And here we go! I've never actually written Kakuzu and Hidan before, and I've got to say, it's really quite fun! Perhaps I should write more about them. I do apologize if I got their characterizations wrong, but I hope it doesn't detract from the humour of this freewrite. Anyway, enjoy!
The air was rich with a smell. A smell so great, so profound, so irresistable, that one person in the room could barely contain their excitement. What smell was it, you ask?
The smell of money.
Hidan's eyebrows furrowed in annoyance, silver hair shining in the moonlight, ferocious face lit by the crackling embers of the campfire. His stony gaze was set towards Kakuzu, his bright emerald eyes gleaming, as he counted a bunch of gold coins rhythmically.
They had been sat there for the past two hours, and despite Hidan's insistence that they really, really should get a move on, Kakuzu refused. "Religious fool!" He had mocked. "Allow me to count my money in peace!"
The Silver Haired Shinobi grumbled a multitude of swear words under his breath, before taking a swig of his whisky that he had 'procured' from a man he met on his travels.
Oh, who was he kidding, he viciously slaughtered the man, ripped out his innards, and sacrificed him to Lord Jashin! Such was the life he led, and the life he loved.
But Kakuzu wanted to stop all that. With his constant hate speech, the mother-fucker wouldn't let him have any fun with the people they killed, even though the former Takigakure shinobi was constantly stopping and starting their missions! It was utterly ridiculous. It must've been, what, at least a week since he'd sacrificed? That was blasphemy! He would need to make it up to Lord Jashin with a massive amount of dead sometime soon.
If Kakuzu would ever stop counting his motherfucking money!
The slap of the coins echoed in Hidan's mind, over and over and over again, as the Money-Obsessed Akatsuki member continually placed them on top of each other in neat little rows, muttering the amount under his breath.
"Five thousand six hundred and fifty three, five thousand six hundred and fifty four, five thousand six hundred and fifty five..."
Hidan angrily kicked a log. "You know what, Kakuzu?" He goaded. "You're a little fucking bitch."
Kakuzu did not react to this, immersed in his counting. Hidan snarled. What a fucking annoying piece of shit.
Reaching for a stick, the silver-haired man began stoking the flame, images of Kakuzu's burning corpse littering his mind. He cackled with glee.
This did catch one half of the Zombo Combo's attention, emerald eyes narrowing at him from across the roaring flame. "Quiet down Hidana." Kakuzu snapped. "I'm counting."
"Oooh, I'm counting. Look at me, I'm Kakuzu, with my dildo coloured eyes, and my rough croaky voice, oooh!"
Kakuzu resisted the urge to disembowel his partner, the wind roaring overhead, smashing against the trees and causing them to sway in resistance.
After a few more minutes of prodding, and realizing that Kakuzu was not interested, Hidan got back to stoking the fire with a loud huff. That dirty good for nothing cock-sucking piece of flaming shit.
He'd get him back. Just you wait.
When the night was at it's darkest, and the fire had soon gone out, replaced by some dying embers and light smoke, was when he struck. As silent as he could, Hidan crept across the campsite, stopping every once in a while to observe Kakuzu.
He twitched in his sleep.
Deciding that he wasn't awake, and eyes filled with an evil malice unkempt, he snuck over to the log, where Kakuzu had left his bag of money. Usually, the Treasurer of the Akatsuki would've taken his money with him, and stored it somewhere close by. But, after some careful planning (throwing the broth over his partner and dodging him for the rest of the evening), Hidan had managed to successfully distract the other half of the Zombie Combo long enough for him to forget, at least for the moment, about his treasured... treasure.
With a face-splitting grin, Hidan admired the golden coins, shining as brightly as the stars in the sky as they twinkled under the moonlight. This was going to be so much fun!
He did not see the figure come up behind him until it had been too late.
"Kakuzu! You raging bastard! Just wait a fucking minute for me to get the fuck down from here, and I'll rip all your fucking hearts out and shove them so far up your anus, you'll be wishing the Kyuubi itself was viciously pleasuring you with its raging cock!"
Hidan's head was vicious in his tirade against his partner, saliva flying from his mouth as he continued to swear rapidly at the man. The rest of his body was strewn up around the tree he was nailed too. An arm on that branch, a toe on at the bottom, a shoulder at the top. Oh, look, a torso right next to a leg, how great!
Kakuzu, green eyes glimmering with absolute pleasure, paused from counting his money, slamming the golden coin on the log. Turning, he greeted Hidan with something he could not see, for it was behind his mask.
A great, wide, sadistic grin.