Chapter 4 (or why has God forsaken my bladder?)

November 27, 1998 (or a few weeks after 'The Joffery Incident')

Sansa

Sansa's relationship with the toilet had changed throughout her life. She vaguely remembered the small adorable purple Minnie Mouse 'potty system.' In fact it was a petite decorative plastic bin she pooped and peed in. But she loved it. When she successfully went potty her mother was so happy. Sansa's earliest memory was her mother giving her a Hersey's Kiss whenever she 'did her business' in the purple potty. She was so proud of herself and to this day she oddly desired chocolate while using the bathroom. Things were more complicated now. Potty time wasn't fun anymore and she didn't get a chocolate. It hurt.

The white porcelain was cool against her skin as she balanced on the toilet seat. Normally it wasn't hard to sit on the toilet, but lately she was apprehensive knowing what was going to come. Her body prepared for the unfortunate sensation that now accompanied her urinating...which she was doing more then she wanted to. It was the same over and over ever since her mistake. It burned as she voided her bladder and she fought back her whimpers and hoped no one could hear. She had fought back the pain almost two weeks now. She flushed the toilet and watch the water swirl down the drain like her life was swirling out of her control. It was more simple with the purple piss pot. Her life didn't swirl...her mom would just clean it up.

Maybe this is my punishment for my sin. I know I did bad...but why has God forsaken my bladder?

Sansa had never felt so alone in her entire life. It had been a few weeks since her night with Joffrey. A night she wished she didn't have to remember, the images looped in her mind like a CD player with a broken repeat function. She could still smell breath, which reeked of bear, and could feel his groping hands, which made her skin crawl. Ever since then Joffrey had been distant from Sansa. He had began to sit closer to Margery at lunch and only spoke with Sansa when she asked him a direct question. She didn't know why Joffrey didn't talk to her anymore and why his eyes didn't have that glimmer they should have after they consummated their love. Sansa thought of turning to Margery, but since she had grown uncomfortably close to Joffrey lately it didn't seem to be the best option. And worst of all, she couldn't tell her mother. She could never tell her mother. Just the thought of telling her mother the three little words, 'I had sex,' caused her spine to tighten in stress and agony.

Her mother would never forgive her for what she did. There was no ambiguity in her mother's instruction on how her children should act when it came to sex. It was a thing that should only happen in marriage and God would punish the sexually immoral and adulterous. She was taught that she had to ask for forgiveness and god would forgive her if she was repentant. Her father would probably forgive her, but her mother never would. For as much as her mother spoke of Jesus, and forgiveness, she knew her mother enough to know forgiveness eluded her. Cat Stark rarely forgive and never forgot. Maybe what she did actually was unforgivable. Maybe she deserved to writhe in pain as she went to the bathroom. Maybe she was sexually immoral and deserved even more punishment.

Don't think of that as a punishment. Even if you are...you know...it isn't a punishment. It's a gift. A terribly...terribly...TERRIBLY timed gift. But still a gift.

Sansa didn't know how much longer she could keep her secrets...they ate away at her from the inside. They begged to get out and unleash havoc upon Sansa's life. They had to get somehow but there was no one to help Sansa wrangle the beasts.

I have no one to talk to. Well except maybe...

Sansa made her way to Arya's bedroom door and knocked twice.

"It's open," her sister said and Sansa went inside. Her sister was all she had left at this point. She had brothers but they wouldn't understand. Hopefully Arya would be Sansa was about to tell her sister everything.

Even that my period is three days late.

October 31, 2003 (or the morning of 'That Halloween')

Tyrion

Tyrion didn't think it was that skeevy that he a had a 'booty call' group in his contacts list. He didn't go to that list too often, maybe five or six times a year, but he did have to admit the list was ever-growing.

Let's see, Katie, Lisa, Michelle, and now Shae.

Shae was always destined to end up in the booty call list. Their relationship, at least the way he looked at it, was just a long-term booty call. It was, of course, a little longer term than his usual dalliances, but it, like all the ones before and all the ones that would follow, just died over time. Tyrion always got bored with the woman he was once intoxicated with and fell out of touch with her. Normally that time would be fifteen minutes after he slept with her. He had to give Shae credit, most women could barely hold his attention for more than a night, and she had a firm grasp on him for almost four months.

