"Anna?"
The young housemaid spun round almost guiltily at the sound of Mrs. Hughes' voice, still clutching Mr. Bates' letter. She had another one from Mrs. Bates in her apron pocket, though she was saving that one for later that evening. She couldn't quite hide the disappointment on her face after having read Mr. Bates' account of how Vera had managed to thwart him again, more so after reading the news that Lord Grantham's business would take longer than expected to conclude, so we shall remain in London for the foreseeable future.
"Is everything all right?" Mrs. Hughes asked in a tone far gentler than she had ever used with Ethel.
"I suppose it is," Anna said, uncertain what to say. "I've just had a letter from Mr. Bates -" unconsciously she gripped the letter tighter –"he says he and Lord Grantham must remain in London longer than expected."
Oh, Lord, she's fallen hard for him, Mrs. Hughes thought. "Anna," she began, quickly taking in the bereft expression on the younger woman's face. "You mustn't get too attached to Mr. Bates."
"I'm not too attached," Anna immediately replied. "It'll just be odd without him –we're so used to having him around now."
"I'm not blind, Anna," Mrs. Hughes remonstrated gently. "You spend far too much time with him –and people will talk. Remember, he's a married man."
He's not married, he's estranged –and how much time is "too much?" Anna wanted to retort, but bit her tongue. The last thing she needed was Mrs. Hughes enquiring further into just how close her relationship with Mr. Bates was.
"Be careful," Mrs. Hughes warned. "A mistake you make now might dog you for the rest of your life."
Anna had to suppress a laugh at the irony of Mrs. Hughes' statement.
"I haven't made any mistakes," Anna said –and as soon as she heard herself speak the words, she realised they were true. She couldn't refer to their baby as "a mistake," not when it might be the one thing that could push Mr. Bates to circumvent, if not push through, the obstacles Vera seemed intent on putting in their path. And she couldn't deny that she was quite curious about this little half-Anna, half-John being too –almost eager to meet him or her, despite the six and a half months left until the birth. As for the birth itself, she was trying very hard not to think about that at all.
No sign of Vera anywhere.
After three, almost four, weeks in London, Bates was starting to get disheartened. Somehow, no one he asked knew anything of Vera's whereabouts. Certainly, some –mostly pub landlords –remembered her, but no one had seen her for weeks, no one would admit to having known she was leaving the area, much less to knowing where she might be headed. How would he face Anna and tell her he hadn't been able to do anything further about the divorce?
He had managed to visit the solicitor's office and write a will at least. It was some consolation, knowing that Anna and their son or daughter would be provided for to the best of his ability if he were to die unexpectedly, but it wasn't enough. He had so looked forward to returning to Downton with the news that he was well on the way to being a divorced man, and instead he would be going back still very much a married man.
"Bates," Lord Grantham suggested as Bates was dressing him one morning, "why don't you take the rest of today off? I shall busy all day long as it is." Lord Grantham had noticed his valet's despondent face and wondered what could be causing it. Could he really be homesick for Downton?
"Thank you, milord," Bates said. "I believe I might go and visit my mother, if that is alright with you?"
"Perfectly all right, my dear fellow," Lord Grantham said cheerfully, hoping that that might do something to improve Bates' suddenly melancholy disposition.
As Bates left the club for his mother's house –quite a long walk away, but still manageable: and he was trying to save money, not blow it away on cab rides –he found himself walking down a street he barely recognised from the last time he had lived here. Instead of crowded houses, the street now boasted a long line of gleaming, attractive shops, and he slowed his pace further to take them all in, stopping completely in front of the toy shop on the corner. Should he get something to give Anna –well, technically it wouldn't be for her, it would be for their baby –something to show her that he'd still been thinking of her and their child while he was away from them?
He found himself drawn almost magnetically to a row of fluffy stuffed toys and stood contemplating them, wondering which to choose. The matronly woman sitting at the counter gave him a funny look as she watched him examine the toys, but he ignored her. He might not be her usual type of customer, but that didn't bother him in the slightest. Eventually, he chose a soft white lamb –it had been a close call between that and a little pink bear –and left the shop thrilled at the thought that their baby already had its first plaything.
