Chapter 4: I need you
"To explain the way you make me feel inside
Though the meaning may be simple
And the words may not be new
I couldn't make it clearer if I tried
I need you
And I couldn't live a day without you
I need you
More than anyone could ever know
I need you
And I wanna build my world around you
I need you
Well I sang the words and realized
It'd all been said before
So I tried a different rhyme that meant the same
But it didn't have the feeling
And the first one said much more
So I guess I'll have to say it once again
I need you
And I couldn't live a day without you!"
-3T & Michael Jackson-
A blurred vision of a woman holding the hand of a little child appeared, slowly starting to clear up.
Both the woman and the little girl were smiling. The mother lifted her daughter and spun her around under the falling snowflakes.
The girl's laughter was echoing and the smile of her father who was watching them was wider than ever.
Suddenly the mother's eyes flickered and closed. She faltered and the child slipped from her grift and fell down, seconds before the woman hit the ground.
The little girl had hurt her knee, but instead of crying she moved closer to her mother and tears started running her little face when she touched her mother and felt how cold she has become.
Her father grabbed her and carried her inside their small house. He didn't want his little girl to see anything else or to find out what happened to her mom. He hugged her to calm her down and felt her small tears falling on his shoulder.
The eyes of the little girl that was now a young woman shot open and she felt she was sweating from the nightmare.
She then realized she wasn't in her home. Her eyes travelled around her surroundings and she realized she was in a hospital. She saw a boy sitting on the chair next to her whose eyes were closed and he seemed to be sleeping.
Recognizing him in a heartbeat, she whispered, "Lewis?! What are you doing here?"
He opened his eyes and they went wide open.
"Rikki, you're awake?! How are you?"
"I'm fine. Why am I in a hospital and what are you doing here?"
"You don't remember?"
"Remember what exactly?"
"You fainted in the boatshed and started hallucinating so Will called an ambulance." He whispered, worry visible on his face despite of the darkness in the small room.
"I don't remember any of it." She said absent-mindedly. The last thing she remembered was helping Will practise to propose to Bella. "Wait, I was hallucinating? What about?"
"Well...you thought Will was Zane and-"
"And what?"
He went silent.
"Lewis!"
"You told him you loved him." He said finally.
Rikki felt like she was going to be sick. She couldn't believe what she had done. What's more she didn't want anybody to know what she was feeling for Zane, because that was something really private.
"And what are you doing here?"
"Cleo asked me to stay."
"Cleo? She was here?"
"Everybody was here except for Zane and your dad. The doctor said you'll be released tomorrow, so we didn't want to worry them."
"Wait, what else did the doctor say?"
"Nothing."
"You were never a good liar."
"I'm telling the truth. He didn't say anything. Not to the others anyway. They all had to go home, but Cleo wanted me to stay here and keep her updated. When they left and the doctor came back to check on you I made him tell me what's wrong with you and eventually he told me everything."
"Everything?"
"Everything." He nodded.
"So you know about-"
"Yes, I know. But I won't tell the others, you should be the one to tell them."
"No! They can never know."
"Rikki! How can you even say something like that? You'll be getting worse in front of their eyes and they won't stop until they find out what's going on with you!"
"I won't be, trust me. This few weeks will be our last, so I want to make it perfect for all of you. Then I'll disappear. And you have to convince the others not to go and look for me."
"But, Rikki, I-"
"Do you promise me to do it?"
He sighed.
"Ok, I promise."
"Thank you. And one more thing." She gave him a small smile. "Please, all of you don't mourn for me too much. I'm so happy to have an amazing friends like you and I want all of you to be happy for me." And she gave him a smile again.
Tears started sparkling in his eyes. This was the first time he ever felt so helpless and he hated the feeling.
"Oh, and Lewis?"
"Yes?"
"I know how much I used to tease you and make fun of you, but I hope you know that I love you like a brother and I really value you. And I've never said that, but...thank you. Thank you for caring so much and for everything you did for us!"
His eyes were now water, but he managed a smile.
"Always."
She only nodded and added, "I feel tired. I'm going to get some sleep now."
He nodded not saying anything.
She fixed her pillow, pulled her covers and closed her eyes.