That was all over now. Shae's divorce was nearly finalized and he would only see her one more time regarding her case. In fact, the last time he had seen her was three weeks ago. Their plans for a late night meeting were dashed by a nagging stomach problem Shae had been dealing with. It was the second time she had canceled on him and he got the feeling she was also growing sick of him. He couldn't blame her – there was always an expiration date on their relationship. They had opened up the gallon of milk and their relationship did not survive the sniff test.

Truthfully, no longer seeing Shae was all for the better. Ever since Tywin threatened him at lunch, Tyrion and Shae were more careful and no longer ventured out in public together. That didn't help with his father in the short-term. Tywin saw to it that Tyrion's plate was filled by giving him seven new cases. He could certainly handle it but he didn't enjoy his father prying into his life. Once Shae was no longer his client and it was clear that Tyrion was no longer seeing her in any capacity, his father would relent.

I love that my last name is Lannister. My father can't do anything to harm his precious name.

Soon enough Shae would just be one of the girls Tyrion had. He would have the memories of their time together and that was all he wanted. It was what it was and he wasn't about to try to change that.

At least, that's what he thought as he sat alone in his office and his cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and read the name 'Shae' on the caller ID.

November 27, 1998 (or a few weeks after 'The Joffery Incident')

Arya

When Sansa walked into her room, Arya instantly felt annoyed. She thought it was one of her brothers wanting to go see a movie or something. Anything to get her out of the fucking house. She'd been grounded for 'mouthing off' to Aunt Lysa last night at dinner.

If mom keeps me in here for my entire life I won't make any new friends and I'll become a crazy cat lady like her lovely sister.

But, no, it was fucking Sansa who had just entered her room. She was unbearable during yesterday's Thanksgiving feast and relentlessly pestered her younger sister with annoying questions, all of which centered around Gendry.

'How's Gendry doing, Arya? Are you going to see Gendry during the Thanksgiving break? How come I saw you two making out the other day?'

Maybe she didn't ask that last question exactly but Arya knew Sansa wanted to. She was a dog with a bone and a bone was what Sansa thought existed between Arya and Gendry. It was all because Sansa had caught Arya and Gendry in a number of compromising positions and had jumped to the wrong conclusion that they were dating.

Two friends can fool around. I mean dry humping and some over the top action is just second base. Friends can occasionally go to second base now and again...or every time they hang out. I mean, if we went to third base, that would be totally different.

Sansa was always a pain in Arya's ass, but she had somehow been worse lately, which Arya didn't even think that was possible. Ever since that night Sansa went out with Joffrey for a 'big night', Sansa had turned from a nagging annoyance to an insufferable albatross around Arya's neck. Everywhere Arya turned it seem as it Sansa was there asking stupid questions about her and Gendry that made huge assumptions. Assumptions that Arya and Gendry had in fact done way more than just petting. Questions that implied that they had thread the needle, laid the pipe, knocked their boots together, hit a grand slam, hide the salami...that they had sex.

Not that would be the worst thing in the world.

Arya still found it very rude. She has been painfully clear that Gendry was not her boyfriend, but rather a very close, nay, her best friend...that she often did fun things with and frequently made out with.

I mean, that doesn't make him my boyfriend. How could Sansa think Gendry would be my boyfriend...I mean really...

And now that rude individual had made her way into Arya's room. It was of course Arya's fault, because, much like a vampire, Sansa would not enter a room without being invited in.

"What do you want?" Arya asked.

"Nothing..." Sansa answered as she lingered at the door for a moment. She seemed tense and appeared to dance with the door, moving towards it and back several times.

Stop doing the hokey pokey with the door...and stop assuming I'm doing the hokey pokey with Gendry.

"Okay..." Arya answered and went back to reading Tess of the d'Ubervilles, a novel she was forcing herself through just to say she read it. A moment later Arya heard her door close. She looked up and excepted to see Sansa gone but instead her sister had moved to Arya's bed and sat next to her sister.

