Thank you

Didn't I just tell him that I did? What went wrong with that?

"Why do you say so John?" Sherlock asked hiding his bewilderment.

"You played nice, but you are new to this and you can't fake something like love for very long, even if the other person is deeply attached to you."

Sensing his original plans have been exposed Sherlock mentally cursed himself. He dropped the façade and faced the situation head on.

"Why did you do it?"

"I wanted to keep you with me."

"By faking to love me? so that I don't fall for anyone else and leave you, ever? You wanted to exploit my feelings for you."

"Yes."

Wow! That's why no matter how happy I was it didn't ring right. Sherlock was hurrying things, they didn't fall into place. He didn't know what he was doing. And I…

"As I said before John, fire warms us but it can also burn us. It depends on how you use it. You can take this situation in your stride, you want to be with me, and I also want that, that is where this whole thing leads to doesn't it? "

John said nothing, still confused. Did Sherlock do this knowingly? Or was this his own twisted way of showing care? Does he or doesn't he understand that this is called playing with someone's emotions?.

After a few moments Sherlock resumed,

"Or you can just go ahead and feel I tricked you in some way. Which would be actually very stupid. John this whole emotional thing is nothing for me, I hardly care for kisses and caress, but you do and you seek it. I just wanted to be appreciative of those…feelings of yours towards me, why is that wrong? If I didn't feign to reciprocate you would begin your search again, finding mindless women and dating them, I don't have a problem with that, you can very well do those but you can't leave the house and me and our partnership as we have it, I wanted everything to be the same as they are. Don't you see this is the best way things could be just as they are?"

John jolted back to reality with these words. Sherlock knew what he was doing; he had no original feelings behind what he did so far. He's trying to defend what he did, trying to reason why he played with my emotions. Oh and his reasoning is as sound as ever, just that they are wrong this time. He can't justify the pain has he caused me and doesn't even realise that. And here I was madly in love with this man whom human emotions can't touch. Thinking I could turn the tables with my love, this man does not understand love, does not have the capacity to love. And I loved. John smiled sadly to himself.

Sherlock couldn't understand if his words reached John or not. He said with finality "I need you John."

John winced. He prayed to god for strength.

What wouldn't I give to hear these words from this man? only if they meant what they should. Only if the reason behind them was love and not usefulness of me, only if Sherlock said this to me because he loved me and not because he wanted to use me.

"I'll be with you, care for you, caress you if you want it what else is love? What else do you want from me?"

"Feigning to reciprocate someone's feelings for you without actually having them is called playing with someone's emotions Sherlock. Not love."

"What did you expect me to do? Not do this and make way for some incorrigible woman to take you away in the name of that filthy emotion called love?!" Sherlock's voice was rough; "What good would it do to you? What good it do to us? You are a great accomplish John, a great friend and I can't afford to lose you!" He was getting impatient with John's silence. He wanted him to confirm his deductions even praise him for his brilliant and convenient plan.

That's all I am to you Sherlock. A valuable accomplish, a friend who helps you around, a person who puts up with you and your methods, a sidekick. Now it's all clear Sherlock. John crossed his arms on his chest, back straight, he looked into Sherlock's eyes, smiled tiredly and said, "Your reasons were right Sherlock as always, but your feelings were wrong."

John turned and left a dumbstruck Sherlock alone for the rest of the night.

Their vacation was a very short one after this conversation. Next morning their car was on the way to Baker Street. Sherlock sat looking outside, too furious to say anything. He couldn't believe the level of stupidity in John, how couldn't John see that this was the perfect logical way of conducting things? How could he be so blind? So emotional. It was okay that John had found out that he was playing along, but they both would have profited from it, why didn't he see that? He was getting the kind of attention he craved from Sherlock and towards a good end then why was it not enough? Why couldn't he just let it go on like that? Oh right! Love! I didn't love him! That magical word that turns an otherwise acceptably intelligent person like John Watson into this whining, simpering, illogical mess. Sherlock thought with disgust.

John was too hurt to think about anything. The fire had burned him inside out.

"It was too good to be true anyway" John sighed looking out of the window of the coffee shop where he and Sarah used to go. It had been two days since their return from the very eventful vacation.

Sarah felt the pain John was going through, she had a feeling something like this would happen. She had seen these people together. John mesmerized by Sherlock, happy when he's around, alive, fun. The way John looked at Sherlock the admiration, care in his eyes were too clear to go unnoticed. As for Sherlock, he enjoyed it, he took John for granted. It was obvious that either he would drag along John or do what he did. Love from such a man was too much of an expectation. Somewhere in the back of his mind John also knew this, so the whole façade didn't last long. Sarah sighed and looked at John sadly, but the damage was done.

