First off, I'm so sorry about the delay! This last weekend was so very busy and, for some reason, I could never get this chapter to a point where I was happy with it. I'm tired of striving for an impossible level of perfection, so I'll just post it as-is... I hope that the fact it's long makes up for the fact that it's late. :-)

All righty, so as I've said before, we will be switching perspectives between Shepard and Tali in this fic, with maybe one covering Garrus's perspective because he's such an awesome character. As such, we will be returning to Shepard's point of view in this chapter.

Important Note: I cannot stress how important it is that anyone interested in this fic should listen to the song it is based upon, "To Build A Home" by The Cinematic Orchestra. Just by reading its lyrics, you will see what I have in store for Shepard and Tali at the end of this fic. Another thing I highly recommend is for people to pay a visit to my profile page, where I have other fics listed as 'canon' for this particular Shep's universe. Such fics include (1) Wishful Thinking, (2) Prometheus, and (3) Elevator Revelations. For best results, all of these should be read together.

And as of the moment I write this, I would like to formally acknowledge Tattoo'd, DovahofStrunx6, Para-Cord, treehuger90, cromar21, and last but certainly not least, Hamster Giggels. As always, you guys/gals rock! Also, I'd like you to know that your threateningly lovely reviews are as equally scary as they are flattering! They certainly give me the incentive to finish this fic... because, if I don't, apparently I'm going to be hunted down, stabbed with forks (owww!), thrown into a car compactor (Heavy Rain much? LOL), and jump-rope will be played with my intestines. Eh... No pressure, right? ;-)

For those of you who are reluctant to leave Tali's perspective, just know that she'll be up for bat next and it'll be on the geth dreadnought. Playful banter will of course ensue. Yes! I know, we're finally getting out of the slow beginning. Plus, as I've said, this chapter was such a pain to write. Mostly my indirect thoughts on things with little to no action until the end. ;-)

Constructive criticism is welcome. Please, no flames. I am aware that this isn't my best work. It shall improve with the next chapter, I hope.

Enjoy.

Chapter Three :

The Song Remains The Same

oOoOo

As one of the first things he did while on his way to his cabin, Nolan Shepard stopped by the main battery and told Garrus in very specific terms (with little to no teasing in between) to suit up so they could infiltrate a geth dreadnought.

He was inwardly and secretly relieved when Garrus awarded him with the turian equivalent of a grin instead of his dreaded "Can it wait for a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations," which, Shepard assumed, was Garrus's way of letting him know that he wanted to be alone. Whether it was because of Palaven or because his friend wasn't quite optimistic about their chances of survival, Shepard didn't know and certainly didn't pry. Nowadays, everyone needed some time alone to pull themselves together, and Shepard himself understood the value of that especially.

Instead, Garrus had said wistfully and with a slight chuckle, "Going after the geth again, eh, Shepard? It'll be just like old times." And then, without further ado, he'd cheerfully resumed his convoluted calibrations on the thanix cannon.

Personally, Shepard agreed. With both Garrus and Tali at his back, it'd be exactly like being on the original Normandy. And while he was glad that both Saren and Sovereign were things of the past, he still craved the sense of normalcy back then. He missed the feeling that the galaxy wasn't falling to pieces all around him as he helplessly watched, that worlds weren't being mercilessly conquered by an inexorable force that simply couldn't be stopped with conventional means alone. Yes, it'd certainly be nice if things were simply normal for a change . . . but there was just nothing 'normal' about a cycle of extinction. Plus, he missed his original team. While it was true that Joker, Kaiden, Liara, Chakwas, Adams, Garrus, and Tali were all back on the Normandy, he still missed Wrex, and Pressly, and Ash more than anything. After all, two of the three were dead and never coming back. Even more importantly perhaps, he missed the original Normandy, even if the SR-2 simply outshone her in every way. There had been something comforting about that ship, his first command, and it was just something he couldn't quite explain.

