thinking? No she did this she could've chosen me but she picked those insufferable people over me. Did she even love me or care about my feelings? I guess I read the signs wrong. I took another swig from the bottle. I looked down at this girl & realized this is really not what I need right now.
"You know what just get the fuck out already" I pushed her off me and she fell ungraciously to the carpeted floor. This is why I never pick up bar broads.
"But…" I held my hand up signaling her to stop.
"Just go…" she grabbed her discarded dress and huddled it to her chest as she ran out the door. I exhaled deeply and flopped down on the bed. The sound of a low vibration brought me back to present as I looked around to find my phone. I finally located it and checked the caller id. Shit its Beck again for like the millionth time. I guess I should talk to him since I have avoided him for the past weeks. I sighed and picked up.
"Hey Beck"
"Jadey…finally I've been trying to reach you for like forever! I'm so happy you're ok. I was starting to worry" I rolled my eyes at his dramatics.
"I'm fine Beck. I just need some space that's all."
"You could've texted me if you didn't want to talk just to let me know that you were ok. People care about you Jade you can't just run off to God knows where and not say anything to anyone. I was this close to filing a missing persons report. Good thing I heard from Andre that he heard from the producers that you sent in your script."
"Yeah I had to conform to my deadline. Being that there were no distractions I was able to complete it during my more sober moments."
Oh Jadey I'm sorry about what happened. You don't have to act all tough and everything with me cause I know you're hurting really badly. I thought you might like to know that Tori's been staying here with boo bear & …"
"Yeahhh that's nice I'm gonna go now. I'm fine and doing just peachy so hold off on calling everyone & their mamas to find me ok. We'll talk another time. Love you" I hung up. I can feel all the pain resurfacing again just by hearing her name. I'm too sober to deal with this. I definitely need more liquor.
I closed my door behind me and breathe a sigh of relief. I really missed being home but I just couldn't come back home right away so I made a quick stop just to grab my laptop and I checked into the first decent hotel I found. Even though my memories of her here are still fresh it isn't as painful as it was that first week. I dropped my bag of impromptu clothing that I had to buy and went straight to my wine cabinet to poor myself a glass. I'm trying hard not to drown my sorrows in alcohol but hey at least its wine and not the straight vodka I've been chugging the past few weeks. I trudged up the stairs to my bedroom only to remember what took place there. I made a U turn and headed for the guest room. I finished my drink and lay on the bed gazing up at the ceiling. I whisked my phone from my pocket and dialed the number to my voicemail. No surprise there that there are a few from her. The angry side of me just wanted to delete it without even listening but the masochist in me just really wanted to hear her voice once more; to subject myself to this pain. I guess you know who won.
"Jade, I'm really sorry & I hope you don't hate me as much as I think you do. I understand if you never want to be with me again but I hope that we can at least be friends. I really want to explain to you why I did what I did and…" I deleted the message and threw my phone on the floor. I'm so pissed at myself right now I can't see straight. I realize I have to get over her and move on with my life but she weaseled her way into a place deep inside me where no one else has ever gotten to and just walking away from me just cut me deep inside. A lone tear slipped from my eye. I swiped at it angrily and I got up and went inside my room to grab my book. I decided to channel my hurt to paper this time around.
I surprised myself at the intensity of the song I wrote. I guess when you're hurting things come to you easily. I however needed to get out of the house. I got dressed and headed to my car. I don't know exactly what it is but driving always free my mind.
I drove around aimlessly for about an hour before I ended up at a little spot next to the coffee shop I first laid eyes on her. I frowned at the direction my thoughts were headed and shook it off. I got out my car and walked into the dimly lit jazz spot. I allowed my eyes to adjust to the darkness while the smell of incense assaulted my nostrils. There were a few bar style tables scattered around the room with a lone candle sitting in the middle on each creating an intimate atmosphere. There was a long dark plush sofa against the wall on the far corner of the room and a little makeshift stage in the middle of the room complete with instruments, mic and a stool. I took a seat in the back of the room and ordered a drink while I listened intently to the girl currently on the stage performing a spoken word piece. Chills took over my body while listening to her talking about her unrequited love. I can't believe that in such a short time she's meant so much to me. She made me feel things that I thought I would never be able to feel. Every time I see something that she has touched or been around, I'm reminded of the pain I'm in that I suppress. I just want to scream. I feel so hollow inside without her. I thought for sure she would choose me but she didn't. She didn't put me first. What I felt meant nothing to her. I meant nothing to her. I took a deep breath, choking down the sob that was threatening to escape from me. I was about to leave when I realized that the girl that was on stage moments ago is standing next to me. I must've tuned out my surroundings because next thing I know she gave me the mike and pushed me towards the stage. I turned towards her to tell her I'm not in the mood but she shushed me and gestured for me to head to the stage. I frowned at her but made my way to the stage.
"Umm hey. I'm Jade and I was forced up here so I guess I'll sing a little song for you. Forgive me if it's bad or my sound isn't to your liking I'm just going through some things." A light laughter circulated the tiny room. I picked up the guitar leaning on the drum set and began to strum softly, improvising on a melody that I think would work for my song. I began.
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I closed my eyes as I felt myself being lost in the song. I could feel the tears slip through the corners but at this point I didn't care that I was in a dark room filled with strangers as my emotions took control of me.
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no
I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?
The room erupted in applause and whistles as I slowly opened my eyes. I wiped my damp cheeks with the back of my hand & gave the best smile I could muster at the moment and walked off the stage. I head towards the door. I stopped in my tracks suddenly when I recognized the person standing by the exit.