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CHAPTER 02
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Five days. Five long days Splinter and I searched, day and night, barely sleeping or eating. Barely functioning. By the fifth day, I was on autopilot. Splinter insisted that I take some time to rest but I wouldn't listen. I had to keep pushing. Besides, sleep was no friend of mine. When I did shut my eyes, I saw my brothers, but I also saw images of pain, fear… and death. I could not decipher whether these were visions, or just my overtired mind turning on me. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered but the task at hand.
By day six I was losing hope. I'd been stalking Dragons, ambushing them, questioning them; but if anyone knew anything, they weren't talking. Still, I knew word was getting out. It was obvious in how their behaviors changed. They started moving more cautiously, looking agitated, waiting for me. That was good. The more scared they were, the more they would talk amongst themselves and that made it more likely one of them would catch wind of where my brothers might be. I had to be patient. At least, that's what I told myself. I certainly didn't feel patient. I felt enraged. Desperate. Lost. It was difficult not to lose control, and I found myself thinking of Raphael often. If this was the sort of thing going on in Raph's head most of the time, then perhaps I wasn't giving him enough credit. It reminded me of something he said once.
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"'S'like chewin' on glass," he said. We were sitting on a water tower near the East Village, watching the kids with funny-colored hair come and go, observing their rituals of bar-hopping and socializing on a Saturday night. I'd caught up with him after another blowout between us and now Raph, more subdued, was doing his thing, bitterly waxing poetic about life. Or as Mikey liked to say, "playing emo," though I doubt he would have said so to Raph's face.
"Chewing on glass?" I asked. I wasn't familiar with the expression.
"Yep." He dug one prong of his sai into the wood of the tower, playing with it. "Ya chomp and chomp… and ya might break a few pieces. But you're really just tearin' up your gums in the process. You know it's stupid, but you just keep doin' it, 'cause you don't know any other way."
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I don't remember what we fought about initially, but I worried whenever he would get like that. Raphael was impulsive, he was self-destructive – but the most frustrating thing about him was that he just accepted it, like he didn't think there was any hope for him. I never understood why he didn't strive to overcome those demons better. But perhaps that's where I was naive. I'd always assumed that Raph didn't care enough to get himself under control; that essentially he wasn't trying hard enough. But as the years went on and I watched him struggle to come to grips with who we were and the dangers we faced, I started to see more of the truth. It wasn't that Raph didn't try, it was that I didn't realize how intense those demons really were. Neither did he, I think.
I missed him. I hoped he was being careful, wherever he was. If he was still with the other two, I knew he'd try and protect them as best he could. Raphael, for all of his problems, possessed a loyalty unmatched. I knew if it came down to it, he would sacrifice himself in an instant for us. It was for that reason, that I worried for him the most.
I cleared these thoughts. Night was approaching and I had to get my head on straight. Daytime movement was more difficult these days, but not impossible. I couldn't get too close to the streets, but I could observe the Dragons' movements from a distance, at least until there were more shadows to duck into. Even up high, I had to stay under cover. There were winged beasts and military drones in the skies now and it wasn't safe to be exposed on the rooftops anymore. Entire buildings were covered in sticky, white webs – another thing to avoid (and with wide berth). Without my team I was in much more danger out here and it paid to be cautious. For the past few hours I'd been perched on an ivy-covered brownstone, hidden in the shadows of a covered rooftop patio, watching the buildings across the street. There was a dingy bar still in business there, and as night fell, Dragons began to enter into it.
Another hour and I was ready. I stood and moved a few buildings down, watching the end of the street. I didn't have to wait long. Soon a group of them, seven total, came strolling out into the open, heading towards the bar. Awfully cocky of them, with the infestation going on. I wasn't really surprised. If there was anything Dragons were known for, using their heads wasn't one of them. They paused near an alley, talking and passing around a pipe. I listened a moment but didn't hear anything of interest. It was time to change that.
I dropped down into the alley without a sound and crept close. I put two down before they even knew what was happening. The remaining five shouted in surprise, going for their weapons.
"Hold your fire!" I shouted. "I come seeking only information."
