What are the chances?
Chapter 2: Well, the chances are quite high, actually.
After wrecking their house, destroying their neighborhood, kicking down trees, throwing stones and bears, alerting every police force within 100 km, nearly killing their friends who got too nosy (like Shinpachi who tried to step in), and crushing down the wooden bridge, Kagura and Okita finally settled down their battle at the riverbank.
"Ha… Ha…" Kagura panted, her half broken parasol hanging down from her side. She looked up and her blue eyes flashed wildly at her husband who was only a few steps away from her. To her satisfaction, he didn't look much better with his shirt ripped and his jacket torn. The two of them were covered in dirt and mud as most of the Edo population gathered into a big circle around them with the police force trying to put up some sort of a perimeter.
"Stay away! If you don't want to die, stay as far as you possibly can from those two! Can't you see that it is dangerous?!" Yelled Hijikata Toshirou angrily at the crowd who tried to push in and see what was going on. He pushed another nosy gatherer away, and suddenly got hit by a piece of brick that came flying from Kagura's hand.
"How dare you accuse me of cheating, Sadist! I might be a glutton, a sore loser, and a really pretty woman, but cheating is the one thing I'll never do, bastard!" Kagura shouted, ignoring the fact that the brick had missed her husband's head and hit the other police officer instead.
Kondo Isao decided to use his subordinate's injury to its greatest value. "If you don't want to get hit like this guy, you'd better get back! It is dangerous!" He bellowed. Luckily for him, the whole crowd scooted back with horror in their faces.
Not sparing the freaking-out Hijikata or the crowd any attention, Okita wiped his sweat away.
"Yeah? Then how do you explain that?" He asked, pointing at the baby who was now sitting peacefully within Gintoki's arm. For a second, he allowed his eyes to glance over their comrades' faces, which were full of horror and tiredness. Some, the straight men of the anime, were covered in dirt and injuries as well.
'That's what you get from trying to butt into family matters, fools,' he thought vengefully, recalling the moment when things were spinning off hand and when Shinpachi and Hijikata were trying to separate their fights.
"Okita-san, calm down- AGHHH MY GLASSES!"
"Oi, Sougo! What kind of a police officer are you to go around and destroy your neighborhood?! You just set three houses on fire, you bastard! Committing seppuku wouldn't be enough to atone for this, dammit!"
"You should butt out before your house will be the next, Hijikata-san," he remember he said that, "has no one ever told you that you nag like one of those old gossiping lady?"
Kagura's voice snapped him back to the current moment, "what the hell do you mean?! Speak up like a man, dude! You're confusing me!"
"The hair!" Okita said impatiently, "the baby's hair is blue! How the fuck is that possible when you have orange hair and I have brown?!"
Looking at the baby again, Okita huffed. The baby had got Kagura's azure eyes, all right. He would never fail to recognize those same pair of eyes anywhere. The problem was the fact that the baby looked nothing like Okita. How was the baby's hair dark blue? How was it that the baby looked like her, and not him?!
This could only mean a painful death to some bastard out there that had an affair with his wife.
"I don't freaking know! Maybe you genes are just weak or something, or maybe you're impotent. It could imply so many things, Sadist, and that's the solution you came up with?! Jerk!" She was getting really frustrated now. He thought that she cheated on him!? So much for the trust, you sack of shit! She thought angrily.
Okita brought his finger to his temple thoughtfully while deadpanning, "what exactly are you unsatisfied with? Hmm? My personalities? My looks? My bazooka? No, wait; my bazooka is even bigger than Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon, so there's no way you would be unsatisfied with that. Putting it simply, everything about me is just too perfect. So why did you have to go and have an affair? Am I too good? Am I too perfect?"
"Have you ever thought that it might be because of your overly confident-in-what-you-don't-have side?" Kagura replied hastily.
The two spent another intense moment glaring at each other. Just when another fight was about to break out, somebody unexpected stepped in between the couple.
Gintoki, with the baby tied around his back, slapped his pink strawberry patterned slippers at the two's heads with a remarkable sound.
"That's enough out of you, brats!" He spoke loudly, causing every eye to fall on him in silence. For a moment, it seems as though they were back at the beetle hunting event again.
"Don't you feel bad for the all the damage you've caused? Don't go around, troubling people with your stupid problems! What about this poor child? How is he going to feel, seeing the two of you like this?! If you have conflicts, you should spend time to talk it out, fools!" The silver haired samurai said. Kagura and Okita looked up at him in surprise, for it wasn't often that he would actually have something cool to talk about. Then, with his next sentence, Gintoki opened the eyes of the married couple into a new light.
"What about me? The kid just peed on my back! It's disgusting! Take him off my hand already!"
… The new light in which Sakata Gintoki can never look cool in this author's fan fiction, no matter how hard he tried.
After that long battle, Okita and Kagura finally came to the hospital to clear up some misunderstanding.
"We're so, so, so sorry!" cried the doctor for mercy, his head cowered down at the couple's feet in order to avoid looking at the two's expressions.
"So let me get this right," Kagura began, "you gave me the wrong child?"
"Yes! The child who is with you right now is actually somebody else's. But the only reason I got it wrong was because…"
"WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THE REASON, YOU BASTARD!" yelled the couple as they started to kick the poor doctor. "TELL ME WHERE OUR CHILD IS RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT! WE'LL KILL THOSE KIDNAPPERS!"