And now, after having a quick word with Liara as well, Shepard was anxiously awaiting Tali's arrival in his cabin so they could discuss the finer points of the situation and their relationship without fear of being overheard by anyone other than EDI (who was otherwise unavoidable). He had noticed how awfully rigid she seemed to be inside of the War Room and even during their conversation outside of it, almost as if she was painfully aware of someone, or something, judging her every move. He suspected that this was her reaction to the pressures of being a war-time admiral, he himself having felt something similar after being appointed humanity's first Spectre. He had entertained the same doubts about such an enormous commitment, but found reassurance in the fact that Anderson seemed to have complete faith in him. He also believed that this was what his father would have done if offered the same chance twenty-two years ago. His father, the hero, who was valiantly killed in action whilst defending a human colony from batarian slavers when Nolan was only ten years' old. When he was little, he used to think the world of his father . . . And he couldn't help but feel like his father would have known the right things to say, the right things to do during those difficult decisions Nolan had made thus far, leaving him to feel inadequate in comparison. His father would have known exactly how to rescue Kaiden and Ash, how to save Mordin and Thane . . . how to stop the Reapers from killing everyone. . . .

Stop it, he told his inner self firmly whilst simultaneously wishing that his nerves would just stop acting up.

With billions of eyes all across the galaxy inspecting his every move, he didn't have room for mistakes. He had to handle things diplomatically . . . be a regular paragon of humanity. . . .

What he still didn't understand was why she'd taken on this position in the first place when she didn't seem quite confident in her leadership abilities following Freedom's Progress and Haestrom.

The most probable reason for his pessimistic attitude was the fact that he was jittery in anticipation of Tali's arrival. After all, her confirmation about their continued relationship was less than ideal. She was thoughtful, and might have only said those things because she didn't want him to break down in the middle of the CIC. She might be willing to tell him the truth in the relative privacy of his cabin –

Uh, this is pointless!

Shepard frowned to himself, and then tried occupying his disjointed thoughts by reviewing the most recent galactic news on a data-pad. It wasn't the most effective way to steel his frayed nerves as most of it seemed pretty bad and none of it seemed to be letting up anytime soon. As it was, the krogan and turians were still fighting tooth-and-nail for every inch of ground gained on Palaven, desperately trying to rescue stranded civilians in the major cities, but even they were slowly being driven back by the oncoming Reaper horde. Mostly Marauders and Brutes, he suspected with a sympathetic shudder. Gah, I hate those things . . .

Then, the door opened abruptly and she was there, interrupting his stream of consciousness in mid-thought, and he couldn't help but feel like everything was falling into its rightful place once again. Instinctively, a lop-sided grin spread across his face, but this was quickly smothered as she seemed agitated, and shook her head to prove just as much. With brows furrowed in concern, he set his data-pad down on his desk and gave her his full, undivided attention.

"Hey," he greeted her gently.

"Thanks for asking me up," she told him wearily. "I couldn't talk freely in front of Raan."

He nodded his understanding; yes, he'd suspected as much. But he didn't ask her to elaborate, and instead decided to change the subject.

"You okay?" he asked worriedly.

As the question left his lips, her hand flew up as if she meant to massage her temples in frustration if only there wasn't a visor in the way. Inwardly, he felt a brief flare of fondness. This was a gesture she must have learned from the other human crewmembers and himself as it was a human gesture more than anything and quite a senseless one for a quarian.

"No," she told him flatly. "No, I'm really not." She shook her head again just to emphasize this point. "Seventeen million lives are riding on me . . . and I just don't know if I can save them. . . ."

Shepard sighed. Now that you know how I feel, please, feel free to join the club . . .

He understood, though. Truly, he did. His was an equally stressful burden, if not more so since he was tasked with saving the entire galaxy, including her people. He knew first-hand what kind of burden this was to carry and that she'd never felt responsible for so many people before. In fact, neither did he. Still, he had to give her credit for holding herself together so well in the War Room and only breaking down now, where no one but him would see.

"Hey," he said, and moved relatively quickly, wrapping her securely in his arms so his body could protect her from the more physical harms of the galaxy. This, though . . . this fear was just something he was helpless to protect her from, something he just couldn't do, and it almost physically hurt to see her beating herself up over this goddamn war. So, he did the next best thing.