They froze, stunned. For a second the only sound was that of choking, coming from one of the dying men on the ground. Soon that too stopped and I spoke again. "I am looking for my brothers. Tell me what you know and I will allow you your lives."
One of them stepped up, the leader I supposed. "Go to hell, freak," he said, and raised his gun.
Before he could squeeze the trigger, an arrow appeared through his neck. He hit the ground with a loud thump. The others looked around wildly, trying to find where it had come from. Another arrow whizzed through the air soon after, striking a second Dragon. The remaining men looked at me in shock.
"Somebody better start talking," I said.
One of them stepped forward, a pock-marked man in ragged clothes. He had the gang's calling card tattooed on his neck. "A-alright man, easy. I don't know nothin' about any of that. You guys?" He turned to the others, looking for help. The other two shook their heads vigorously.
I got straight to the point. "Where's Hun?"
Thinking on it, I'd decided that the best course of action would be to find whoever was responsible for orchestrating this ambush on us. Since the Dragons answered only to one man, he was the one I zeroed in on. He was not, however, an easy person to find even on a normal day, let alone while the city was under attack. I'd been questioning his men as to his whereabouts, but so far no one was giving him up – or, they didn't know where he was. There did seem to be some disconnect going on within the gang which I suppose wasn't hard to believe, all things considered.
"I dunno," Neck Tat said. "No one's seen him for a while. Word is he bounced when all this bullshit started."
Same answer they all gave. Almost too similar really, as if they'd been instructed to repeat it. I was getting really tired of this. "There's a van, black, with your dragon painted on the side. Do you know the one I'm talking about?" No one said anything but I caught the other two glancing at each other. Bingo. I threw a roundhouse into Neck Tat's face and laid him out. I took a step forward, closing the gap between us. The last two Dragons were white as sheets. Easy prey. I grabbed the one on the right by his shirt and wrenched him forward so that we were face-to-face. "This is your last chance," I growled.
"That's Chinga's van," he blurted out. "We don't run together, I just seen him around!"
"Where!"
"I heard his crew's holed up in a place not too far from here, on the waterfront! Pier 36, I think."
I knew the place. He was right, it wasn't far. The other Dragon was getting antsy. I stared at him a moment, warning him silently not to move. Turning my attention back to the one in my grip, I said, "Alright. Now tell me the truth about Hun and you can go. He's still in the city, isn't he?"
He never got the chance to answer. As soon as he opened his mouth, we all heard it. A low rumble with a high-pitched chittering sound accompanying it. My eyes shot wide. Six months of fighting armies of them and I knew that sound all too well; it was a wave of them, coming hard and fast. There wasn't much time. I dropped the thug and ran for the nearest fire escape. Just before I leaped they turned the corner and I saw them – hundreds of large, iridescent bugs (scarab beetles, I thought), barreling down on me, coming so fast they were crawling and tripping over one another like lemmings over a cliff. I headed skyward without looking back. The screams of the remaining Dragons below sent a chill ripping up my spine. There was no love between our clans, but what a way to go. I certainly didn't envy their fate. A lesson in choosing one's path, to be sure; a life dedicated to manipulating and preying on one's peers was sure to have karmic repercussions.
I reached the top of the building and greeted the figure there. Splinter pulled back his hood, bow in hand. "Excellent work, Leonardo. These gang members… I see they respect your presence." He seemed pleased with that.
I smiled. "We do have a little bit of a reputation," I said. That was putting it lightly. Splinter didn't join us very often, and so he wasn't as knowledgeable when it came to the inner workings of gang warfare. Which was why I was doing the talking, while he offered support from the shadows. "You should see them when Casey and Raph enter the fight. I actually saw one faint from fear, once."
He chuckled. I filled him in quickly and we made for the south bank, towards what I hoped would finally be some answers.
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The pier was empty. Splinter and I circled the area, looking for signs of life. There were none, but we did locate the van, parked on the corner of the lot. I tried the door and found it open. It was empty of course. A search inside turned up only one thing of note – red stains in the back, on the floor.
Splinter called me over to a nearby window. "Here, my son. Observe."