"Why don't you move out?"

John smiled a sad smile. "I'm used to his being around."

Sarah had to look away. He still loves that man so much, what a fool a man as intelligent as Sherlock Holmes is, not to recognize this precious thing.

John didn't move out because he still had hope. He hoped that Sherlock someday will recognize the feelings, sort them out. Understand that what he did was wrong and understand what it means to be loved.

But living with Sherlock was becoming increasingly difficult. John tried his best to avoid his flatmate but Sherlock was hell bent on getting John's attention. He would put all the food out of the fridge and leave no space for anything else putting entrails, finger, worms and experiments in it. He would cover the kitchen table with all sorts of things, always occupy John's laptop even if he didn't need it, sprawl on the sofa when John intended to watch TV and talk incessantly. John avoided making any comments. When he saw a multi-coloured liquid in the fridge where eggs were supposed to be, he kept quiet, when he found his laptop always occupied he kept quiet, when he couldn't find his unfinished novel he kept quiet. He never confronted Sherlock with anything, if he became too intolerable John just went upstairs and stayed there. Sherlock tried new technics every day. Once he didn't eat anything for two days. John noticed and asked Mrs Hudson to do something about it.

"What has that git done now?" Asked Mrs Hudson angrily.

"Isn't eating" John explained succinctly.

"No, No. I mean why aren't you talking to him?"

John didn't reply.

Next, Sherlock went to St. Brat's to visit John during his working hours.

"Do you need a surgery?" John asked without concealing his irritation.

"Yes doctor, an open heart one." Sherlock said with an innocent look.

"You'll need to consult the cardiologist then, which I'm not. By the way you don't have one of those to operate on."

"It's one of the vital organs, doctor, how very silly of you to say something so unprofessional."

"As much unprofessional as to come and disturb a doctor without any reason during working hours. Please leave Sherlock I have people waiting who need my attention more than you."

Sherlock's tenacity was overwhelming but John's hurt was profound.

Two weeks had passed since they were back from Lincolnshire. Things were in a status quo. Sherlock was determined to break the ice. He had to do something to convince John, to make him talk.

"John there's a new case!"

John was sitting on his bed, a book in hand. He looked up to see a very enthusiastic Sherlock in the middle of the room, all ready to go out.

"I'm happy that you've found some diversion." John said without emotion.

Sherlock's face fell. It's a case! And John is not interested? What the hell is wrong with this guy?

"Don't you want to come along?" Sherlock asked bewildered.

"I'm sure it's in capable hands. It'll only take you a few minutes I'm sure, why bother." John said turning his attention back to his book.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Sherlock exploded. His eyes wide, burning blue, breathing ragged, and hands fisted.

John calmly looked up from his book, put it aside and stood up to face his angry flat mate.

"Why do you need me Sherlock, you are more capable than I am." He asked coolly.

"That hasn't stopped you from coming with me before." Sherlock said with some restrain.

"I don't want to anymore." There you go Sherlock, do you still think I'm useful to you?

"You can't do this to me John." Sherlock's voice was menacing.

After what you did to me? oh yes I can. John stood looking.

Sherlock ran his hands through his hair, exasperated. "why are you doing this?"

"People change you know? You thought if you could keep me here forever things would remain the same; I'm just proving you wrong. Things can change anytime, irrespective of whether I live with you or not."

"So, that is what this is all about, you want to prove that if we were in a relationship there wouldn't have been a change in our circumstances, you want to blackmail me into believing it, but everything would not have been the same John! Look at the proof! Your stupid feelings have made our lives a mess! And for the relationship part I made you a pretty good offer!." Sherlock said bitterly.

"Exploiting others' emotions for personal profit is a game you excel in Sherlock, not me." John tried very hard to supress the anger surging through him. "You didn't propose to have a relationship with me, you proposed that I love and live with you in exchange of some considerations on your part instead of feelings." I deserve far better than that Sherlock.

"Look where your feelings have led you! You're a sham of the man I knew, the man who was my friend and colleague, a man who was useful to me in so many ways!" Shouted Sherlock.

John closed his eyes as a bitter smile spread on his face. You said it at last Sherlock; I was no more useful to you. Because I didn't let you do what you wanted to do with me, as I always did.

"It's good to hear that I was once useful to you." John's voice broke.

"Past tense John Watson" Saying that Sherlock left in a whirl of coat tails slamming the door behind him.

John sank into his bed. Useless tears of a useless person wet the pillow.

Next morning John was relieved to find that his flatmate wasn't home. He resolved to move out of 221B within the next few days.