It was the longest night of Josh's life.
He didn't move an inch from where Aidan had fallen, and it was only when he felt a lancing pain in his left leg that he realized they were both asleep, trapped under him at an odd angle. He didn't move to adjust; he didn't even give it another second of thought after the initial realization. The pain almost felt good, almost kept him grounded and anchored to a world that threatened to break apart and fall away, to cease making sense forever.
He kept waiting for Aidan to turn to dust in his arms. With every second that ticked by Josh tried to take him in, to devote himself to committing all the little things to memory. Somewhere in the first half-hour of his fever Aidan had drifted off and had not awoken since. Josh had the terrible, frozen feeling that he never would again.
Sally and Nora came and went quietly, mostly staying nearby and keeping silent vigil with him, but sometimes going off to clean up a little bit of the house. Concerned neighbors had come to inquire over the shattered windows and Josh wasn't sure how the girls were able to keep them at bay. He couldn't bring himself to care. Come on in, he thought dully, curling himself a little lower over Aidan's prone form. Who were we kidding, thinking we could hide all of this from the world forever? What did it even matter if the whole neighborhood knew what they were?
Somewhere inside Josh knew it wasn't fair to be thinking this way. Just because this was the end of his world didn't mean he should stop giving a shit. Aidan wouldn't want that, and he'd talked his friend back from enough "I've lived long enough, I don't want to try anymore" spells to realize that no good ever came from it. As dark as the future was, as terrified as Josh felt, it seemed stupid. If wasting his last few weeks with Aidan by being in denial over what he felt was dumb, wasting his last few hours with him being miserable was even worse. These were the seconds that counted, and Josh needed to make them count.
"Hey," Josh muttered quietly, smoothing back Aidan's matted hair with one hand. It was such an intimate, tender gesture, and it took him off guard how much he needed to do it. "It's okay, you know," he continued, his voice hardly carrying even to his own ears. "I know you're always—you're always worried about us, thinking about how to look after everyone. I know what probably scares you most of all right now is what's going to happen to everyone. I just…"
Josh took in a deep, steadying breath, a knot of something rising in his core that was a cousin to panic but so much deeper, more pervasive and undefeatable. Would he ever be able to get out from under this? He didn't know the answer, but he knew somehow it didn't matter. What mattered now was Aidan, whether he could hear him or not; what mattered was trying to give him some semblance of peace.
"I just want you to know it's alright. We're okay."
It felt weird to say that to Aidan, as if they'd be fine in the aftermath of his death—could anything be farther from the truth? But even as he said the words he could feel Aidan relaxing a little more against him, turning his face against Josh's chest. Josh felt like he was suffocating and focused on breathing, blinking back tears as he tried to shelter him from things beyond his control.
Their positions were reversed now, he thought dimly to himself as the night wore on. When they had first met it had been Josh who was crumpled up on himself on the floor, kicked and dirty, at one of the lowest points of his life. Why Aidan had picked him to defend he'd never know. Why he himself chose to trust Aidan in turn when other members of his kind had just decided to beat the shit out of him, he'd also never know. So many little choices, small turns here or there, split-second decisions, had lead him right to this moment, which like no other moment before it, seemed to crystallize and focus in so sharply that it felt like the pinnacle of all things. He had been so close to bowing out of the camping trip at the last minute. He hadn't been feeling well and Julia had been hinting she wanted to do some more wedding shopping with him that weekend instead. If he'd never been in the woods he'd never have encountered Ray, never would have met Aidan. Likewise, it had been a toss-up between Boston and about five other places to relocate; the night the other vampires had decided to pick on the new wolf had been a night Josh had seriously considered spending tucked under a bridge somewhere. Five seconds earlier or later and this would be one branch of an ever-expanding tree of "maybes," its tendrils of light and possibility growing dark as a different future was chosen.
Five seconds earlier to save Aidan from Liam's changing den and they wouldn't be here. Aidan would have gotten better, they might be watching When Harry Met Sally still. There wouldn't be three corpses to dispose of, half of their house wrecked, and the man he had slowly come to realize he loved, desperately, more than anything, wouldn't be crumpled in a heap in his arms.
When the sun poked its fingers through the hastily-boarded window Josh could scarcely believe it was going on seven or eight in the morning. It felt like simultaneously no time and great expanses of time had passed in the interim.