"You're not alone, Tali," he told her soothingly, wishing with all of his might that he was able to chase away her fears. "I'm here for you."

She weakly returned his embrace. "This was supposed to be my father's fight," she went on miserably into his shoulder. "But he left me with all of this . . . Shepard, if they die because of me . . . if . . . if I don't. . . ."

The tears in her voice were palpable, and he, for his own part, gently stroked her back and closed his eyes, trying to enjoy the sensation of having her back in his arms again. He'd missed her more than he cared to recall, and it simply felt wonderful to have her curled up against his chest again, even if the situation was rather dire. After everything, he couldn't help but feel like this was exactly where she belonged.

"We'll get them out of there safely, Tali," he murmured, sounding more confident than he actually felt. "I promise."

And as he stood there in his cabin with his lover in his arms, Shepard silently vowed to do everything in his power to save her people, even if the endeavor killed him in the process. As far as he was concerned, he'd already done his part and set the Crucible in motion. The rest was up to Admiral Hackett. He only hoped that the remainder of the galaxy would see sense and stand with humanity at the end-game.

Finally, reluctantly, he let her go and wistfully watched as she pulled away from him.

"I couldn't do this without you, Shepard," she told him gratefully. In return, he awarded her with a faint smile.

Then, she looked away and turned towards the built-in aquariums. He couldn't be sure, but her eyes seemed to follow a particularly colorful Koi Fish throughout one tank. For a minute, he watched it, too. It was utterly amazing that one animal could be so oblivious to the destruction that was being wrought all across the galaxy. An unthinkable thought, really, but . . . Did it not realize that its — their — home-world was slowly being obliterated? Could it not hear Earth screaming?

If not for his disturbed thoughts, Shepard probably would have found the fish's peaceful movements through the water soothing to his frayed nerves, and idly hoped that it had a similar effect on Tali. This was, after all, just one reason why it'd been installed on the SR-2 in the first place, barring its aesthetical effect on his cabin. The least he could say in Cerberus's defense was that they had some taste.

"I feel like I'm bluffing," she admitted at last, sounding less distraught. "Trying to convince them that the admiral's daughter knows what she's doing."

The distaste in her voice was audible as she said this last part, and he frowned thoughtfully. "Not the admiral's daughter," he said suddenly. She turned around and fixed him with a curious look while he offered her a reassuring smile in return.

"The admiral," he said with a resolute nod. And I have complete faith in you, Tali. I know you'll do the right thing.

His words, meant to instil confidence, seemed to have the opposite kind of effect on her as her head drooped.

"I know," she said softly. "And at least now, I can push back against the worst ideas. That's why I accepted the position . . ." she explained before looking at him somewhat shyly. "And because of you."

All he offered was a stunned expression in response. "Me?" he asked, audibly confused. Why me?

She nodded. "When they offered me this position, I asked myself what you'd do. I thought you'd take the chance to make things better," she explained.

She paused, and tentatively closed the distance between them so she could tenderly caress his cheek. Her movements were hesitant, as if she expected him to stop her at any moment. Shepard sniffed. As if. If anything, he found himself leaning into her gentle touch.

"You've given up so much, stood for too long without allies . . . I didn't want you to do this alone," she murmured sincerely even as her eyes seemed to soften through her polarized visor. "So, if you're ever lonely . . . just let me know?"

Though her voice contained a small plea, it was a plea nonetheless, and he immediately set to putting her doubts to rest. Ultimately, he wanted there to be no misunderstanding between them as she was the only person in his life who he'd ever felt this strongly about. The only person whose absence from his life would not only be completely devastating to him, but a crippling blow as well. Whatever they had together . . . He wasn't quite ready for love as it still seemed a little too early for that, but it was as close to it as he'd ever gotten.

He reached for one of her hands and held it loosely between their two bodies as he nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

"Nothing between us has changed, Tali . . ." he told her softly. "Not unless you want it to because, well . . . I mean, I still care about you."

There. Now, it was all thrown out into the open.

