"That's not possible!" Iruka remained silent during the outburst.
"He's male. Last time I checked, men couldn't give birth."
"..." Iruka didn't really want to give it away, but if he was to explain everything, he would have to tell them the whole truth. He snickered before parting his lips. But before he could speak, he was interrupted.
"I'm shocked that you're alive." The growling showed that Nine-Tails had come to surface, he had been silent the whole time, quietly observing Iruka.
"Are you? I wasn't under the impression that you; the great Kyuubi; could be shocked." Iruka's voice was filled with sarcasm.
"Hmm. You still have your sense of humor, Jyunshi."
"Oh! So you finally figured out who I am! You actually remember my name! I'm... flattered."
"It's not that hard Jyunshi, or should I call you Jyuubi?" Sharp intakes of breath came from the other people in the room. Iruka - Jyunshi leapt backwards off the couch as tails formed behind him. He landed silently, all ten tails moving silently around his body. The ten-tailed demon preened, liking the attention that he was receiving.
"Oh dear, I've been found out." Jyunshi laughed before his face hardened. "It's been so long, Kyuubi. I've missed you."
Hound spoke up, "I thought that Jyuubi was sealed in the moon."
"Nope! That was a lie! I was sealed in Ruka-kun here. He's a lot older than you think he is." Jyuubi's voice was filled with amusement.
"How old is he Jyunshi?" Bee stepped forward, cautious but curious. The whole room was dead silent.
"Oh, he's easily several thousand by now." He sniffed. "The life of an immortal being is difficult, no?"
"What sort of immortal being?" Kyuubi took a step forward.
Jyunshi smiled. "Why he's a Kyrugan of course."
"What's a Kyrugan?"
"A Dark Elf that's very powerful, but beautiful as well. They're often known as bewitchers because they've stolen so many hearts. I thought that they all died out several years ago..." Kyuubi answered Rat's question before Jyunshi could. He knew that the Jyuubi would launch into an elaborate explanation that they wouldn't need.
"Well, we didn't die. We just went into hiding. See... Minato was also one of us."
"Was he a half-dark elf?"
"Actually, he was pure. Like Iruka is. See, all Dark Elves have the ability Shisnito."
"Shisnito?"
"Regardless of gender, Dark Elves can bear a child. Minato got knocked up. He hid it well too. Your aunt knew and she did a fake jutsu to make it look like she was the one pregnant."
"Who was my father?"
"That you don't want to know."
"I do want to know."
"Trust me, you don't.
"Trust me. I do."
"Fine, just don't bite my head off."
"Who was it?"
Iruka was silent for a moment. "Jiraiya was."
Naruto sank onto a couch. The others were silent again. "Wow..."
"Oh, my. It looks like Iruka wants out. Sorry! See you later, especially the sexy ANBU with the silver hair." Hound choked, but managed dart forward fast enough to catch Iruka before he hit the ground. Familiar brown eyes opened slowly before the Sensei became aware of whose arms he was in. A squeak escaped his lips and Iruka vanished in a puff of mist. He reappeared and desperately tried to pull himself together.
"Iruka-Sensei." The Chuunin froze and stiffly turned towards them.
"Yes?"
"May I ask why you relinquished control to Jyuubi?"
"No." The answer was sharp and cold. The room was silent. Iruka rarely refused anything, so it must have been something traumatizing. Not that it mattered though.
"In any case, you have been relieved of all counts of betrayal. This will just count as an extended vacation." Iruka froze, and then smiled brightly.
"Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, and Deidara are welcome to join the Village of the Leaf if they wish to." For the first time, Tsunade spoke up.
"Really?" Itachi was on his feet instantly, swaying only slightly. That was when the Sandaime noted the pregnant men.
"You're pregnant, Itachi?"
"Problem?"
"Tsunade, will you check him over?"
"Deidara's also knocked up." Itachi smirked when Deidara hurled a pen from the Sandaime's desk at him and Tsunade.
"Stay away from me, un! I don't like needles, un."
Itachi snickered. "Take it like a man, Deidara."
"Says the man who screams when he sees a spider, un." The blonde shot back as Itachi's eyes narrowed.
Iruka blinked, slowly digesting the information, before deciding to test it out. Making sure that no one was paying attention, he summoned a spider, and let it crawl onto Itachi's shoulder, before backing up a few paces. Itachi, feeling the movement on his shoulder, turned his head and looked the hairy tarantula in the face.
Instantly several of the windows shattered as Itachi's voice went up several octaves. "GET IT OFF ME!" Iruka was having the time of his life. The Chuunin was choking back his laughter as Itachi flailed his arms, which soon became an evil smile as he plucked the spider from Itachi's shoulder.
"I got it. It's gone now." He hid the arachnid behind his back, let it return to it's full size, and watched as Itachi's face went pale.
"Big spider. On your back. Holy fuck it's huge." Itachi was shaking, eyes wide as Kisame helped him back up. All the others were doing the same thing.
"They seem to be scared of me." It was a smooth purr causing several to jump. Itachi hurled himself into Kisame's arms with a shriek. Iruka didn't even flinch.
"Hello to you too, Claude. Did you miss me?" The gigantic spider extended one of its legs, gently resting it on the ground before the rest of its body followed. Pakkun choked back a sob, this thing was three times bigger than Bull, if not bigger. Even Ibiki looked alarmed, judging by the way the man was fidgeting with his shirt. Tsunade was instantly standing on the Sandaime's desk, and it would have been funny if the reason why wasn't so fucking big. Kakashi and several others were clearly resisting joining her up there.
"Not really Ru-koi-kun. I had Ichi, Aren, Ren, and Zero to annoy me. Kana, Grimm, Bya, and Havi to piss me off. Yuu, Tyki, Val and Lavi to tease me. And Sebby to try and kill me. Oh well, at least with you I get fed."
"That bad eh?"
"Worse than you're thinking."
"How so?"
"Sebastian was in heat."
"Oi vey. Horny and trying to kill you?"
"Yup. He's been trying to mate with Val for the past week, but Havi's pissed."
"Isn't Val already claimed by Havi?"
"Uh-huh. But Sebby's not buying it. He's determined to have Val as his own."
"This is going to be interesting. I'll have to drop by to watch it."
"Do you really think it's funny? I'm going to be killed here! Sebastian thinks I'm a rival for Val's love!" Iruka snorted.
"When you obviously love Sebastian and not Val."
"Well, duh!"
"Sebastian's kind of dense, isn't he?" Claude just looked at Iruka. The Chuunin grinned and ducked, avoiding the leg that swooshed over his head.
"Fine. I'll try and rescue you next time. And change please, you're scaring the others."
Claude yawned and blinked. "Scare? I don't know what you're talking about."
If you noticed the names, congratulations. They're my favorite pairings from the mangas that I read. If you can name where each person (Be careful, some names are abbreviated) comes from and who they're paired with, (Extra lemony if you can guess who's Seme and who's Uke!) I'll write you a one-shot with the pairing of your choice!