A few days had passed and I just returned from making out with Ryder. All of this makes me feel so dirty. I don't know why I couldn't have just told Sam that I loved him and avoided this.

Story of my life, searching for the right but it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul cause it seems that wrong really loves my company
He's more than a man and this is more than love the reason that the sky is blue
But clouds are rolling in cause I'm gone again and to him I just can't be true

AndI know that he knows that I'm unfaithful and it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time I walk out of the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be a murderer

Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun
Put it to his head
And get it over with
I don't wanna do this anymore

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time I walk out of the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be a murderer

Okay, so maybe that's a little dramatic. He probably doesn't know either. I went to Glee where Finn wrote Regionals on the board. It was time to start getting ready for it.

"So I'd like to thank Charlie for the 400 dollars to go Indiana." Finn declared as there was applause.

"I still think that we should do something to pay for our costumes." Tina suggested. "We can do a Men of McKinley calendar. There are six guys and each can do two months."

Well this was going to be awkward. Sam was interested in taking his shirt off and I was interested in seeing him with his shirt off despite my infidelity. I really needed to talk to someone about this, but I really wanted it to be someone who wasn't judgmental.

Before I got the chance to tell anyone, I found Sam looking very upset. I couldn't help but think that he might possibly know. I needed to talk to him.

"What's wrong?" I asked giving him a hug.

"I tanked my SAT." He responded. I mentally sighed in relief, but knew that I needed to comfort him. "I'm never gonna make it to college."

"Hey, you're going to graduate and you're going to be able to do whatever you want." I told him. "Just because you're not traditionally intelligent doesn't mean that you're not smart. You saved the Glee Club."

I realized that it was my turn to cheer him up with a song. I began to sing.

I've been waiting on the sunset
Bills on my mindset I can't deny they're getting high
Higher than my income, my income's breadcrumbs
I've been trying to survive

The glow that the sun gives
Right around sunset
Helps me realize
This is just a journey
Drop your worries
You are gonna turn out fine.
Oh, you'll turn out fine.
Fine, oh, you'll turn out fine.

But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
I know it's hard, know it's hard,
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

"I'm so glad to have you right now." He told me. Now I felt even worse.

"You're going to look great on the calendar." I told him.

The next day, I was a bit surprised when Sam walked into school with no shirt and a pair of sunglasses. Holy crap. I need to go to the bathroom. I hope I did not get caught, but I don't think that I could control myself at the moment.

After school, I found Ryder in the auditorium. I needed to end what we were doing and telling Sam. I couldn't do this anymore. He leaned in to kiss me.

"I want to end this." I declared. "I can't keep doing this. I want to be with even if I can't tell him that I love him."

"I don't think that I can just let you go." Ryder argued. "I don't want to want you."

I feel it every day, it's all the same
It brings me down but I'm the one to blame
I've tried everything to get away

So here I go again
Chasing you down again
Why do I do this?

Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to

So many thoughts I can't get out of my head
I tried to live without you, every time I do I feel dead
I know what's best for me, but I want you instead
I keep on wasting all my time

Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
Over and over, over and over
You make me fall for you
Over and over, over and over
You don't even try to

"I'm sorry if I make you feel things." I told him. "But I'm not going to do this. I'm done fooling around with you."

It was then that I noticed Sam had walked in. Fuck! He then walked out.

When I got home, I went to my room and began to cry. I screwed it all up. I can't believe that I screwed everything up and I don't know why.

My mom came into my room, probably to try to cheer me up. I think I needed to ask her a question.

"Mom, do you and Dad love each other?" I asked.

"What?" She questioned in surprise.

"Do you and Dad love each other?" I repeated. "I know that there was no love involved when he knocked you up, but do you love each other? You've been together for three years and I can't help but think that was just for me."

"Well I knew that you had grown up without a dad for all of your life and I wanted to do the right thing, even though I didn't really love him. To answer your question, I don't know."

"Mom, that's why I can't tell Sam that I love him. I've never seen love and I don't know how to feel it." I responded. "I know you think that you were helping me, but it would have better for me if you had found someone that you actually liked."

"What happened between you and Sam?" She questioned.

"I got scared and I did something stupid by seeing another guy on the side." I replied. "We didn't do anything more than kissing, but I feel so bad about it and now I've ruined everything."

"I think you can fix this." Mom suggested. "You made a mistake, but I think if you act quickly enough, you can save this. You need to tell him like you told me."

I decided to go to his apartment and knocked on his door. He opened it and looked at me.

