A/N: First I want to thank all the new followers, and address another huge thank you to Ahiku for reviewing and keeping me motivated! (Even though I was so crazily busy XD)

In this third chapter, "Bargaining", we meet with Nezumi again. It takes place roughly one year after the first two chapters – yeah, he really took his time coming back, that idiot^^

Anyway, things were so crazy this month that I'm really glad I managed to finish it. And I really hope you will enjoy reading it :-)

By the way I have to put this story on hiatus until about the second half of December because I will travel for a month and half and then go back to my home country – so sorry about that. But since leaving Japan makes me unbelievably sad, it will be the perfect timing to write the "Depression" chapter^^

Again, please forgive me if my grammar/spelling is not perfect, I'm not a native English speaker.

Chapter 3 - Bargaining

Those lights…

The early spring sun was setting down behind him, and Nezumi could now see a few artificial lights glimmering on the horizon. It was the first glimpse of No.6 he had gotten in almost four years now. He felt a tightening in his chest and it was getting suddenly harder to breathe. Looking around briefly, the raven-haired boy spotted a rock and sat down on it, trying to relax a little.

Coming back from No.2 had taken him almost a year. He could have gotten here faster, but he wanted to walk and kept on making small detours in order to see things he hadn't seen yet. Hamlet and Cravat protested a lot, but Nezumi would argue that he was a free man and that not doing what he wanted on the way back would mean he had already given up on his wandering nature. Truth is, the idea of going back to No.6 scared the hell out of him. He had no idea what he would do once he came back… He would go and visit Shion, but then what?

Dammit, I don't even know what I want anymore!

Going back to Shion… why, actually? Because he promised? Because he actually wants it? Ever since he had started his journey back to No.6, Nezumi had felt like an invisible force was pulling him towards the city. An irresistible pull that his mind had desperately tried to fight back… and apparently failed to do so, if those wavering lights were any indications. He thought he would have time to figure things out on the way, but those unknown feelings unnerved him so much that he had kept on postponing the issue. But now… here he was.

He turned his head to look back at the path he had just come from. I can still turn back. It's not too late.

As if they had read their master's thoughts, Hamlet and Cravat ran down from Nezumi's shoulder to his thigh, and started jumping and chirping fiercely. Somehow, the old little mice seemed to have regained energy as they drew closer to No.6.

"What the hell are you getting upset about? I didn't say anything, did I?"

The mice let out a few more annoyed sounds before staring silently at Nezumi. The dark-haired boy studied them for a while and sighed softly.

"Fine. Let's just find a place to sleep."

Letting his companions climb back up on his shoulder, he wondered if he had been using them as an excuse during the past year. They always protested whenever he strayed from his path, and he always ended up reluctantly giving in to their demands. But come on, there was no way mice would be able to order a grown male around… It was just a way to avoid admitting that he did want to come back… somehow.

Just… stop thinking already! I'm back anyway, what does it matter what I was thinking back then?

Wrapping himself in his superfiber cloth, he settled himself on the soft grass beneath an old tree. Whenever he had to sleep outside, he would always keep one hand firmly clenched around his knife. His survival instincts were never completely asleep. That night however, the only thing that would trouble his sleep was his own heart, beating madly inside his chest until he could finally fall asleep.

It was only the beginning of the afternoon when Nezumi entered the West Block. The walls that used to surround No.6 had been destroyed four years earlier, and he couldn't see any remains from where he was standing. The last time Nezumi had been in the West Block was at the time of the Hunt, and even without that dreadful memory, the place was almost unrecognizable.

Looking around, the West Block now looked quite similar to the other cities Nezumi had visited during his travels. People wore decent clothes, and walked around peacefully. There were many little shops, all of them selling products that didn't look rotten, and no one seemed to be particularly afraid of getting robbed or mugged. The buildings were all new, the old streets had been renovated… and the smell, this characteristic smell of death that used to be surrounding everything back then, it was now gone and replaced by the scent of food and cars.

Did you do all that?