Careful not to wake her, he stood up and started pacing around. He hated feeling so helpless, so useless, so powerless. One of his best friends was dying and knowing he couldn't do anything was killing him.
He was supposed to just sit and watch her suffer, knowing he's not able to do anything to help her. But no, he couldn't just let her slip away from them. He had to do something.
{ * }
Cleo tossed in her bed a lot, knowing she wouldn't be able to get any sleep at all. Suddenly her phone started ringing. She picked up.
"Hello?"
"How is she?" The brunette heard a quiet sniffling on the other end of the line.
"Oh, so you care now?"
"Cleo, please-"
"If you really wanted to know how she is, you would have come to the hospital!"
And she hung up.
She felt anger inside her.
How could she not come to the hospital to check how Rikki is? Yes, they weren't on speaking terms, but once they used be best friends! Besides if something happened to her, Rikki would have gone to the hospital, even though she had a fiery character.
The brunette reached where the photo with Emma and Rikki was on her nightstand and took it in her hands.
"What happened to you, Em? What happened to us?"
Tears started filling Cleo's eyes. She took her phone and hesitated for a second, then dialed a number.
She was answered by a sleepy "Hello?" on the other end of the line.
"Please, don't hung up." The brunette said quickly.
"Cleo?" The voice now sounded wide awake and shocked.
"Sorry for waking you up, I just...needed to talk to someone."
"Why don't you talk to Emma? Speaking of whom, she won't be happy if she finds out you called me."
"Damn it, Bella, I can't do this anymore. I'm so sick of it, I-" She bursted into tears. "I miss you."
There was a short silence probably from the other girl's shock.
"I miss you too!" She said finally and Cleo heard her voice was shaking.
"I don't understand what happened to us. I thought when Emma gets back we'll be like one happy family. I guess I was wrong."
Silence met her words. Bella probably didn't know how to answer that.
"I'm also scared for Rikki, Bella." The brunette continued. "I know the doctor said she was just overstressed, but I think he lied to us. I have a really bad feeling."
"Me too, Cleo." She heard Bella's voice saying. "I was there when it happened. She was happy and smiling and in the next moment she was lying on the ground."
Bella took a deep breath, probably trying to forget the memory. "I don't care what that doctor says, but that's not stress!"
Cleo was silent for a moment, then she asked, "What do we do?"
"What can we do?" Bella answered and Cleo felt the slightest bit of sarcasm in her voice. "It's not like she'll tell us if she knows there's something going on with her. And it's obvious that the doctor won't tell us either."
"Her dad!" Cleo said immediately. "If something's wrong with her, he's the only one who'd know!"
"How didn't I think of that? Anyway, we have to talk to him first thing tomorrow."
"Yes, absolutely!"
"Look, Cleo, it's getting late and we should try and get some sleep."
"Yeah, and Bella...I'll do everything to fix this mess. It was wrong to choose between the two of you. Tomorrow I'll talk to Emma. I really want all of us to be together again!"
"Me too! But I won't let you talk to Emma alone. I'll be with you."
"No. Thank you, but this is something I have to do by myself."
"You sound like Rikki." Bella smiled in the phone.
"Well, it's hard hanging out with someone so many years and not become even a little like her, right?!"
"Yeah, that's right. Well, good night, Cleo. Tomorrow's going to be a long day."
"Yeah. Good night, Bella."
And they hung up.
Cleo wrote a quick message to Emma.
"Sorry about before. Meet me tomorrow at Rikki's, 10 a.m. We need to talk."
She sent the message and placed the phone on her nightstand putting back the photo too. For the first time in her life Cleo was in control. It felt really good.
Maybe she really was becoming a bit like Rikki. And somewhere deep down the brunette realized she really liked it.
{ * }
Emma felt tears running down off her eyes.
She grabbed her phone and her jacket and ran out of her room.
She had to go to the hospital. She took a taxi and it took her a couple of minutes to arrive there. She went inside and to the woman at the register.
"Excuse me, I'm looking for my friend. Rikki Chadwick. Could you tell me the number of her room?"
"She's at room 467."
"Thank you."
Emma went to the fourth floor and took a few turns before she finally found herself standing in front of her friend's room.
The blond took a deep breath and pushed the door open. She went inside and was shocked to realize Lewis was in the room pacing nervously.