"Can you just let me talk?" I requested. "I know that I screwed things up. When you told me that you loved me, I got scared. I don't know what love is and I think that's why I reacted the way that I did. I know you're feeling down right now and I really don't want to lose you. I prepared a song for this situation if you'll listen. I have a lot of problems and I really need to get them out."

When the days are cold and the cards all fold
And the saints we see are all made of gold
When your dreams all fail and the ones we hail
Are the worst of all and the blood's run stale

I wanna hide the truth, I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside, there's nowhere we can hide
No matter what we breed, we are made of greed
This is my kingdom come, this is my kingdom come

When you feel my ear, look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide
Don't get too close, it's dark inside
It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide

They say it's what you make, I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul, I need to let you go
Your eyes they shine so bright, I wanna save that light
I can't escape this now, unless you show me how

When you feel my ear, look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide
Don't get too close, it's dark inside
It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide

"This isn't something that you can fix that easily." Sam replied. "You know you're kind of like Beca from Pitch Perfect. You do let people in, but you also try to push them away. You need to figure out what you're doing."

"I want to say that I'm sorry. I need you Sam." I told him.

"Give me some time." He suggested. "How about we talk about it tomorrow?"

I guess that was okay. I needed to talk to someone else about it. Instead of going home, I went to Quinn's apartment. It turned out that both of my sisters were home.

"There's something that I need to talk to both of you about." I stated. "How did you first know when you were in love?"

"It was with Finn." Quinn replied. "He's been the only person that I ever loved. He's the reason why I wrecked my relationship with Sam in the first place. I guess the moment that I knew was after I was pregnant, Finn did the "Single Ladies" dance with the rest of the team and he looked at me. I know things went bad, and I messed things up by being insecure. I guess if I had another chance, I would do things right."

"So what did you do?" Frannie asked me.

"I cheated on Sam." I replied. "It was the innocent kind of cheating. We didn't have sex. I haven't had sex with anyone. I don't know if I want to. I know that I really like Sam. I want him. He said that he wants to talk to me tomorrow after school."

"I think you should tell him that you love him." Frannie suggested. "Try to find the words in your throat. You have to try."

"I don't suppose that you're going to sing to me." I quipped.

"No, I dance. Lucy sings." Frannie replied.

"You know I don't like to be called that anymore." Quinn responded angrily. I feel like there was something that I was missing here.

"You don't have to be ashamed of your name because of some stupid nickname that doesn't even apply to you anymore. You shouldn't try to hide who you are." Frannie responded. "You are Lucy."

I stayed there all night. We got a lot out. I found out that Quinn or Lucy was fat in middle school, but then chose to reinvent herself. It didn't really help, but I was glad that I was getting to know my sisters better.

The next day at school, Jake approached me as I walked in.

"I need a favor." He told me.

"What?" I asked.

"I want to tell Marley that I love her and I want to do it with a song. I would really like it if you played the piano for me." He responded.

"Sure, if you have sheet music." I told him.

So we went Glee and Jake on a stool while singing Ne-Yo's, not Mario's, "Let Me Love You", although Ne-Yo did write both of those songs. He had slowed it down. Unfortunately, he didn't actually say the words. I guess I wasn't the only one who couldn't say it.

Later, I nervously went into the auditorium. I didn't know what I was going to say. I didn't know what he was going to say. I had played it through my head with about twenty different outcomes ranging to us reuniting to a light falling and crushing him. I've seen too many horror movies.

"So do you want to say anything?" He asked.

"I love you." I told him. I don't even know if I believed it.

"No, you don't." He replied. "I think you need some time to figure this out and I'm going to let you."

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror looking back at you

You say you're leaving as you look away
I know there's really nothing left to say
Just know I'm here whenever you need me
I will wait for you

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me
And I hope you find everything you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
When you find you come back to me

I can't get close if you're not there
I can't get inside if there's no soul to bear
I can't fix you, I can't save you
It's something you have to do

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me
Come back to me

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me
And I hope you find everything you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
When you find you come back to me

When you find you come back to me
When you finds you come back to me

He then walked out of the auditorium as I tried to figure out what I was going to next.

So it was Sam who left, but he also left the door open. Charlie needs to figure some things out. Will she be able to say that she loves Sam? The songs in this chapter are "Unfaithful" by Rihanna, "Keep Your Head Up" by Andy Grammer, "Over and Over" by Three Days Grace, "Demons" by Imagine Dragons, and "Come Back to Me" by David Cook. The next chapter is the wedding as I always meant to replace Diva. Please don't forget to review.