"Ummm...hi. I thought you wanted 'nothing.' Can't you get 'nothing' somewhere else?"

"No...I...ummm...have something I wanted to talk to you about."

"It's not about Gendry, is it?" Arya asked. Not that Gendry was on her mind or anything. She was going to see him after dinner tonight once he was done with some family stuff...assuming she could bullshit an apology to her mother that she would believe. It wasn't bothering her that she hadn't talked to him for more than a couple minutes since lunch on Wednesday. It wasn't a big a deal at all. It, of course, would have been nice if Gendry could have gotten away to talk last night, but some of his family was over. But, whatever, no big deal...Gendry definitely wasn't on her mind.

"No...it's not about Gendry," Sansa answered in a somber tone.

"Okay," Arya sighed, far more receptive to her sister whens he knew it wouldn't be about Gendry, and curious at what was causing sadness in her sister's voice. "What's up?"

Sansa sat for a moment and nervously looked up at Arya with an unsettling gaze. She didn't blink and her bottom lip began to tremble. Then Sansa said five words that changed everything.

"I had sex with Joffery."

"What?"

"...I had sex with...Joffery."

EWW! Fucking EWW! Fucking EWWWWWWW!

"Dude! Fuck! You had..." Arya stopped herself short before she yelled the important part. "...sex with Joffery?"

"...Yes," Sansa sighed as a blush began to engulf her face. It was a mix of relief and guilt that washed over Sansa's face and Arya realized that she was probably the first and only one to know about this. Her gaze left Arya's and for the first time Arya saw her fucking perfect sister was ashamed. Arya was always the one that was ashamed. Ashamed that she didn't look good in the dress her mother laid out, ashamed she didn't know how to sit down in that dress without flashing everyone, and most of all ashamed that she hated dresses. It was always Arya that had to hide her shame and usually cover that up with a flurry of expletives. But, now here was Sansa, the perfect sister, unable to look at Arya.

Wow...it must have been terrible if she can't look at me...

"Okay...you slept with Joffrey. What's wrong?"

Besides the fact that your skin might crawl off your body because you were so mean to it.

"Well...you know..." Sansa said and continued to squirm before Arya.

"What? Was it bad?"

"Well, I did it! Isn't that bad! I had sex before marriage..."

Yes...and?

"Are you feeling guilty Sansa? Because you have nothing to feel bad about just because you had sex. Then again...sex with Joffery..."

"Don't be mean to Joffery. He was...gallant. And you're not one to judge...you're probably doing the same with Gendry."

"One. DO NOT compare Joffery to Gendry. Two. I'm not fucking Gendry. We aren't even dating."

"Yeah you are...dating that is. No matter what you say."

"No we aren't."

"So, I didn't see you two making out last week?"

Stop stalking me and my friend who happens to have a penis.

"This isn't about me and Gendry...you're the one who slept with Joffrey," Arya said and was sure to keep her voice down.

"I know...but..."

"But what? What's the big deal. If you regret it you can just move on..." Arya said, and then possible cause of Sansa's worries came to mind.

No. My sister couldn't be that stupid.

"Sansa. You used a condom, right?"

"Well...no..."

"Sansa..." Arya growled as she clamped her hands on Sansa's shoulders, "...why not?"

"Joffery said we wouldn't have to. We were in the hot tub...and I was...you know...on top."

"You thought...that chlorine...and gravity...was birth control?" Arya hissed as her hands slithered down Sansa's shoulder blades towards her neck. She didn't wrap her hands around Sansa's neck but the urge was growing the more she heard.

"...It's not?"

"...No."

"Ohh..."

"Sansa, you need to talk to Mom right now. You may have gotten something from Joffrey. Like something really bad."

"Like what?"

"Something terminal. Like a baby."

"A baby isn't terminal."

"That's your opinion," Arya snorted. Sansa held their mother's unnatural opinion that children were 'good' and 'cute' and people should 'have them.'

