AN: Sorry this is late! I was having technical difficulties this week with my internet. *sobs* To make it up to you, I'm finally posting a pre-Sabriel drabble I typed up a few weeks ago. It's called 'The Matchmaker'. The next chapter is almost finished, I'll be posting it on Friday. That's a promise! I'd like to thank all of my reviewers, especially moria galadrial. You're the best! *huggles* There'll be a bit more Bobby next chapter, hopefully I'll get it right this time.

~X~

After two months, Castiel had gotten worse. His morning sickness had drastically abated, but he still slept every night. He was pale, and losing weight, even though Dean made sure to keep him well fed. Gabriel had spoken with Castiel again, several times, about bonding, but the young angel still refused to say anything to Dean about it. The last straw came, ironically enough, on a Thursday. That afternoon, halfway through their lunch in the scrap yard, Castiel started struggling to breathe, and collapsed. His skin was covered in angry patches of inflammation and a thick sheen of sweat. Dean caught him as he fell, carefully lowering him to the ground and holding him to his chest, shouting for Gabriel.

The archangel materialized instantly at his side, and knelt beside his little brother, pressing two fingers to Castiel's temple, and closing his eyes in concentration. A second later the rash was gone, and Cas was breathing normally again. He was fast asleep. "Gabe, what the hell just happened?" Gabriel sat back on his haunches, shaking his head disbelievingly. "He's allergic to peanuts." Dean's eyebrows scrunched together with confusion. "He's what?" Gabriel stared at him, his expression completely serious. "He's got an acute allergy to nuts. If he was a human he'd be carrying an epi-pen at all times. We can't give him peanut-butter anymore."

Dean let out a shaky breath, and sagged back against an ancient car which was no more than rusty scrap metal. "What the hell is happening to him, Gabe? I mean, I know the kid is making him more human, he told me to expect that, but this…" Gabriel sighed quietly, staring at Castiel's unconscious form. "I know, Deano, that's what you've got me for. Don't worry, we're gonna pull him through this." Dean shook his head, his eyes hard. "There's more to it than that. There's something he's not telling me, I can feel it. He's not supposed to be getting this fragile. He's tired all the time now, his appetite is gone even though he still needs to eat, and he can't remember things he did five minutes after doing them."

Gabriel cursed, but he'd had it with waiting for Castiel. "The baby is killing him. It's too much for him to carry, he doesn't have enough Grace. He thinks he can handle it, but he's wrong. You have to convince him to terminate, or they'll both die." Dean blanched. For a few seconds he said nothing. "That's my only choice? There's nothing you can do?" Gabriel shook his head. "I've been going over his options with him for the past two months, but that's the only choice he's willing to give you. I'm sorry, Deano." Dean held Castiel a little tighter to him. "He loves this kid, Gabe, more than anything. How do I…?"

Gabriel stood back up, pulling a length of red liquorice from his pocket. "Let me talk to him one more time. If he still insists on being more stubborn than a damned Winchester, I'll tell you about your only other option myself. I don't give a shit if he doesn't think it's fair, it's about damn time he learnt that nothing in life is fair. Fuck, he's such a damned kid sometimes." Dean snorted humourlessly. "Yeah, I might have noticed that myself. I guess Cas still has a lot to learn." Although his words were harsh, Dean carefully manipulated Castiel's limbs to make him more comfortable, and gently rubbed his back.

~X~

When Castiel woke a few hours later, he was once again lying on Dean's bed, and alone with Gabriel. Someone had changed him out of the jeans and AC/DC shirt he'd borrowed from Dean, and put him in a thin, ancient pair of drawstring sweatpants. He didn't have the Grace to spare on keeping Jimmy's clothes laundered anymore. He was naked from the waist up, but, although the weather was growing colder, it was warm enough inside the house that he wasn't uncomfortable. Cas groaned quietly. The last thing he could remember was eating sandwiches with Dean, outside. He'd been watching him work on one of Bobby's old junkers all morning. The sun had felt nice on his cold skin.