"Lewis? What are you doing here?"
"Shht." He hissed. "She just fell asleep, you're going to wake her up."
"So", Emma now whispered, "What are you doing here?"
"Cleo asked me to stay."
"Oh, I understand." She nodded. "How is she?" She asked nodding towards Rikki.
"She's…fine." He said.
"You're a horrible liar, you know?!"
"You sound like Rikki."
They both smiled at that.
"Come on, tell me the truth. How is she?"
"I told you, she's fine. The doctor said she was just overstressed."
"Overstressed? Rikki?! Yeah, right. Lewis, you don't think I'm so naïve to believe you, do you?!"
"I don't know what you are talking about."
"I saw her pills yesterday when she accidentally dropped her purse. She's sick, isn't she?"
"You talked to Rikki yesterday?"
"Don't avoid my question."
"Look, I promised her not to tell anyone."
Emma didn't know who she was angrier at: Lewis for not wanting to tell her or at Rikki for trying to keep such a serious secret from them all.
She looked away from Lewis and spotted Rikki's purse on one of the chairs.
"You know what?! You don't have to tell me anything, I'll find out by myself!"
And before he could stop her she grabbed the purse and opened it searching for the medicine Rikki took from her grip the day before.
She finally found it and quickly read the prescription. She then looked back at Rikki and almost dropped the small bottle.
It couldn't be true.
"Em." She heard Lewis' voice, but she didn't respond. "Emma, let's get outside and have a talk."
She looked at him and slightly nodded. She put the medicine back in Rikki's purse and followed Lewis outside.
"Look, first of all you have to understand that-"
"For goodness sake Lewis, I just found out my best friend's having a deadly disease! And you promised her to keep it a secret from all of us!"
"She asked me to. What was I supposed to do? Tell her "Sorry, Rikki, I'm telling them whether you like it or not?!"
"That would've been an option, yeah."
"Em, I'm her best friend too and I know how much it hurts. I understand perfectly why Rikki doesn't want you to know. I wouldn't want my friends to know if I was dying, either."
Emma felt tears in her eyes and sat on one of the chairs, to try to calm herself down.
"Is there any chance for her not to-" She couldn't finish the sentence, but Lewis understood.
"Unfortunately, the disease had progressed too much and the doctors can't help her."
Emma felt she had started shaking.
"How…how much-"
"Six months."
She covered her mouth with her hands and she bursted into tears. Lewis sat next to her and put his hand on her shoulder.
"You must keep all of that a secret. You can't tell the others. Especially Cleo."
She looked at him and nodded slightly.
"I don't know how I'll manage it, but if that's what Rikki wants, then fine." She took a deep breath. "Listen, I've got to go now."
And without even a word more, Emma left the hospital.
This time however she didn't take a cap. She preferred going on foot to her house.
Deep in her thoughts, and with tears running down her cheeks, she felt she'd been walking for hours when she finally found herself standing in front of her house.
She ran straight into her room and her bed, bursting into tears again. Rikki was so young, and yet this horrible disease was slowly taking her life away. It was so unfair.
Emma heard her phone beeping in her pocket and quickly took it out. It was a message from an unknown number.
"You can't hide from me. Now that little bitchy friend of yours is dying, no one can protect you from me. I'll come for you."
She almost dropped her phone. It was him. But how did he find out Rikki was dying?!
Emma closed her eyes, taking deep breaths to calm herself down. She felt like she was falling into a nightmare that threatened to never end.
{*}
It was early in the morning when Bella went to the boatshed to get Will so they could go to the hospital together. He was ready and waiting for her.
"Good morning." He cheered her and leaned to give her a kiss, but when he touched her lips with his, something felt disconnected.
She tried not to pay attention to it though.
" 'Morning." She replied smiling.
He took her hand and they left the boatshed.
When they arrived at the hospital they saw Lewis sleeping at one of the chairs in Rikki's room.
Rikki herself was awake and was sitting on the bed dressed up, all ready to leave, playing some stupid game on her phone.
She put my hand on Lewis' shoulder.
"Lewis. Lewis, wake up!" She said gently.
He jumped a little opening his eyes.
"What? Oh, Bella, good morning."
"Good morning. Did you sleep here?"