Nezumi was convinced it was all Shion's doing. Even after the government's conspiracy had been exposed, there was no way a regular citizen of this so-called utopia would have shown any kind of consideration towards the West Block and its inhabitants. Knowing Shion, Nezumi had expected to see this place in better shape than before… but this was really beyond what he had imagined.

He felt a shiver run down his spine and quickly threw a glance to his right side. A brown dog was staring at him from behind a building. Clicking his tongue, Nezumi decided he had done enough sightseeing for the day. He started walking hurriedly in the direction of his old hideout, his senses on alert.

The underground room was a little further away from the rest of the West Block, and Nezumi couldn't decide if he was surprised or not that this area seemed to be untouched. He couldn't sense the dog following him anymore, but still he wondered if he would be having some visit later on. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door to his old place.

"What the hell happened here?"

The dark-haired boy stood on the doorstep, eyes opened wide. Apart from the bed and the wooden bookshelves, the room was completely empty. He took a few steps inside.

Shion, what did you…

His train of thought was interrupted by a growl. The dog was back. Nezumi didn't have to turn around to know who was accompanying it.

"Call off your mutt, will you?"

The sound of a laughter resonated around the empty room.

"Ha! I thought I smelled your foul scent again. Can't say I've missed it, though."

Nezumi finally turned around to face Inukashi. He stared at her for a few seconds before speaking again.

"So what, are you supposed to be a girl now?"
"And you, did you finally decide to be a man?" she answered with a smirk.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"What I mean? I mean that four years ago you ran away like a scared little girl and left Shion alone to rebuild the city."

Nezumi's eyes shot daggers.

"Fuck off. I don't have to explain myself to you."
"And I couldn't care less about anything you'd say. But I'm sure someone else would be very interested to listen… does he even know you're back?"
"No. And don't you dare tell him."

Inukashi stared at him intently and started laughing once again.

"This is so precious! Who would have guessed the oh-so-dangerous Nezumi could be such a coward?"

Nezumi's eyes grew darker. He closed the space between them and caught Inukashi by her collar.

"Don't think that you being a girl would stop me from beating you up."
"As if you ever were a gentleman. But I would back off if I were you."

The dog started growling again and moved closer to Nezumi.

"Then stop talking bullshit."

Inukashi shook her head and sighed.

"Alright, alright. Geez, you're still no fun, I can't even tease you a little after four years…"

Nezumi let her go and backed a little. The dog settled on the ground next to Inukashi, and the dark-haired boy started to walk slowly around the room.

"Did he take all of my stuff?"
"Yes. We helped him move everything… Something about not wanting it to go to waste… Seeing you here, I wish he'd taken that bed too. I was stupid enough to tell him that if you'd ever come back you'd probably chicken out and hide here for a while. He didn't say anything but he left the bed anyway… Would have served you right to sleep on the floor."

Nezumi didn't answer but looked at the bed uneasily.

"Tsk. He's way too nice for his own good. I don't even understand why he would do something nice for you after you…"

She ended her sentence midway when she saw the glance Nezumi shot at her. She looked up and passed a hand in her hair.

"He did a lot of good things here you know. It's been hard on him; no one wanted to care about us. But he made things happen somehow. Ha, I remember how clueless he was when you first brought him here. I wouldn't have expected this from him back then."

Nezumi was still staring at her when he sat abruptly on the bed and leaned back on his hands.

"Yes, yes, I know, Shion's full of surprises. Don't you have anything better to do anyway?"
"Now, is that a way to talk to someone who saved your life four years ago?"
"I thought you said you didn't miss me. Changed your mind?"
"Geez, you really haven't changed one bit, you're still just as annoying as you used to be…"

She heard a noise coming from the hallway and saw Nezumi stiffen. Unlike her, he couldn't know who this was. A smile curled her lips.

"Relax, it's just Shionn."

Nezumi's eyes widened and he stood up.

"What?"