If the baby didn't erupt out of my vagina like a fucking alien out of my chest and I didn't have to clean up its shit I'd be totally into it.

"Even if I am..." Sansa started, but was unable to finish her sentence.

"Pregnant," her sister finished her sentence with a defeated sigh.

"Yes...that...I can deal with it."

"You can't deal with it when you break a nail. How would you deal with pregnancy and then a...baby?"

"I...could."

"No you couldn't. You need to talk to Mom and go see a doctor. Now."

"I can't tell Mom! She'll be so disappointed. I can never tell her."

"Well, if you are...pregnant...I think she'll notice at some point. You don't own enough baggy clothes."

"I can't tell Mom through! She'd never talk to me again!"

"Sansa..." Arya growled as her grip tightened on her sister. Her thumbs laid on top of her sister's fine skin and Arya had to fight her urges.

Don't choke your sister...don't choke your sister...

"Arya...what are you doing?" Sansa asked.

"Thinking about choking you because of how stupid you are. But if I did...it might end up being a double homicide."

Arya moved her hands from Sansa's throat. She didn't know where this idea came from but she knew what she had to do. She didn't want to and it would probably feel really icky...but fuck...she had to. Arya moved closer to her sister and wrapped her arms around her, hugging her sister for the first time she could remember without being ordered by her mother.

"Arya...what are you doing?"

"Hugging you."

"Why?"

"'Cus you need it."

"Okay..." Sansa said, clearly unfamiliar with everything that was happening to her, but hugged her little sister back all the same.

"Sansa...you need to talk to Mom."

"I know...I will..." Sansa answered with a sob. "...Will you help me?"

"Yeah, I will."

A little bit later (or family dinner)

If Arya was told twelve hours ago she would trade a night with Gendry, a night that his mother and brother would be out of his house, for Sansa – she would think you were high and stupid. But, here she was, with her sister, in the kitchen. Jon and Rob were back in town for Thanksgiving break, but they were in the living room with the 'other boys.' Normally Arya would be there with the boys, but she had volunteered to help Sansa and their mother clean up after dinner.

So...instead of being with Gendry...I'm hanging out with Sansa...and doing the dishes. Should have just strangled her.

"So...Sansa. Did you want to talk about we were discussing earlier?"

"What?" Sansa asked her sister as panic streaked across her face. There was, of course, no reason for Sansa to be afraid as this was a part of the plan. Arya first suggested Sansa bring it up at dinner but she refused to show her dirty laundry in front of her brothers. So the plan changed to finish up dinner and then talk with their mom when they knew the 'boys' would be away. Arya would be there for support and Sansa would take the lead. But, alas, they were currently drying the last of the dishes and Sansa had yet to bring up the topic.

In fairness, I have no idea how she would do it. "Guess who has two thumbs and had unprotected sex in a hot tub?!"

"You know...that thing you wanted to talk about."

"What are you two talking about?" their mother, who was not above eavesdropping, asked.

"Ohh...nothing," Sansa lied. Sansa was never one to be assertive – being passive aggressive was her strong suit. Unfortunately for Sansa, there was no catty way to tell their mother she might be pregnant.

"Are you sure?" Arya asked again.

"Yeah, I'm fine..." Sansa sighed. She turned away from their mother and headed towards the living room. If she reached the living room, she'd never tell their mother. It had to happen now. Sansa had to see a doctor. And apparently it would be up to Arya to do this.

Luckily, Arya had a plan. Well, there were two plans. The first was just to tell their mother what was happening. Arya couldn't do that though. Even if it was the right thing to do, she couldn't betray Sansa's trust like that. As Arya saw her sister head towards the living room she knew the only option left was 'Plan B.'

Goddammit Sansa...you SO-O-O-O-O owe me. Here we go...

"Mom...I had sex with Gendry," Arya lied to their mother.

"What?!" Their mother hissed in a hushed tone. Sansa spun around at her sister's words and come back towards the kitchen.