"They're… not… GAHH kidnappers!" The doctor tried to say, but passed the piece of paper to the enraged couple anyway to end his suffering. "Here's … the name of the other parents…"
Immediately, the two grabbed onto the paper and dashed out of the room just as another doctor had entered. The doctor's eyes looked around the messy room, and he helped his colleague who was struggling to stand up.
"Was that the Okitas just now? WHOA. Hirano, what the hell happened here?"
"Ah, well," the other doctor said, stuffing a tissue into his nose to stop the bleeding, "I accidentally switched two children at birth, so one pair the parents came to beat me up."
"How did you manage that, man?"
"That's because of their names!" Exclaimed the poor guy, "their names were too similar!"
"Names?"
"Yes! I mean, Okita Sougo-san put in his occupation as the Shinsengumi officer, right?! And the name of the occupation of the other mother was Miwamarigumi! It's just too similar! And I thought they were the couple or something, because their jobs just fit too much!"
"Miwa… Shinsen… you mean those two big police forces…?!"
"YEAH! Furthermore, Okita Kagura-san also put her name maiden name in as Kagura Yato, and the other father's name was Kamui Yato, so I got the order all switched up because I thought that Kagura Yato was supposed to be Kamui Yato's wife!"
Horrible silence befalls the room. As someone who was always Kagura's doctor since she came to Earth, the doctor who had just came in knew her destruction power all too well. He had seen marks of it whenever Sakata Gintoki came in and claimed that he was abused by Kagura, his sister/ daughter-like little girl. Not to mention, he had watched every episode of Gintama; therefore, he also knew that Super Nova was about to occur right here Edo city at any given moment.
Hirano then added lamely, "I mean, what are the chances of all that? Getting those two kids mixed up and stuff because their parents' names are so much alike? Personally, I think the chances are big."
Hirano, his colleague, had just made a fatal mistake by grouping up those four dangerous monsters.
Hirano, his colleague, might just put the end to the world.
"Hirano, call the Shogun Palace."
"Huh? What are you…"
"Tell them to declare lock down in Edo city right away. This is an emergency state we're in… And oh, don't forget to prepare every hospital room we have available and call up every doctors. We are likely to need all that."
In Space…
Kamui was supposed to be the happiest man alive.
He had just come back from his long business trip, and will finally get to meet his precious child with Nobume, the lone female fighter of Miwamarigumi.
Several years ago, they met through Takasuki's connection with Sasaki Isaburo. And who would've thought that they would hit it off so well, with their bloodlust nature and all? Sure, in the beginning, they couldn't help but try to hunt down each other's XXX and do this and that with it, but in the end, with a little twist of fate, they ended up pretty much or less together.
And still got each other's XXX.
"My child is going to be so strong Abuto. With my blood and Nobu-chan's, nothing can stop us!" chimed Kamui as he skipped down the hallway of the ship, still dressed in bloody clothes and all (it seems that he had forgotten the other deadly combo of Sadist prince and China Kaiju** down in the planet called Earth). Abuto, his subordinate, could only sigh.
"Shouldn't you get changed before that?"
Kamui, totally ignoring him, kept on talking. "And I will finally get to play the survival game with someone after so many years! You know, one of those old, traditional Yato game? The 'walk or die', or 'call me Papa or die', and the 'this world is cruel*' game! Man, I'm excited."
"Please don't be." Abuto muttered under his breathe while praying for the wellbeing of the poor baby.
Finally, they arrived at the room where they heard Nobume was resting at. Without any delicacy or warning, Kamui kicked the door open with a big grin on his face.
"Nobu-chan! I came here to…"
Kamui's sentence was cut short when he saw the baby in Nobume's arm. (Un)surprisingly, the child possessed that characteristic brown hair, which didn't belong to neither of the parent.
"Kamui," said Nobume plainly, "I was getting sick of waiting for you."
Both male who had just entered the room froze. Immediately, Abuto did a one-plus-millions calculation in his head, and put all the possibilities together.
Then he looked at Kamui's face.
Oh, crap, Abuto thought. And two seconds after, the good old subordinate was sprinting down the hall way to the engine room while yelling like a lunatic.
"EMERGENCY LANDING! LAND THE SHIP RIGHT NOW!"
"Eh? But, Abuto-san…"
"Land it." Panted Abuto to one of his operator. He looked around the engine room and saw a screen detecting some nearby planet, "land it to the nearest planet. At this rate, we're going to crash any…"
"NOBU-CHAN?!"
The whole ship heard the name of the commander's wife, for it was so loud that it echoed everywhere around the vast space of their resident.
"WHOSE KID IS THIS?!"
Upon hearing (what seems to be) his death sentence, Abuto barked orders to the still shocked operator, "LAND THE SHIP! LAND THE SHIP IMMEDIATE…"
BOOM!
A loud explosion was heard from the left wing of the flying ship, before the boat will sway to the side at an incredible speed.
This whole thing was going down.
*'This world is cruel' is a catch phrase from the anime 'Attack on Titan'.
** Kaiju is the name of monsters from the movie 'Pacific Rim'.
Hi guys! sorry for the late update. Just when I thought that school couldn't get aby busier, it did. Life just had to smack you in the face whenever you have a fanfiction to update, doesn't it?
Well, the last chap is going to be the showdown between the two families. Hope you're lookking forward to it!
PLEASE COMMENT AND REVIEW!