It was dark, but I could see items inside reflecting the moonlight. No people, but there was furniture, drug paraphernalia, empty food containers… someone had been squatting here, and recently. We made our way inside to investigate. The first floor showed no clues to their whereabouts. It wasn't until we descended into the basement, that we finally found the first solid trace of my missing brothers.
Spatters of blood. That was the first thing I saw, registering it along with the two chairs in the center of the room. Two individuals sat there and one of them bled. That was the first thought. Second thought: not too badly. There was a good amount underneath one, but survivable, I thought. I kneeled next to the bigger stain and touched the ground. Dry, just as it looked.
I stood, looking for other clues. I turned up a tooth minutes later, a little wide to be human, but still hard to say. I pocketed it for some reason. It wouldn't really do Donnie any good at this point, but it just didn't feel right leaving it in this place. I kept searching. Outside of the center stage where it seemed they'd been (tortured) interrogated, I didn't see anything else disturbed. I sighed. Maybe another dead end after all. After a thorough search turned up nothing else, we made to leave.
It was there, between the gap of the first and second stair, that's where I saw it.
I bent and picked up the cloth, strikingly bright purple in the dull, dirty surroundings. Just a scrap, and frayed on one end. I rubbed it between my fingers. A piece of Donnie's mask, I was sure of it.
I stopped a second, scanning the room again. I stepped slowly back to the place with the most amount of blood and stared at it. My hand reached back on its own, feeling over one of my pouches, the one where I'd put the tooth. Don's tooth? There were two chairs here (not three, I was trying not to think) so why had I automatically assumed it was his? I pulled it out again, rolling it back and forth in the center of my palm. I clenched my fist around it. Gruesome as it was, it felt right. Unsure why I was doing it exactly, I sat suddenly, reaching out towards the stain, gripping his tooth, his mask; touching these pieces of my brother. I dove into meditation, going as deep as I could manage. I focused on him, Donatello, trying to establish any sort of connection.
I sat for an hour at least, walking the plane between worlds. This was not like meditating in the lair. Even with Splinter close by, I had to be careful. I was exposed and unaware of my surroundings. In that state it was too easy to fall victim to a surprise attack. These were desperate times, however. I pushed into a state of consciousness that I otherwise would never have attempted under the circumstances. I could not see them, but I heard things. Auditory snippets, bits of conversation… and in it, I heard a familiar voice.
("Stop it, leave him alone! Donnie! Dude are you okay?! Donnie say something, please!")
My eyes opened. Mikey's voice. So was it Mike and Don here? What about Raph? Before I could think any more on it, I heard a noise. I turned, scanning the shadows. There, the cabinet in the corner. I drew a sword and moved silently towards it.
I threw open the cabinet door, ready for trouble. Inside was a woman, scantily clothed and cowering on the floor. She screamed and pressed her hands over her eyes. "Oh gawd don't hurt me!"
Surprised, I lowered my sword. Another Dragon? Could be. "I'm not going to hurt you, unless you give me reason," I said. "Who are you?"
She peeked from between her fingers and immediately squealed in fright. "Oh you're one of them! Don't eat me please!" She backed up farther into the cabinet, whimpering. "Ohgodohgodohgod…"
"Stop that," I said. "I am not 'one of them.' And I am not going to eat you." I backed off a step. "Come out of there and explain yourself."
She looked unsure, so I backed off another step. Slowly she crawled out and got to her feet. "You sure you're not an alien? What are ya then?"
"I'm a mutant turtle," I said, offering no other explanation. "Why are you here? Where are the people who were here?"
"They cleared outta here days ago. I dunno where."
I chewed it over for a second. "Did you see any other turtles, like me?"
Her eyes darted. "Yeah… there was two of 'em. I was scared of 'em though. I didn't want nothin' to do with all that."
I pressed her harder. "What did they do with them? Are they okay?" She hesitated. "Answer me!"
"I-I don't know! They were askin' 'em questions and stuff. I told you, I didn't want nothin' to do with it. I went up to my girlfriend's place for a couple of days. When I got back Chinga, the whole crew – they were gone!"
Great. "You knew them? You must have a phone number, something."
