Chapter nine

She didn't have time to even blink before her feet were uplifted from the floor and she was hurtled backwards into the wall behind her.

Her back hit the wall with a dull thud and she let out a small grunt as the wind was knocked out of her.

'Get up' the familiar voice of Lucius Malfoy commanded, venom laced within every syllable he spat.

She tried to respond to her request, with trembling arms she attempted to pull her body up, but instead remained on all fours, struggling to take in oxygen.

'Father-' she heard Draco's frightened voice sound, and she prayed he would stay silent.

'-what are you doing in here, Draco?' Lucius demanded.

'I- I –' Draco began to stutter, but continued as his father narrowed his eyes at him 'I heard a noise and w-when I came to see...she – she – she attacked me'

Good boy she thought silently, although she felt an irrational twinge of betrayal at hearing the words come from his mouth.

She glanced up from the ground, and smiled slightly at Draco, whose face was now a deathly pale; her smile was mistaken for smugness.

'You dare attack a Malfoy?' Lucius hissed.

She opened her mouth with a biting reply, but the look in Lucius' eyes caused her tongue to freeze in terror.

He looked furious, beyond furious, his eyes were shooting burning daggers towards her and she knew she was in serious trouble.

'I shall show you what happens to filth that disrespect their superiors'

The tiny word slipped from his lips as casually as a hello or goodbye. Yet the very sound of the first character sent chills down her spine.

'Please' she managed to squeak out, before words were no longer possible to form.

Her screams consumed the room as the pain fragmented her very being; ripping and tearing at her flesh, rupturing her organs and slicing through her veins.

'FATHER!' Draco's outraged cry reached her ears, but it held no effect. The pain continued.

When it was gone she lay whimpering on the floor, curled into a ball as if the less of herself exposed, the less likely it was she would be hurt once again.

'Please...please I'm sorry!' she cried, her face drowning in her tears.

'Did you think you would get away with it?' he taunted, the smirk evident in his tone 'you need to learn who is in charge and where your place is.'

'Father – please!' Draco's voice was quiet, filled with horror.

'Be quiet Draco' his father snapped 'it is about time you start to behave like an adult. We are Malfoy's and we do not condone weakness'

She just about managed to bring her head up to look at Draco. His eyes were wide, his face a dull grey, and his forehead laced with sweat.

Oh, Draco.

'Crucio'

Lucius' words eradicated any more of her thoughts and she let out a final scream, begging for mercy, before the world went black.

Alina sat up bolt right in bed and let out a strangled cry.

She looked around, her gaze wild, as if expecting to be surrounded by attackers.

It was a dream.

'Just a dream' she muttered.

'Alli?' Sirius' voice called from the doorway, and he proceeded to patter over to her.

'W-Where were you?' she managed to choke out, her throat feeling painfully dry.

'You fell asleep in the living room, I thought I'd let you rest before the Meeting...' he mumbled 'and then I felt you –' he looked at her with concern, his eyes scanning her face 'what's wrong?'

'Bad dream' she mumbled, averting her gaze from his.

'About?' he pressed.

'Are you sure they searched the Malfoy's house properly?' she asked in a small voice.

'Alli, we've been over this so many times...they searched everywhere you said...they found nothing and no one' Sirius told her calmly, his brow creased in concern.

'I- I know' she sighed, scooting over so that Sirius could share the armchair with her.

Leaning into him, she immediately felt a wave of calm wash over her and she let out a deep sigh.

'Do you want to start taking Dreamless potion again?' he asked her gently, brushing her hair out of her face and she shook her head.

'No, I've always had nightmares' she told him plainly 'I should be used to it by now.'

'So it was about her again?' he asked.

'Yeah' she groaned 'I'm beginning to think I imagined her...'

'And...well you don't think –' Sirius spoke hesitantly, unsure of whether to approach the subject once again.

'I don't think what?' Alina's tone was immediately cool, he could see her eyes turning to steel even in the darkness.

'Look could it not be possible? You said she was a teenager –'

'No' she replied bluntly.

'Alina, if you would just talk about what actually happened –'

'I said no Sirius!' she snapped.

'Alli –'

'What?' she hissed.

'I have a right to know!' he argued 'if you would stop being so selfish'

'Selfish? Selfish!' Alina asked incredulously 'you haven't got a clue –'

'-because you won't tell me!'

'Because it hurts too much!' she yelled, her eyes widening at her own words and immediately she snapped her mouth shut.

Sirius paused for a second, in surprise, his glare only lasting for a moment before melting into sympathy.

'Don't do it –' she warned, seeing his gaze.

'Alli I'm –'

'Don't' she told him, pulling away from him and jumping up, heading towards the doorway.