He was staring at the door anxiously, but then realized that the person coming through it was much smaller than expected. The little boy was holding a white paper bag in his hands and he was accompanied by a black dog. Inukashi kneeled to pat the boy's hair and looked back at Nezumi who had just fallen back on the bed, his hand covering his eyes.

"Problem?"
"Seriously… why the hell would you call him that?"
"Ah, see, that was because I was actually pissed at your little airhead for leaving him with me at first."
"He's not my airhead."
"Yeah, sure. Just remind me who brought him here in the first place?"

Nezumi clicked his tongue exasperatedly and turned his head towards the wall. Inukashi looked at little Shionn, who was still holding on to the paper bag.

"What have you got here Shionn?"
"I met Aunty Karan in the market, she gave me some muffins!"

From the corner of her eyes, Inukashi could see Nezumi shift briefly at the mention of Shion's mother.

"That was nice of her, I hope you said 'thank you', right?"
"Yes, I did!" He looked at Nezumi. "Is he your friend?"

She chuckled and Nezumi stared back at them.

"Ah, he's someone I haven't seen for a long time. He's a friend of Shion, though."
"Oh, I like Shion! Will we go and see him soon?"
"Maybe, you know he works a lot. And he's been sick, so maybe he's really tired now."
"Oh ok…" the boy pouted a little.

Nezumi took a few steps towards them. As he spoke, Inukashi could swear she heard concern in his voice, which startled her a little.

"Wait, what do you mean he's been sick?"

She stood back up, as Shionn was now focusing on the muffin he had taken out of the bag.

"Don't worry; he was mostly exhausted from work. He's pushing himself too hard… but it's hard to talk to him about it. Last year he almost yelled at us when we suggested he took a vacation…"
"Tsk, that guy…"

She felt a hint of anger in her chest, but she tried to remain calm.

"You know, I don't think it's much of a mystery why he would want to work all the time. I'll leave you alone to think about it. And if you're still here tomorrow I'll let my dogs at you."
"Who said you could come back here tomorrow."
"Seriously Nezumi, just get your act together! Stay away or come back, but don't dwell here in the middle. It's lame, even for you." She turned her head back at little Shionn, who was finishing his muffin. "Shionn, let's go home!"
"Ha, Mama, wait!"

The little boy took another muffin out of the bag and took a few steps towards Nezumi, holding out his hand. The dark-haired boy looked at him somewhat baffled.

"You're a friend of Shion, so take it!"

Nezumi's eyes went wide at the kid's innocent smile, and Inukashi had to hold back her laughter. Nezumi took the muffin hesitantly and whispered a soft "thank you", and then Shionn turned back and followed the dogs in the hallway. Inukashi waved briefly at Nezumi before disappearing after them.

The dark-haired boy turned his head to stare at the wall and felt his chest tighten again. He swallowed hard and managed to speak while Inukashi was still within earshot.

"Inukashi?"
"What?"
"…Does Shion hate me?"
"Tsk, idiot! Do you really believe that could happen? I do hope he punches you, though."

Nezumi didn't answer and waited until he could sense they had left before letting himself fall flat onto the bed. He held up his right arm above his head and stared for a while at the muffin he was holding before letting the back of his hand rest on his forehead. He closed his eyes. Inukashi's words about Shion were still resonating in his head.

"Shion's pushing himself too hard."
"Get your act together."
"Stay away or come back."

"Shit!"

Nezumi sat back up on the bed, elbows resting on his knees, his left hand covering his face. He hated this. He had spent so many years shielding himself from any kind of emotional attachment, but ever since a certain white-haired airhead came into his life this shield had started to shatter. What had he been thinking anyway? That Shion would have patiently waited and been happy? He perfectly knew that Shion was attached to him; hell, he had said it many times.

Although he had never wanted to hurt him, he had left anyway. He had left Shion behind, alone to rebuild a city from scratch. He had left Shion alone to try and detach himself from him; so why did Inukashi's words made him feel so guilty?

Because I failed. I never detached myself. Four years and he never left my mind.
I'm such an idiot.

