It has been two weeks since dinner at the Singer house and Dean and Cas have grown closer and closer. Dean's gotten to know Cas very well. They still haven't talked about what's happened while Cas was away and Dean thinks he wants to change that soon He just doesn't know how to initiate that conversation. He also wants to avoid the emotional part that comes with the conversation. Sometimes he wishes he wasn't raised a Winchester; Winchesters avoid emotion like the plague.
It's a relatively bright, quiet Tuesday after school, and their large group is hanging out at the park. Castiel, Gabriel, and Anna have joined them as well. Once he stopped jerking the Winchesters around, they found out Gabriel was actually a pretty cool guy. He makes funny jokes and he enjoys baking, oddly enough, so he's been giving Garth lesson-to no avail, unfortunately. Anna is very quiet when she's calm-she yelled at Gabriel once in front of them and they all decided to appease her whenever possible.
The only thing that could make this day better for Dean would be for Sam and Jess to stop fighting. They're trying to keep it quiet and far away from the group, but everyone can hear it. They're trying not to, but Jess gets loud when she's mad. Dean doesn't know what they're fighting about, and he's pretty sure they don't either, but it's getting harder and harder to ignore them when they keep getting louder.
Eventually they all hear, "God! I can't take this Sam! You're impossible to talk to!" They all fall silent, as if afraid to draw their wrath.
"I'm impossible?" Sam shouts back, affronted. "You're the one who won't listen to anyone else when you're mad!"
"I'm not impossible Sam!"
"Yes you are! When you calm down you're always willing to listen, but when you're mad it's like talking to a brick wall!"
"FINE! You want to wait until I'm calm?! Call me next week when I get back from Chicago with my parents!" Jess storms over to the table, and everyone pretends they weren't listening. They don't look at her when she grabs her bag or comment when she leaves without Ruby, whom she was supposed to drive home. Everyone looks away from Sam as he throws himself onto the only available seat. No one watches Jess go.
Dean heard it before he sees anything. Asia's Heat of the Moment is blaring, probably from someone's car. Dean looks up to see an older car soaring down the road. He doesn't even think about it until it tries to hang to corner. Everything speeds up and before Dean can move or say anything Jess in next to her car and he can't make the turn tight enough going that fast. There's a horrible sound that rings out; a mix between a crunch and a bang. After the impact the convertible flips and lands with another horrible crunch. Dean can't see Jess, but he can see what's left of Jess' once pale blue Beetle stained red. Sam screams next to him and it's raw and hurting. He sees Sam move to run to her and this is when things slow down. He notices that Jess' crumpled up Beetle is leaking fuel something fierce, and the engine is catching fire. It will explode before they can get to her, if she's even still alive. He can't risk Sam, no matter how much he wants to help Jess.
His ears are ringing already as he tackles Sam to the floor. Sam tries to get Dean off of him, but Dean knows Sam more the he knows himself. He's in front of Sam when he tries to move forward again. Sam is trying desperately to get past Dean, but Dean has dug himself into place and he'll be damned if Sam gets past him. Not this time.
Dean can hear everything like it's happening right next to him. Gabriel and Adam are both calling 911 and talking to the operators. The girls are all crying out but in shock. The boys are all silent and frozen as well. The damn convertible is still playing Asia and Dean thinks he'll never hear it the same again, but knows it'll be a trigger for Sam. Sam is screaming Jess' name like a mantra and he can feel his shirt tearing from Sam's attempts to get free. Dean wouldn't be surprised if he's bleeding as well.
Things speed up again when the convertible explodes. Now, instead of holding Sam back he's holding Sam up. He's sobbing now, and Dean doesn't blame him. He holds Sam up and tries to get his baby brother to look away; to look at anything except the fiery mess behind Dean. Sam's cries are broken as he falls closer to the floor and Dean would give anything to go back in time and save Jess. Sam clings to Dean as he breaks down farther.