This was the thing about relationships that he found so difficult. While he was no stranger to drunken one-night-stands, and shamefully slipping out of apartments the next morning before first light, those were just about sex and blowing off steam . . . and nothing like this dance of compromise, of give and take, as a maelstrom of feelings whirled through his skull. No, this was so much more than sex; it was about emotion, too. The truth was that he was afraid to care because he seemed to lose those he was close to.

The facts of his life were staggering. Of the fifty fully-trained marines that stepped onto Akuze, he was the only one to come out of it alive. And Ash, totally obliterated on Virmire. Mordin killed on Tuchunka, trying to rectify an old mistake. Thane murdered on the Citadel by a Cerberus assassin whilst defending the salarian Councilor, killed doing what Shepard himself should have done in his stead. He was the Spectre, after all. Not Thane. It was his duty to defend the Council, and he'd failed. Thane was just the first to take the fall for him. And this fear was what made him run from Liara on the original Normandy after she showed interest in pursuing a relationship with him. Because he was too afraid to let someone in, get close. People had a nasty habit of dying when he did.

Tali, though . . . Tali was different. There was something about her, something that might remind him of himself sometimes, that made everything about a relationship with her seem natural and right. For some reason, he could see himself with her ten, twenty, fifty years from now, and that seemed to make a real difference. And he swore that he'd do whatever it took to keep her safe. Just this one thing he could never lose.

And yet even now he was giving her an escape. A way out before things became too serious between them. While there was nowhere he'd rather be than by her side and in her heart at a time such as this, he was still willing to let her go if she'd decided that this wasn't something she wanted anymore. If he just wasn't enough. The mere thought of it made him sick, but it was the right thing to do and he knew it. Especially when some in the galaxy (Khalisa bint Sinan al-Jilani comes to mind here) might think that he'd taken advantage of her as his subordinate.

God, he thought to himself in exasperation, why can't I be the selfish one for once? Haven't I already lost enough? Why does everything have to be so goddamn hard?

They were both too selfless for their own good, he realized. Between her trying to convince him that he should love someone else, that he could love anyone else in the galaxy in her place because she was no good, and his trying to keep her happy, it seemed that they'd never get anything done.

"Keelah, Shepard!" she cried exasperatedly. "I'm not going to beg, but I didn't come up here just to see the fish!"

His eyes softened as he laughed. "I know," he said with a smile, squeezing her hand reassuringly. Then, he growled. He actually growled! It came as much of a surprise to himself as it did to her. "And I want you here . . . with me." Always.

So it seemed that, with one line, he'd made her impossibly happy, so happy she could hardly speak. "Okay," she choked out, and then threw her arms around him again, surprising him as it was she who initiated it. He recovered quickly and poured every fiber of his being into that embrace, hoping to convey how much he cared about her.

Wrapped in each other's arms, they fell into a comfortable silence and just stood there, never wanting the moment to end.

"I missed you," he murmured at last as he held her close, burying his face in the purple shawl that was wrapped around her helmet. "Even when I was grounded on Earth, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I was worried. I had no way of knowing if you were okay or if the Fleet was treating you right after your trial . . ."

He let a chuckle escape him, and had no doubt that she could feel its vibrations through his broad chest. "I probably shouldn't have worried. You technically outrank me now."

She giggled in return. "I already told you: It's just a formality. Besides, without a ship and crew, my title carries very little weight. You know that." She paused, and buried her helmet in his chest apologetically. "And I missed you, too. I would have messaged you, but I didn't want to get you into any more trouble than you were already in."

"They had me on a pretty tight lockdown," he agreed. "Wouldn't have gotten your message anyway. I guess that's what I get for blowing up an entire batarian system." This last part was bitter, and Tali pulled away slightly in order to look into his eyes.

"You did what was right," she assured him. "And you did try to warn them; that's what counts."

He gave her a dark look. "A lot of people might disagree with you on that," he muttered darkly.

Yes, he couldn't help but feel that this was exactly where she belonged — in his arms. And the way their bodies were pressed together tightly, and their lightly stroking each other's backs, only suggested that they might turn this reunion into something . . . more. He was a hot-blooded male, after all, and these last few months without any release had certainly not done him any favors. He suspected that she might feel the same way. So, he decided to try. He knew that nothing would probably come of it, but he decided to try all the same.