Nezumi couldn't decide which made him hate himself the most… the fact that he couldn't manage to get Shion out of his head, or the fact that he knew he had hurt him.

I never wanted to hurt him.

If you don't care about someone, then you don't care if you hurt them. This simple thought was enough proof that Nezumi cared for Shion. Although admitting it was not an easy task… now that he was back, the implications scared the hell out of him.

If I go back to him, will I ever be able to leave? Will I ever want to leave?

All of his life, he had longed to leave this dreadful place and see the world. His revenge achieved, he had finally been able to do it. He had visited all the other cities, climbed mountains, bathed in rivers, walked through forests… He had seen the world. But he had never found any place he deemed worthy to stay longer than a few months. If he kept travelling, where would he go eventually? Did he really want to live his whole life alone, wandering from place to place without any attachment?

Years ago, this wouldn't even have been a question. That was the plan. He had never needed anyone, he would never need anyone. A thirst for freedom was coursing through his veins, and he thought a lifetime wouldn't be enough to quench it.

But then Shion came into his life. He was naïve and incredibly annoying, and yet he had given him something he never would have expected from anyone. He had sheltered him, fed him, shared his warmth with him, and never judged him. Even when they lived together in the West Block, Shion always seemed to look at him beyond his emotionless facade. Somehow, Nezumi had even let his guard down with him. They had talked together; laughed together… and even faced death together.

I want to see him.

The look in Shion's eyes when he had left suddenly flashed in his mind and he shut his eyes tighter. His heartbeat sped up and he took a deep breath.

I want to see him.

He felt a surge of emotions threatening to take over him but managed to control himself. There was guilt from knowing he had caused Shion pain; an indescribable need to see him again; and fear, a paralyzing fear at what this need meant and what his life would become if he went to see him. He was afraid to lose his freedom and be trapped by Shion and those feelings he had for him. But he was even more scared that if he actually went back and accepted these emotions; then he would expose himself to even more pain if he ever were to lose Shion.

Those were his options. He could leave now and never come back to No.6 again. He would forever have to live with the guilt of breaking his promise and those feelings would also never be dealt with… but he wouldn't have to face any stronger pain. It was manageable. The cowardly way out.
Or he could man up, like Inukashi said. He could swallow his fear and cross the few miles that still separated him from Shion, and see what happens next. It would expose himself to a more stationary life and possible pain, but he could also get something good out of it.

He sighed and looked up at the empty bookshelves. Hamlet and Cravat had left his shoulder while he was thinking and were now looking at him from one of the shelves.

"Want some muffin?"

The mice chirped happily and jumped onto the bed. Nezumi laid pieces of the muffin next to him and they started eating hungrily. This scene somehow reminded him of other times when he and Shion had shared their food with the mice. Even if the room was now empty, it was still filled with warm memories… Shion reading to the mice, Shion cooking dinner when he came back from work, them laughing, arguing, fighting, dancing… that stupid goodnight kiss which had somehow brought tears to his eyes for the first time in years.

He took a bite of the muffin. It was cold, but it was still delicious. The taste brought him back years ago, on their first morning after escaping the Correctional Facility. Karan baking breakfast, the smell of food, the warmth of the house… the warmth of a family. Even if he hadn't known that the walls surrounding No.6 had crumbled, he would still have appreciated how relaxing it was. Living people sure were warm, in many different ways.

During the years he spent traveling, did he ever feel the same warmth? Those amazing sceneries he saw, did they feel as soothing as that very morning?

Why do I even keep arguing with myself?
How long will I keep trying to delay the inevitable with a bunch of pointless questions?

Swallowing the last bit of the muffin, Nezumi sighed and rested his back against the wall. His right hand grabbed the back of his head and he inhaled deeply.

"I want to see him".

Nezumi's voice had been low and unsteady. He closed his eyes.

Even if it scares me to my core.
I want to see him.
That's all I need to know for now.

TO BE CONTINUED

Thank you for reading! I'll be back in a month and a half/two months with "Depression"!