Getting away from Downton had been surprisingly easy. No one questioned Bates when he said he was going into Ripon to get some things for His Lordship, and with it being Anna's half day off, she didn't have to explain to anyone where she was going.
"It's going to be alright," he whispered as he helped her off the bus. Even through her gloves, he could feel her hands trembling. "You don't have to be scared."
"I know I don't, but I can't help it," she whispered back, pressing his hand for reassurance. "Every day I expect Mrs. Hughes to call me into her office and tell me that she knows."
"If she did," he said, trying to calm her down, "she'd call me in too. And like I told you before, if she finds out and dismisses you, then we'll leave together and start our new life a bit earlier than we had planned. That's all there is to it."
"How can you be so positive all the time?" Anna asked. No matter how much she tried, fear seemed to be constantly bubbling inside her.
"Because I know that you and I are going to be together in the end," Bates answered, squeezing her hand gently. "I believe in us, Anna."
"Shall I wait for you outside?" he asked as they approached a small doctors' surgery. In response, Anna reached out and gripped his hand tightly, not caring who saw them. "Please don't make me go in there alone."
"I won't," he promised, leading her into the building. "Don't be scared... whatever the doctor says, we'll deal with it."
"I already know what he's going to say," Anna murmured, following him in reluctantly.
As soon as they left the surgery, Bates made a beeline for the nearest tea-shop, where he and Anna could have some privacy to talk.
"I'm sorry," Bates said as soon as the waitress had left after taking their order.
"For what?" Anna asked, worry etched on every line of her face. No matter that she had been sure even before they visited the doctor, it had still been crushing to hear it confirmed that yes, she was indeed with child.
"For getting you into this situation," Bates explained.
"It's my fault just as much as yours," Anna acknowledged. "But now we know for sure that next June..."
"Next June, our child will be born," Bates said firmly. "That's all that matters. The rest: who finds out and when –that's all irrelevant."
"To you, maybe," Anna said. Ever-practical, she could already think of some very relevant details which needed to be taken care of: how she would conceal the pregnancy, for how long, how she –and possibly Bates –would leave the Abbey without arousing suspicion... and most importantly, what would happen once the child was born.
"Anna," Bates said, "are you alright? You look miles away."
"Just worrying," Anna tried to say lightly, but the look on her face gave away the level of worry.
"Tell me."
"How are we going to hide it from everyone? And... and what will we do once the baby's born?" Tears threatened to overcome them but she choked them back when she caught sight of the waitress approaching with their order.
"Once your condition starts becoming evident, you can leave –we'll write to my mother tonight. No, Anna," he said, noticing that she was about to protest. "I'll feel much better knowing that you're staying with someone, not in some hovel by yourself. And I've told you before: if she says no –which she won't –I'll leave with you. You won't be left alone, whatever happens."
"Do you trust me?" he asked suddenly when Anna didn't reply.
"Of course!"
"Then trust that I will make things alright for you and our child," he said. "I won't have you wrecking yourself with worry."
"I can't help it," Anna said with a small smile. "But I'll try."
She trailed after him while he purchased the necessities for Lord Grantham, shaking her head quietly when Bates asked her whether she needed to visit any shops herself.
"I should be getting back to Downton," he said reluctantly when he'd bought everything he needed. It may have been Anna's half day, but he had to be back in time to dress Lord Grantham for dinner.
"I'll come with you," Anna said. "There's nothing I need to do here, and I'd rather be with you."
"You don't have to... you don't need to be back till nine tonight."
"Miss O'Brien can see to the girls anyway, I'll spend the evening working on my new dress," Anna answered. "Being in Ripon by myself would be too lonely."
Bates could think of no argument against this so they walked slowly back to wait for the bus. Emboldened by the fact that nobody they knew was around, he reached out and tentatively took one of Anna's hands in his.
"I couldn't resist," he smiled sheepishly when Anna looked up at him in surprise.
"Oh, and this isn't risky?" she asked, tempering the rebuke with a cheeky smile –the first one Bates had seen on her face for quite a while.
"No one we know will see," he reassured her, pleased that she hadn't pulled her hand away from his grasp.
Their hands fell away instinctively as they began to walk back to the Abbey –it wasn't worth the risk of being seen here, even by a villager.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Anna asked, turning round when she realised Bates had stopped walking and was standing a few paces behind her.
"I've just noticed something," he said, beginning to walk slowly towards her. "Anna, look at where you're placing your hand."
Puzzled, she looked down at herself and froze when she realised what he meant. Instead of swinging at her side, her left hand –the one not holding her bag –was curved gently around her stomach.
