Rifiuto: Non Miriena
Ziva glanced around, tears in her eyes. "Tali never got that chance, to learn to be a midwife." She sniffled. "She was killed, in a Hamas suicide bombing in Tel Aviv when Asher was five. She was sixteen." She took a shaky breath, glancing at her feet before looking up at everyone, her eyes finally settling on Tim. "Tali was not like my father, she was not like me. Tali had compassion." She choked on a sob. "She did not deserve such a violent path to death. She did not deserve to die while I got to live..." She struggled to keep from breaking down, shaking her head when Jenny reached for her hand. Taking another shaky breath, she looked at everyone. "After Tali's death, I was like you, Agent Gibbs. All I wanted was revenge. And I got it." She bit her lip. "But it cost me nearly everything precious to me."
They listened, tears in their eyes, all watching closely, held to attention by the story of the young Israeli and their youngest NCIS Agent. It took her a moment to gather her emotions, but once she was calm, she continued. "I was able to finish school by the time Asher was born. And... it is expected of all young Israelis to join the Army once they reach adulthood; well, I would reach adulthood sooner than most, but... Ima told me she would take care of that, until I was ready to join. Until then, she told me that it was my job to focus on the baby and... and get ready for motherhood."
"Ima?" Rivka looked up as her daughter slowly lowered herself into the chair at the kitchen table.
"What is it, sweetheart?" Ziva bit her lip, unsure of how to ask.
"Is... is it scary? Childbirth?" Rivka sighed, taking a seat beside her daughter, and setting a cup of herbal tea in front of her. She thought a moment, before asking,
"Are you scared?" A moment passed before Ziva nodded. She stayed silent, trying to find the best way to start this. "It depends, on the woman. Some women are excited becase their babies will be coming, others are terrified."
"What were you?" Rivka chuckled softly.
"When you were born, I was excited; you were my first, Zivaleh, and I was excited that I would finally get to meet you. And then, as labor progressed, I began to get terrified. I kept saying that I was not ready to be a mother, that I would not be a good mother, that I could not give birth, but everything changed when I heard your first cry and held you against my chest." She reached out, caressing her daughter's head. "I know it is scary, sweetheart, but once he is born, and you are holding him against your chest, you will see that it all was worth it."
She sighed. "As I got closer to birth, they were down every two or three days. By the time I had reached the last week of my pregnancy, they had come down and were staying with me almost every day. Tali would do her homework at the house, keep me company. I got restless as it got closer."
The bed was warm, big. Big enough for her gigantic belly. She had been unable to find a comfortable position for the last four months, and today was no exception. So instead, she lay in bed, nude, tracing patterns on the skin of her tummy. Shifting onto her back, she turned to glance out the window, but ignored the time on the clock. Rivka and her siblings wouldn't be over until after Tali got out of school; she had the whole morning and early afternoon to herself. So she took to tracing the curve of her stomach. If she laid both hands beneath the huge mound of her belly, she could cradle it, and it made her think of cradling her son once he came. "It is not fair, that your Abba is not here. But I know, that if he were, he would tell you everyday that he loves you, and that he would be just as amazed as I am; I know he would not want to miss a moment of watching you grow."
She was due any day. Taking a deep breath, she let her fingers trace over the stretch marks on her skin. Her mother had told her that the marks were common, and that most women wore them like a badge of honor. But she couldn't see it.
After some struggle, she was able to get out of bed, and waddled over to the mirror. Her belly was huge, protruding in front of her, so round that her fingers could barely touch beneath her belly. Swallowing, she gently caressed the skin, whispering, "I wish your Abba was here. I need him. He needs to experience this with me; you are his, he needed to be here to watch you grow, to feel you move, and he was not. And I do not know if I will ever see him again. But I do know, that if he knew about you," She took a deep breath, sniffling. "That he would love you, and would not want to be away from you. No matter where he is, you are his son, and you will always be his son."
She met Tim's gaze, tears in her eyes. "I made sure, that he understood, from the moment I discovered he was growing in my belly, that he knew that no matter what, he was your son. I know it was wrong, but..."
Genlty, Tim took her face in his hands, shaking his head as he brushed the tears off her cheeks. "No, no, no, Ziva. It wasn't wrong at all. I'm glad you told him, I... I just wish I'd been there for you. I wish to God I'd been there for you."