'Where are you going Alina?'

'To the meeting' she muttered, as she walked steadily out of the room leaving Sirius alone, and in silence.

He didn't know how he felt.

One minute he was sure he was angry, then guilty and then sad.

He had always known that Alina would be hard to reach when she had returned, she was hard to read even before the events of the last fourteen years had happened, but he didn't quite expect the extent of it all.

One moment she was fine, she was happy to laugh with him, to talk with him, to be held by him...

But when they got too close, when they hovered on the edge of real romance, she pulled back; retreating once again into her shell.

'Women' he muttered, before shaking his head and correcting himself 'Alina.'

He had just as much right as she did to know what had happened with their child. And that was when the rage set in.

How could she keep it from him? How could she deny him the truth.

Because it hurts a small voice in his head echoed her words and he groaned out loud, running his hands through his hair.

'What do I do?' he muttered into the night.

He found her just as she was about to enter the meeting room with Remus.

'Alli –' he called, causing her to pause in the doorway.

'Yes?' she asked casually, to anyone else it would appear completely civil but Sirius was able to detect the distance in her tone, and the way her eyes didn't quite meet his own. Her heart was thumping wildly, and inwardly she cursed herself for she knew that she was in the wrong.

Of course he would want to know.

Of course he had the right to know...

'You can't keep running away, we need to talk –' he began pleadingly.

'Let's not do this right now Sirius –' she looked anywhere but his eyes, his grey, soulful eyes, that she knew were begging with her to work with him; to help him.

She knew that seeing that look in his eyes would crack her, would make her want to scream until her voice no longer worked, to cry until her body was void of moisture and to truly accept what had happened so many years back...

'But I do have the right to know!' he exclaimed in exhasperation.

'I know!' she squeaked, her voice higher in her state of panic.

She felt the rushing of blood through her veins, the speedy increase of her heartbeat and the layer of sweat forming on her forehead.

Breathe, just breathe she told herself over and over, keeping her eyes expertly trained on the dusty lampshade just to the left of Sirius' head.

'Alli..' his voice suddenly became gentle, his words caressing her name and simultaneously breaking her heart.

He took a step closer to her, and her mind flashed back to that night in the kitchens when they were teenagers, the complete vulnerability she felt before him. She gulped down the lump in her throat, and fought against the urge to run; she could never run away from him.

'I know you don't want to think about it, or remember it...but sharing your pain helped you before, remember?'

His fingers gently traced her cheek and she felt a bolt of electricity spark through her nerves, just as her mind wondered back to the moment her and Sirius' souls had connected; the relief she had felt at no longer having to hide her secrets.

She glanced at him desperately and let out a deep breath.

'I know' she spoke in a voice so small it was barely audible even to her own ears.

Finally she allowed her eyes to meet his and it was as if a raging storm had erupted within her. Her heart beat like thunder crashing in her chest, lightening sent bolts of static through her skin causing her hairs to stand on end, and her breath was taken from her as if sucked out by an all mighty force.

He was so close.

And getting closer.

His head bowed slightly, and moved tentatively towards her, his eyes soft with love and understanding and his lips drawing nearer and nearer.

'No!' she gasped, her voice choked and tore her face away from his.

She couldn't do this. She couldn't kiss him; not after what she had done.

Not after failing to protect her baby.

Their baby.

She closed her eyes tightly, but not before her brain acknowledged the shock and hurt that reflected in Sirius' stormy orbs.

'I'm so sorry' she whispered, pulling away from him and without giving him a chance to reply she fled into the Meeting room after the other members of the Order.

Sirius let out a growl of anger and sent an angry red spark at a family heirloom. However, unlike normal, seeing the priceless antique explode into pieces did not soothe his nerves.

Gritting his teeth he marched through the doorway Alina had just gone through and avoiding eye contact with anyone else threw himself into his usual seat beside Remus and waited for the Meeting to start.

Gradually the chitter chatter amongst the members died down to a hushed muttering and at the sound of the door clicking shut Sirius raised his eyes to watch Dumbledore sweep into the room and take his place at the head of the table.

His eyes were trained like a hawk on his old Headmaster and had it not been for the bubble of anger that combusted within him – a feeling he did not recognise as his own – he would not have noticed the presence of Severus Snape.

His ignorance however did not extend to Alina, whose eyes were burning like lasers into the man's skull and whose rage was the cause of the feeling in the pit of his stomach.

He turned his head towards Snape and he was immediately met by a snarl; one that he eagerly threw back with equal venom.

As Dumbledore began to address the room, introducing Alina and outlining her tale, Sirius observed her from the corner of his eye. He could see her hands visibly shaking as they tightly clutched the table before her, as if attempting to refrain herself from lunging at Snape across the table.