Now there was an unpleasant cottony sensation in his mouth. Before he did anything else, he did the first thing which he always did after waking up. He put one hand over his stomach, and checked the baby's Grace. Yep, his Nephil was still doing well. Reassured that his child was safe and sound, he was ready to face his brother. "What happened?" Was that his voice? It sounded so hoarse and scratchy. Gabriel walked closer, and sat on the bed by Castiel's ankles. "You were almost killed by a fucking sandwich. Unless you want to give Deano another heart attack, I suggest you stay away from anything with nuts in it from now on." Castiel frowned, still feeling a bit foggy. "Dean had a heart attack? When?"

Gabriel snorted, leaning back on his hands. "He didn't, but it was a close call. Watching your lover go into anaphylactic shock will do that to a guy." Castiel nodded distractedly. Then, after a few seconds, Gabriel's words started to sink in. "I'm allergic to nuts?" Gabriel swore and slapped his hand down on the bed. "Either you tell Dean right fucking now about bonding, or I'm doing it for you." Castiel flinched, shuffling further back towards his pillow. "Plenty of humans have allergies, Gabriel. I still have plenty of Grace to sustain my Nephil, even if I'm as human as this. There's no need to tell Dean anything."

Gabriel snarled at his stubborn little brother. "Even if you refuse to see it, your stubbornness does not change the fact that right now you are still dying! You will tell Dean about bonding, or so help me I will end your pregnancy myself!" Cas cried out and pulled his angel-blade from his Grace, brandishing it in front of him at the same time as his wings slipped out, covered in grey dust. The large appendages puffed and flared out behind him, his right wing trapped and useless against the window next to him. After a very brief scuffle which sent angel-dust flying everywhere, Gabe had taken the blade away from him. The pale dust which had settled in his hair made his vessel look twenty years older.

The archangel sustained only one small scratch on his wrist, which dimly glowed with his wounded Grace. Castiel cowered against the headboard, both hands held protectively over his naked, barely-there belly. "Gabriel please, you can't! Anything but that, I beg of you!" He was so distraught that he'd slipped back into using Enochian. Tears were streaming down his face, white with fear. "I'll tell him, I swear I will! Just please don't take my child from me!" Gabriel stood, ruthlessly squashing the guilt clawing at his chest. It had to be done. "One bondless, pregnant seraph against an archangel? There is a limit to stupidity, Castiel." He tossed his little brother's angel-blade across the room, and left to fetch Dean.

~X~

When Dean came into the room, Castiel was sitting by the headboard, his blue-black wings tucked tight against his back, the feathers subtly quivering. His face was still wet with tears, but his expression was calm, resigned. "So, Gabe tells me you're ready to talk to me. I thought we didn't keep secrets anymore, Cas. Remember what happened the last time you thought secrets were a good thing?" Perhaps he was being a little unfair, but Dean was still dizzy with horror at the thought that he might have to make Cas give up their child. Castiel wasn't the only one who'd already fallen hopelessly in love with the new life.

From the day they'd realised that Cas had started to show, however slightly, Dean had caught his hand subconsciously migrating to the tiny bump more times in a day than he could count. All of those dreams for their future which Castiel had envisioned, which had gotten them into this mess in the first place… Dean had started seeing them too. "Gabriel is wrong. Our Nephil won't kill me, I am strong enough." Dean kicked off his shoes, and sat cross-legged on the bed, facing Castiel. "Alright, you think he's wrong. Your opinion is noted. Now do me a favour, and humour me for a second. What are our options if he's right? Because right now, I'm hearing that the only way to save at least one of you is to kill our kid."

Castiel glowered, and resolved to set Gabriel on fire the next time he saw the archangel. "Now, I'm betting you know another way out of this mess. What I want to know is why the hell you haven't said anything about it before now." Castiel sighed quietly, and turned his face to stare out the window. "Gabriel wants me to bond with you." Dean raised a questioning eyebrow. "I'm guessing you don't mean going on a camping trip." Cas snorted. "No, camping has nothing to do with it. On rare occasion it's a naturally occurring phenomenon found in humans. Two people can have souls which are so compatible that they will merge."

