As if meetings hadn't been painful enough for Lovino before, seeing Francis nearly crying at his seat and hiding his face in his hands every so often made him want to chop his own head off. The other man was trying to hide it, Lovino could tell, but the attempts were so pathetic that it only made him seem more pitiful and sad. Everyone else, as far as he could tell, was very concerned by this – even Arthur, who normally made it his job to bicker with Francis whenever possible, had tried to offer some kind words – but Francis only kept repeating the same things; "I'm fine, it will pass, don't worry, just heartache".
The words stung Lovino every time they were spoken. He wasn't fine, it probably wouldn't pass, everyone was going to worry anyway, and the 'just heartache' had to be the worst because it made him feel like an absolute sack of dicks for what he'd done. Every glance he'd given to Antonio had only gotten him sad shrugs.
Lovino took a deep breath and shut his eyes for a moment. He knew what he had to do. This had been his plan for…for weeks, since he'd sent the damn email. To ease Francis's pain, at least slightly. Even if 'Vado' couldn't talk to Francis…he opened his eyes to look at his suitcase. He'd brought it with him with the excuse of not being able to make it to his hotel room, but it was more than that. He looked up at Antonio and nodded to the bathroom. It was time.
"Lovi, are you sure about this?"
"For the last time, I'm fucking positive that this is what I want to do, so just get the thing zipped already!"
"I-I'm trying, but it's too small! It won't stay shut!"
"Then get a fucking safety pin and clasp it together! Make the damn thing fit me!"
As if the fat suit weren't enough of a problem to get on, the dress was too small even though he was sure he'd gotten the measurements right. Lovino prayed and prayed that no one would walk into the bathroom; even though they were in the handicapped stall, anyone hearing them would be confused. The meeting break had already begun, and Antonio was going to scout the area before guiding Lovino out of the restroom, but…he still felt odd.
"I just don't understand why you need to cross-dress for this…" Antonio mumbled, clearly straining to zip up the dress.
"I am not cross-dressing!" Lovino insisted. "That's impolite to say, anyway. I'm just playing a fucking role, and I have to look like a woman for said role! You're the one who got me into this anyway!"
"Me?!" Antonio sounded shocked, giving the zipper another hard tug. "Lovi, I told you to stop e-mailing him in the first place. YOU kept it going, and now…" He sighed, his anger leaving him as he finally managed to get the zipper up. "…just pray that your falsetto doesn't give out on you while you're speaking," he said quietly, turning Lovino around and smiling a bit. "You look beautiful."
Lovino laughed. "Stop it." 'Beautiful' probably wasn't the right word for this – Lovino looked more 'middle aged woman' than 'beautiful' (not that a person couldn't be both, but that just wasn't him). But this was, at least, easier than dressing up as Vado Andare himself. And it would still let him check on Francis… "Is my makeup still okay? And the wig?"
Antonio nodded. "Yes. Now just work on your voice."
Lovino snorted softly before giving Antonio a fake smile and raising his eyebrows as high as he could. "Oh, don't you worry about me, dear!" he said, his voice as high and feminine as he could possibly make it. "I spent all night perfecting this /just/ for this occasion!"
Antonio burst out laughing. "Oh Dios, you've really got it!" He smiled a bit. "Okay, I'm going to go scout out the front. I'll tell you when it's safe!"
Lovino nodded, watching as Antonio moved out of the stall and out the door. He locked the stall again just in case, not wanting any more mishaps than could already happen. After a few minutes though, he started to worry. Where was Antonio…?"
"Antonio, please, I just want to use the restroom and wash my face…"
"B-But Francis, there are other restrooms! Downstairs!"
Oh, no.
"There are people down there, and I look pathetic! Do you really want anyone to see me like this?! …why are you doing this? I need a friend now more than ever, and you're making me feel even worse…"
"Oh, Francis, I didn't mean it like that!"
No fucking way.
"Then please just let me use the restroom. I don't care if it smells bad. I just want to wash my face."
"I…a-alright, but…"
Why was this happening, of all things?
"Thank you."
