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Chapter 10
John had to muster all his mental strength to be able to break the kiss and gently push Sherlock away. His insides were on fire, but it wasn't unpleasant at all. He wanted nothing more than to feel those soft lips against his own again, but he knew he couldn't.
"Why did you do that Sherlock? I don't want your pity, you know. And if you're just trying to make some weird joke or something, it bloody well worked, but it wasn't funny." John's voice was shaky, and he kept his eyes glued to the floor.
"It's not pity John. I was rather hoping that you would know that I would never do anything like that to you." Sherlock sounded a bit hesitant, but his voice was steady. "Please look at me John" It was the rare use of the word 'Please' that made John look up, after taking a deep breath.
"I haven't forgotten that night…when I came back." Sherlock said in a low voice, looking deep into John's eyes. "I have thought about it ever since, trying to understand. You know that I have been a bit confused lately, and I still don't understand it all. But my thoughts are all dedicated to you in some way, and I can barely concentrate on cases anymore. I didn't fully understand it until you said that you would leave me. You know how feelings are not my strong side John, but I think I have figured out what this is." He made a small pause, as if not really knowing how to proceed, and his next words were more or less a whisper. "I want to….be with you. In the same way that you want. "
John stood there, hearing the words, but not believing them. He had imagined this far too many times, and he was afraid that he might wake up at any moment now. It couldn't be real, it just couldn't. But when neither the room, nor the man in front of him dissolved into smoke or stardust or anything within the next minute, he slowly started to realize reality. He wasn't actually dreaming, it was really happening. But still cautious, he felt the need to reassure himself.
"Are you aware of what you're actually saying Sherlock? What you somehow are agreeing to? Are you sure that we want the same things?"
Sherlock rolled his eyes, a motion that really didn't suit the moment. "Yes John, I am very certain that we now want the same things. And I don't really think that you can 'agree' to something that you don't have any objections against. I would appreciate it if you stopped asking stupid questions and, if you do not object, I would very much like to kiss you again."
John's heart felt like it was twice its size. He couldn't believe his own happiness. And before he could respond to Sherlock's rambling, he had those amazing lips on his own again. This time he stopped thinking, and concentrated on how it felt. His arms moved almost automatically, and he wrapped them around Sherlock, pulling him closer. No matter how many beautiful things there was in the world, it could not compare to this. Everything that mattered in this moment was the contact between them, and the energy that seemed to flood around the room. After what felt like an eternity, but far too short, they slowly broke apart. Sherlock rested his forehead against John's and they just stood there, in silence for a while. Sherlock was once again the one who broke it. "I think you should unpack that bag now. And please don't pick it out again. Ever."
That was enough. They didn't have to say anything more than that, because those few words meant so much more. Coming from Sherlock, that was a great deal of sentiment. John stuffed the bag back in his closet, and then he just stood in the middle of the room, not quite sure what to do. It all felt too surreal.
"John, you have to go to bed, you have work tomorrow. I'll still be here, even though you go brush your teeth."
John blushed, hating that he gave away his feelings so easily. "I know…it's just…I can't really believe it, that's all." He said, smiling a bit, but taking Sherlock's advice he went to the bathroom, getting ready for bed. Sherlock was still in his room when he returned, and John awkwardly crawled into bed. He didn't really want to go to sleep, afraid that it would all be gone by the time he woke up the next morning. Once again, Sherlock seemed to read his mind, because he settled himself down, lying beside John. He had somehow managed to change into his night-clothes when John was in the bathroom, and now he made himself comfortable in John's bed. "What are you doing Sherlock?" He asked surprised.
"We are both going to sleep, and I know that you are afraid that I might not be here when you wake up, so I figured I might as well sleep in here and save you the trouble of being anxious. Besides, it's cold tonight so we will probably sleep better together anyway." John didn't mind the slightest, just smiled to himself, looking into Sherlock's eyes, still a bit disbelieving. Sensing it, Sherlock leaned in, giving John a light kiss. And when John had turned out the light, Sherlock whispered
"Go to sleep John, I'll still be here tomorrow. I'll always be here for you."