She bobbed her head with attitude. "Tsk, yeah. I called that ass right away. He said we were done, he had a big score and was retiring outta the city. They took a boat, can you believe that? Well screw him." She held up her hand as though there were a phone in it and pressed one gaudy nail to it. "De-lete. I can do better than that sorry cholo any day."
I sighed, pressing a hand to my head. Moving on. "Where's Hun?" I asked.
"Who?" I grabbed her wrist, turning it over. There, above the dragon tattoo was his name written in cursive. "Oh, him," she said, looking away. "I dunno. We ain't together anymore."
"When was the last time you saw him?"
"Looong time ago. I heard he cleared out too. Haven't seen him since before all this." She waved her hand around.
Same answer they were all giving. Was it really true? Then who was calling the shots? Maybe no one was. Maybe this Chinga person was the mastermind. It just didn't sit right. I was missing something, I was sure of it. I looked back over at the two chairs in the room.
Quietly, I asked, "How did they look when you saw them? My brothers, I mean. Were they okay? Were they hurt?"
"Brothers, huh? Guess I see the resemblance," she said. The humans never did get tired of that joke. "I dunno. One was okay, the other… he didn't look so good."
"The one wearing purple?" I asked, tapping my own mask.
"Yeah. Sorry."
I nodded. How I wished I could have at least gotten an image of them. I gave the woman a short bow. "Thank you for answering my questions." I made for the stairs, keeping my eyes trained on her just in case.
"Hey, wait up a sec." She smiled a little shyly, stepping towards me. "So um… I'm sorta all by myself here and you know it ain't exactly safe for a girl on her own out there right now." She eyed me up and down. "Now that I'm getting a better look, you ain't too bad. Kinda cute, in a cartoon-character sorta way. You got a lotta muscles, for a weird, turtle guy." She pressed even closer, crushing my personal space. "You wanna be my bodyguard, cutie? I can be… real appreciative."
She smiled and heaved her voluminous chest outwards, the shirt she was wearing showing off quite a bit of cleavage. I was… uncomfortable. "N-no thanks," I said. "I've uh… got to go." I had to get away from this woman. And so, in one of the dumbest moves of my life, I turned my back on her.
I sensed a shift in the air a second too late. The next thing I knew I was on the ground, my feet swept out from under me. I landed hard enough on my shell to send a shockwave through my spine. She leaped on top of me immediately, straddling me. The next thing I knew, the barrel of a pistol was jammed into my temple. "My, that was easy," she said, her manner of speech suddenly very different. "The way Hun was telling it, I really expected much more of a fight. Aw," she said, reading my expression, "don't feel bad. The rest of your clan is probably long gone by now. I'm not much of a believer, but who knows? Maybe you'll all be reunited on the other side." She pursed her lips in a kiss. "Farewell, Mr. Mutant Turtle."
I braced for impact. There was a pop, but it wasn't from the gun. It took me a second to register what I was seeing. She wavered upright a moment before slumping over, an arrow pierced through her left eye.
I shoved the body aside and rose slowly. Bested and nearly killed right in front of my master. Were there worse blows to a ninja's pride? I cringed. "Ahm. Thanks, Sensei." He smiled and gave me a nod.
My bruised ego aside, the trip to the waterfront wasn't a total loss. The lady Dragon had admitted she was working for Hun, and what's more, she'd been there waiting for us. That meant two things: one, Hun was definitely still in the city, and two: he had to know where my brothers were. Finding him meant that we would find what happened to them.
I searched the body for clues. I found ID cards, a sizable sum of cash, and something more interesting: a card for an apartment building. Unlike the other cards in her wallet, this one looked brand new. Closer inspection revealed that it was for an apartment building on Park Avenue, only the most expensive of real estate. Normally it wouldn't make sense for a Purple Dragon to have such a thing in her possession, and I could only think of one explanation. For the first time since this all began, I finally felt like we'd gotten a break.
Splinter and I headed out quickly after that. Despite the lucky find, I was still reeling from having been deceived. Such a rookie mistake. I couldn't believe I'd been so careless.