Dean's eyebrows shot up. "Their souls will 'merge'? Just like that?" Castiel gave him his best impression of Sam's Bitch Face #four, 'Now you're just being an idiot for the sake of it.' "It's not quite that simple. Something as drastic as the merging of two souls requires the pressure of intensely emotional and physical situations. That can include having sexual intercourse, or one of them protecting the other in a highly dangerous situation. Once their souls have joined though, then those two people are what you would call 'soulmates'. Angels can have soulmates too, in a sense, by merging their Graces. It's even rarer than the occurrence of human soulmates, but it's happened before."

Dean nodded, and motioned for Castiel to continue. The angel sighed quietly, but obliged him. "Raphael was bonded. That's why he was so strong, why I had to go to such extreme lengths to take him on, not just because he was an archangel. To form that kind of bond with a human, an angel would have to merge their Grace with a soul. It's an entirely unnatural process, thus it has to be done deliberately, with intent, and a certain amount of ceremony." Dean's eyes narrowed. "Being bonded made Raphael strong? That's why Gabriel wants you to bond with me, because it'll make you strong enough to survive having our kid? How does this bond make an angel so strong, anyway?"

Castiel nodded, but he still avoided making eye-contact. "Being bonded makes you twice as strong, and also twice as vulnerable. Once the Grace and the soul have merged, they become one entity housed in two bodies, connected by an invisible but indestructible cord. That cord is what's known as 'the bond'. Only God himself can undo it, and he never has before. When Shemihaza's rebels were confined to Tartarus in their purest forms, their Graces, it ripped them each to shreds, because they'd bonded with the human women they'd impregnated. A portion of Grace was left entwined in each woman's soul, otherwise their Nephilim would have killed them."

Dean winced, but he could tell Castiel wasn't finished yet. "No one human or angel is supposed to have enough soul or Grace to sustain a Nephil. My brother Jeriel proved that the hard way. He took a human male for his own, but didn't bond with him, and became pregnant as I am. He was only a cherub; he had far less Grace than I. It killed him within the first month, as surely as an archangel-blade through his heart would have. If he'd been bonded, then his Nephil would have been sustained not just by his Grace, but also by his human father's soul, via the bond. The combination would have been enough, and both Jeriel and his child would have survived."

Dean nodded slowly, starting to understand. "So, the reason you're getting weaker is because the baby is eating up your Grace, and if it keeps doing that, eventually it'll kill you. If we're bonded though, the kid will be able to drain my soul as well, through this bond thing, so we'll both be weaker, but neither of us will die?" Castiel nodded. "That's the general idea, yes. That's just one aspect of the bond though; there are a variety of consequences. You must understand all of them before even contemplating this undertaking. Our essences, our very life-forces, would be irrevocably entwined. With human soulmates, when one dies the other usually follows within days, unable to survive such a level of separation."

That made Dean think about his grandparents, Samuel Winchester and his wife Deanna Campbell, the woman he'd been named after. Samuel had died first, killed on a hunt. Just three days later, Deanna had passed as well. Everyone had said that it was heartbreak which had taken her life. "Even in Heaven, soulmates share theirs, Dean. In Hell, one of their most insidious methods of torture is keeping soulmates as far apart as possible without expelling one of them entirely. It isn't even possible for one soulmate to go to Heaven and the other to Hell. If either of them is damned, then they both are. The bond lasts for all eternity; it cannot be eroded by time. You'd be tied to me forever, in every sense of the word."

Dean leant back, resting his weight on his arms. It was a lot to take in, an overwhelming concept. Castiel nodded in agreement. "Forever is a very long time, Dean, and there'd be no going back. You would be physically marked for the rest of your life on Earth. Remember your handprint scar? I used some of my Grace to heal the wounds in your soul when I raised you from hell, and had had to leave it behind like stitches. That scar was the result. I was only able to remove your mark by taking that Grace back from your soul, once it had fully recovered and I was strong enough to do it safely."

How could Cas think Dean might have forgotten that scar? The Hunter still touched his arm where the red keloids used to be sometimes, when he woke up from a nightmare, or he was just thinking about Cas. "If we bonded, your soul would leave a similar mark on my vessel. They are marks of ownership Dean, little better than slave-collars. You'd be giving up the freedom which you've fought your entire life for. It's too much for me to ask of you, and it isn't necessary. I'm not a cherub, I'm a seraph. My Grace will be enough. I won't die." Dean mulled it over, and summarized Castiel's little speech for clarity. "So if one of us dies, we both do, and if one of us is damned we both are, but somehow we'd also be stronger?"