"Yeah. I had sex with Gendry. A couple of weeks ago..." Arya said to her mother who was aghast. Her face began to transform in a mixture of disgust, shock, and shame. Her mother didn't know how to deal with this news and her eyes showed the terror and anger that had gripped her. Arya began to melt under her mother's fiery gaze and hoped that Sansa would speak up soon.

She fucking better.

"...I was stupidand didn't use a condom. I think I need to go see a doctor."

"Arya...I can't believe this," her mother sighed as she leaned against the kitchen counter.

"I'm sorry Mom...I'm not proud of what I did. I know it was a mistake."

"Yes, it was," her mother sternly told her and didn't look at her youngest daughter.

"Will you schedule a gyno appointment for me?"

"Of course," her mother told her.

"And...you still love me?"

"...Of course Arya..." her mother seemed to groan. Arya wasn't sure if her mother was lying or just couldn't bear to look at her sinful daughter.

"Well..." Arya sighed and locked eyes with her sister. Sansa stood perfectly still, seemingly incapable of moving. Sansa saw that telling their mother she had sex didn't end the world, but she did see the disgust on their mother's face.

"Sansa..." Arya growled. "You don't have...anything...to say?"

"Umm...no..." Sansa quietly answered.

"Okay...fuck this," Arya announced and spun back towards their mother. "Mom...I lied."

"What?"

"I didn't have unprotected sex in a hot tub." Her mother continued to look dumbfounded. Her world at the moment was a snow globe that Arya continued to shake like a gleeful child. Arya shot a Sansa one final look. Sansa didn't say anything. "I didn't have unprotected sex in a hot tub...but Sansa did."

"What?!" their mother shrieked. If she was shocked that Arya had sex, it was unimaginable that Sansa would have done it.

"She was too worried to tell you," Arya told her mother. "Isn't that right...Sansa." Her sister moved towards them and her face again turned deep red. Arya felt a pang of guilt flood her at betraying her sister. But it was for her own good. Not to mention Arya wasn't going to deal with her mother thinking she was pregnant. If that was going to happen she was at least going to enjoy sex first.

"Yeah...I'm sorry Mom..." Sansa weakly said, and their mother was almost bowled over by the admission.

"Well...okay...I'm going to..." Arya offered and slipped out of the kitchen towards the living room.

The living room, my bedroom, Mars, anywhere but that kitchen at this moment.

A few days later

Sansa

The last couple of days had been hell for Sansa. After Arya told their mother what Sansa had done, everything had become a blur. She remembered her father coming in and being 'very disappointed.' She remembered Rob overhearing their conversation in the kitchen as he made his way to the bathroom. She remembered being exiled to her room for her 'poor choices' and being told that on Monday she'd be going to the doctor.

The topic of the 'bun that might have been slid in your oven' as Arya described it, was not discussed with anyone besides her sister. Word immediately spread throughout the family and Sansa knew she now at the center of every whispered conversation around her. At first the rumor was that Arya was pregnant, which led to some hair-brained scheme by Rob and Jon to go beat up Gendry. As if that would make Arya any less pregnant. As Sansa understood it, there was no plot to go beat up Joffrey, but she could have missed it.

The only one that Sansa really talked to was Arya...amazingly. Of course, talking to Arya about this issue was like talking to a mongoose about snakes. Everything Arya said reeked of anger at her sister for being so stupid. Not about the sex but about the lack of 'protection.' Sansa couldn't disagree, but didn't understand Arya's view on babies. Sansa's possible pregnancy wasn't ever seen as a good thing on any level. It was almost as if she never wanted a baby - which Sansa couldn't understand.

Dealing with this issue had bewildered for Sansa because no one talked about it the same way. Sansa didn't even like using the words 'pregnant,' or 'STD', whereas Arya used the words 'fuck' and 'problem' about twenty times in their conversations about the matter. Their mother never talked about what might be wrong. She only said 'we'll deal with everything after your doctor's appointment.' To Arya, being pregnant was a problem, and to her mother it was 'anything' – it was an unnameable thing that she couldn't even bring herself to discuss. Sansa was torn because she didn't want to be pregnant, but the idea of having a baby had enchanted her since she was told she would have the chance to do it when she was six years old. It was an overwhelming thing at the moment – like a shark that slowly swam towards her that was so terrifying huge she couldn't see anything around it. But if she was pregnant, she'd make it work. She'd have a baby to love the rest of her life. Or at least that is what she wanted to focus on.