"Yes, Cleo asked me to stay."
"Speaking of-" Will said and opened the door to let Cleo in.
She was breathing heavily like she's been running all the way to the hospital, so it took her a few minutes to normalize her breathing.
"Hello everybody." She said finally and gave them a smile. "Lewis thank you so much you stayed here." She added and gave him a big kiss.
Rikki just couldn't help herself, but say, "Hey, you two, get a room or I'll start throwing up!" And she faked puking.
They all laughed.
That's when the door opened and someone unexpected entered Rikki's room.
It was Emma.
But it wasn't the Emma Bella saw back at the café when she came back. This was another Emma. One different Emma. She didn't have that confidence Bella sensed in her when they first met. Now she looked weak, vulnerable, scared. Her eyes were red and her face was puffy like she'd been crying all night.
Cleo seemed shocked to see her like that and even though Bella didn't know her so well, Bella was shocked too. When Cleo spoke Emma jumped a bit.
"Em, are you ok? You look like a mess, what happened?"
"Nothing. I just…wanted to apologize to you."
Everyone stared at her.
"Ever since I came back I behaved awfully and I'm so sorry for that. I got jealous from you two", she said looking at Bella and Will, "And I did something very stupid. So, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything and I hope you can forgive me." She said looking at all of us.
Cleo ran to her and hugged her tight. Will, Lewis and Bella gave her smiles, but Rikki was just staring first at her and then at Lewis.
Rikki could see it in Emma's eyes that she knew. She had no idea how she found out, but she knew. Maybe Lewis had told her.
Rikki moved her eyes to him. How dared he?! He promised he wouldn't do it for the world. She stood up and grabbed his arm.
"I have to talk to you. Now."
And the curly blond pulled him outside. Without giving him a chance to speak she asked, "How could you do this?! You promised me, Lewis! You promised you wouldn't tell!"
"I didn't tell her. She found out by herself."
"What? How?"
"Your pills. She saw your pills."
Rikki sighed.
"Ok." After a little pause she added, "I'm sorry I doubted you."
"It's ok, Rikki, I understand."
"Thanks."
With that she pushed the door of her room open, to tell the other it's time to leave.
"Come on, everybody, I'm ready to go." Rikki stated and they all hurried after her.
On their way out of the hospital Lewis and Rikki exchanged glances as well as Emma and her.
Rikki's plan wasn't going the way she expected, but she hoped the rest of it would work.
They went to the cafe when Rikki saw someone she had the intention to talk to.
She hated the thought, but she had no choice. She told the guys she was going to use the bathroom, but passing through her, she told her quietly, "Come in the bathroom, I need to talk to you."
The other girl looked at her like she was crazy. Even Rikki thought she was crazy myself.
But that didn't matter. Thankfully she obeyed and followed her. Rikki locked the door and turned to face her.
"I know we hate each other, but I need a favor to ask you."
"You? Ask me a favor?"
"Yes."
"What for?"
"It's about Zane."
"Zane? What about him?"
" First I need you to answer one question. Do you love him?"
"Yes, I do."
"Then he's yours."
"Sorry...WHAT?"
"You heard me. You can have him."
"Are you kidding me? I hate to admit this, but Zane's crazy about you!"
"I know. But I won't be staying here for much longer."
"Are you moving away?"
"Sort of. After awhile I'll disappear and when that happens Zane will be completely alone and will need someone who loves him. So be there for him. Love him, and take care for him."
Sophie was staring at Rikki with shock.
The curly blond unlocked the door and turned to walk away, but the read-head grabbed her hand.
"What do you mean by "disappear"? Are you...dying or something?"
"That's only for me to know."
And Rikki walked away, but she could swear that before she turned around she saw small drops forming in Sophie's eyes.
Rikki got back to the others and they spent the rest of the day together.
When she got home and went to bed, small tears started to form in the back of her eyes, because of what she'd done earlier.
But Rikki had no choice. Sophie was the only one who loved him almost as much as she did and the curly blond knew that when she'd die, Zane would need someone to be there for him.
The guys wouldn't understand him the way he'd need to be understood and Rikki didn't want him to be alone.
She loved him so much that she was ready to even throw him into the hands of her biggest enemy, just to make sure he'll be loved the way he deserved.