Castiel nodded. "For me, it would be like I had twice as much Grace as a normal seraph. I'd be almost as powerful as when I took the hell-souls into my vessel, but so would you. For you, since you would have access to my Grace you would be twice as difficult to injure, heal almost instantaneously, and you'd be capable of smiting. If either of us over-extended ourselves, or was targeted beyond their usual capacity to defend themselves, then the other would weaken, but we would both survive. If one of us was killed however, the other would die as well. We would become each others' strength, and at the same time we would be each other's weakness."

Dean followed Castiel's gaze, staring out the window as he contemplated the possibilities. "So basically, you're saying that nothing would really change much." Castiel finally turned to look at him, tilting his head and furrowing his brow in confusion. Dean met his gaze without turning to face him, and smiled gently. "You know me, Cas. When I've got something to protect, someone to fight for, it's enough to make me fight twice as hard. When I've got you covering my back, I know that I'm safe, because it's the same for you when it comes to protecting me. Remember how bad-ass you got when we took on Pestilence? We already make each other stronger."

Castiel's eyes widened at the memory. It was true that knowing how much Dean needed his help had always been enough to make him go the extra mile, to push through the pain and do what had to be done. He just hadn't realised that it was the same for Dean. "The part about being each others' weakness, that's also true already. If some Big Bad tried to use you against me right now, I'd be totally screwed. There's nothing I wouldn't do to keep you safe until I could find a way to get you back. To me, you're just that important, as much as Sammy ever was. It's been that way for a long time. The only difference is that, right now, you're actually vulnerable enough for that to be something I might need to worry about."

The young angel tensed slightly at the idea. There were few things he could imagine which would be more awful for him than if someone used him to hurt Dean. He'd never be able to forgive himself, even if it wouldn't technically be his fault. He'd already hurt Dean far too much himself. "Besides, being tied to you, following you to Hell or Heaven or anywhere else, that's already something I'd do. If you just disappeared one day, I'd tear apart every dimension in existence until I found you, and I knew you were safe again. You'd do the same thing, hell, you already have. We both knew that it was a suicide mission, but you still came with me to kill Dick Roman, and wound up stuck in Purgatory with me."

Castiel's eyes glazed as he lost himself in his memories of that day. The night before they died, he'd thought he would melt with happiness when Dean forgave him. "Getting out of there without you, knowing you were stuck there and having no way to get back to you, to get you home, that was pretty close to torture for me, Cas. Every time I've ever had to be away from you, every time I thought you were dead, those were some of the worst times I've ever been through. All I could do half the time was miss you. Tell me, Cas, what would us bonding really change? What would be so different? Freedom just means having a choice. Why can't I choose you?"

Cas just stared at him, completely speechless. Awe and love boiled up from the pit of his stomach, flooded his chest, and made his throat too tight for talking. Dean turned to face him then, and gave him a wide grin. "Yeah, that's what I thought. When do we get this show on the road? Is there anything we need for this bonding thing?" He was bowled over backwards when Castiel tackled him, pinning his arms to the bed and kissing him. He kissed Dean feverishly, passionately, with every drop of love in his body, over and over again until Dean could barely breathe.

When the Hunter was gasping for breath, Cas finally stopped to bury his head in the crook of Dean's neck. The angel was hugging him as tightly as he dared around his waist, below his ribs, so Dean would still be able to gulp the air he needed. Dean just laughed, wrapping his arms around Cas to hold him close. The Hunter rubbed his big hands soothingly over the sensitive skin near the bases of Castiel's wings, encouraging the angel to spread them towards the ceiling. Cas pushed into the touch, squirming, while a thin whine escaped from the back of his throat. His back became so sensitive when he had his wings out that any contact almost tickled.