He felt himself smirk slightly; he would quite like to see that happen.

Alina silently seethed to herself.

She had been upset enough over Sirius, over the dilemma she found herself in and her incapability of opening up about what had happened to their child...

And then Snivellus turns up.

How could she be expected to sit in a room for at any length of time with that man.

Did Dumbledore truly deem it fair? Did he not consider what past Alina could possibly have with Snape?

She may not have spelt it out for her old Headmaster, but she had enough faith in his intelligence to believe that he knew, or at least suspected, Snape's involvement with her kidnap.

She had managed to sit in silence for the majority of the meeting and remain relatively uninvolved as Dumbledore explained what had happened to her over the last fourteen years.

In fact her eyes had been completely trained on Snape as Dumbledore spoke of her kidnap, as he talked of her torture and her captivity...of the brutality she had been met with.

And Snape had done everything he could to ignore her.

Coward.

'Now, Severus has agreed to discuss methods to prevent kidnapping of key figures in the organisation. He had been keeping his ears open to any plans of a potential plot to take any body and this will be essential in helping us to stop this from happen –'

She had told herself over and over to remain silent; to let the meeting run its course and to vent her feelings about it later.

But the second that Dumbledore had referred to Snape helping to prevent kidnaps occurring was the second that her will power snapped.

A cold, slightly hysterical laugh broke from her lips as Snape stood up before them to address the Order and she felt every eye in the room turn to her, yet she didn't care.

She wiped the angry tears that had formed in the corner of her eyes and her laugh stifled to a low chuckle.

The whole situation seemed utterly ridiculous to her.

How could he get off unpunished? How could the man who was responsible for ruining everything precious to her be standing before her unharmed?

'Alina, there is nothing amusing about this meeting' Molly told her quietly, her eyes slightly wary of her as if trying to detect if she was mad.

'Oh... but there really is, Molly!' Alina kept her tone forcefully bright 'in fact, this meeting is utterly ridiculous –'

'Alina, we have informed you of Severus' presence here –' Dumbledore interrupted her, his calm tone suddenly making her angrier.

'Oh I know all about Snivillus being here!' she burst, springing up from her seat and thumping her fists loudly on the table, causing many people to jump

'he's a perfect hero now, isn't he? Regardless to what he's done to people in the past –'

'The key word to that being in the past, Alina' Dumbledore responded 'now I'm going to have to ask you to calm down...'

'She's always been unsteady, even at Hogwarts' Snape smirked, causing the sound of another scraping chair as Sirius jumped up.

'Say that again Snivillus' he growled.

'Sit down, Sirius!' Dumbledore commanded, and hesitantly Sirius lowered himself, his eyes still glowering at Snape.

'Now, Alina, Severus has proved himself to me that he has changed sides, I trust him' he stated simply.

Trust? He trusts him? Alina felt like howling with wrath. Was that all that was stopping Snape from being punished? Was that how he was wheedled his way into the Order?

'Then why didn't he tell you where I was!' she shouted, causing the silence to deepen in the room 'why didn't he help you find me!'

'They moved you' Snape told her stonily 'and I was informed that you had been killed. I did not know your whereabouts and I had no reason to believe you were alive'

'Then you shouldn't have taken me in the first place! You have no idea what you did!' she shouted, ignoring Dumbledore's insistence that she calm down

'I know! I have an idea! Why don't we go and invite Peter fucking Pettigrew into the Order?' she scathed.

She could feel her power bubbling within her, seeping through her veins and embracing her finger tips with its electric touch.

'At the time I had a different Master...I do not follow that master any longer –'

'HA!' Alina let out a sarcastic laugh, her entire body vibrating with emotion 'you expect me to believe that? I saw the enjoyment you got out of torturing me! I looked into your eyes as you put the Cruciatus on me and laughed' she spat, enjoying how Snape's expression was growing whiter and whiter.

'Do you think they stopped when He was gone? Of course they fucking didn't!' her voice was growing louder and louder as all of the built up rage inside her finally released itself

'They did it EVERY DAY! OVER AND OVER AND OVER! – They cut me, they burnt me, they used ME!'

Even amongst her own whirlwind of emotions the horror and anger that engulfed Sirius ran through her veins, adding fuel to her own fire or rage.

'Alina, this is not the time –' Dumbledore spoke quietly.

'YES IT IS! BECAUSE WHEN ELSE IS THE TIME ALBUS?' she screamed, her face burning with tears and her head aching with the force of her cries.