As he continued walking, doubts over the wisdom of his purchase began creeping in. He couldn't seriously have considered giving it to Anna, could he? What if Mrs. Hughes found it in her room?!
You fool, John, he thought, but then brightened. He didn't necessarily have to give the toy to Anna in person, much as he would have loved to see her face when she unwrapped it. He could leave it at his mother's house so Anna would be surprised by it when she first arrived…and maybe it could comfort her until she passed it on to their child. And if his mother thought him a sentimental fool, so be it.
"John!" Margaret Bates gasped as she opened the front door to him. "Is everything all right? Anna?"
"Everything's fine, Mother," he reassured her, although he couldn't blame her for assuming the worst. "I'm in London with Lord Grantham and he's given me the rest of today off," he explained. "I thought I should come and see you –although if I'd known I'd be seeing you in person, Anna and I wouldn't have broken our news by letter."
"Oh, I'm glad you did," she said, leading him into the kitchen he remembered so well from childhood. "I can't imagine poor Anna having had to keep the secret all to herself up till now."
"So… you really are sure it's alright for Anna to come here?" John asked, needing to hear her confirm it.
"Of course it is! I'm happy to have her here –happier than I ever was to have Vera living here, I can assure you." John's face darkened at the mention of his all-too-current wife.
"I don't suppose you've seen her, Mother?"
"I certainly haven't –I told her when she was last here that she wasn't welcome here again, and thank heavens she seems to have taken it to heart."
Taken it too much to heart, John thought, though he didn't say that.
The conversation quickly veered away from Vera, and John found himself peppered with questions about Anna and the baby –yes, Anna seemed to be doing fine, no, he didn't think anyone at Downton suspected yet –"at least we hope not."
"Have you given any thought to names?"
"Whatever name Anna chooses is fine with me, Mother," he shrugged.
He blushed slightly as he produced the paper bag containing the lamb and explained his reasoning behind leaving it in London.
"A wise decision," his mother agreed. "And I'm sure Anna will be touched. I'll leave it in Anna's room so she'll find it as soon as she arrives."
"Thank you," he smiled. "Mother… about this baby. I know it might not be the best thing to happen, but I really do love Anna, and I honestly intend to do right by her and the child."
"You don't need to tell me that, John –it's clear as day to me that you love Anna –though I won't deny things would be easier for Anna if she really were married to you."
"I know," he sighed. "But I really am trying –both to find Vera and to provide for Anna in the event that Vera just will not grant the divorce." Without meaning to, he found himself telling his mother about his visit the previous week to Mr. Black and the will he had written, leaving everything he owned to Anna.
"It's all you can do," Margaret agreed once he had finished. "If the worst should happen, Anna will appreciate that."
"Anna and your child will be fine here," she promised him again as she saw him to the door later that afternoon. "I know she must be scared and worried, but tell her she has no reason to be. She can come here as soon as she needs to and I'll take the best possible care of her. Will you make sure she knows that?" Although Margaret herself reassured Anna of this in her letters, she knew it might ease Anna's worries more to hear it in person too.
"I will," John promised. "And Mother? Thank you for being so understanding."
He walked back to Lord Grantham's club through the backstreets, his mother's words still ringing in his ears. Anna must be scared and worried, and it was all his doing… what could he do to make her less scared and worried? On a whim, he walked into a dingy bookstore, thinking it was far more likely than the Downton village bookshop to have the books he wanted. Luck seemed to be on his side as he left the shop clutching two used volumes wrapped clumsily in brown paper –these, he thought, he would give to Anna as soon as the opportunity presented itself.
I am really sorry about the time it's taking between updates of this story. I usually aim to update weekly, but a new job is taking its toll and I'm not having as much time to write as I used to. I'm not giving up on this story though –I have an idea of where I'm going and I will keep updating. Just wanted to put minds at rest in case anyone thought I was putting Disgraced on hiatus –I'm not!