Aidan was bloody. It had been happening slowly, and though Josh knew there was little that could hurt him anymore, it still wounded him to see the little droplets of red leaking from his eyes and ears. It reminded him vaguely of the first time Aidan had tried his blood, back when he was fully wolf, and the subsequent choking, heaving seizure that had taken place after it. It would be something, if after all this, Aidan's body was choosing to have a reaction to Josh's blood after all.
Josh became aware of his surroundings again, slowly. Sally was kneeling beside him. She looked up at him, her big brown eyes tearful, and asked, "Is he…?"
"I think he's still with us," Josh muttered quietly, not wanting to disturb Aidan though there had been no concrete proof he could hear anything they said.
Sally merely nodded, reaching out and brushing the backs of her fingers along Aidan's jawline. Josh watched the progress of her hand, his eyes heavy with exhaustion and a feeling that couldn't be described as grief, because it lacked definity yet. Nora returned from the kitchen, where she'd been emptying one of what felt like hundreds of dustpan loads full of debris, and kneeled down beside them too.
"Do you think he can even… pass on… without…" Sally gestured, then made up a term. "Going all dust?"
"No, I don't think so," Aidan mumbled.
Nora jumped and Sally actually let out a stifled little half-scream coupled with a spastic motion. Josh just stared at him, wide-eyed and unbelieving.
"Aidan?" Sally breathed, crawling forward to stare at him. "Holy shit! How… you're awake?"
"So it would seem," Aidan said, blinking very slowly and shifting a little in Josh's arms. Josh knew he should let him claim some autonomy, maybe sit up, but he couldn't bring himself to let go. His heart was pounding.
"How do you…" Josh asked, but his voice cracked and died before he could get out the word, feel?
Aidan sniffed heavily, exactly like someone suffering a head cold, and tested out his muscles. "... Not…" he mumbled, twisting slightly, tentatively. "Not bad."
Josh's heart had switched tactics, going from beating itself against his ribs to leaping into his throat. "Can I…?" he asked, unable to finish any sentences today.
"Go for it," Aidan said, leaning back a bit more so Josh could fumble with the hem of his shirt and lift it up. Nora gasped and clasped her hands over her mouth, looking like she was going to cry, and Sally mirrored her position except for the huge smile that broke out over her face.
Aidan's spots were gone, little smudges of dark red in their place. Josh reached out with a trembling hand and wiped at some of the color, which came away from his flesh, leaving the paleness underneath exposed, unmarred. Some of the stuff—dried blood, he thought—was caked to parts of him that had been more exposed during the night, and Josh chipped at some with his nail.
Aidan squirmed a little. "Ticklish," he complained, and Nora of all people threw herself onto him in a crushing hug.
"You're better," she said, punching the last word with a barely-contained sob. "You are better?" she reworded it, sounding fearful, like they would realize it wasn't true in a moment.
"I think so," Aidan said, giving her a warm, tight hug in return. "I have no idea how."
Josh shuddered, a hollow feeling in his chest that simultaneously felt like it was filled with heat so unbearable he couldn't possibly survive it. "You don't think, maybe…?"
Nora was falling to pieces, but still managed to press a hand against Aidan's forehead. "I can't… tell, you're a vampire, but… you're sweaty. Like you broke a fever."
Aidan frowned at that, something a lot like wonder on his face. "So… what, what made this different for me?" he asked aloud, but Sally dove on top of Nora and Aidan, looking up at Josh with a smile that seemed like it contained a secret and was broadcasting that same secret for all the world to see at the same time.
"Josh did," she said, and Aidan looked up to meet his eyes, his expression of bemused curiosity fading into the soft, tentative look he only gave him. Josh tried his best to hug all of them, a sound that wasn't quite laughter or sobbing tearing itself free from his throat.
"Were blood," Nora sniffed heavily, her body almost completely buried in their dogpile. "How the hell…"
"I don't even know, but I don't care," Sally said, and although she'd been all smiles up until this point, a tremor shook through her and she seemed to shrink into their mass, untold tension seeping from her small frame as she gave off a sound that was suspiciously like a watery sniff.
"Drama queens," Aidan accused, his voice carrying so much fondness it only made Nora have to choke back another sob and Josh dissolve into more confusing laughter. He buried his face in Aidan's neck, felt the vampire's head leaning against his, and knew,.
Author's note: The end, guys. Thanks for sticking with me :) Epilogue to come at some point probably, but in the meantime…
Check out my new Being Human AU fic, chapter one of which is posted on my profile now. It's Arc One of a series called "Favor," because apparently I love one-word fic titles!