"Do not be too hard on yourself, my son," Splinter said. "Have I ever told you the story of how I was once bested by a kunoichi in my youth? It was then that I learned the hard way: beautiful women and too much sake are a very dangerous mixture." He told me the story on the way, and I have to say, it was one of the more amusing ones I'd ever heard my father tell. Who knew that Splinter was once so popular with the ladies?
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I crouched inside a bedroom closet – one bigger than my entire bedroom at home – waiting for Hun to return. There was no question I would find him here. The place had been littered with Dragons and it was so strange to see them in such an opulent place. This penthouse was a bizarre look into the life of the other half, and I found myself somewhat disgusted by it all. It was gaudy, extravagant; I could not see a purpose to all these material things. The practical aspects, like the amount of space here for instance, I could see being useful. I could do ten backflips across the dining room alone without touching either wall. The stove in the kitchen had more burners than I knew was possible. Mikey, our house cook, would have lost his mind had he seen it. The items furnishing this place though… so many delicate statues and vases and chandeliers… I was confused as to why a person would want so many of these things. Like my father, I had an appreciation for the fine arts, but most of the items in this place were very ugly to my eye. It seemed to me that these humans paid for things more for the price, rather than for their aesthetic worth.
I sat listening, running a finger over one of a hundred pairs of shoes or more, wondering if a person could even wear that many through in an entire lifetime. Far away I heard a click, followed by a door opening, voices and laughter. It was show time.
Hun was much larger than I was, probably nearly a hundred pounds more. My brothers and I were fit, but we were a good foot shorter than most humans, and that became somewhat of a disadvantage when it came to holding your center of gravity against a larger opponent. I wasn't looking to engage in combat with him, if possible. It was better to catch him by surprise. I waited. Sure enough, he entered the bedroom with his companions, two of them, by the sound of it.
He stepped towards the closet and I tensed, ready. When the door opened, I jabbed a sword outwards, leveling it at his neck.
"Hello, Hun."
The two ladies screamed in fright and ran back the way they'd come. "You! How the hell did you get in here! I had guys on every floor!"
"Afraid you've got some positions to fill," I said. "I think you know why I'm here, so let's cut to the chase." I glared at him. "Tell me where my brothers are, or I will begin removing your limbs, one by one."
"You made a big mistake comin' in here, freak."
I'd forgotten how fast Hun was. Due to his size, it was easy to assume he'd be slower, but that just wasn't the case. He caught my sword between his palms and twisted his body, slamming a shoulder into my chest, driving the entire force of his weight into me. Disarmed, I was pushed backwards into the closet, my shell smashing into a standalone, full-sized mirror. I hit the floor amongst shards of glass, the wind completely knocked out of me. As I struggled to catch my breath, he threw himself on top of me, pinning me to the ground. His pressed his forearm into my throat, cutting off my already strained air supply. My lungs cried for air, but I forced myself to remain calm. I locked one of legs in mine and heaved with everything I had. I flipped him, we rolled, and I ended up on top. Before he could act, I grabbed a large shard of the glass and pressed it deep into his neck, holding it at the last possible edge before it broke skin.
"Move, and you die," I said, breathing hard.
He stared at me. I tensed, thinking he was going to try attacking again, but instead he turned up both palms. "Alright, take it easy. I heard you're lookin' for your freak clan, but I ain't got nothing to do with it."
"Don't lie to me!" I shouted. "I saw your men take them with my own eyes!" It wasn't technically true, but I knew they'd been taken away in a Dragon van, which was good enough for me. I drove the glass in another millimeter and a trickle of blood escaped, trailing down the glass.
"I know, alright! Look, I heard all about it. You been after my guys all week – word travels! But I'm tellin' ya the truth. The order didn't come from me. This was a side job, I swear!"
"You're lying!" I pressed my free hand to his throat, applying more pressure.
"I'm… not!" he croaked. "Swear on my momma's skull. But I can find out where they are. Get offa me and let's discuss it!"
I waited another few seconds, trying to read him. Hun was the last person on Earth I would trust, but killing him wouldn't get me any closer to finding the others. Reluctantly, I took my hand away and stood, snatching up the sword I'd lost in the struggle.
I backed off a step, careful of the glass on the floor. "Alright. Start talking."