Soon she would find out if the shark would get her. Sansa Stark had spent her entire life being told to not show her 'private' parts to strangers. She had been recently scolded, reprimanded, and ground until the end of the year because she allowed another person to use her private parts. She couldn't get past the irony at the moment that a stranger was putting on a latex glove and touching her private parts, and her mother not only condoned this behavior, but she was paying for it.

"Well, I have some good news for you," Dr. Targaryen said as she removed her index finger from Sansa.

"You do?"

"Yes, you are most likely not pregnant."

"How do you know?" Sansa asked. The test her mother gave her the other day, and Sansa painfully urinated on, said she wasn't pregnant, but she didn't believe it. The only way this terrible dream ended was a baby it seemed.

"Well, because you're on your period right now dear," the blonde doctor said with a small laugh. "It is possible that you are spotting right now, that does happen, but I doubt it. All the same, we'll run a blood test and verify that you're not pregnant."

"Ohh, that's good," Sansa said softly, hoping that soon she could put her legs down and felt stupid she hadn't noticed her period earlier in the day.

The doctor stood between Sansa's legs with a clipboard in her hands. "I see here that you had unprotected sex within the last month. But beyond that, no other symptoms were listed...did you come here today just make sure you weren't pregnant?"

"Well...yes..."

"Sansa, if there is anything else wrong you need to tell me."

"Well, sometimes when I pee...it burns and hardly anything comes out."

"Ahh, that's more normal than you'd expect," the doctor said with a sigh as she wrote something down.

Sansa propped her head up to get a better view of her physician. "What do you mean? Is that another sign of pregnancy?"

"Oh, no, no, no. You probably have a UTI...a urinary tract infection."

"I do?"

"Yeah, it happens to a lot of women after their first time. Our reproduction system is a wonderful thing, but it certainly has some design flaws. Bacteria can easily get in during sex. We women have a damned small urethra. I'll give you an antibiotic, be sure to stay hydrated, and it will clear up in a couple of days."

"Really? It's that simple?" Sansa asked. After painfully peeing for the last couple of weeks, Sansa was sure that had to be more consequences for the horrible thing she did.

More consequences besides my mother barely being able to look at me.

"No, you should be good. You can put your legs down and get dressed. I'll be back in a couple of minutes and together we'll go talk to your mom."

"Thanks," was all Sansa could weakly mutter as the doctor left the room. After Sansa got dressed the doctor told her mother that she had a UTI but was not pregnant. Her mother seemed relieved but just as angry. They went to the pharmacy later that day and picked up Sansa's pills. Sansa said nothing, unable to speak under her mother's glare. Her mother said nothing as well. They were strangers to each other – Cat Stark unable to look at the girl who had sex with Joffery, and Sansa Stark shocked that her mother wasn't there for her.

The consequence Sansa would have to deal with was that her mother would never look at her the same. She was no longer her mother's little girl. She was someone else. And she wasn't ready for that.

October 31, 2003 (or the morning of 'That Halloween')

Tyrion

Tyrion answered his phone. "This is Tyrion," he said to Shae, a change from his usual "hey-y-y-y creamy."

"...Hi Tyrion."

"Hi...what's wrong?"

Three little words can change everything. And everything changed for Tyrion at that moment.

"Tyrion, I'm pregnant."

End of Part One

AN:

I wanted to thank everyone for your continued support, reviews, and follows. I've been blown away by the reaction I've gotten with this story. Thanks for all the support and I promise some Tyrion/Sansa action coming up.

In Part Two (or Tyrion's Amazing-Psychedelic-Halloween-Adventure!) – Shae's unsettling revelation leads to an unforgettable Halloween that Tyrion will never be able to remember. And we meet the 'Kingslayer,' the 'Bride,' and see Sansa and Tyrion's first date.