Rifiuto: Non Miriena

"At first, I thought it was just a touch of the flu."

She quickly locked the door before rushing to the toilet and lifting the lid. As she lost her lunch, she realized that this was more than just some flu. She had been spending more time in the bathroom than usual, was sensitive to most smells, and certain foods made her sick. When she finally was able to move away from the toilet and wash her mouth and hands, she glanced in the mirror, thinking back.

It wasn't unusual for her to skip a month or two, but she'd never skipped with such severe symptoms. With shaky hands, she knelt down and reached into the back of the cupboard beneath the sink. Slowly, she pulled out the box, quickly opening it up and pulling out the contents. As she scanned the instructions, she told herself that this was just a precaution.

But when the results came back positive, she grabbed the second test she'd bought and tried it, hoping for a negative. It too, was positive.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, she sank to the floor, unable to tear her gaze from the two small crosses on the tests. No, this couldn't be happening. She couldn't be...

But she was.

"I was able to hide it for the first three months or so." She sniffled. "Even into my fourth month, but... but soon, I was not able to hide it any longer." She reached out, grasping for Tim's hand. "The only reason I was not able to hide it anymore was because Tali saw me. And she was worried, so she went to Ima and..."

She pulled her legs to her chest, burying her face in her knees. Why had she been so eager to change in her room and not the bathroom, like she had been doing for the last four months? Why hadn't she locked her bedroom door? Why had Tali gone to Ima?

"Ziva! Ziva!" Her head snapped up, and she held her breath, the tears fresh on her cheeks. She'd spent the last few weeks packing, knowing that her time here with her family was limited, and she'd managed to get several bags and boxes together, but she'd hoped- "Ziva, get out here! Now!"

A moment passed, before she slowly climbed to her feet and left her room, finding her family in the living room. She looked up at her father, brushing the tears away, even as Rivka went to her daughter and slowly, gently unbuttoned her blouse. Her father said nothing, just watched as the material fell away, exposing the small mound of her belly. "Oh Ziva, sweetheart-" She shook her head, pulling away from her mother. Eli moved towards his daughter, and for the first time, she reached down, wrapping her arms protectively around her belly, like she'd struggled to keep from doing for the last five months. Slowly, she lifted her gaze to meet his.

And then her gaze was shoved to the side as his hand made contact with her cheek. Ari moved to intercept, but Rivka grabbed his arm, shaking her head, her concern for Ari superseding her concern for Ziva at the moment. Tears slowly slid down Ziva's cheeks, as she turned her gaze to her father. "You little slut. You are not my child anymore."

Even now, the others watched as her hands subconsciously ghosted over her stomach. She shook her head. "He disowned me and... ordered me from the apartment. Shoved me down the stairs, in an attempt to either kill the baby or me or both." She heard both Abby and Jenny gasp, but paid them no mind. Her gaze remained locked on Tim's. "My mother and siblings took me out of the city that day. They took me back to Be'er Sheva, where I was born, and settled me in my mother's house. It was the house my mother was born in; the house I was born in. And it... it was the house our son was born in." She met Tim's green eyes after moving to look at Asher, who sat in the chair, as enthralled about his parents' story and his entrance into the world as the others were.

"Ziva-" She shook her head.

"They came and... checked on me, stayed the night, sometimes for days, as long as they could without Abba getting suspicious, but..." She shrugged. "I spent more time by myself, dreaming of you and... and watching as our baby grew and changed inside me."

She took a deep breath, slowly shutting the bedroom door. She'd just stepped out of the shower, and her hair was still slightly damp. After a moment, she went to the window and shut it, pulling the curtain over it to hide the inside of the room, not that anyone would look in. Then, she went to the mirror, and slowly removed the towel from around her body. As it slowly pooled around her feet, she stepped out of it, and moved closer to the mirror.

Slowly, her hands began moving over her body, starting first at her breasts, moving over what would nurture her child in the first months of life, before moving down to the growing mound in the middle of her small body. The skin was stretching as her belly continued to grow; it was soft, smooth, and if she laid her hand atop it, she could feel the baby move within. Tears came to her eyes; from everything she'd read, watched on TV, this was an experience she was supposed to be sharing with the baby's father, but he was gone, and she did not know if she would ever see him again. A deep, ragged breath escaped her throat, and she moved one hand down, cradling the bottom of her growing belly. "I love you, and I know, if your Abba were here, he would love you just as much as I do."

She looked up at him, reaching up to gently brush a tear off his cheek. "The only time I could ever see you was in my dreams."