Hun stood slowly, giving me a murderous look. He bent, picking up one of the shards and I tensed, expecting some sort of attack. Instead he raised it up to his face, using it to look at the small cut in his neck. He rubbed at it a second later. "Like I said, I didn't order the attack on you guys. I got better things to do than start a war inside a war." He chucked the glass shard to the ground. "A few days ago I hear somethin's gone down with your crew, and that some of our guys are involved. Naturally I wanted to know what. I ain't fond of business being conducted behind my back, especially when it involves other gangs."
Other gangs. As if we were so low. I scrunched up my snout at the word.
"Anyways, turns out some punk-ass upstart went ahead and pulled the job. Hey, gotta admit, he did pull it off." He was taunting me, but I kept myself steady. There was no reason to give him any satisfaction. "But I dunno where they're at. I sent Zora, one of my girls, over to investigate but it was too late. They must've got wind, because she said it looked like they took off in a hurry." He rubbed at his chin. "I haven't checked in with her in a while, but she's laying low over there, waiting to see if they show. Should probably give her a call."
"You'd be wasting your time," I said.
He stared at me a second, until it sunk in. "Aw, maaan. Zora? The one with the…" He gestured outwards from his chest with both hands.
"Yes," I said cutting him off. "Are you going to pretend that you didn't order her to kill me? Because she gave you up in the end."
He shook his head. "That's a damn shame." He shrugged. "But hey – you been pickin' off mine all week, so don't act surprised."
I was tired of this conversation. "Get to the point, Hun. Can you find my brothers, or not?"
He smiled. "Maybe I already have."
Now I was getting angry. "Stop jerking me around! If you know something, spill it!"
He laughed. The sound of it was grating to me. "Relax, freak. I'm screwin' with ya. I don't know where they are, but I heard some things. Got a rumor that Chinga's crew was meetin' with somebody up north. I already put the word out to everybody. It's only a matter of time before we find 'em." He crossed his arms and smiled at me. I didn't like that look at all. "Now let's talk about what I get outta this."
I breathed deep, steadying myself. "What do you want?"
"One year. You stay outta Dragon business. That means you don't intervene on anything, you got me? And that goes for the hockey mask psycho too."
"Hockey Mask doesn't answer to me. And that's too much. Six months," I said. I couldn't believe I was negotiating this, but again, desperate times.
"Nine."
I thought it over. Raphael was going to throw me off a building when he heard. He and Casey made a sport of hunting Dragons, it was their thing. This was seriously going to put a damper on their "Saturday Nights," (which were sometimes also Fridays, and/or Sundays, and/or a weekday or two), in which they'd throw back beers in-between throwing down with some of the lower echelon street thugs around town. Something I admit I never liked the idea of, but Raph was smart enough. He never let himself get too blitzed before taking them on. Or so I hoped.
"Alright Hun, you have a deal. I'll give you nine months of immunity from my brothers and I only. In return, you will make this your highest priority." I went to the nightstand and scrawled onto the pad there. "There's a number on this paper. When you hear of anything, call it." The number was to a pre-paid throw-away, one of many we kept on hand for just such an occasion. The modern ninja's "note tied to an arrow," as Donnie would have put it. I turned to leave, keeping my eyes on him. "Sensei?" I called out. Splinter emerged from behind a bureau on the other side of the room. "We're done here."
I caught Hun's surprised expression just as we left. He glanced around, as if more of us might emerge. "Friggin' ninjas," he muttered.
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Grounded. That's how I felt. I gave my word not to hunt Dragons. I returned instead to the waterfront basement and again to the warehouse where it all began, but those searches turned up nothing new. I should have rested in that time, I just couldn't bring myself to. I couldn't stop.
Two more days passed without word and again, I felt myself teetering on the edge of losing hope. I kept pulling out the phone and checking it, making sure it was still working, making sure I hadn't missed the call from Hun. I was driving myself crazy and there was no logical reason for it. Like chewing on glass. You can stop, but you don't. You chew and chew, breaking teeth and tearing gums in an impossible, pointless effort. I ran the city, dodging insects, engaging them sometimes; every step torture. I was looking, but there was no direction to go in. I was so tired it didn't even feel safe leaping the rooftops, something I'd done so much I could have done it in my sleep. I didn't care. I had to keep going. I had to keep doing something.