'We need to work together in unity, we do not need to fight amongst ourselves – there is enough fighting –'

'Don't you think I know that? How – How can – how can you act like y-you know?' she gasped, her voice broken

'whilst you've all been living in peace for the last however many years I've been fighting over and over and FUCKING OVER, JUST TO SURVIVE!'

'Alina, I did not know you were alive' Snape told her tightly, his skin condensed with sweat and his expression looking slightly uneasy by her hysteria.

'But I was...I was alive. But do you know who wasn't – who isn't?' she choked, her rage finally reaching its fullest 'DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID?'

Without waiting for an answer, and before anyone could even attempt to stop her with every ounce of strength she possessed she hurled her memories of the last fourteen years towards Snape.

She forced them into his mind, pushing and shoving until his barriers finally could not withstand the power of her attack.

She hissed in sadistic bliss as she watched his eyes darken with horror and his lips twist into despair.

She watched as he shuddered under the memory of the Cruciatus Curse over and over and over. She saw him tremble as the knife sliced across her skin relentlessly, coating her in her own blood.

He gasped as they broke each bone in her body, one by one, snap by snap.

And finally she let out an anguished cry as she looked on as she fought desperately against them all, as she struggled in vain, as the flash of green light murdered her child.

She didn't notice the world going black around her, she wasn't even aware of her body crashing to the floor as her knees buckled beneath her.

All she was suddenly aware of were two firm arms wrapped around her, and the blur of a familiar face looking down over her.

She blinked hard three times before the world became clear around her and she could see that she was lying in Sirius' lap on the floor of the Meeting room.

A room that thankfully was now more or less empty, with the exceptions to Sirius, Dumbledore and to her disgust Snape.

Yet her anger at Snape's presence did not consume her attention any longer, it did not captivate her with importance as it had previously, because she felt the despair leaking from Sirius to herself. She felt his aching heart and she sensed his sadness.

Raising her eyes to meet his she gazed wordlessly up at him as her eyes soaked in the sight of salty tears running down his cheeks.

'I saw...I saw it all –'he murmured quietly, pulling her closer to his chest.

He saw? He saw it all?

Letting out a startled cry, her chest constricted as the meaning of his words sunk in.

Her anger had been so strong, so consuming, it was inevitable that at such a close proximity Sirius would experience her thoughts; her memories.

For a moment she froze in his embrace, a final layer of ice being painfully chizzled away from the edges of her heart and stripping her of her final layer of protection.

Then, with a shuddering breath, she met Sirius' mournful gaze with her own and allowed her body to give in to the grief she had contained for so many years.

'They killed our baby' she whispered the words out loud for the first time 'they – they killed our little g-girl...'

She clenched his shirt tightly in her fists and stared up at him pleadingly, begging for him to understand, yet waiting to see the anger and hatred she knew she deserved.

'I tried – I tried to stop them! I'm s-so sorry! I should have stopped them –'

His finger gently pressing over her lips hushed her, and his eyes smiled sadly down at her.

'I know you tried Alli...you did everything you could and listen to me; it is not your fault.'

It is not your fault.

She felt like wings had sprouted on her back and she was hovering above the world.

Five little words she had so desperately wanted to, yet never believed she would hear.

'It's not my fault' she mouthed them soundlessly.

They held their embrace for a few more minutes, seeking comfort in each other's touch, before the sound of someone clearing their throat reminded them that they were in company.

Vision blurred still by her tears, Alina's eyes shot to the source of the sound and immediately narrowed as she recognised Snape.

How dare he interrupt this moment? she thought venomously.

'I hate to interrupt this...touching...display' he sneered 'but I believe it is to your benefit to know that the final memory you attacked me with has been tampered with.'

'What?' Sirius hissed, his eyes flickering from Snape to Dumbledore, who nodded his head in confirmation.

'Severus has shown me the memory and it has most definitely been victim to a memory charm' he informed them.

Alina couldn't form words, dumbfounded she stared from one person to the next in the room, far too scared to dare to ask what this meant.

How could it have been tampered with? And how did she not notice it had been changed in her mind?

'W-What bit has been tampered with?' Sirius stuttered, his face a deathly pale.

'The part where the child is killed, Sirius' Dumbledore told him softly, his gaze floating between Sirius and Alina.

'Which means, we have reason to believe that your daughter is still alive.'

A/N: Okay, okay so I know you probably hate me! I know I updated much later than normal (a whole week late) but I do have a good excuse! I've been really ill and havent had any access to a laptop to be able to write anything! Even now i'm still bedridden, but able to function a little more!

Thank you so much for all of your reviews, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Things will start speeding up from here on out!

I promise to respond to all your reviews over the next few days I just need to get some rest right now!

So hope you enjoy this and please pleaaaase review! It will make me feel so much better!

Thanks xx