When he had Cas breathing heavily, Dean buried one hand in the angel's dishevelled black hair. He gently massaged his scalp with the tips of his fingers, just the way he knew would make Cas purr with contentment. This time it wasn't enough though. Castiel's mouth attached itself to Dean's neck, insatiably licking and nibbling at the sensitive skin. He sucked harshly enough at Dean's pulse point to draw out a breathless gasp. Cas rolled his hips against the top of Dean's thigh, where it was nestled between the angel's legs. His wings gave lazy, jerking flaps occasionally, without any co-ordination whatsoever.

Dean inhaled sharply, letting the breath out again in a low moan. "Take me, Dean, take all of me. I need to be inside you, right now. Let me in Dean, please just let me in. I need to pour all of my love into you right now now now I need you…" Castiel's voice was frantic with desperation; the stream of words was pouring so swiftly and fluidly from his mouth, that it took Dean almost half a minute to actually perceive the question. When Castiel's words sunk in, Dean froze. They'd never switched roles like that before. The prospect was more than a little daunting. Cas didn't even seem to notice that he'd stiffened, he was still blissfully assaulting the Hunter's neck and collarbones with his mouth.

Suddenly Dean heard fabric ripping, and realized that the angel had torn the Hunter's shirt clean off his body. Well, that was one way to get around the 'no zapping clothes' rule. He couldn't decide whether the move was scary or just plain sexy. Dean had told Cas that he didn't mind the angel taking control sometimes. Besides, Castiel's Grace was drained. Even if the angel got a bit carried away again, he no longer had the superhuman strength to unwittingly push Dean into doing something which the Hunter wasn't comfortable with. The real question was, was he comfortable with being the one getting taken?

It seemed fair enough, that Cas should get to top once in a while. After all, it wasn't like the angel was a woman or something. If he could just get Cas to focus, he knew the angel wouldn't hurt him. It couldn't be that bad, right? Judging by how much Cas seemed to enjoy being taken, Dean could even be missing out for all he knew. There was no harm in trying it, at least. He moved his hands to Castiel's hips, firmly gripping the sharp bones and pushing them away. He stopped the angel's grinding long enough to get his attention. "Okay, Cas. You can have me. Just be careful, I can't prep myself with mojo like you can."

Cas pulled back and looked at him. In that moment, he wasn't Cas anymore. He was Castiel, angel of the Lord, leader of his own Garrison, a warrior. It had been a long time since Dean had last seen this side of him. Right now Castiel was the soldier who'd been willing to carve a sigil with the potential to obliterate his Grace into his own chest, just for the chance to win a single battle. He was the resolute fighter who was ready to pick up a sawed-off shotgun if his Grace should ever fail him. He knew what he wanted; to take Dean in a manner which would be as pleasurable for the Hunter as possible; and he had resolved to go for it, come hell or high water.

Castiel was in control now, and nobody was going to take that control from him. It was oddly reassuring for Dean. He knew it meant that Cas was going to keep control over himself as well, that he wasn't going to let himself get too carried away. Dean could trust this Cas, he could surrender to him. This Cas would always keep him safe, just as the angel had done so many times before. Dean smiled up at him, trusting and pliant, and a note of awe crept into Castiel's eyes. After all of the mistakes he'd made, Cas had never imagined that Dean might trust him like this. It was humbling, and heart-warming in a way nothing else could have been.

It was an unbelievably precious gift, this level of trust, and so help him God he was not going to mess this up. With the way Castiel's strength had been waning, he and Dean hadn't done much beyond making out and cuddling in over two weeks now. Cas took his time stripping the both of them, placing gentle kisses on Dean's skin as it was bared, re-learning the Hunter's muscular body. He'd learnt very quickly how to untie laces to remove shoes. He was even unbuttoning and unzipping jeans single-handed now. Dean let him, relaxed and content with the slow pace. He always had preferred to take things slow with the partners who'd been special to him.

~X~

AN: Sorry I made Gabe such a bully in the beginning! I swear he was only doing it because he was really scared for his little bro. Do you guys think this story is maybe moving a little too fast? It feels like it might be, but I haven't got the first clue how to slow it down. Next chapter will have nommy smut and bonding, as well as a few surprises. This is the part where I shamelessly beg for reviews. But seriously, they really brighten up my day. They're better than Prozac! *hands out free flowers to all my readers, and teddybears to reviewers*