The paramedics are the first on the scene, in record time and Dean hates them. They choose to be speedy when the victims are already gone, but when his father was dying they took their sweet time. The police show up next, and then the fire engine. By then Sam's given up all pretense of ever being okay. He's lying on the floor now, but his crying has remained silent. Dean hasn't left his side, he sits there with his hand on Sam's shoulder, letting him know he's there. Adam has joined them on the floor but he's not holding Sam at all. The others are sitting or standing behind them. The police come over to talk to them as the Mortician arrives. They talk to Sam and Adam first, and they give their story. Bobby comes down, Dean didn't know someone had even called him, but he's extremely grateful when he takes Sam and Adam home after they're questioned. By the time they get to Dean, everyone but the Milton kids have gone home.
Dean recounts it as best he can, which is pretty well. He keeps calm through it all. He knows Missouri is going to scold him for bottling it up again. It's how he deals with life when things like this happen. After the police are finished with him, he walks over to the Milton children.
"Where's you dad?" Dean asks.
"Didn't call him." Anna pipes up, her voice small and shaken.
"You guys need a lift?" Dean points to his Baby.
The three agree and they make their way to the Impala. Cas rides shotgun while Gabe and Anna ride in the back. Everyone is silent and Dean really doesn't feel like playing music. He honestly feels like beating the shit out of one of the Junkers in Bobby's Yard. The streets are dark now, with the street lamps on. The roads are sparsely occupied. Dean thinks it's fitting.
They're about halfway there when Cas speaks, "How can you be so calm?" It very low, and if Dean had been playing anything he would not have heard it.
"I'm not."
"You're are; you're not shaking, you didn't shed a tear, you didn't even flinch when it happened." Cas' voice is accusing.
"I handle things differently. Everyone does, Cas. You'll deal with this differently than Anna or Gabe will." Dean adjusts his grip on the wheel.
"This isn't 'handling things differently' Dean. This is not being affected. Do you even care th-" Dean slams on the brakes, hard. He doesn't throw his arm out to protect his passenger; he doesn't ask if everyone is okay.
He puts Baby in Park and turns to stare at Castiel. "Don't you ever, EVER imply that I do not care about my family. Don't you ever assume you know how I feel. I said I handle things differently. You want to know how I deal with things? I bottle them up. I take it out on Junkers at Bobby's. I talk to my therapist. I handle things my way. Jess was my sister. She was my family! She always will be! You ever tell me how I feel again; it'll be the last thing you tell me."
Dean doesn't give Cas a chance to respond. He puts Baby back into gear and drives down the road. He's the picture of calm; face passive, hands still, legs not fidgeting. He drives like he always does. The rest of the drive home is done in silence, but this once is tense whereas the previous one was somber. Cas is leaning on the door, as if trying to get as far away from Dean as possible. Dean feels like shit for yelling at Cas. He wants Cas to understand, but he knows he has to tell Cas everything for that to happen. They get to the Milton house and Dean wonders what they're going to tell Zachariah. Gabe and Anna rush out of the car, and Cas isn't far behind. Dean opens his door and stands beside the car, his arm resting on top of Baby.
"Cas." His voice is small and he hates it so much.
Cas freezes but doesn't turn around.
Dean bites his lip before looking down, "I shouldn't have yelled at you, I'm sorry." He fiddles with the bracelet Charlie gave him.
There's silence and for a minute Dean thinks Cas isn't going to respond. But Cas can be more silent than Death when he wants to be, so Dean is surprised when he sees Cas walk up to him.
"I should not have insinuated you do not care. I know how important family is to you."
Dean nods, not trusting his voice to carry over his thanks.
"Why didn't-If you could move, when all of us were frozen still, why didn't you try to…I don't know, do something?" Cas' voice is small, defeated. Dean knows he'll blame himself for not being able to help.
"She was already gone, Cas. She was gone the minute the car hit her. I couldn't lose Sam on a fool's errand."
"You don't know she was dead-"
"I do, Cas. I've seen these things. There was way too much blood. She would have bled out before the paramedics wouldn't have been able to save her."
"How can you know that?" Dean knows he's clinging onto hope.
"Because my dad bled less than that and they couldn't save him." Cas remains silent. Dean isn't sure if he's trying to process the information or if he's disgusted with Dean.
"We can talk about this later, Cas. Just go inside, try to sleep." Dean pulls Cas into a brief hug before lightly nudging him in the direction of the door. Cas goes inside and Dean knows it'll be useless trying to sleep, but he's glad Cas will try.