"You know . . ." he said suddenly, "I feel pretty lonely right now."

She looked up at him, eyes briefly lit with confusion, and he waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "So, uh, 'still totally worth it,' huh?"

He could practically feel her heart skip a beat as she registered what exactly he was suggesting.

She chuckled and shook her head remorsefully. "As much as I want to, I . . . can't," she told him. "If I'm not down soon, Raan will become suspicious and the last thing I need right now is for this—whatever we have—to become public knowledge. You know it'd discredit me. Besides, I . . . I'd get sick on our mission." She hesitated. "You understand . . . don't you?"

He pressed a kiss to the top of her visor, right where her forehead should be, and his breath trailed a line of fog across its rather opaque surface. "Of course I do," he said gently. "You've got a lot on your plate right now. I get that. I've got a lot going on, too. It was just an idea . . ." A particularly pleasurable one, yes. But there was also Garrus waiting downstairs, and . . . What did Jacob call him? . . . Shepard had completely forgotten about "old cuttle-bone."

Her doubts having been satisfied, she curled into his chest once again. "Good." Once more, she hesitated. "Maybe later, we can . . . Once all of this has blown over, I mean."

Mhmm . . . now there's an idea. . . .

His face brightened almost immediately and, in return, he offered up another one of his infamously lopsided grins. "Wait, so you want to, then?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows again as his way of trying to improve the mood. He didn't like seeing her so downhearted. And he obviously gave her the impression that he'd only locked onto the one thing of the many she'd actually said.

Tali groaned and shoved him aside with a little more force than she'd originally intended. "Keelah, you can be such a . . . a bosh'tet sometimes!"

He frowned and furrowed his brow in concentration. "You never did tell me what that means exactly." And she hadn't; whenever he asked about it, she'd merely blush and explain very awkwardly that it wasn't something said in polite company among quarians. That hardly did anything to alleviate his curiosity, however.

She crossed her arms over her chest. "And I'm not going to," she retorted with a playful inflection.

His frown deepened. "And why not?"

"Because."

He crossed his arms across his chest as well, mirroring her stance almost identically. His, however, was much more formidable as his additional height gave him a definite edge. "Because why?"

But Tali wasn't intimidated in the least. In fact, he suspected that she would have stuck out her tongue at him if it wasn't for the visor being in the way. "Because I said so."

Even as she said it, a beautiful idea occurred to him and his frown blossomed into a wicked smile. "You're so mean," he told her quietly even as he closed the distance between them, acting as if he fully intended to kiss her. So close, in fact, that her obscured face was right in front of his, so painfully close and yet still out of reach. He could even see her full lips, parted in anticipation . . .

"But I'm still willing to wait for you, Miss vas Normandy," he breathed into the breather portion of her suit, and even then his breath created another line of fog across her visor.

She blinked dazedly. "Mhmm . . . I need . . . to go. . . ." she breathed in return, sounding as if her mind wasn't totally focused upon the conversation at hand. He watched in amusement as she disentangled herself from him reluctantly, almost as if her thoughts were disconnected from the rest of her body.

And that was for that little jibe downstairs, he thought smugly. Still totally worth it, indeed.

He smirked triumphantly as he was fully aware that his hot breath had a habit of freezing her up. "It was good talking to you, Tali," he said, "but you'd better go and grab your gear. We're going to hit that dreadnought hard."

She was still too dazed to reply, and merely stumbled out of his cabin. Only after the door closed and he was left with an empty cabin for company did he finally begin to laugh.

And as he began to suit up, he knew that one thing was certainly for sure: His self-imposed mission to cheer Tali up had been nothing if not successful.

Note: As much as I love Canada (I used to live up near there, in fact, only across one of the Great Lakes), Garrus is, sadly enough, not Canadian. Savvy? ;-)

Also, Shepard's father will come into focus later after I've hammered out all the details.

Please, read and review to let me know what you think! I mean, come on, you lurkers, I love random messages! Plus, I'll even acknowledge you in my next chapter! You know, the one on the geth dreadnought...? Everybody loves that part!