On the third night I came home utterly exhausted. That evening I dreamed my teeth were crumbling to bits, my mouth bleeding, gushing, and it was so real my hands shot to my face when I awoke.
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Day four after my meeting with Hun found me wandering the silent passages of our lair, looking in on rooms that were too empty, thinking on better times. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to start remembering. I wanted to think ahead and know that these areas would be filled with noise again. Even if it was fighting. I would have given anything to have an argument with Raphael right there, if it meant breaking the sickening stillness around me.
I shuffled past the doors to their bedrooms, looking at them like it was the first time I'd ever seen them. Raph's door had a chunk taken out of the side, where he and Mike had slammed into it roughhousing. Don's looked neat. It had a single sticker in the corner of a molecule, I think it was. Or maybe an atom? He would have rolled his eyes at me. I always got the two confused.
At Mikey's door I paused. I pushed it open, looking inside. The room was a mess, as usual. Food dishes, overflowing trashcan, comics, games and media were scattered everywhere. Ordinarily I would never think to enter one of their rooms – it was a major breach of privacy, after all – but I couldn't help myself. I sat lightly on the bed, reaching down a second later to pull a pizza crust away from my thigh. I stared at it a second, before tossing it into (well, in the direction of) the trashcan. Pizza crust in the bed. If nothing else screamed Mikey, that certainly did.
A chirping noise broke me from my thoughts. I looked over at a pile of clothes and saw two eyes looking at me from beneath a shirt. A second later Klunk hopped soundlessly on the bed next to me, rubbing against me and purring. I stroked his fur for a while and found it calming. I could understand why people liked cats. They were independent, yet attentive to the needs of others. I had taken note of Klunk's concern for the sick and injured in our house. We often joked that he was nurse; whenever the infirmary had a resident, you would be sure to find him curled up on the cot inside, watching over.
I scratched him behind the ear and he closed his eyes, leaning into it. Cats were also the silent assassins of the animal kingdom, and that alone was deserving of my respect. Klunk stared at me and mewed. He seemed to want something, or maybe I was just imagining it.
"I'll find him, don't worry," I promised the cat. As ridiculous as it was, I felt like I was lying to him.
Later that night, Splinter called me into his room. I was nervous. We had talked extensively about Hun, about the Dragons, about what our course of action was. I knew he supported all of my ideas. I just wasn't sure if I still did. Was it wrong to trust in Hun? I wasn't sure what other choice we had. Any way you looked at it, our lair was still empty. What was I doing wrong?
I kneeled on the tatami mat in his room, waiting. He was standing a few feet away, staring at a picture of the four of us. He went to a shelf at the wall, reached out and picked up a small, cracked, ceramic vase. "Do you remember when this was broken, my son?"
"Yes, Sensei."
He turned it over in his hands thoughtfully, tracing the cracks with one clawed finger. "One must not attach oneself too much to material things. Even so, I was quite disappointed in Michelangelo for being so careless." He looked at me from the corner of his eye.
I blinked a few times. "You know it was Mikey?" It dawned on me. "You always knew."
"Indeed."
I straightened. I remembered that day well. Many years ago, we'd been training in Splinter's absence, while he was off on a retreat to the north. I'd led the session and it had gone well until Mike pulled out his latest toy – a yo-yo Splinter had given him. He showed it off proudly, swinging it around and around – until the knot broke and the thing flew, top speed, through the shoji door to Splinter's room. We all heard the crash and winced. The vase was a keepsake and one of very few possessions Sensei kept in remembrance of his lost love, Tang Shen. When we saw what happened, we three looked at Mike like he was a dead man walking.
Mike was inconsolable. He'd already been in hot water twice that week for losing focus and this was going to put him in the red. What would Sensei do to him we wondered? Too many screw ups in a row usually meant endurance training. Would he make Mikey hold weights for hours on end? Push-ups until he puked? String him upside down and leave him overnight? The more scenarios we suggested, the more panicked Mikey got. I started to feel bad for him. After all, Mikey always means well. He's never defiant on purpose, he just gets distracted easily. It frustrates me to no end when we're out on the field, but I've learned to accept that that's just the way Mikey's brain works. Besides, he's still easier than dealing with Raph.