The door creaked open, and Lovino heard Francis's footsteps enter the restroom. Oh god. Oh god, he had to do something, before the other man tried to use one of the urinals. Not sure what else to do, he flushed the toilet, adjusted his dress, and marched out of the stall, eyes widening when he saw Francis.
"O-Oh my!" he squeaked out, turning his head. "Excuse me, I'd thought this was the little girl's room!"
Francis, looking as shocked as he (she?) was, turned his head away. "M-My apologies, but this is the men's room," he said, smiling weakly as he looked back to Lovino. "The ladies' room is just down the hall from here."
"Th-Thank you kindly, young man." Lovino smiled brightly. "I was just running an errand, looking for someone who's having a meeting in this building, but I lost my way and decided to stop here!"
Francis chuckled softly, making his way to the door and opening it for Lovino. "That's alright, it's easy to get lost here. Can I ask who you're searching for? I might be able to help."
"Ah, well." Lovino smiled brightly, the lipstick on his lips giving him an odd feeling when he moved them. "I'm actually here on behalf of someone else! I'm looking for someone named…oh, hold on…" Lovino waddled out of the door and lifted his purse, pretending to sift through it for something before smiling and snapping it shut. "Si! I'm looking for a Francis Bonnefoy?"
Francis paused, laughing weakly (and probably hoping he hadn't done anything to incur the wrath of this odd woman). "Well, that would be me. Have we met?"
Lovino shook his head, smiling. "No, no. My name is Dorme – I'm the mother of someone named Vado Andare?" When Francis's eyes widened, Lovino felt a bit more confident in continuing to speak. "He was too anxious to come here – mia bambino, he has been dealing with this anxiety since he was young – but he asked me to come see how you were doing!"
"I…you're Vado's…mother?" Francis managed, clearly shocked. Lovino nodded, smiling brightly.
"Si! Ah, my Vado was so sad when he cut things off with you, he wanted to email you again and take it back…but he was so afraid, he couldn't!" He chuckled softly. "That is always like men though, masking their emotions…"
"Oui…" Francis said. He looked nervous, and Lovino wondered why. The news was supposed to make him happy, to fix all of this… "Madame Andare, may I ask a question?"
"Of course!" Lovino smiled his brightest smile. Anything to ease Francis's fears.
"This, er…it will sound strange, but…do you know how your son feels about me?"
Lovino laughed softly. Francis was probably going to make some joke. "Well, he adores you!" He chuckled. "He almost never stops talking about you. Whenever he called me, it was always 'Francis' this, and 'Francis' that. You really made him happy, and I think that's why he wants to try again." He gave Francis the most genuine smile he could, his voice nearly slipping. "He cares very much for you, I'm certain."
Francis smiled a bit, taking a deep breath as he took Lovino's (Dorme's) hands. "Well, in that case…" He looked up to meet his eyes. "If it's not too much to ask, can you deliver a message to your son for me?"
He nodded. "Yes, yes! What should I say?"
"Well…" Francis smiled. "Tell him that I'm just as anxious as he is, but…befriending him has been one of the best things to happen to me in a long time. I'm so happy that we met, even if it was online, and I really think my relationship with him is special." He cleared his throat softly, blushing very slightly and looking away. He released Lovino's hands and laughed softly. "So, tell him…"
Lovino smiled brightly. Things would finally be okay again. "Of course I will. I promise."
"I-I wasn't done." Francis laughed softly. "That is…"
"Please tell Vado that I'm in love with him. And that I want to meet him, just once, so I can say it to his face."
Not only had Lovino torn his dress running from the room; he'd broken the heel of his shoe, skewed his wig, made a rip in the fat suit, and smudged his makeup. Thank God no one had seen, but…
The words wouldn't stop repeating themselves in his mind, over and over. 'In love with him'. In love with Vado. Francis was in love with Vado, which meant that he was in love with Lovino. He hadn't even answered when the words had been said, only able to sprint from the room in his shock. His phone had buzzed, an e-mail to Vado from Francis (probably saying the same thing), but Lovino was too busy panicking to care. And of course when Lovino panicked, there was only one person he would ever blame: Antonio.