"Be careful," he said softly, reaching out for the offending hand. "If Mrs. Hughes sees your hand like that, we're lost."
"I wasn't doing it deliberately," she said, letting him take her hand. "I didn't even realise until you pointed it out."
"It's instinct, I suppose," he said as they continued their walk. "But one which might give us away."
"I'll be careful," she promised.
"Please do," he said, hating that they had to hide what should have been a cause for joy –would have been a cause of joy if it weren't for Vera –but knowing that in their world, there was no other option. "You might be able to get away with it once, but no more."
"Not even once," Anna said wryly. Nothing got past Mrs. Hughes even once –too many footmen and housemaids had learned that lesson the hard way.
They walked in silence back to the brightly-lit Abbey, each savouring their last few minutes of companionship.
"Shall we write to my mother tonight?" he suggested.
"I suppose we should," Anna agreed reluctantly. The thought of informing people of her pregnancy made it seem undeniably real. "Though I still wish we didn't have to impose on her."
"She won't see it as an imposition," Bates tried to reassure her again, but broke off when he saw a figure standing outside the servants' entrance –O'Brien, no doubt. She glared at the pair but said nothing as they walked past her.
"Let her glare," Bates muttered as they walked into the warmth. Anna, however, made a mental note to be careful around O'Brien: she hadn't liked the calculating look in the older woman's eyes, and she knew O'Brien would like nothing more than to see Anna in trouble with Mrs. Hughes.
Bates disappeared almost as soon as he'd taken off his coat and hat –the trip back from Ripon had taken longer than he'd thought and he had to hurry to have everything ready for His Lordship, leaving Anna to explain to Mrs. Hughes that since she had no errands or visits that afternoon, she thought she'd come back early and work uninterrupted on some sewing.
"As you wish," Mrs. Hughes had shrugged, making it clear that she thought it was a waste of an afternoon off.
With Mr. Bates otherwise occupied, Anna wanted to retreat to her room, but stopped short at the door of the little attic room. Ethel, the new maid, had just been in to change her uniform for the evening and must have sprayed herself liberally with cheap scent –the smell still lingered in the air, making an unexpected burst of nausea surge in Anna's stomach. Leaning against the wall, she waited for the wave of nausea to pass before entering the room cautiously, holding her breath, to collect her sewing things. Instead of returning to the servants' hall, she went to the laundry room, where at least she could be reasonably certain that she wouldn't be interrupted at this time of day.
Part of the reason she wanted to work on her dress in solitude was because she knew she would need to add extra material to the seams so that she could let them out as the months progressed –and the amount of extra material going into the seams would have definitely drawn comments if anyone had seen.
At nine, when she estimated the family would have finished dinner, she went down to the bedrooms –sour as O'Brien was, she didn't feel right leaving her to prepare all three Crawley sisters for bed as well as Lady Grantham –and spent close to an hour with Lady Mary alone, most of it spent consoling the young lady, who was broken-hearted about Mr. Matthew going to the front.
At least Mr. Bates can't be called up, Anna tried to comfort herself as she went downstairs to wait for Mr. Bates.
He was already there, leafing casually through that morning's newspaper as he waited for her. He had prepared a pad of paper and a pen, but hadn't yet made a start on the letter.
"I thought we should write it together," he replied when Anna asked him about it. He wasn't telling her the whole truth, of course. While she was upstairs, he had scribbled a quick note to his mother, apologising for dropping such a bombshell on her, explaining that he was accepting full responsibility for the pregnancy and ending with a plea to her to take care of Anna and the child while he worked to save up so they could start a new life "out of Vera's reach, since I doubt she will ever agree to a divorce." He intended to slip it into the envelope once out of Anna's sight, before posting it.
The letter was quickly written –mostly by Bates, with very little input from Anna, who sat listlessly at his side, offering suggestions only when he asked for them, but not speaking otherwise.
"Are you feeling alright?" he asked as he folded the single sheet of paper.
"Of course," Anna answered. "Why?"
"You've been so quiet ever since we went to the doctor's this afternoon. You would tell me if you were feeling ill, wouldn't you?"
"I'm fine," Anna said. "Even though I already knew, I'm still a bit stunned to have it confirmed, I think. That's all."
"As long as you're sure you're all right," Bates said, still unconvinced, before reaching his arms around her and pulling her gently towards him. She rested her head on his chest for a few seconds before he broke the hug.
"Is something the matter?" she asked, surprised.
"Not exactly," he said awkwardly. "I just feel... wrong, touching you now that you're with child... afraid of hurting you."
"Silly beggar," Anna laughed, reaching towards him again. "I won't break, you know."