When the tears started to flow, I knew it was over. I hated to see him so upset. What else could I do? My track record was clean. I took the fall for him.
"Sensei with all due respect," I said, "If you knew it was Mikey, then why did you punish me?" Three weeks of extra chores no less, though Mike did help out when Sensei wasn't looking.
He smiled. "I wanted to see if you would follow through. It is one thing to offer sacrifice Leonardo, it is quite another to endure it." He replaced the vase upon the shelf and turned to me. "I have watched you grow in more ways than I would know to describe. I have seen you accomplish things where I did not expect you to. My expectations have always been high, yet you continue to exceed them, my son." In a show of humility, he suddenly kneeled himself, facing me. I forced myself to look up and meet him eye to eye. "Leonardo. One must question oneself. It is how we learn, how we grow, how we understand our faults and the faults of others. This, you know." He closed his eyes for a second, breathing deep, before he continued. "But there is harm in questioning oneself too much. This is what you do not know. You are of the mind that one can never be too hard on oneself," he said, "but that is not the truth, my son. You must be wary of succumbing to doubt. It can unravel even the strongest of warriors."
"Father," I said, pleading. "I'm trying, but… there's no room for error this time. I can't fail."
A shadow passed over his features. "No," he said. "You cannot."
I bowed my head. He was disappointed, I knew it.
Softening, he said, "Do you remember, when I first appointed you leader of this team? We spoke of many things, of many new responsibilities that this would bring. I told you that failure would come at a price, and that price would be yours alone to pay."
"I remember," I said, barely above a whisper.
"The foremost duty of a clan leader is to protect the welfare of his brethren. In our clan, this means so much more, for your brethren are quite literally your brothers. This is an immense burden to bear my son, and I was very careful in my choice before I appointed you in that role. You did not perhaps know the pressure that would come with it." He paused a moment in thought, before moving on. "I was patient with you. You had – and still have – much to learn. However, I was not so lenient when it came to your most important task. For you are all my sons, and I needed one to be my eyes when I could not be there."
"Forgive me, Sensei." I couldn't bear the guilt any longer. "This is all my fault! I led us into a trap. I-I didn't read the signs. With the invasion going on, I assumed they were weak. I never should have underestimated them. And now I've paid for it with my brother's lives..."
I tried to say more, but Splinter raised a clawed hand, stopping me. "Leonardo. You misunderstand. I do not blame you for what has happened." I looked back up at him. He didn't? "We choose the life of ninja knowing the dangers, and your brothers each chose this path knowing the consequences. I do not believe your decisions are to blame for this unfortunate outcome." He placed his hands on my shoulders. "You forget sometimes my son, that your brothers are smart, and resourceful. They too, surprise me in ways just as you have. They may yet surprise you, as well."
He stood once again, returning to the picture on the wall, where he'd been when we first began this talk. "The most difficult task of any parent," he continued, "is to allow your little ones to enter the world. Push them too soon, and they fall to their death. Too late, and they will fear leaving at all. One must merely show the way, without stifling the individual. It is not for us to decide for one another. You are an adult now, and more than capable of leading our clan." He smiled at me. "I have guided you, my son. But you have found your own path, and I believe that you have chosen it well. I am confident that you will bring your brothers home."
I couldn't speak at first. Even though my brothers were still out there and their fates were unknown, I felt renewed. "Thank you, Sensei," I managed. I started to say more, but something stopped me. I stiffened suddenly. My shell was vibrating. I reached back into a pouch there. "It's my phone, Sensei," I explained. No apology was necessary this time. I answered immediately.
I was at first disappointed to find that it was my personal cell, and not the disposable number I'd given Hun. Probably April or Casey then, calling to check in. I glanced at the number but didn't recognize it. I answered it. "Hello?"
"Leo?"
I looked at Splinter in utter shock. "Mikey?"
.
.
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