"How could you not tell me?!" he shouted, still fueled with confusion and anger even after five straight minutes of yelling at the other man. "You knew about this, he told you, and you didn't tell me?!"
"Lovino, you'd already broken it off when he told me…" Antonio repeated for the eighth time, knowing it was useless. He was hoping Lovino would run out of steam soon – or take off the dress. Antonio knew now wasn't the time to say it, but really, orange just wasn't Lovino's color. "If I had told you, it wouldn't have changed anything…"
"I could have taken it back though!" he yelled, hiding his face in his hands. "Fuck, fuck, fuck…"
"Lovino," Antonio said, voice becoming a bit more stern. "Indoor voice…"
"NO!" Lovino pulled his hands away from his face, staring at Antonio angrily. "I'm so fucking tired of containing myself! I'm tired of fucking hiding my feelings and keeping myself quiet for you and everyone else! If you don't want to deal with that, then leave!"
Antonio stared into Lovino's eyes, not saying a word. He knew Lovino was hurting, that much was obvious to him. He didn't think anything he could say now would get to him, or be the 'correct' thing to tell his friend. It would probably be best for him to leave now – Lovino would apologize later, he was sure. But for now his friend needed some alone time, and Antonio knew that even he couldn't help.
"At least let me help you out of that before you go," Antonio said quietly, not breaking eye contact. "And then I promise, I'll leave. I won't say anything more."
Lovino nodded hesitantly. "As long as you don't say anything else. I'm really angry, and I know I'll say something I'll regret…"
Antonio couldn't help but smile a bit. So he did realize how he was acting. It may have seemed silly, but Antonio couldn't help but feel as though this were progress for Lovino, who so often thought he was never at fault for anything…he stood up and turned Lovino around, carefully unzipping him from the dress and fat suit.
"Call me when you're ready to, Lovi," Antonio said, gathering his things and starting to the door. "I'll have my phone on just in case."
Lovino nodded at him. "Bye."
Antonio gave him one last glance before stepping out the door, leaving Lovino alone in the silence of his room. With nothing else to do, and no one left to argue with, Lovino laid down on his bed and hid his face into a pillow. What was there to do? What could he do? His phone's light still blinked on and off every few seconds, insistently reminding him that Vado had a very important email from Francis Bonnefoy…
Vado. Vado Andare, who wasn't even real, had somehow earned the love of someone like Francis. Vado, who was really just Lovino. Plain, boring, not-so-special Lovino Vargas…not that Francis thought that. When he took away 'Vado', it was still Lovino who had done and said all of the things that Francis had taken such a liking to…
Maybe it wasn't really 'Vado' who Francis loved at all. Lovino felt his stomach twisting into knots as he puzzled through the thoughts – Francis, when you took away all the complications of the situation, was in love with him. And Lovino…well…what did he feel? Francis had been nice. He didn't hate him anymore. Getting to know the man, odd as it had been, felt good to Lovino. Here was someone he had connected with besides Antonio, someone who made him feel truly important…
Francis wasn't as bad as he first thought, that was certain. But what to do now? His eyes darted to the dress and wig on the floor. The things he had gone through for this stupid act, to keep Francis believing in Vado, was ridiculous. But he couldn't give it up now…could he?
His eyes wandered to his phone again, light blinking insistently. He stared at his reflection in the phone's screen, observing himself. Was there something so bad about being Lovino? Why did he want to keep hiding himself?
It hit him then that he didn't. That he was tired of hiding. That Francis deserved the truth of the matter more than anyone else.
He would come clean to him, for better or for worse, even not knowing how he felt. He would send his last email as Vado, for better or for worse.
Francis,
I got your email. I'm coming to meet you face to face, as you wished. I hope we can talk more then.
See you soon,
- Vado Andare
(AN: We're nearing the end. Hasn't this been fun? As I still don't have a beta, no proofreading on this chapter due to a lack of time and a want for updates. Still, thank you all for your kind reviews and favorites. Your patience has been so appreciated, and I'm happy that I was able to share this story. Until next time!)